Where Does My Heart Beat Now- Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Blood, lots of blood, soaked the blankets and sheets as pathetic, helpless cries pierced his mind. She was covered in sweat, her chest and swollen belly heaving as more unbearable pain ripped her apart. The scene in front of him was a horrible replay of Susan’s death, and he found himself watching the same thing happening to his beloved wife. Her hand felt soft in his as he gripped it, but the fear in her eyes would haunt him for the rest of his life… and then they softened, the glow he had loved so much fading into the distance as she took her dying breath. Her hand slipped out of his and fell to the sheets beside her still body…

 

Gabriel shot up to a sitting position on his cot, his entire body dripping with sweat. He was still panting heavily after the terrible nightmare had consumed him. His eyes drifted over to the cot beside his and fell on the sleeping form of his wife; she was alive and not suffering, “D****t. I’ve got to get out of here before these nightmares kill me,” he quietly pulled on his shoes and stepped outside, not even feeling the sting of the cold night on his bare chest.

His feet carried him through the trees until they opened up onto the dark, flat battlefield. Only a few trees and shrubs dotted the landscape. Gabriel walked to the middle of the battlefield and fell to his knees as tears rolled down his cheeks. He turned his eyes upon the star-specked sky and shouted, “Why do you keep torturing me like this?! Haven’t I suffered enough, already?” Smoky puffs of breath drifted away as he waited for the answer that would never come to him.

It seemed as if hours had passed by as he remained on the battlefield in the freezing cold. The wind ruffled his hair and bit at his skin, but he was too miserable to care… and no one knew how much he was suffering, “Do you just not want me to have what others do? I’ve dreamed of having my own family for years, but apparently I’m not good enough for it,” he looked down at the Trinity knot charm on his necklace and scoffed, “Some Father, Son, and Holy Spirit you guys turned out to be.”

“Gabriel?”

The feminine voice behind him made him turn his head to find Ava walking towards him in her heavy coat and pajamas, “What are you doing out here, Ava? It’s freezing.”

“I was about to ask you the same thing.”

He shrugged his shoulders and stood up, “I can’t take it anymore, Ava. The closer Kate gets to having the baby, the more nightmares I have of Susan dying… only this time Kate was in Susan’s place. It’s literally driving me crazy.”

Wrapping an arm around Gabriel’s shoulders, Ava said, “You’ve been through so much, Gabe; losing Sue and the baby… but you’ve got to understand that Kate is a strong woman. I can see the strength within her,” she gave him a squeeze, “Show her your strength… Now, come back to camp before you catch a cold.”

“Alright. Thank you, Ava.”

“You’re welcome.”

The two of them walked back to camp together before they disappeared into their tents; however, Gabriel knew he would have trouble sleeping. He quietly stepped over to one of the bags sitting underneath Kate’s cot and pulled out the yellow baby blanket, and then he laid down on his own cot with the blanket snuggled to him. His eyes shut as he understood that Ava was right, and that he needed to let Kate do what she needed to.

 

The bugle sounded around five-thirty the next morning with a bunch of groans and swearing to follow; rise and shine… and prepare to listen to your general’s constant griping as Gabriel knew all too well. He sighed before reluctantly throwing back the warm covers and getting up to start dressing in his uniform. It was going to be an interesting day, he just knew it.

“I heard that damn bugle… and I’m going to kill the poor sap playing it, or shove a wad of chewed gum in the bloody thing so we don’t have to listen to it,” Kate mumbled underneath her blankets.

Gabriel chuckled warmly and leaned over to kiss her cheek, “Get you some breakfast, honey. Today’s not the day to go without it.”

“I will,” she said as she watched him leave the tent, but groaned and hugged her swollen tummy, “I guess I have a tummy ache this morning. Lovely… Odd, it doesn’t feel like a normal one, though. I bet the baby’s kicking me,” after throwing her legs over the side of her cot, Kate dressed in her light pink long-sleeved dress before waddling outside, where she found Mae cooking sausage patties and hash browns in the frying pan. From the look of the empty camp, her husband was already gone, along with the other men.

“Good morning, dear,” Mae greeted sweetly, “Did you sleep well?”

“For awhile, but my tummy feels like I have menstrual cramps from Hell,” Kate leaned over and helped with the cooking, “Mae, what did it feel like when you went into labor with Gabriel?”

“Just like you said, like menstrual cramps from Hell… but they got stronger over the hours. My water eventually broke around six that evening, if I remember correctly.”

Kate’s eyes widened in panic, “Uh oh. I think I might be in labor.”

“I knew it was about time, but let’s not tell Gabriel for a while, because I don’t want to get him worked up and worried. The rest of the guys will thank us for this later. Just let me know when you feel it’s time.”

“How long will that take?”

Mae chuckled, “Oh, it will be a while, yet. Be patient, my dear.”

 

The cold wind stung Gabriel’s face as he sat atop Bo while he and a few other men from his unit scouted out in the trees behind Yankee lines several hours later. They could hear musket fire above them on the battlefield, and they jumped when a cannon fired. The plan was to sneak up on the Yankees and catch them by surprise.

“Gabriel, are you okay? What happened to you last night? Ava told me you looked awful,” Sean questioned.

His best friend sighed heavily and replied, “I had a very scary nightmare, and I just needed some fresh air.”

“It was about Kate, wasn’t it?”

All Gabriel could do was nod before he heard their signal to come out of the trees for their attack, “Enough talk about my problems. Let’s go whip some Yankee arse!”

With a whoop, the 1^st Texas Cavalry burst from the trees and caught the Union men by surprise. Gabriel wheeled Bo around on the middle of the battlefield and went after one of the Yankee officers with his pistol raised. After over-running the opposing side, Gabriel gave the command to capture any Yankees they found and tie them up so that they couldn’t escape into the woods and alert other troops.

Meanwhile, Kate found herself leaning against a tree near one of the Confederate camps hidden back in the trees. The only thing she wanted was to be alone as her labor progressed and the pain intensified greatly. She tenderly rubbed her belly, wishing that would soothe her pain.

“Oh, why are you making Mommy hurt so much?” She moaned and turned around when she heard a noise behind her. A small smile appeared at the corners of her mouth at the sight of Mae approaching.

“You’re beginning to feel the worst part of childbirth,” it wasn’t a question. Mae knew from experience just what Kate was going through and wanted to be there to help her, “Let’s walk around a little. It will help ease some of the pain.”

“Shouldn’t we tell the doctor?”

“I’ve already let him know that you’re in labor, and he told me to send for him when you get closer.”

After another gasp, Kate said, “Well, there’s no way I’m going to the ball, tonight. I don’t want to get far from camp.”

“Just relax, dear. It will be over soon.”

 

Gabriel had decided to attend the ball with Sean and Ava even though Kate didn’t want to go. He found it odd that she didn’t want to; especially when she loved getting dressed up in her gorgeous ball gowns. In fact, she had been acting strange all day, but he figured it was just one of her random mood swings she sometimes had. After making sure that she was comfortable at camp and didn’t need anything, the two men started up the path for the ball by themselves since Ava was still in her tent getting ready. Once they arrived at the ball, Sean headed over to the refreshment table to get drinks for the two of them while Gabriel had been drug out to dance by a pretty brunette, which was strange, because the men were supposed to ask the women to dance. When the dance ended, Gabriel joined Sean on the side, where his friend handed him a glass of punch.

A little while later, Gabriel found himself watching the many couples swirl around each other as they danced to a waltz. He wished that his wife was there with him so that they could dance to it, but he knew she was probably sitting by the campfire trying to keep warm. In the back of his mind he thought something was wrong, but the thought dissipated when all of the dancers lined up for the Virginia Reel, one of his favorites.

Just on the other side of the tree line in the Confederate cavalry camp, Kate walked amongst the rows of tents to help ease her contractions. They had become very strong and took her breath away every time one occurred. She was thankful to have her mother-in-law nearby in case she needed her. A few minutes into her walk, she stopped when she felt something warm trickle down her thighs, and immediately following, the pain became almost unbearable.

“Mae?!”

The older woman appeared from behind a wall tent and noticed the frightened look on Kate’s face. Her eyes drifted down to a damp spot on the ground, barely distinguishable in the darkness, “Oh, Kate. Your water broke. We need to get you inside and send for the doctor.”

Hearing the tone of their voices, Ava stepped out of her tent in her ball gown skirt, but she didn’t have the bodice of the dress on or her crinoline underneath the skirt, yet. From her appearance, she hadn’t even gotten her makeup put on or her strawberry blonde hair fixed. It didn’t take her long to figure out what was happening.

“Is the baby coming?!” She tried to keep her excitement under control, but it was proving to be difficult.

“Yes. Ava, hurry and get the boys,” Mae led Kate back to her tent and disappeared inside with her. She needed to get her out of her dress and into something comfortable.

Ava threw the brush she had in her hand back in her tent before she took off in the direction of the ball. She had to hitch her skirt up to keep from tripping on the taffeta material. As she ran up the mulch-chipped path, some of the men she passed gave her strange stares or whistled at her. Dismissing them, Ava kept up her speed until she neared the ball. She stopped just for a moment to catch her breath and to find the boys. Seeing them standing by the refreshment table, she resumed her running, and finally skidded to a stop in front of Rob, Gabriel and Sean. They gave her frazzled expression and appearance an awkward glance, unsure what to make of it.

“Gabriel! Come quickly!” Ava practically shrieked.

“What’s wrong, Ava?” He asked, sensing the distress in her voice.

“Kate’s having the baby… For real!”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Gabriel ran for the camp with the other three hot on his heels. He had to get back to camp as fast as he could so that he would be there for her. The entire time he kept praying everything would be fine, and that he hadn’t missed the birth. Back behind him he could hear Sean swear loudly when he twisted his ankle on a tree root, but that wasn’t going to slow him down. Finally, they reached his tent, and Gabriel threw open the tent flaps to find Kate lying on her cot in her white chemise with the blanket pulled over her large belly. She smiled weakly at him as he walked over to her, but she moaned when another contraction overtook her.

“Oh, honey. Are you okay?” Gabriel gently brushed some hair out of her face and sat down in a wooden chair beside her.

Kate cringed and suppressed a scream, No, I’m not okay, you twit! I’m getting ready to push something the size of The Great Pumpkin out of my hoo-hoo. Quit asking stupid questions! “It hurts so much, Gabriel. My body’s on fire!”

“I know, baby. I know,” he kissed her seeing how much pain she was in, “Just think of the beautiful baby we’ll have afterwards.”

She closed her eyes, fighting the urge to strangle him in order to get him to shut up. Alright, genius… Go shove a lemon up your penis and push it back out, and then tell me you know how I feel right now.

The night passed slowly, making the family anxious as they waited. Some of them paced around outside and poked their heads in every now and then, only to be disappointed. Gabriel remained by Kate’s side, holding onto her hand while she tried to relax, but she’d moan whenever a contraction made its presence known. The tent was warm despite the chilly air outside, maybe even too warm. Gabriel ended up removing his dress uniform coat to help cool him off, but when he looked over at his wife she had sweat rolling down her face and neck. Feeling the need to cool her down, Mae stepped outside to dip a wash cloth in a bucket of cold water and brought it over to the laboring woman before placing it across her forehead. Digging around in her dress pocket, Mae pulled out a claw clip and proceeded to clamp Kate’s hair on top of her head to get it off of her neck.

Close to ten-thirty, the doctor lifted the blanket covering Kate’s lower body to check on her progress, and smiled up at her, “You are very close; probably within the next five minutes you can start pushing.”

“I’ll get some clean blankets and the camera!” Sean darted out of the tent, thankful to have the cool air on his skin. He returned a few minutes later with his arms full of soft blankets and towels, as well as Mae’s camera. At the older woman’s request, he set everything down on a chair in the corner of the tent.

“Ohhhh! I really, really feel like I need to push!” Kate gasped when a torrent of pain overwhelmed her. She could feel an intense amount of pressure being put on her lower body and knew it was time.

The doctor pushed back her blanket after pulling on a pair of latex gloves and said, “Well, then… let’s deliver us a baby.”

Kate sat up with the help of Sean and Gabriel. Afterwards, the men pulled back on her thighs to get her into position. It was difficult for Gabriel to keep her leg pulled back since he had her hand in his other one. The pressure continued to build in her body, and she let out a squeal.

The doctor sat on the end of the cot waiting for her to start, “Ready, Kate? Push when you feel a contraction.”

Kate squeezed her husband’s hand and pushed as hard as she could when she felt a contraction rip through her body. Another gasp escaped her lips, but she kept going; the pain was incredible! Not wanting to give up, Kate gathered up more strength and pushed again after she rested for a moment. As if the pain wasn’t enough, the hot tent caused sweat to pour down her face, neck and chest.

Sweet mother of Hades! I’ve got to get this chemise off of me, Kate thought before throwing her hand up, catching the others’ attention, “Stop! Someone help me get this damn chemise off.”

Everyone in the tent stared at her skeptically while she waited on one of them to comply with her request. She had nothing on underneath her chemise, and Gabriel knew that. The fact that she wanted to strip down naked in front of everyone made him nervous; it could have been that he didn’t want anyone besides him seeing her that way, especially not the other men. She still needed to stay somewhat decent.

“Kate, you need to keep some semblance of modesty right now, and-,” he looked down at her while she continued to squeeze his hand.

She pulled her hand away from his and gripped onto the collar of his shirt, pulling him down into her face, her eyes blazing, “Screw modesty! I’m about to have a heat stroke, here! Now, someone help me get this damn thing off!”

Gabriel stood back up, a little afraid of her at the moment, “You people heard the lady, get it off her.”

Not wanting to make Kate angrier, Mae and Ava stepped over beside the cot, taking the bottom of her long chemise into their hands, and pulled the garment up over her head, leaving Kate completely naked on the cot. A sigh of relief passed through her lips once she was free from the hot chemise; she didn’t care that the men were seeing the most private parts of her body. All that mattered was that she was comfortable and her husband was with her, even if he was being a little ridiculous at the moment. Mae grabbed another wash cloth and started to pat it over her enlarged breasts to wipe away the beads of sweat. As soon as she touched her with the wash cloth, Kate cried out in pain, because her breasts hurt from filling up with milk in preparation for the baby’s arrival.

“I’m so sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Mae apologized.

“You’re fine, Mae. They just ache like no one’s business,” Kate got into a comfortable position, grabbing onto Gabriel’s hand, again.

When Kate resumed pushing, Gabriel concentrated on staying calm and collected. So far, so good. Please don’t let anything go wrong, God, he thought as he watched eagerly, “You’re doing great, honey. Don’t stop.”

“Ahhh! It hurts so much, Gabriel!” Kate screamed. She was certain the surrounding camps could hear her cries, but that was the least of her worries.

Like any normal man, Sean decided to chance a quick glance between Kate’s legs, however, at the sight of the baby’s head crowning he felt himself becoming light-headed and had to look away, or he would pass out in front of everyone.

Ava snickered to herself. That’ll teach him not to look at another woman’s business.

The doctor readied himself for the baby as Kate continued to push, “Here comes the head… almost there… and it’s out! Breathe, Kate.”

She greatly took that opportunity, resting against her pillow to regain some of her strength. After a few more moments, Kate got back into position to start pushing, again. Everything would happen quickly once she got past the baby’s shoulders, “Oh, my God! Why did I want to be a mother?!”

“Hang in there, a stór. You’re almost done,” Gabriel said soothingly as he nuzzled the side of her head.

With one final, strong push, Kate let out a loud scream and fell back to her pillow, heaving as she tried to catch her breath and make sense of what just happened. After all of the craziness of the past few minutes the new mother had completely forgotten that she was naked in front of everyone. She was exhausted from the long labor and delivery.

“Oh! It took Gabriel’s coloring,” Mae cooed when she saw her grandchild in the doctor’s arms.

All of them waited in anticipation for the doctor to announce what they were eager to know, especially Gabriel, who didn’t realize he was still gripping Kate’s hand tightly.

After peeking between the newborn’s legs, the doctor grinned, “Congratulations! You have an absolutely beautiful baby girl,” he looked up at the new parents, waiting to see their expressions.

The tent was filled with happy sighs and cheers upon hearing the wonderful news, and Gabriel felt a tear roll down his cheek; finally… he had gotten the little girl he had always wanted. He leaned over and gently kissed Kate, “I love you so much, Kate. Thank you for giving me this beautiful baby,” it didn’t take him long to realize that it was too quiet in the tent, “Why isn’t she crying?”

“Don’t worry. It takes them a bit to figure out how to use their lungs. Here,” the doctor gently patted the newborn’s bottom, “This should get her crying.”

Sure enough, the baby coughed up a mouthful of mucus and let out a loud wail, startling everyone in the tent. With her being in a new place, she was going to let them know she was there.

Rob laughed happily, “Good Lord, she has a set of lungs on her.”

“Do you want to cut the cord, Daddy?” The doctor handed Gabriel the surgical scissors and showed him where to cut. Afterwards, he took the baby to clean her off while the new father sat back down next to his wife. Sean stood behind him, clapping his hand down on his best friend’s shoulder as Gabriel sat there in shock; he was a father at last. When the doctor returned, the baby was wrapped up snuggly inside the yellow blanket, and he started to pass her off to Kate, but she shook her head.

“No. Gabriel has waited a very long time for her, so he should be the first to hold her,” Kate smiled at Gabriel, who seemed surprised.

He felt himself shaking nervously as his daughter was placed in his arms, “God, I’m so nervous that I’m going to drop her,” all too soon, he calmed down when the newborn opened her eyes for the first time and he was staring into pools of brilliant blue, “She’s so beautiful.”

“What are you two naming her?” The doctor questioned curiously.

“Shannon Cassandra,” he gently stroked her soft cheek, “My little Shannon,” nothing in the world could break the instant bond that had formed between father and daughter in the short amount of time she had been in his arms. His heart seemed to melt when he looked at his daughter; everything about her was perfect, “I will never let anything happen to you, Shannon. You have healed the hole left in my heart from my loss,” he whispered to the small baby.

 

Shortly after the doctor had finished up with Kate, he left quietly, followed by the others so they could give the new parents time alone to bond with their baby. Kate had decided to put her chemise back on since she was starting to feel a bit chilly, but she kept the blankets off of her.  Gabriel and Kate hugged his parents before they slipped out of the tent, and then Kate fluffed up her pillow, watching as her husband held the baby against his chest while gently rocking her.

“Finally, some peace and quiet after such a crazy evening,” Kate gave a smile despite the extreme fatigue she was feeling, “Here, I better see if she’ll nurse, because from what I’ve read, the baby needs to get special nutrients from my milk to help her immune system strengthen.”

Gabriel was almost reluctant to give up his daughter, but he understood that it was to protect her, and that Kate also needed to bond with her since she hadn’t gotten to hold her, yet, “Alright, sweetie. Mommy wants to see you,” he very carefully passed her off and made sure that Kate had a hold of her before lowering his arms.

The feeling of the newborn suckling from her was awkward at first for Kate, but after a few minutes it became almost natural. She supported her head with the crook of her arm and pulled the blanket around her small body to keep the cold air from touching her delicate skin, “She is so precious, Gabriel. I am so happy I had her with you. I couldn’t have asked for more,” she leaned over and pressed her lips to his before he got up to change into his green flannel pajama pants.

“I’m blessed that I ever met you… and now look what our love for each other has created,” Gabriel leaned over the cot and lovingly kissed his wife, savoring it, “Shannon is everything I’ve ever wanted. She’s beautiful just like you, honey.”

“Oh, Gabriel. You are so wonderful, even though you did make me go through a huge amount of pain to have her.”

“But it was worth it, wasn’t it?” He threw her a sexy wink.

Kate couldn’t help but smile at his comment, “Yes, it was. I already love being a mom,” she stroked the newborn’s soft cheek as she continued to nurse contentedly from her mother’s breast.

“We’ll see when she wakes up in the middle of the night, crying.”