A Fool

           “Can I look at the stars tonight and see you there?

It seemed so long ago when we first met, despite it being only days.

Today, I liked you, and I felt all jittery inside. I wished that you were here to hold me and tell me those words. I wish, I had seen sooner.

I was selfish, and you know it. But still you tell me you like me. Still you tell me your feelings, only making me feel more at fault and more emotional.

Whether it be like, or love, I don’t really care anymore. All I want is you by my side. All I can do is think of your words, listen to ‘our’ song, and feel like I’m about to burst into tears because I like you that much,

How I wish I had seen sooner.

How much…I miss you already.

And we haven’t even met.”

 

I knew love would never be easy. I knew it would hurt. I knew it, but nevertheless, like a fool, I did not listen to my own warnings.

I walked so dangerously on a thin, red thread, hoping that on the other side you would be there. I was blind and foolish, and soon I did fall.

Far down did I go, to a distant faraway place where dreams are useless and pain is your only emotion.

I did this to myself, don’t blame yourself. Because I knew everything, but nevertheless I was a fool. I let it happen. I let my heart be broken so many times.

Don’t cry for me darling, because it is not your fault. You gave me the most loving words, the gentlest touches, and the sweetest whispers of love I have ever had, and I threw them back in your face.

I sit here and pity myself, yet the hole in my heart is for you because I never once listened to you. So loud did you speak, yet deaf was I.

Here we are now. You are thousands of miles away from me, and I sit here, looking at this screen, waiting for you with wounds piercing my very being.

Tell me again what you said to me. I don’t care how much more my heart will bleed. I just want those words. That’s all I need to live through another day.

Because I am a fool foolishly in love with you.

Author's Note

I was looking through an old journal and found the first passage of this. Makes me wish I can rewind time and comfort myself then.