Why You?

Why you of all people? Why did I fall in love with you?

 

It happened so suddenly…

 

The first time I saw you, I got a strange feeling. It was a simmering feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach making me feel awkward. Immediately, I assumed it was hate. There was no other way it was anything else.

 

Everything about you seemed to irritate me, your voice, your actions, the way you smiled, the way you laughed, and the way you would seem to ignore me.

 

I hated it, and I hated you so much. I would complain to my friends, especially to my friends who did have you as a teacher, saying how horrible you were, how much I hated you, or what I hated about you. Everyday it was something new. You had the weirdest teaching methods; your voice sounded like you plugged your nose and talked; you tried to act funny, but you weren’t; you were too short; you were not at all cool.

 

I just kept picking on you and kept insisting I absolutely loathed you.

 

Then school started again, and guess what? I ended up with you for a teacher. How worse could my life get?

 

Then…I really got to see how you were. I became confused, not sure how I felt anymore. That simmering feeling was still there, except it felt more like fluttering butterflies.

 

I started to see the contradictions to my complaints from last year. Your teaching methods were actually effective; your voice actually sounded husky sometimes; you were actually funny, and I found myself laughing all the time; you were taller than me; and you were a very cool teacher.

 

And then you remembered my name, and I felt so happy. You would wink or smile at me, and I felt those butterflies again. You would stare at me, and I would catch your stare, feeling the heat rush to my cheeks.

 

The flaws I had pointed out in you were actually the things I found I loved. The person I thought I had hated seemed to have disappeared completely.

 

And even though I keep up the act, saying I still don’t like you, I can’t help but feel unsettled whenever I say your name. It gives me shivers of pleasure and fear. I find that I’m attracted, yet shy away because it’s wrong, but I only just find myself yearning for you more. It’s wrong…but I can still dream, right? I can just keep this to myself…

 

I guess from the beginning, it was not hate as I thought, but the start of a love that will never happen.

 

I can only dream and wonder…

 

Why you?

 

-x-X-x-

 

It happened so suddenly…

 

The rush of emotions churned in my stomach when we first looked at each other. The spark in your eyes attracted me, and I found myself growing curious of you.

 

Of course though, I couldn’t freely express that. So I intentionally forgot your name, tried to ignore your presence, even paid more attention to your best friend just so I could somehow get you out of my mind. But every time, I couldn’t help but to glance at that look on your face. It would scrunch up slightly, your eyes burning with a passion. A passion that I hoped was similar to mine.

 

Despite my ignorant appearance though, I snuck glances at you, admired you, and eventually…wanted you.

 

Maybe I should’ve stopped at the beginning. Perhaps I never should have even glanced at you. If so, maybe I wouldn’t want you as badly as I do now.

 

And it’s even worse now, because you’re my student. Each day I see you, and I feel that barrier of control crumbling. Each day I learn more about you, and I just want to sit down and learn even more. I hear your laugh, and I want to hear it more. I see your lips, and I suddenly feel the urge to claim them. But I cannot…

 

You evil Seductress, tempting me like this, torturing me into this corner. I want you, but cannot have you. Dear God, why did it have to be you?

 

Why couldn’t it be someone else, preferably someone my own age? Why couldn’t it be another woman, heck, even man? Why you?

 

Why have I fallen so hard for you and your innocent looks, your determination, your smiles, your personality, and just about everything else?

 

All I can say is…

 

Why you?

 

-x-X-x-

 

Dear God, are you trying to drive me to the point of insanity?

 

Why, why, why did I get stuck with him? Why did it have to be so that I have to stay behind to retake a test? And why am I the only one who has to?

 

I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to take this. He’s standing right next to me, breathing down as I try to focus on the test and not him. God, his body is too close. I can practically feel the heat radiating off of it, and right now my hands are itching to just reach out and touch him.

 

“Are you confused?” His voice is so gentle and husky, making it very hard not to concentrate on the mouth it comes from.

 

“N-No…” is all I can stammer, looking back down at the blank test in front of me.

 

“Then why not try to write down the answers?” I chuckled nervously looking back at the questions, but they all just became mush in my mind. I could feel his warm breaths on my neck, sending shivers down my spine. God this was torture…

 

A sigh from him snapped me out of my thoughts, and soon I found that he took the test away from me, sitting down next to me. “Is there something troubling you?” he asked, looking at me straight in the eyes.

 

I didn’t hear his words; I was lost in his deep green eyes that were staring at me intently. My voice was caught in my throat, and I had to clench my shaking hands.

 

God…how much I wanted him. How much my hands shook, wanting to reach out and just allow themselves to entangle in his hair as our lips connected in heated passion…

 

I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. My body just seemed to get a mind of it’s own as I leaned forward, my hand resting against his cheek, tracing his jaw line then his lips, my thumb rubbing them sensually.

 

Ah hell…I didn’t care anymore…I just wanted him…

 

And I wanted him to want me…

 

-x-X-x-

 

Dear God, are you trying to drive me to the point of insanity?

 

What the hell is she doing! I don’t know if I have enough self-control for this! S**t, she looks way cuter up close…

 

“Wait.” To my surprise, and, I will grudgingly admit, disappointment, it was my voice. I pushed her away, my head screaming at me to take her into my arms and just return her advancement. “This is wrong.”

 

God, how much it broke my heart to see that broken look on her face. “I-…I’m…” she started, her voice cracking midway. Oh god, was she going to cry? I don’t think I could handle that…

 

“Sorry,” was all I could say to her. “But…this…this can’t happen.”

 

“B-but—” I silenced her by placing my finger on her lips, wishing it were my own lips instead.

 

Her sad brown eyes looked at me, tearing up. Right now, I felt like a monster. A voice in my head screamed at me, wondering what the hell I was doing. Here she was, practically in my arms…and I was rejecting her.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I…I see…” she muttered after a tense silence, getting up. The tears were still there, but with them was anger and confusion. She clenched her fists, and her body shook. At that moment I just wanted to take her into my arms, and just tell her how much I loved her…how much I cared about her…but I didn’t.

 

“Ana…I’m really sorry,” I repeated. Idiot! That’s the wrong kind of apology! my mind yelled.

 

“No,” she shook her head. “I’m the one that’s sorry.”

 

She then ran out of the room…and out of my life.

 

-x-X-x-

 

It’s been nine years.

 

And I still haven’t gotten over him. Everywhere I turn, I find something that reminds me of him. The blue sky would remind me of the blue shirts he always wore. A picture of a forest would remind me of his green eyes and brown hair. Laughter would remind me of his jokes, and how I always laughed at them. He was everywhere around me…yet not beside me.

 

Why did my heart still ache for him the way it did nine years ago? Why do I still love him? He rejected me, and has probably forgotten about me and married some other woman. Why is he still on my mind?

 

Why? Why am I submitted to torture like this? Why do I look at another man, and not see them, but see him? WHY?!

 

I could barely even process my own movements anymore as I robotically walk to my door, responding to the doorbell. Even as I open the door and face the visitor, he is still in my thoughts.

 

Why can’t he just leave me…?

 

“Ana?” Even now, I could still hear his voice calling my name…

 

“Ana? Are you okay?” Am I hallucinating? Please tell me that I’m dreaming, and that those familiar green eyes are not the ones that have been haunting my dreams for nine years. Please tell me…

 

That he isn’t standing right in front of me right now.

 

That smile, the one I had been wishing to see, is it really him? “Mr. Anders?”

 

“You’re all grown up now, Ana.” He’s still smiling, still standing there right in front of me…is it really not a dream?

 

“Mr. Anders…?” I have to reach out to touch him, just to make sure he’s really tangible. “Is this…real?”

 

I press myself against his body, listening to his heart beat. “Are you really here?”

 

“It’s me, Ana,” he whispers in my ear, his arms wrapping around me. Oh God, it really is him. “I’m really here.” He then pushed me away; I felt that heartbreak from years ago return.

 

“I’m only here though to give you a letter about the school reunion.” He informed me, shoving the letter into my hands. I feel him slipping away again. Was this just going to be a repeat of nine years ago? “I…I better go…”

 

“No, wait! Stay!” I cry out, wrapping my own arms around his waist tightly. He wouldn’t reject me again, would he? Wanting nothing else but him, I pleaded, “Stay please.”

 

“Aren’t you the one that left?” he asked, his voice hurt. Why did he sound hurt? Did he even know the years of pain I went through because of him?

 

“I left because you didn’t want me!” I pushed him away, the tears coming easily to my eyes. I always seem to cry around him. “You were the one who didn’t want me! I left beca—”

 

I didn’t finish my sentence. Like he had nine years ago, he had silenced me, except this time it was with his own lips.

 

I didn’t say much after that.

 

-x-X-x-

 

It’s been nine years.

 

And I am the happiest man on the face of the planet. My wife and I have been married for these years, and we are still in love as we were, not nine, but eighteen years ago.

 

Now I look at our two sons, one eight and the other six, and just feel like everything is right. I wish I had done this sooner; I wish I hadn’t rejected her in the beginning…

 

But I am happy now; I can’t ask for anymore.

 

But sometimes, when it’s just me and her, she would look at me, wrapped in my arms, and ask, “Why me?”

 

And all I would say, “Why not you?”

Author's Note

To explain one part to make it more clearly, the girl knew the teacher through her friends and came to hate him (for no apparent reason) then actually came to love him. I hope I didn't confuse anyone. Comments and criticism are welcome! :)

Reviews

[unspokenguilt]

Wow...I really enjoyed it! I like the way it's written from both of their prospectives. Its really something that they both felt the same way but didn't know it, till the end...how they both sorta suffer but get their happy ending too.