Smoke

Smoke flows gracefully in the space between us.

I wish now I could be like that smoke.

To have no problem flowing.

Moving thoughtlessly.

Comfortable in any space.

The sun and the moon making no difference.

Feeling free of judgment.

It fills the tense air between me and you perfectly.

The awkward moments.

Not quite sure what to say.

If  words are even necessary?

I'm just so unsure.

Then I feel his rough hand touch mine.

A slight glance.

The smoke passed from my lips to his.

Even then the smoke moves past us through the dark room unhindered.

Over thinking moments again.

It was tedious.

Why couldn't I be like the smoke?

Free from my thoughts living in moments. 

Author's Note

The analysis of a tragic one night stand.

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

I did not see the one night stand. I thought it
'was just getting started. "Then I feel his rough
hand touch mine "
and the smoke passed from my lips to h8s .
What more could you ask ? You are practically
engaged ! ; )
Thanks,
------ Eagle Cruagh

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

A love affair likened to smoke...beautiful image. I also give shame to your creative writing teacher, because this is really pretty well laid out and written. Don't worry, though, I got my fair share of rejections in the beginning as well.

My only suggestion would be a little work on the punctuation. In poetry, the period shoudl be used sparingly, because it forces the reader to stop and start with a new line, so things can get choppy. The comma, on the other hand, just asks the reader to pause breifly, so not so abrupt. Use the period only when you want to be abrupt with the stopping of a thought. Not each line needs punctuation, also, experiment with it. Well done, though.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

affairs like smoke will disappear, dissipate..and disappoint...

nice analogy done here...and shame on your creative writing teacher...not very encouraging..

[Eagle Cruagh]

probably you are an extremely complicated girl and
smoke is without substance.
The man is like smoke, without substance, but woman
dies a thousand deaths with any affair.
----- Eagle Cruagh

[Poetic Beauty]

Hind sight is 20/20. I loved the idea of the smoke drifting in the room and wanting to be more like the smoke itself. Sometimes we over think and it can make us sad or depressed. We have to learn to forgive ourselves and let the past go. This piece feels a bit mysterious and the smoke adds to that feel. Love the descriptions and the emotions put into this piece.

[Jenna]

Really great and fluid. Makes you feel calm and tense all at once.

[zainul]

Awesome analysis.
Got A/80%
ok?

[Akleja]

This is so beautiful, even though it invokes negative feelings... Good job.