Dear You

A goodbye letter written days before she took her life.

23 Paradise Street

Runestate, WA 6520

December 10, 2016

Dear you who is reading this letter,
My dear, once you receive this letter it means I have succeed with what I aimed to do: commit suicide. My choice may seem absolutely selfish of me, but please read what I have written first. I'm tired. I'm so damn exhausted with the way I'm living my life. I've tried to make it better, I swear I tried, but it just doesn't seem to piece together no matter how hard I continued to try. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I'm not strong enough to carry on and live through the hardships and pain. 
I wrote this letter with one purpose in mind; to provide you with reasons and apologise for the pain I have inflicted upon your person. You have the right to get angry at me, you really do and you can stop reading this letter if you want to. Once again I want to apologise for putting you through this and making you read my letter of regret. 
People pushed me to my breaking point. You know me dear, I'm soft-hearted and easily hurt. They insult me, teased me over and over again, toyed with my emotions. I can't take it, it hurts so much. These 'people' were the people who I thought were my friends, my family and yet they throw insults at me as if it was nothing. You're probably thinking that I'm such a weak person and I'll agree with you on that, I am weak. These people were the first few steps that brought me closer to the edge, they weren't the force that shoved me forward, the one who pushed me over the edge was myself. Yes, you read that right. I pushed myself over the edge. 
I struggled against myself, day by day I struggled. I tried fending off the demons that attached themselves to me, tried fending off the thoughts that keeps me awake at night. I tried to drown my sorrows away, I tried to tune them out yet they just kept resurfacing. I was lonely and insecure, afraid. There was no one I truly felt connected with, I have no one to share my true feelings to and even if I had, I doubted I would have told them. I never felt good enough, never felt worthy enough, never felt confident enough. I felt worthless, unneeded and I couldn't bear feeling such unpleasant feelings. It hurts, it hurts so bad. I don't want to live feeling like this for the rest of my life so I decided to just end it here.
I have no more reasons for living... if you can even call this living. I'm tired, I can't take any of this anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being selfish and not thinking this through. I'm so sorry. Goodbye... It's funny how you only listen to the last words of a dead person. Regret really does come in the end, doesn't it? You're too late, you can no longer save me.

Sincerely yours,

Natalya