Sweet Escape

A poem told in Death's point of view

Don't be afraid my friend,
What I do won't be your end. 
I made you a promise didn't I?
I told you I wouldn't let you die.

What ever it is you grieve,
I will give you reprieve.
Let me melt your sorrows away
While I take you to a place far away.
A place where you will never shed a tear,
A place without the monsters you fear.

Take my hand and let us run away from here, 
Right now there is nothing much to fear.
This place has nothing but emptiness and malice,
Something I'm sure you would not bother to reminisce.
Let us break away from the strings and chains,
No more restrictive refrains.

In this world we do not belong,
Our stay here is not something we should prolong. 
The glimmering rays of the sun signals the rise of dawn,
You smiled and took my hand, then we're off and gone. 

Reviews

[KTizzle]

If you're talking from death's point of view, I found this line contradicting, "I told you I wouldn't let you die. "

I found these lines to be forced, "This place has nothing but emptiness and malice,/Something I'm sure you would not bother to reminisce." I understand you were trying to keep the rhythm, but it didn't read right to me.

I found this line could have been revised, "You smiled and took my hand, then we're off and gone." You could just say, "then we were gone " because "off and gone" seemed repetitive.

Otherwise, I loved the concept. I thought it was pretty unique to me to hear death as a person. I kind of wish you would stretch it out some like what kind of voice would it have? Would it be melodious and lulling like a lullaby? What did he/she smell like? Like sulfur, like perfume? Was it a male or female? I was quite interested in this death character.

My favorite lines were in the second stanza. I loved all of it. Besides the two lines in the next stanza, I loved it also. I felt you did a good job with the flow in the rest of the poem.

Good job. Keep working on it.

Thanks for posting! Have a great day!

[Zay]

Thank you! I'll keep that in mind. I'm glad to hear that you find the concept intriguing. I'll be sure to keep working on it!

[Gee]

You rhyme well but the actual cadence of the poem is all over the place, for me anyway. If you read this aloud to yourself you might agree. Still enjoyed the visit though.

[Zay]

Thank you very much for reviewing it! I'll be sure to keep that in mind and keep working on improving my work!

[Bala Gorthi]

I loved this write. Your rhyming is beautiful..I liked the idea of death in person speaking with compassion to its object. Very unique and interesting!
In fact I also have written something on this, a story (Suguna' lover) in which she sees the death as her unfailing lover..
Some where, I felt very much connected to this poem because of the similarity in perception.
I look forward to more of your work..
Thanks for sharing this beautifully rhymed poem.well done!

[Zay]

Thank you for your kind words! Death has always been a subject of intrigue for me which is why I decided to write this one. I have also written a story in Death's point of view, In Death's Eyes, where Death watches a person struggle through daily life and tries to offer him a quick remedy. I'll be sure to check the story. Thank you so much!

[Bala Gorthi]

You are welcome.. I'll surely read it..it's my favourite subject too..