Fallen Soldier

A really short story I wrote when I was bored at school.

Gunfire echoes throughout the street as a young soldier hunkers down between the twisted and burned remains of what was a car.  The soldier sticks his dirt-covered face out before jerking it back underneath the cover as the distinctive sound of gunfire rips around the remains of the car. Bullets bouncing off the car as the soldier grips his rifle tightly,his fingers curling around the weapon as his eyes wide with fear, dart around looking for any escape from the neverending stream of gunfire. He yelps as the ground several yards to his right explodes, blowing debris and dirt into the air. The soldier gets to his feet and darts off, sprinitng down the road as he ignores the shouts of his fellow soldiers. Adrenaline coursing through his veins as he see's small puffs of dirt pop up in front of him as the bullets zip past him. His body jerks and he lets out a ear-peircing scream as bullets tear through his body, he stumbles and falls, dead before he hits the ground. The young soldier laying on the ground in a pool of blood as the battle around him continues.

Author's Note

Leave a review if you like. I spent maybe 15 minutes writing this so ya i know it's horrible. Uploading because I'm bored. :D

Reviews

[Avator]

You're creating a very nice scene. I can completely imagine what the area would look like. There were a few questions that kept nibbling on my brain:
-Where were his fellow soldiers?
-Who attacked them?
-In what surrounding and age was the scene?

This doesn't mean you necessarily have to edit this, because unanswered questions are sometimes appealing ^^

[Star2128]

wow this is definitely emotional. it made me get teary eyed. i cant believe i never knew you could write so amazingly

[Nicole]

it was well written it had me in the middle of the battle seeing what was going on ^_^

[freaknkamikaze]

Love it, keep up the good work! ^^

[Mica]

you found a way to incorporate many of the sensory feelings one would have in this situation - so much so that I felt like I was right there watching him.
even with such a short story, it contained a segment of plot that was incredibly well detailed and clear.
overall, I really enjoyed this!

[Jordi]

For a bored piece of writing it's very descriptive. You put in a lot of information regarding the setting, the emotions the soldier was feeling, the noise of bullets hitting their targets. Well done.

[Ian]

No its cool in my opinion keep up the good work.