Chapter 6: A Vow (Fabrics of Time)

Chapter 6: The Vow

"What Life"

 

What life is there yet to breathe,

When all you love and all you adore,

Were snatched away, taken from me.

 

To walk through life collecting pieces,

Of a heart shattered and torn apart,

All things gray as dust, all joy ceases.

 

What left in life is there to witness

When all you desire, all you ever needed,

 Lays buried beneath, lying in stillness.

 

To welcome death with open arms,

To hope to see the end, to start over anew,

Walking into danger, not caring of harm.

 

What life can a man with no soul expect,

 For mine died, carried away with her heart,

Fate was incorrect, our love was perfect

 

Days blend together as doctor and doctor, nurse after nurse stop by speaking of how I am walking miracle, blessed to be alive.  If only they knew, all I had to live for died already.   Each day ends with my mind willing my body to recover.  Within a few weeks I am walking, swimming, lift weights.   Every time the physical therapist tells me to calm down I push harder, looking at him with spite and hate, of a heart grown cold with ice. 

 

Within a couple more weeks I am back in uniform, hunting for an assignment.    Walking on base with an angry scowl on my face I see an familiar shape making a bee-line in my direction. 

 

“What are you doing?” I hear Mac ask pointedly.  “I heard you requested a deployment.”

 

“Without missing a stride I reply, “I did.  I am heading out to Syria tomorrow.” 

 

“Are you looking to find death?”  Mac pleads.

 

“I have no fear of death. I am quite willing to except my fate.”  I remark as I purposely pick up my pace. 

 

Grabbing my arm Mac turns my body to look into my eyes, “And what of the men following you?  Are you willing to sacrifice them as well?” 

 

With a look of cold hard steel, I answer Mac, “ How many men have I saved?”

“I would say roughly the same number you have killed” scuffed Mac. 

 

“Then I suggest ISIS stay out my way.  I will ensure our men return home safely.” 

 

As I turn to continue heading to my out-briefing I hear the last words of Mac, “She is not there man.  You will not find her in a war.  I’m sorry bro, but she is gone. “  I walk away as his words echo in my mind.

 

That evening, I drive to see a friend I have avoided.  I park under an old ancient oak tree, limbs stretching out, knobby, but still strong with life. I walk down a sandy path, grass on either side.  I look at the moon half hidden behind the scattered trees, listen to wind whispering in the wind, but my mind is numb, silent.   

 

I find the name I am both searching for, and dreading.  I stand staring at the headstone of my Selena, my lost love.  For quite some time, I simply stare; loss of words, loss of heart, my soul searching for her but nothing is to be found.  Finally, no matter how hard I tried to feel my heart with hate, the love for her wins.  Finally, tear after tear finds its way to soil beneath my feet. 

 

Lying down next to the headstone, lying as close as I can to my love, I whisper the words weighing heavy upon my heart. I whisper the words of my soul calling out to my love, reaching out, hoping to find my other half, my soulmate.

 

“I miss you more than I can express,

My heart feels as if I died that day,

I look forward to death I must confess,

 

As I stare at the moon shining brightly,

I vow you have my love for eternity,

I will dream of you and only you nightly.

 

As surely as the wind whispers your name,

I will hold on to you even though the next life,

Until you can kiss the lips you already claim.

 

As the flower blooms under the shining sun,

I will forever search through every life,

Until we can once again lie as one.

 

As surely as the moon controls the tide

I will re-write the fate of this story,

Until I hold the hand of my love that died,

 

As surely as the sun will set each day,

I shall defy the will of the gods above,

I wall hold you in my arms some way,

I give my oath to moon in the night sky,

The fabrics of time shall bend to our love,

I will hold in my arms again before I die.

 

I vow to stars shining so high above,

To look into eyes of any God,

To once again hold you my love,

 

I will never be without you,

You have my vow, mark my words,

Our love was destined to be true. “

 

“Who are you to defy the Gods?” hisses the wind whipping through the trees.   I am startled by the voice.   But I see no one, just as I think I must have been imagining the voice, I hear her again. 

 

“Who are you?  What do you have to offer a God?”  hisses a voice of woman in the wind.  I can hear the voice from all around. 

 

“I don’t understand” I respond, half thinking I am talking to myself. 

 

“Of course you don’t understand.  You are just a mere mortal.  Who are you to write fate?  What can you offer a God or Goddess? 

“To hold my love again?  Anything .  I give my oath to change the fabric of time” I stand up defiantly, looking all around hoping to see the face of my accuser. 

 

But all I hear is a cackling laugh echoing in the wind.  The laugh sends chills down my spine, as if her voice is scratching a black board.  I can help to fear the words I spoke tonight, but all I see is a graying sinking in all around.  All the sounds of the world fade away but her cackles, until if that slowly fades away and I sink into an abyss of grey.

 

“My Abyss of Grey”

 

Alone I stand in a cold dark place,

As if I’m isolated deep in outer-space,

I know my acts were such a disgrace,

I simply long for a loving embrace.

 

Abandoned I wallow in my pitiful sorrow,

At times hoping that there is no tomorrow,

I think my broken heart is now so hollow,

What worse in this life could possibly follow. 

 

Forsaken I await in my abyss of grey

Pointless to express my grief as I pray,

How did my life become so far astray,

Hoping to one day see a brighter day.

 

Deserted in purgatory suffering alone,

My iced heart gradually turning to stone,

Over ages turning to dust in the wind blown,

No greater agony has a man ever known.

 

Godforsaken to languish for an eternity,

Doomed fate written in stars above a certainty,

Forever lost due to one’s own prideful vanity,

A lesson to discover life’s essential humility.

 

Forsaken I await in my lonely abyss of grey,

Pleading my forgiveness to He above as I pray,

Wondering how did my life become so astray,

Wishing to one day live a more blessed day.

 

Next Chapter 7: A Fond Memory