Hunters In The Dark

Fueled by a desperate need that is Toby Determined, a group must make a dangerous ride without the normal preparation

The sky was black. Not just the black of night, with the stars shedding a faint glow. Everything was the color of ink, that pitch black that can only be found in the deepest of caves. Everything, that is, except for a few dozen wispy shapes. The wispy shapes were small rainbow of colors that were something between a glow and a reflection, something between opaque and transparent. Those shapes were people. Beneath each person was the merest suggestion of blue and orange, visible only in the immediate vicinity. Those were the people's mounts.

But, sadly, much was unseen. Not by the mounts, their surefooted feet moved like ghosts across the uneven ground, their mouths making noises that would be heard by no-one. No-one, that is, except the man who glowed white. That man could feel the resonance of the mounts, see the glows of the people around him. Maybe that's why he didn't notice the danger until it was too late.

That's when it happened. Shapes leapt from the shadows, knocking riders off their mounts, onto the unforgiving ground. Shapes that absorbed the lights. Shapes that killed.

Lights went out one by one, some with strangled cries, some silently. First gray. Then red. Green. Purple. Orange. Blue. All left behind, left to the shapes that hungered, the shapes that consumed. The last was the man who glowed white. The white man made sounds so astonishingly loud they stunned most of the attackers. There were several blinding flashes, which cut apart many of the rest. But it was not enough, and the white man met the same fate as the others.

But it was not all over yet. Three attackers knew to turn from the light, and had not yet fed. Two figures were revealed, who had nearly escaped. A woman in an elegant robe, and a man who resembled a warrior. Their glows could not be seen, but their mounts revealed them. The three figures pursued.

None could hear the silent tears of the woman, or know her pain when the white light had been extinguished. She gently reached out her right arm. She touched the shoulder of the warrior, as if he could take away some of her pain. She retracted her arm. Her thoughts turned from grief to anger as the lights of a city began to appear in the distance. To her right, from the man she was seeking comfort from, no glow emitted. Her husband had called this man a friend, but she had never really liked him. Now her husband had died to save them, and this man had done nothing, letting the white man die, knowing that he himself would be safe. The growing light from the city revealed that the man next to her had not shed a single tear, and his posture betrayed no sadness.

The creatures giving chase could now be seen to glow black, and the woman knew she had seconds until they caught her. Guided by her anger, she used her power. A yellow mist emitted from her hand, and the warrior's mount tripped over a rock and fell. As she reached the city's gate and burst through it, she jumped off of her large, bird-like mount, which was the yellow-white color of bone. Like all of its kind, it lacked wings. Turning around, she saw the warrior thrash and become still. The black aura of the creatures faded, and she saw what she knew she would. Creatures that weren't quite human, and weren't quite not. Vampires. As they melted back into the shadows, she knew the gate would not close. With all of the glowing lights, there was no need.

As she walked dejectedly towards the palace, the woman removed her cloak. She was stunningly beautiful, with rich black hair hanging to her waist, and a simple yellow dress. Her crown glowed a rainbow of colors, and her face, though stricken with grief, was regal. But most beautiful of all was the baby which she held in her arms, oblivious and innocent.

Author's Note

This is my first attempt at a fictional short story. It's actually about a vital character in a book I have been planning to write. I came up with it all over the past few days. Tell me what you think, or if I made any mistakes anywhere.

Reviews

[LunarSong]

It's interesting. I was confused at first whether the white man was a part of the group though. I have to ask, are you trying to achieve a certain effect by separating the description of things into different sentences? Because I felt like some of it was filler, and it would read better if combined. You did get my attention though, and make me wonder about what's going on and who everyone is. :)

[Xandar_The_Zenon]

I'll take that into account. Well, I honestly didn't know what I was doing. I just started writing it. I'll edit it. It originally was supposed to be mysterious, because everything is dark. I'll edit it and see if you think it is better.

[LunarSong]

That's okay, you don't have to edit it immediately. Give it time, then you'll be able to edit it better. Just consider it tips for the future.

[Xandar_The_Zenon]

Good, because I was going to, then realized I don't have the resolve to spend more time on this right now.

[LunarSong]

Yeah, I usually don't actually edit things unless I have a reason to.

[matrixmark]

Your descriptives you used to describe the night were ABSOLUTELY fantastic. I loved the creatures turning black - really cool. What a fantastic ening too with the woman and her baby - you have a great imagination and I sure do hope that you write more to this story.
I am a massive fan of the dark side of writing and would definately want to read on.

Mark.

[Xandar_The_Zenon]

Thanks, not everything in the story is as it appears... Although I've always been a fan of the light, and I think the end kind of reflects on that... There is something to cancel out the darkness, and hope for the future.