Max Died

      Max died on May twenty second at 11:36b am in a dumb brightly lit, overly cheerily painted hospital room full of flowers that I brought to him.

     The last time I walked into his hospital room, he smiled sadly with a small spark in his tired eyes, he lifted his arms weakly towards me and let them fall back to rest on his tummy.

     "Hey beautiful," I whispered, my voice breaking.

      "I'm not beautiful anymore you bull-shitter," he cuddled up to my side when I curled up on the bed next to him. "I'm sleepy," he settled his head on my chest.

      "I know baby, but you're gonna be okay," I wrapped my arms around him and held him close.

      "E. I wanna tell you that you're beautiful and amazing. You're the most amazing guy I've ever been with and I'm so happy I got to marry you. I love you so much, but I know I'm not going to be okay," he closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath.

        "I love you, I love you so much. You'll always be the best thing that ever happened to me," I pressed a light kiss to his lips.

        "Will you sing for me please baby? I want to remember the way you sound," his voice was quiet and raspy, his breathing shallow. I started sing Picture Perfect by Escape the fate in his ear in a low voice, it was the song playing when we first kissed in the record shop.

        "Go to sleep baby, I'll still be here when you wake up," I kissed his lips lightly, trailing my fingers gently up and down his arm.

       At 11:15 am I gave Max what I didn't realize would be the last kiss I would give him and slipped out of his hospital bed to get coffee.

       11:29 am I walked off of the elevator and started walking back towards Max's room. An alarm went off, it was loud and an announcement called something I couldn't understand.

        11:30 am a swarm of doctors and nurses ran into Max's room and wouldn't let me in.

         11:36 am Max's doctor came out and started talking to me and Max's parents.

          11:38 am I stood in the middle of the hospital corridor screaming, with tears streaming down my face and fell to the floor against the wall and sobbed. I screamed at the doctor and Max's parents. I started fighting security when they tried to calm me down.

           12:15 am I was taken to a room in the psychiatric ward and held until May twenty fourth.

           On August twenty eighth I was ordered by a judge to attend eighteen months of therapy. The therapy with Doctor Evan still isn't helping.

             I lost my damn journal for a while. I finally found it when I was moving in with Max's parents.

             Today is October seventeenth and I am on top of a skyscraper.

          At 11:36 am I was standing on the edge of the roof crying.

          It is 12:15 am and I'm walking down the stairs. I think I'm done writing this story.