I Don't Really Know

A Story by Ghost Writer

Not entire story, if I get good feedback I'll add more

"It's just another habit mom," I tell her, lighting up a cigarette and taking a drag.

"I don't want you smoking, put that out now," mom replies, flicking cheap w***e blond hair out of her sparkling blue eyes.

"If I put it out, I'm going to wait for you to leave and light up again. I'd not like to waste the effort or the cigarette," I smirk, taking another drag.

"You live in my house, you can follow my rules," mom says, her voice growing more annoyed.

"The sound of your voice actually makes me want to scream right now," I groan, rolling my Jade green eyes, taking a long last drag and stomping out the cigarette.

"What has gotten into you?" mom asks, crossing her arms.

"About a pint of Jack and some Mary Jane, some cold pizza, some guy's dick... That's just this morning," I grins, strolling past her and into our crumbling trailer.

"Don't walk away from me, you are my son and you are going to respect me," she yells, her voice cracking.

"Yeah? And who's going to respect me?" I yell back, stepping over to her.

"You are my son, I gave you life, I am the reason you can drive around town in my damn car wasting my gas and getting laid," she yells, slapping the smirk off of my face.

"The gas that I pay for, the car that i am paying insurance for, with my money from my job. Yeah I make love my boyfriend, we love each other and that's what matters," I growl pushing my fingers through my hair.

"I'm the reason you have that job," she crosses her arms.

"I keep that job, I make good drinks, and I'm appreciated," I defend, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"I appreciate you, when you don't piss me off," she tells me, starting to look defeated.

"I'm going to work," I tell her, going to change.

I come out of my room after a shower in my black silk vest, black skinny jeans, black eyeliner, blood red lipstick careful to avoid my snakebites, and my hair sexily messed up.

"I'll be back after school tomorrow," I throw over my shoulder, walking out the door.

"I love you," mom yells, from the kitchen.

I drive to work with a hand on the steering wheel, a cigarette in my mouth, and my other hand out the window. I pull over on the side of the road when my phone rings, I put on my flashers and dig my phone out of my backpack in the backseat.

"Hello?" I answer, taking the cigarette out of my mouth.

"Hey, Kody. Why did you leave so early?" Jared asks, his voice sleepy.

"Hey baby, it's six at night sweetheart. I'm sorry I had to go see my mom. I'm on my way to work," I tell him, flicking my raven black hair out of my eyes, a habit learned from my mother.

"You are always working," Jared whines, I can hear the pout in his voice.

"Not true, I go to school too," I defend, glancing at the clock. "I have to get to work," I say, biting my lip.

"Okay, I love you," Jared says.

"Talk later my sweetheart," I tell him, blowing a kiss into the phone.

I set my phone on the passenger seat and start driving to work again, when I get to the bar there's chaos. There are people fighting in the back lot and there's broken bottles on the ground, I run inside to search for my uncle.

"Kody, where have you been?" my uncle asks, turning his hat backwards.

"I had to pull over, Jared called," I yell over the noise of the bar.

"My bar is turning into s**t, because the band isn't here. Can you sing something real quick?" My uncle asks, his voice pleading.

"Fine, but you owe me," I grumble, walking up to the stage and picking up an acoustic guitar.

"Quarantined, because your love is killing me. I'm just waiting to be set free, but you've got me quarantined.I hate to leave but I've got to go, be set free please leave me.

I just gotta run, I've just got to scream. Begging to be set free, let me go sick of being quarantined. I can only run so far, I can only scream so loud. Let me f*****g be! I'm done being quarantined.

I'm set free, you can't keep me quarantined.

I can't feel your poison anymore, picked my heart up off the floor. Packed my bags and I'm out the door. No more time set aside for you, time to do what I was born to do. I'm singing and screaming I'm set free of you, your poison is out of me I'm not sick anymore..." I play out, earning applause and opens my eyes to the now calm bar.

"My name is Kody, I work the bar calm the f**k down and you can drink like fish," I shout, hopping off of the stage and running to the bar.

"You are my savior Kody, I have no idea what I'd do without you," my uncle tells me, giving me a quick hug and handing out beers while I mix drinks.

"That's all uncle Tom," I tell my uncle, wiping down the counter and putting glasses on the shelfs under the bar.

"You're a lifesaver kid, that song was amazing. Did you just start writing it?" Uncle Tom asks, crossing his arms.

"Yeah, it's a work in progress. I think I'm going to head to Jared's," I tell him, stifling a yawn and leaning against the bar.

"You spend an awful lot of time together," Uncle Tom says, looking at me curiously.

"Yeah, well, he's my boyfriend. Boyfriends spend time together," I tell him, scratching the shadow of stubble on my face.

"Me and your aunt were like that, always together," he tells me, glancing at the clock.

"I've got to get to Jared's if I want to get some sleep before school," I tell him, reading that the clock says 'two a.m.'

"Go get some sleep kid, be careful driving," my uncle tells me, patting my shoulder as I walk out.

"Hey baby," Jared answers sleepily, when I call him.

"Hey sweetheart, did I wake you?" I ask, my voice quiet.

"I've been up waiting for you, are you okay? Are you coming over?" he asks, I hear excitement through the sleep in his voice.

"I'm always okay, do you want me to come over?" I ask, sitting in my car.

"I always want you to come over," he tells me, I brush my fingers through my hair.

"I'll be over in ten," I smile, starting the car and hanging up.

When I get to Jared's his mom is up getting ready for work, she gives me a hug I give her flowers I picked up for her on the way.

"Thank you hun, go get some sleep," she hugs me again and nudges me up the stairs.

"Kody?" Jared mumbles, when I walk into his bedroom.

"Yeah baby," I drop a kiss on his forehead before, walking into the bathroom, washing off my eyeliner and lipstick, and stripping to my boxers.

"How was work?" he asks, pulling me into bed with him.

"I sang," I tell him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"What did you sing?" he asks, laying his head on my chest.

"New song I've been writing," I tell him, stifling a yawn.

"Sing for me," he requests, finding my hand and threading his fingers through mine.

I sing to him quietly, pushing my fingers gently through his hair and he hums sleepily.

"That's good baby," he tells me, kissing my chest.

"I'm falling asleep," I whisper, tipping his head up and pressing a light kiss to his lips.

"I love you," he says quietly, squeezing my hand.

"Goodnight my love," I mumble, kissing his forehead.

"Kody, babyboy, wake up," Jared whispers, brushing my hair out of my face.

"I don't want to go to school, I want to lay here with you all day," I tell him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him down to me.

"I know you had a late night, but we have school," he tells me, kissing my forehead and getting out of bed.

"Where did you put my hoodie babe?" I ask, getting out of bed and going to take a shower.

"It's my hoodie that you keep stealing, I'm wearing it," he says, exasperated.

"You stole my Space Oddity hoodie, I'm stealing your My Chemical Romance hoodie," I defend, when I get out of the shower.

"You gave me that hoodie," he whines, sitting on the bed pouting.

"I gave you that hoodie, so you wouldn't miss me when I am working. I still miss you," I pout back, walking over and standing between his knees.

"Why don't you tell me that you love me?" he asks, pushing his fingers through my hair.

"Because saying I love you, doesn't mean enough," I tell him, kissing his forehead.

"Really?" he asks, wrapping his arms around me.

"Really, and I hate missing you," I tell him, kissing his neck.

"I love you," he tells me, starting to cry. "I love you so much."

"Why are you crying baby?" I ask, rubbing his back.

"Because you didn't say that you love me, but I know that you do. Because you show me that you do, you are the best boyfriend I've ever had. And I'm so grateful for you,"he tells me,pulling away and kissing me lightly.

"I love you," I smile, my face turning red, "that's the closest I can get to how I feel."

"Here's my hoodie," he tells me, tugging of the My Chemical Romance hoodie.

"Thank you love," I say quietly, pulling on his jacket and being enveloped in his smell.

"I sleep with yours when you aren't here, it's always under my pillow," he blushes, smiling bashfully at me.

"I wish I could be here with you all the time. You know that right?" he nods and takes my hands in his. "But I try really hard to spend time with you between my jobs and school," I tell him, kissing his forehead.

"I wish you didn't have to work so much," he says, hugging me again,"Are you okay?"

"I think we have to get to school," I tell him, checking my phone.

"Let me find my shoes," he groans, walking to his closet.

"Can you drive?" I ask, pulling on my combats and a black shirt.

"Yeah, baby," he comes out of his closet in rainbow skateshoes, with a baby blue shirt.

"We have really different fashion choices," I laugh, motioning between our outfits.

"Opposites attract," he reminds me, pulling me to my feet and dragging me to the car.

When we get to school, I pull my bag out of the backseat and pick up my phone out of the ashtray.

"I'm so f*****g tired," I groan, pulling myself out of the car.

"You shouldn't work so late," he tells me, walking to my side of the car and rubbing my back.

"I have to, I want to be able to take care of you one day. I have to take care of my mom too," I defend, threading my fingers through Jared's.

"You have to take care of you too baby," he says, as we walk to class.

"I'm not important, you and my mom are," I say, stifling a yawn.

"Kody Johnathan Mitchel, you are important. You are the most important person in the world to me, I wouldn't say it if it wasn't true," he growls, backing me against a locker and kissing me sweetly.

"Mitchel, River, no PDA," the assistant principal yells, putting a folder between my chest and Jared's.

"Yes Sir," we grumble, holding hands again when he walks away.

We walk to first period hand in hand, when we walk into class we take our seats in the back and I put my head down.

"Kody, head up," Mrs. Clark yells at me, slamming her hand against the board.

"Ma'am, with all due respect I'm f*****g tired. I had a two shifts last night and got back to my boyfriend's house at four a.m. please refrain from hitting the board and yelling," I grumble, propping my head up on my hand.

"Perhaps sleep at your own house. Your lack of sleep is not an excuse for sleeping in my class, perhaps take yourself to the principal's office if you have a problem," she says, turning around and writing the lesson on the board.

"Yeah well, his place is all I've got. Perhaps your anger is related to the fact that no one wants a relationship with you," I smirk, when a chuckle runs through the room.

"Out now Mitchel!" she growls, pointing to the door.

"Finally," I grin, picking up my bag and walking to my car.

"Hey, where did you go?" Jared asks, when I answer my phone.

"I'm taking you to lunch, I want a f*****g coffee," I tell him, "I'm in the car, come on."

"Where are we going?" Jared asks, walking towards the car.

"I don't know, I'm thinking Starbucks and Burger Joint," I smile, waving at him.

"Sounds good, I'm starving," he tells me, getting in the car.

We babble about classes and my music and his mom, about homework and my lack of sleep.

When we get to Starbucks, we walk hand in hand into the coffee shop and see my father.

"Let's go somewhere else," Jared suggests, tugging me out the door when he sees the look on my face.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I mumble under my breath, dropping Jared's hand and pushing my fingers through my hair.

"Who was that?" Jared asks, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Kody, my boy. I've missed you," I hear behind us, I pick up Jared's hand again and dash for the car.

"Who is that?" Jared asks, buckling his seatbelt as I drive off.

"A demon from my past," I growl, speeding to my house.

"Who is that Kody?!" Jared demands, crossing his arms and glaring at me.

"My f*****g piece of s**t dad," I tell him, skidding into my driveway.

"Why are we running from him?" he asks, following me out of the car.

"Because I don't know what he's going to do to my mom, but he's pissed," I explain, calling for my mom.

"Why is he going to hurt your mom?" Jared asks, grabbing my arm.

"She's the reason he was in jail," I tell him, calling for my mom again.

"I'll call her," Jared says, taking his phone out of his pocket and dialing my mom while I search through the house.

"Kody, she's with my mom," Jared yells, I turn and run out of the house with Jared in tow.

"If he touched her I swear," I grumble, pealing out of the driveway while Jared is buckling his seatbelt.

"Calm down baby," Jared says, rubbing the back of my neck.

"You don't understand Jared, he's fucked her up so bad so many times. I know what he's capable of," I growl, biting my lip.

"Please slow down, my mom will make sure she's okay," he coos, squeezing my shoulder lightly.

"I know, I trust your mom," I relax a bit, letting my foot off of the accelerator.

When we get to Jared's I practically jump out of the car and run through the front door, I hear Jared close behind me.

"Kody, we're in the kitchen," Jared's mom yells, I walk into the kitchen and see Jared's mom next to my mom at the table.

"Mom, why didn't you tell me that he's back?" I ask, walking over to the table.

"Because I didn't want you to worry," she tells me, lifting her head off of the table.

"Telling me would have been better than walking into a coffee shop and seeing my f*****g dad! Seeing him made me beyond f*****g worried about you," I yell, glaring at her.

"Calm down Kody, it's going to be okay," Jared tells me, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me against his chest.

"Kody, why don't you and Jared go watch a movie or something and I'll call the school and tell them that you won't be coming back today," Jared's mom says, motioning up the stairs.

"Come on baby," Jared says quietly, pulling me up the stairs.

"I don't know what I'm going to do, I can't be with her all the time," I start crying, when we get to Jared's room.

"Hey, stop crying. No one is expecting you to protect her," Jared tells me, rubbing my back gently.

"I have to, when my step dad died he told me to keep her safe. He loved me more than my actual dad, I promised that I wouldn't let my dad get close to her," I tell Jared through tears, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"She's going to be fine, you're doing your best baby," he smooths my hair back, and brushes his thumbs under my eyes.

"I don't want him to hurt my mom anymore Jared, I saw too much of that when I was younger and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. Now that I have the chance, I feel like I have to take care of her like I have been since I was fifteen," I wipe my eyes, and take a deep breath.

"You are seventeen years old Kody, you are her son not her babysitter. I'm m going to go talk to your mom, because I'm tired of her using you like a maid. You need to be able to have a life without having to babysit your mom because of her bad decisions. You are my boyfriend and my bestfriend and I'm sick of you being treated like s**t by your mom," he rants, kissing my forehead and running down the stairs.

"How's Kody?" I hear my mom ask, as I am walking into the kitchen.

"He's falling apart right now, from lack of sleep, worrying about you, and worrying about f*****g work. Along with having to babysit you and act as your maid, he goes through a lot of s**t. I'm tired of you walking all over him, because you know that he's always going to be there. He's a f*****g person and I love him, he stays with me so much because I f*****g love him. I take care of him, when you should. When he's sick, he comes to me, when he's tired he comes to me, when he just needs a f*****g hug or someone to pay attention to him he comes to me. Start acting like a f*****g mother instead of a leech or get the hell out of his life," he growls, leaning across the table and glaring at my mom.

"You don't know a damn thing about me," my mom yells, standing on her side of the table and crossing her arms.

"Mom stop acting like a f*****g child and don't talk to my boyfriend like that," I say calmly, leaning against the counter. "I know that you are pissed, but Jared's right. I shouldn't have to treat you like a baby, because I need to take care of myself and Jared," I tell her, brushing my bangs out of my eyes.

"You love him more than me don't you?" my mom yells at me, stomping her foot.

"He's my boyfriend, you are my mother. I raised myself while you were running around with my step dad and your friends. Do you know how many times I've driven over here with tears in my eyes and Jared held me and told me that things would be better? How many extra hours have I picked up at work to cover bills and your car payments? How many times I wanted to die and Jared helped me feel better? I'm seventeen years old, I shouldn't have to be an adult yet," I tell her, feeling tears in my eyes and I'm gasping for breath.

"Kody calm down," Jared soothes, turning and wrapping his arms around me, "breath baby."

"It's fucked up, I shouldn't have to be like this. I love my job, but I can't work ten hour night shifts then go to school at six in the morning when I don't get off work until two in the morning," I sob into Jared's shoulder, while he rubs my back.

"Did you boys have lunch?" Jared's mom asks, her voice concerned.

"No, we went to Starbucks and we had to leave," Jared tells her, brushing his fingers through my hair.

"I'm sorry," I say quietly, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Not your fault," he absentmindedly rubs my back, still holding me tightly.

"Do you want me to order something? Chinese, pizza, anything?" his mom asks, her voice patient.

"Chinese okay baby?" Jared asks me, kissing my cheek.

"Whatever's good," I mumble, kissing Jared's neck. "I need a nap," I pull away from Jared and walk up stairs to his room.

After about an hour I'm half asleep, when Jared comes upstairs.

"Kody, you okay?" Jared asks, coming into his room and sitting on the bed next to me.

"Mhm, come cuddle me," I roll onto my back, holding my arms open to him.

"You've always been so lovey when you're upset," he tells me, laying down next to me.

"Because I love you," I say quietly, burying my face in his neck.

"Mom says you have to come eat something," he rubs my back, and kisses my forehead.

"I'm not hungry," I nuzzle his neck, nipping him lightly.

"Please come eat, we ordered orange chicken and fried rice because I know it's your favorite," he squeezes my hip lightly, I squirm a bit.

"I'll come eat, but I'm adding money to the takeout jar," I get out of bed slowly, pulling him up with me.

We start to walk down stairs hand in hand, and I lean against the wall above the stairs.

"You okay?" Jared asks, standing in front of me. I shake my head and he puts his hands on my cheeks, slowly he leans forward and gently presses his lips against mine. Hesitantly I kiss him back, he pulls away reluctantly and we are both breathless.

"I'm okay now," I gasp, trying to catch my breath.

"That's good," he breathes, taking my hand again and we walk to the kitchen.

"Hey are you okay honey?" Jared's mom asks, searching my face for signs of distress.