Bill to Legalize Cannibalism

Coach Turner Congress 

        1st Session

      C.T 6699

 

 

To establish a chain of anthropoid abattoirs across the United States to improve American conditions. 

 

 

              In the Coach Turner Congress

March 3, 2011 

 

 

Sponsored by Coach Turner Congressional Members Representing EJCHS

 

         __________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

To establish a chain of anthropoid abattoirs across the United States to improve American conditions. 

 

 

 

 

Be it enacted by the Members of the Coach Turner Congress

of the United States of America in Congress assembled.

SECTION 1. TITLE

This Act may be cited as the "New Meat Act".

SECTION 2. PURPOSES

(1) To decrease negative environmental impacts contributed by conventional food wrappings and methane gases produced by cattle used for consumption.  

(2) Decrease the pernicious affects of overpopulation in the United States. 

(3) Decrease improvident suicides by allowing a person to put their deceased body to public and economical use.

(4)Provide a larger amount of occupations open in prisons for those who only serve minor offenses such as drug possession or multiple DUIs. Prisoners sentenced to the death penalty or a life sentence can willing choose to be sent to a human abattoir. 

(5) Allow land commonly used for graves to be used for cultivating food. 

SECTION 3. ELIGIBILITY 

(1) Must obtain a legal permit by the government to operate or be employed at a supervised abattoir. Eligibility for such a permit are as listed:

1) Must be an American citizen 

2) Must be 18 years or older 

3) Must have no major criminal record

4) Must have eligible purpose approved by the government

(2) Only one acceptation shall exist for the consumption of another human without a government approved permit; If a person is suffering from extreme natural life-or-death situations, then they are permitted to consume any anthropoid food source providing that the source is consumed postmortem.

SECTION 4. TERMS AND BENEFITS OF SERVICE 

(1)To operate a human abattoir, a person must have be licensed  by the government.

(2) Source must be consumed postmortem  and in a listened abattoir. 

(3)Any prisoners or willing citizens used for food must be clean of any harmful drugs or medications. They also must not be infected with any sort of disease or STD.

(4)Anyone originally sentenced to life in prison or the death penalty will be given the option of donating themselves to any chosen anthropoid abattoir. 

(5) The immediate family of any and all people who willing send themselves to be used as nutrition for US citizens will receive a payment of $500 to use in any way they deem appropriate. 

(6)Anyone wishing to submit themselves to a abattoir must sign a form stating that they are willing. They must also met with an employer, who, upon meeting must sign a form stating they personally met the customer, and will have their photo taken in order to provide evidence that the person did indeed sign all papers and come willingly. 

SECTION 5. FUNDING

(1) In order to establish a minor chain of anthropoid abattoirs, a subtle increase of taxes among the citizens of the US will be required. Money directly given from the consumer to the butchering company will go to the government to pay off debts along with any money raised from over seas orders. 

SECTION 6. ADMINISTRATION 

Healthcare corporations will hold responsibility for testing those to be used as food for any possible disease or harmful substance that could cause illness or injury to the consumer. Police departments will also be needed in order to unsure that any and all anthropoid abattoirs are legal and the employees/employers have government consented permits.

SECTION 7. AUTHORIZATION OF APPROPRIATIONS 

For carrying out this title, a total sum of required currency needed to act it out is estimated to be anywhere between $100,000-$800,000. This includes the price of the employees, the land, the abattoir itself, and the $500 payment received by families. 

Reviews

[MarchAprilMayJuneJuly]

Wow this is cool. He thought it was funny last year when me and blaze did one on prostitution but i have a strong feeling that one probably just scared him. I like it though. Some points are a bit unclear, but it a good start. Work hard, and maybe your dream of this bill being passed will come true!

[RM Americano]

Where do I sign?