Puppet

Dragged around like a puppet.

I have no control, do I even have a will to live?

I'm being held by strings, being controlled.

You toss me around

        with my feet being dragged

                as I get nudged down those stairs

                         I can't support myself any longer...

 --

My vision starts to blur, the darkness taking over.

I can't see, I can't move, I can't be helped.

Or can I?

What's this? A light obscuring into the blackness?

A glimmer of hope?

--

How did you know?

How were you able to fight?

I... feel gratitude... I can move, I'm... released.

It feels good, I feel free.

You...

...you are my light.

       

Author's Note

yeah... i'm a bit dissapointed in this poem myself... but I feel like I haven't put anything up here in like forever..... :/

Reviews

[Mai Aliza]

I loved how you crossed the words out. The poem wasn't bad, but then again, I haven't read any of your toher work to compare soo.....yeha :s

[Charles]

Disappointed? I don't know that you should be, but I can see where improvements might come to mind. The three stanzas are quite unlike one another. The first expresses a sense of futility, highlighted by the line through the center of the words in the latter part. The second seems to express surprise that there is a way out of the trap you're in. The third shifts gears again and looks at the situation in retrospect and thanks an unknown party for salvation. It's easy to see (or imagine) who the puppet master is, what the revelation of the 2nd stanza is and who's come to the rescue. Maybe the abrupt change of spirit from one stanza to the next has you feeling a bit disconnected from the idea you're trying to weave into the poem's fabric. Maybe the cossing out of the lines in the first stanza (a rather interesting visual trick) has accentuated the disconnect. Could you tighten the connection? Could you provide some details to anchor the poem in time and place? I do like the fact that at the end 'you are my light,' but I don't see how 'light' resolves the problem of being bound by strings. At any rate, a good atart on a poem. Keep writing and when you feel disappointed in your work, edit, or as I say, polish the thing a bit. :-)

[Sexy P3nguin]

You shouldn't be dissapointed. It was good. Now, I wrote one called smiley face. That was a discrase xD
But anyway to the point. A very creative poem, It flowed nice and had a great ending. Great job