I Just Should Be Happy

3am, can't sleep, past haunting me...

My actions were so uncouth
Gaing pleasure of feasting eyes
Self gratified every heartache
Tenuous times while awake
Me cloaked in timid lies

I just should be happy
Remarried and secure
Without my added weight
Things between is not obscure
You are justified in your hate

An innocent look across a room
Forced employment of my doom
Waited for years to be your groom
But we engaged way too soon
Cheated twice, so quick to swoon

I just should be happy
Off to lover and degree
To which you do not plea
Not as thick as I can be
More to you than I did see

A muse of sorts steps on in
Slow to want this to begin
Living with past, a dark sin
Waiting for his departure, a fin
Your departure, a tune on violin

I just should be happy
After all, I saved a life
Never asked you to be my wife
Did not know of your strife
Happiness in youth not so rife

Unexpected one finds me curious
Phoenix scared yet not furious
Similarities between leave one delirious
Yet we are far from too serious
You move has left things mysterious

I just should be happy
You are back on solid ground
With good company in surround
Without shackles or so bound
Just a mother bringing you down

Old partner in shade of blue
Didn't get close or have much clue
As to beauty I passed, who knew
Connect after spouse discarded and threw
Away someone needing of something new

I just should be happy
Even if I'm not your match
It's not like I wanted to attach
Things blew over and opened the latch
I still believe you are quite a catch

I'm awake at 3am deep in thought
Brain jumbling the should and naught
What differences I have so wrought
Any lessons I have so taught

I just should be happy
I've done more than many
I've go so much, oh plenty
Many times more than a penny
Forgiving this man more a blenny
To ask for more I can't do to any

Author's Note

First paragraph needs work ad it is not in line with the rest - will look at again in a better state of mind

Reviews

[SquinklaPsyOps]

I like the poem content and the way it was written it unfolds ghosts that can read minds igniting the subconscious to try to force the person to worry and waste time about things that already happened and the person should look into the future because those ghosts from the past are dead and they already lived the life they chose and the person has full opportunities ahead to plan with happiness instead of wasting time reminism about the past.

[Wynter Ignatius]

True - took a long look at my life with this - need to change things.