My Light Source

Wrote this for the Moms contest.

My selfless sun
Gravitational
Fingers stretched outward
Throwing meteors astray

An empty lane in space
Burning stars on its sides
An orbit just for me
Your force clearing the way

Your warmth cradles my climate
Nourishing my life
I will not freeze tonight

Reviews

[The Language of Birds]

Cosmic and lovely, personifying the cosmos to a real mother-child relationship. An infantile dependance and a god-like protection. Beautiful.


One tiny piece of feedback. I don't think you need the final line. Your images above are so powerful, that your readers are led to take that leap and realize the final line for themselves.

Good work, and good luck.

[.]

Nice imagery
Very cosmic =)
Well done

[Salvatore Buttaci]

Congratulations for winning the Honor-thy-Mother contest!

[Meredith Leigh]

This was so pretty, with a gentle flow and a soft lyrical feel to it. I specifically liked this part:
'Fingers stretched outward
Throwing meteors astray'

I don't know what it is about it, but I loved it. Great work!

- Kriss

[~angelalala~]

wow, this is breath taking. i didnt read it was about your mom (at least that's what i gathered) until after reading through the poem. the first 2 stanzas are written in a very intellectual, matter of fact way, then the last stanza really brings home the emotions of the poem. for some reason i really love that last line "I will not freeze tonight". i can relate so well with my own mother, who is my lightsource. a very unique & creative way of showing the beauty of mother/child bond.

[Gheeneil]

While the sun shines, there's no place for a cold life. You made beautiful imagery there.

[Robert Francis Callaci]

A mothers warmth- a well expressed piece- I like that last line- it says much- That that warmth and protection will not always be there and one day you will stand alone and make your own path- to either frezze or find your ow way-- good poetry-


my warmest
bob

[Anita B Jacques]

Good. I like it. I'm glad you not going to freeze tonight, smooth write.

[*~Kristy~*]

I think it's beautiful :)