Natural Desires

A little love poem about falling in love,,,,,, with nature

Deep within our memories

Of starlit evenings past

We walked among the willows

Dreaming of love that would last,

 

Wispy breezes of evening dew

Pulled at our heartstrings so

I took your hand in my hand

And let the streams of romance flow,

 

The sound of nature was our song

We listened to the crickets play

Stars above, our chandeliers

So, we danced the night away,

 

We held each other ‘neath velvet skies

Kissed as our bodies swayed

Right then and there we fell in love

As the orchestra gently played,

 

Wonderful were those natural desires

This new journey we were on

Bright moon shadows and shooting stars

Lit our path from dusk till dawn,

Love has been a splendid thing

Indebted for this gift from above

Just you and me, dancing happily

~Together, forever in love. ~

Reviews

[William Liston]

This is such a sublime, heart-warming poem that pulls in its reader. Every bit of description and imagery in this piece felt warm and natural ... I could feel the soft romance in every stanza. Your picture and font choice also add to the feel, but, for best appeal, I think you should make the picture above larger, something like this: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/RichardJ/1918323/
On the technical side, the flow and rhymes were natural. Unlike many poets I read on this site, you're skilled at letting the rhymes dance and sing and not making them feel forced into the form. I also like how you use a consistent structure throughout. I did, however, have a quibble with the flow in the second line of the final stanza: "Indebted for this gift from above." It sounded a bit clunky with too many syllables. You could omit the word "from."
I think there's a typo in the second stanza: "I took **you** hand in my hand."
Final critique: It would be grammatically correct to use periods at the end of each stanza, not commas.

I know I can be quite pedantic, but I wouldn't have taken the time if I didn't think this piece was worth it in the first place. You did great with this one.

- William Liston

[Trace]

I must give you heartfelt appreciation for such an indepth review and critique.
Good catch on the "you/your" will correct it.
I agree with indebted ... I was contemplating the words "thankful" or grateful but was trying to avoid repetition. And it was meant to read as thanking God for the gift of love.

My sincere thanks for your comments and compliments on my work.

Trace

[MsJewel]

As always your meter and rhyme is spot on. This is the perfect romantic poem - you are such a softie and such a romantic. Just a few of the reasons I adore you and your poetry :) Julie

[Trace]

Vacation pulled me away from my computer for about a much need week to clear my head.
And it appears I missed some wonderful comments on my poems.

Thank you so very much for your beautiful compliments on this piece.

Huggs.... Trace

[MsJewel]

My pleasure

[Enchanted-Raven]

Beautifully done dear...enjoyed :) x

[Trace]

Thank you so very much for your wonderful comments and compliments on this poem.

Trace

[LukewarmLollipop]

totally swooning over this poem. Beautiful, romantic imagery, what more could anyone ask for? Great poem!

[Trace]

Thank you so very much for your great comments and compliments,

Trace

[Lydia Shutter]

Swaying to the incredible romance in this poem, Trace. Taking a journey with the one you love and drinking in the beauty of nature is so sweet. Lydi**

[Trace]

Thank You So Much For Your Wonderful Comments On This Piece. Save a spot for me on your dance card. (Young folks may not know what that means)

Huggs. Trace

[Lydia Shutter]

I know what it means....the ship with young folks sailed a long time ago! LOL

[Tiana]

Truly, Trace, a most beautiful poem with such wonderful imagery.

[Trace]

Thank you so very much for the wonderful comments and compliments on my poem.
Much appreciated. ..
Trace

[Tiana]

Always a pleasure, Trace ☺