Once in a Blue Moon

Written during a bout with insomnia and worries one night

     I just went for a run. I never do that. I'm allergic to running. It is 2:26 on a Sunday morning. I am at Trae's house in Devers, the middle of nowhere for miles and miles of woods and cattle land and a few old ranchstyle homes circa the1960s. An acre down the driveway is the road. Old asphalt that used to be black, smooth, and new, now a ragged gray with faded yellow stripes and rough surface, worn down by what passing traffic over the years. Work trucks, F250s and 3500s, mini vans carting the future. Although come to thik of it, the FFA is as much of a future that is out here if one doesn't leave...

   

     I had decided to go for a walk. I unbolted the heavy, sticky front door, deadbolt sliding with so much noise in the quiet silence of a sleepy old home it almost sounded as if the steel is going to crack and fall apart under your fingers. Ouch, my feet are pinched by the white rock driveway so they creatively steer themselves over to the side where grass is creeping up. Little runners like straining arms trying to cover up and swallow the makeshift road now cushion the tender places on my feet. I duck through the 1 1/2 foot gap in the doe brown pipe gate at the end of the driveway with ease, my body folding smoothly, long legs lift gently up and over, planting securely on the other side. I just crossed to the other side.

     

     I keep walking. Tonight is the night after the Blue Moon. Our closest neighboring satellite is starkly clear on this nearly cloudless night. Sharp, nearly blinding white light reflects off the surface onto my pale fair skin, bouncing off the white gravel road turning it a strange otherworldy mix of white and blue. Light so bright it drowns the modest glint of most of the stars around, save for a constelation or two. I had forgotten how beautiful and clear a night sky could be when unblemished by the glare of small town lights.

   

     I come to the middle of the road. It's a rather unremarkable two-lane. Just old asphalt and yellow stripes. As my legs carry me down the road, I balance on a stripe, like a child playing a balance game. One foot in front of the other, again and again. I stop for a moment to take in my surroundings. The old, dated ranchstyle looks far away in the dark now, sleeping. Just like those inside. So far away... An empty field flanks my left side, there is something about a bare cattle field. There is something about blank land with nothing but grass and sometimes a bovine inhabitant or three for an acre or two before it melts into the woods. Woods filled with pine trees, a few bushes, a coyote here and there, a snake under a decomposing limb, maybe a deer and whatnot. The one structure that lends a sense of what era you are in is the galvanized light grey metal of a cell phone tower. The blinking, clear red light visible overhead in the distance. I keep walking, thoughts piling up until I don't know what I am thinking, unaware of what is bothering my spirit, my conscionce avoiding my soul.

   

     Run. The only suggestion my mind comes up with at the moment. Ok. My feet begin their pounding against the pavement, all I think about is breathing. Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth, control the pace, the breathing, the speed. My heartrate picks up, whump, whump, whump. Muscles seeking oxygen to increase their pace send a message to my lungs. My lungs fill more deeply with each intake of air, more, more, more. The draughts of fresh, unused air fill me, fueling me. Faster, faster, increase stride, long legs reach, my bare feet grasp and release the unforgiving rough pavement until they begin to scream in pain. Apparently their callouses are not quite enough against the uneven black oil and gravel. I give in.

   

     I stop running. Looking up at that moon over head I lie down flat in the middle of the road, in between two yellow stripes. If a car comes I'll see light from headlights warning me to move, maybe. Or I'll hear the screech of tires, brakes straining to stop, and then I'll roll to the side of the road and avoid death, maybe. The untamed waves of my blond hair rest against pavement underhead, mourning their shortlived flight through the air, they had trailed like a stream of wheat against the wind. Completely free save for their roots anchoring them to me. My neck was again covered by them, no longer naked and cooled by the night wind. I wished I could stay here. Absorbing beams of light from a rare moon, crisp and blueish, reflecting into my ice blue irises and into my mind. Endorphins and moonbeams, untangle my jumbled worries. I think too much.

   

     All too soon, I get up. Slip back through the gate, step softly in the dew wet grass next to the gravel, stray pieces of itchy leaves cling to my ankles. I open the old wood door again, turn the clunky deadbolt and my excursion is over.

     Once in a blue moon I go for a night run to clear my head. Tonight my worries were not absolved by magic, the wee people didn't come out to greet a lost young woman, but somehow it will all be set right. Life will go on. By being among the stillness and beauty of a moonlit night orchastrated by an amazing Creator, absorbing the peace nature was created to yield, I am reminded to look out far. That moon is many miles away, my worries are years away. You can see them, just not reach them. Breathe in... let it out slowly, you can only live one day at a time.