Chapter Six

CHAPTER SIX: SWEAR WORDS AND PROMISES

            I don’t know how long I lay under the overhang, trying desperately to feel Cedar’s pain, to ease it away from him and make him strong. I do know this: when Cedar came out, he was a changed person. Scared – terrified, really. Distant. Alone. Pained. Silent. No matter how much I tried to help, he couldn’t feel any different. He’d watched the brutal murder of his sister and he couldn’t do a thing about it. And he knew I was next; somehow, I don’t think it mattered to him. I don’t think I mattered to him. Not anymore.

            He was silent as we walked from the cave, and even when we reached the house – weeks later, as Cedar was unwilling to travel quicly – he wouldn’t speak. He wouldn’t hunt, not when the general two week period was up and not when he became weak and feeble. Only when he would barely move or walk for fear of falling did I carry him to the forest and catch his food for him. “Rediculous,” I told him as he fed. “Why would you wait for so long?” He shook his head, raising his mouth from the animal. “Hazel,” he whispered, voice cracking and barely audible from lack of use. “Yes?” I replied, trying hard not to cry. “I love you,” he said. Tears began to trail down his face. “But Anna.” The tears were accompanied by sobs and choking breaths. “It’s okay –” I tried to say before a wave of angry resentment washed over me. He didn’t agree with my comment. “No, it’s definitely not okay. Anna – my sister – is dead now! Murdered, and it’s my fault! That’s why they made me watch. Do you want to know what I saw?” Cedar’s eyes glistened with tears. I didn’t want to make him relive this, but he would do it anyway.

            “Anna was in a cage with werewolves on all sides. She was terrified. One of the werewolves – in human form – opened the door and the wolves jumped in and surrounded her. They dragged her out and tore her apart – the blood was all over – but as they bit her throat, right before they killed her, Dominic called them off. She was screaming so much. I screamed, too. But the human-form and the other one – Jaice – were holding me back. And Dominic let her suffer. She died, suffering, in pain – and even worse than alone. Then they dismembered the body. They tore her apart. Jaice took me up as they ate her. And then he told me that everything was my fault, that she wouldn’t have been killed if I hadn’t been so stupid as to hunt them down. And he was right. He said I’d have been killed, not her. ‘But by going to try and save her, you made the decision easy for Dominic. He wanted you both to suffer. Anna suffered a painful death. You’re suffering heartbreak and guilt. The plan succeeded. Now you may go.’ Those were his words. They – he – wanted me to suffer.”

            I was so confused. I didn’t even know how to begin helping him, let alone stop shaking long enough to talk to him calmly. “But it’s all okay, because they didn’t kill me, right?” He continued icily. “Dead wrong.” I nodded fearfully – I’d never ever seen him like this before. He sighed deeply; I attempted to echo the sorrowful sound, but it came out a half-breath. “I just thought you should know this, so when they kill you and me, you’ll know why I’ll be so revengeful. Be ready to die, Hazel. It’ll be the last thing they do before I kill them.” I opened my mouth to reply – how could he say that? – but he got up and bolted away, his strength somewhat regained. I yelled after him, “Never, Cedar!” but I got no reply. He was gone.

            “Stupid vampire, pathetic being, lover of death, the brat,” I muttered malevolently under my breath. “The damn ‘martyr’, thinks he’s so great and high and mighty, he just wants to die…he wants to see me die...pathetic little….”

            I stopped muttering. Why did I care so much anyway? It wasn’t like once I was dead, he would matter. I wouldn’t be around to care (would I?). So why now, so close to the metaphorical midnight?...It wasn’t like I loved him…or was it?

            I tried desperately to clear my head. “I do love him, I don’t love him…well, do I or not?” I said aloud. But was it normal for me to want to help him get over his sister’s death? Sure…but to care so much? I wans’t sure at all. What if I did love him? Would he reciprocate…or just pretend I didn’t?

            Why do I cry at the thought of her death? She’s just a vampire I made, just a companion. Not a lover. But maybe – maybe! – there’s something there. Don’t want to get my hopes up. I don’t think she feels the same way. Not anymore. I don’t even know why she ever did, actually. I don’t even know if she’s capable of love – she’s empathic, as it is – and even if she can handle it, how do I know if she even wants to try?