I have never been excited about the future, but just the thought of loving you every day, seeing you every day makes me excited. Makes me hopeful, makes me truly believe there is hope. Like you being here, you showing me your love has transformed me into seeing you as my future. Giving me your kindness, showing me your soul, you’ve made me realize that not all things will be bad. That if I even get to talk to you two times in the future I’m going to be excited and those will be the best two days of my life. And you give me hope. You give me hope one day I’ll be able to wake up next to you, to grab your hand when I’m nervous. To consult you when you're nervous. Hope you’ll be there to take care of me when I’m sick, and I’ll be there to take care of you. That no matter what obstacles come to face us, we will be okay. Because we will help each other. Hope that one day in this life I will honestly be content. That I will honestly be happy and smile without force or laugh on accident. That all my painful journeys and hours of waiting would’ve been worth it. Because all of that was just leading me to you, The hours I spent wondering if life was worth it was just showing me how to find you. How to bask in the sunlight you give. How to laugh at jokes not because I feel I need too, but because they tickle me. How to feel secure and happy when I'm hugged, not anxious and self-conscious. How to love someone, not out of wanting to, but because I can't help it. I can't help you're the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I can’t help but think of you in crowded rooms, wishing you were pushed against me. I can’t help that, that certain blue, that wonderfully beautiful blue catches my eye, reminding me of yours. I can’t help but have my ears ring at the sound of your voice or name, instantly pulling me toward it. But even if I could help it, I wouldn’t. I would never want to. Never would I wish the sick feelings of nerves to go away when I see you, or the wave of self-doubt when you see me. Because in those small moments of anxiety, I look into your eyes and the wonderfully wonderful feelings of love wash over me. The warmth of your hug, the lightness of your laugh, the security in your words. The best feelings I have ever experienced come. And they kill all the negative, the kill all the self-doubt, sick nervousness. They make me feel whole and happy, safe, protected and loved. Because before I met you I was never excited about the future. But now that I have met you, I realized something, I was never excited because I didn’t know my future, you. You have always been it. The missing wonderful piece. The piece that could change me in such a beautiful wonderful way. The piece that saved my life, and helped me become me. I have never wanted to know what happened next, or even wake up for much longer. But you came and changed all of that. You made me realize what I want, how I want it. I want life, I want to wake up and feel things, I want to go to work and awkwardly wave to people on the way there in hopes to make someone smile a little. I want to make an impact I want to see the world. I want to love. I want to love you. I want to see you daily and kiss you when you still have bed hair when your sick and messy I want to be there. With you I don’t want to dodge feelings, I want to cherish them. I want to show and appreciate them. And even though some of the feeling I have scared me I want to embrace that with you, because, well because I love you. I remember telling myself I would never feel that, but I just can’t help it anymore. I love you. I love you so much with so much of me it hurts. It hurts and it scares me but I don’t care. Because as long as I am with you, nothing can truly hurt me. Nothing can truly go wrong. I love you, and your my right. Your my light, your my everything good. Your my new car smell, my first bite of something delicious, my everything. When I look at you hope, love, affection, and happiness spread throughout me. That is one of the reasons I love you. You make me see what things can be. I love you for the hope you give me. I want you because I want a future with you. I love you. I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you. And it’s the most wonderfully freeing feeling I’ve ever felt. Soothing all other problems, creating so many solutions and possibilities. Something about needing this, craving this, has changed me to be a different person. It changed me to be your lover, partner, best friend. Just seeing the way you’ve changed me makes me feel so damn important. I love you. I have hope in you.
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