Vampire Lover

My first poem. It's about vampires. Please enjoy.

A deadly bite
My will to fight
My fangs are white
A vampire, that's me

I stalk the night, I show no mercy
There is no warning because I'm blood thirsty
I show my face until the morning
I need to go before it's dawning

To become one as dark as me
You must survive a fearsome bite
It's impossible to revive
You must stalk the night with me

I gave to you your desire
I made you a vampire
People will admire
Your regal dracula coat

Now the night is done
We've had our fun
It was more than an honour
You're my vampire lover.

Author's Note

If you criticize it MUST be Constructive criticism. Thanks.

Reviews

[_]

i love your rhyming so much i never thought that somethiing would rhyme with vampire but you pulled the poem off. awesome!

[Helen Crutchett]

Overall a very good write. The only criticism I would have would be to try and rhyme the lines that need it. I think you would find it flows better if you did. Also try and have each stanza (paragraph) constructed in the same rhyme pattern.

Excellent poem for a first one!! Keep up the good work. ~ Helena :)

Welcome to Alberts Poetry Cafe!!

[Sophster300]

Really good, nothing to criticize here! I think it flows fine...I really enjoyed reading this, thanks for sharing it! :)

[Jamie-Lynn]

I liked it a lot, the idea of it is almost cliched but done in a way that makes it seem more than original. My only problem with it is I don't think it flowed as nicely as it could have, just a tad bit choppy. But overall, very well done.

[Blessed_Angel]

oh how wonderful i loved it great job on this.