Journal of Anguish

A young homosexual teenager gets bullied in school while recording his trauma in his journal.

Journal of Anguish

By: Ashley Leavitt

Dear Journal,

Today was the day I’ve been dreading all summer: the first day of high school. As an incoming freshman, I sure was welcomed in a rather unusual way. A few of the popular upper classmen stuffed my locker with gooey toilet paper and a piece of paper taped to my locker with the word “Queer” written across in marker. What havoc!

Ever since my crush on Beau Banks in 8^th grade last year I knew I would pay the consequences for it once we got into high school. I couldn’t help it. He’s really handsome! It’s not like I knew he was straight the day he dressed up in a pink tuxedo, not remembering it was the school play that day.

I was so distraught that I fleeted off the school bus burst into tears. I rushed in, and immediately begged my mom to get me home schooled instead. Want to know exactly how she comforted me word for word? “This too shall pass. They will find someone else to bully in a week or so. Let’s hope she’s right!

Sincerely,

Paul

Dear Journal,

Well…it’s been about a month since I last wrote and I found my mom has proven herself wrong. I’m still getting bullied all the time at school. Just like climactic moments during intercourse, this seems to keep building up over time. Aren’t you dying to know what drama I endured today? So I walked into my third period class, oblivious to the world, just minding my own business. Suddenly I gazed across the back of the room in my assigned seat to notice a rainbow colored d***o sitting on my desk! I was so beyond mortified I wanted to die!

I knew right off the bat it was Beau, the six foot four, 250 pound school bully (oh that’s right, I told you about him). I sensed it even before he yelled from his front desk, “Have fun with that one, Pauly Wally noodle doodle!” After that was said, all my other class mates burst out in a tidal wave of laughter. It was rather wretched of him! The worst part is none of the teachers even do anything about it. They let the kids make fun of me. Some of them even join in! I noticed Mr. Brownie smirked and did his best to disguise his muffled chuckle. Today was the worst day of my life.

I ran home from school crying again, this time into my dad’s loving embrace. Want to know the slightly unhelpful commentary he offered. “Son, someday you’ll meet a lovely young woman who will treat you right and stand up for you to anyone who even tries to poke fun at you.” Obviously he doesn’t know about my…sexual orientation.

I wish I could help him understand what I constantly struggle through every day. Why is it that everyone at school gives me a hard time about me being gay while my dad thinks I’m “going through a confusing phase”? I don’t think he or anyone else will ever understand me.

Sincerely,

Paul

Dear Journal,

Today was absolutely one of the very worst days of my life up to date! Here’s the 4-1-1 on today’s dramatic production of my miserable life:

It was the Halloween dance today during our last two periods of school. The source of the problem: my worst enemy, Mr. Beau “I’m so much better than you” Banks. Want to take a quick guess as to what he dressed up as? Yeah, you guessed it"he dressed up as me! That overly-muscular nincompoop seemingly on steroids came to the dance impersonating me. He cross-dressed in a hot pink plastic mini skirt with matching tube top, black high heels, the words “Pauly Wally Noodle Doodle” written across his bare shoulders, and the most horrifying part was the rainbow d***o he carried around in his mouth!

The worst part was everyone pointed and laughed. There were even some kids rolling around on the gymnasium floor in uncontrollable laughter! But what was even worse than that was no one even stood up for me! They all watched and let it happen right before my very tear-drenched eyes!

Of course, I couldn’t help but run out the door all two miles to my house. I burst in here crying not even 10 minutes ago. I locked myself in my room with the deadbolt and I refused to take meals tonight. My mom is outside worried nauseous about my outburst.

I feel so alone and unaccepted by all my peers at school, let alone society in general. I feel like I’ve been abandoned in the world by everyone who I could even imagine would care about me. My parents don’t seem to understand how I feel, nor can I explain it to them without them twisting it into something completely different. I feel so different from my family as well as most of what the rest of the world considers normal, all because I was born attracted to men and have feminine tendencies.

Sometimes I wish the situation could be reversed so the rest of the world could see how it feels. What if being gay was the social norm and being straight was unacceptable? Okay, logically I know that could never happen. But still, how would they feel if they had to walk a day in my shoes? Would they be able to handle it?

Why can’t the world be just as accepting of homosexuals as they are of others who aren’t like them? We aren’t any different than anyone else. Our love for the same sex is just as genuine and true as their love for the opposite sex? Why can’t our side at least be better understood? What is this world coming to?

Sincerely,

Paul

Dear Journal,

This may come as the shock of the century to you, but today was a really good day. In fact, I dare say it was the best day of my life up to date. Yes, I admit I have been a negative Nancy about my life’s challenges lately, but I can actually say for the first time in a long time, I’m happy! Here’s the scoop:

About two weeks ago, a week before we got out for Christmas break, I met someone amazing! His name is Brad Erickson, a real charmer! I was getting the regular treatment at school that day: Beau and his gang were physically forcing my head in the toilet whilst flushing and pulling my underwear up wedgie style while a crowd of people watched on.

Coming to my rescue, Brad struggled his way through the crowd, tapped Beau on the shoulder and watched as he spun around to face him and receive a glare in the eyes.

“Can’t you see I’m busy here?” Beau questioned angrily toward his intruder.

“Why are you hurting him? What has he ever done to you?” Brad inquired skeptically.

“He’s a sissy queer! He gives all of us real men a bad name! He needs to be taught a lesson on how to be a man!” Beau retorted in fury.

“You really think that abusing a harmless guy based on his sexual orientation is really going to do you or him any good? How does his sexual preference even directly affect you?” Brad responded calmly.

“You gay people think the world owes you something just because of your lifestyle choices! Maybe you should be taught a lesson too!” Beau shot back.

“Hello? Being gay is not a lifestyle choice just like being straight is not a lifestyle choice. It’s about our nature, not the way we were nurtured. Just like you were born attracted to girls, can’t you just understand that we were born attracted to boys? It’s also not like we are disgracing the human race by what we like. Some people prefer chocolate while others prefer vanilla. It’s not like one preference is better than the other. It may not be what you and the rest of society is used to but it’s the way we are, take it or leave it. Homosexuality is becoming a lot more prevalent, accepted, and understood in today’s society than it was even 30 years ago. So love us or hate us, we’re here to stay baby!” Brad explained with a peaceful confidence.

Beau’s angry gaze turned into a look of remorse as his knit eyebrows lifted above his eyelids. He commanded his two gang members to release me from their grip and he turned around to face me.

“I’m sorry for bullying you. I do have insecurities about gay people because my dad left my mom for another man. I shouldn’t have taken all my anger out on you. I should have understood that you are no different than anyone else in this world just because you’re attracted to a different gender.” Beau apologized.

Then he did something I thought I would never witness since entering high school on the first day. He offered his right hand out to mine and asked if we could have a truce. I grabbed his hand into mine and jokingly brought it up to my lips and kissed it.

Disgusted at first, he found the will power to disguise it and pat me on the back in agreement. Shortly after, the whole bathroom echoed in applause from the watchful crowd of people. Some witnesses smiled on while others were so touched by this loving act that tears filled their eyes.

During the lunch period I never felt more accepted by everyone since…ever. I noticed my good Samaritan of a hero Brad sitting with a table full of people laughing at his jokes. I walked up to him and asked if I could sit at the same table. Brad reached his hand out to shake mine gently.

“Hi, I’m Brad Erickson. I’m new to this school,” Brad introduced.

I was a little astonished that he was talking to me with such normalcy that I hesitated before reaching out my hand to shake his extended out.

“I’m Paul Fresno, nice to meet you,” I replied.

Ever since then we’ve been inseparable! I found out he’s also gay and we are deeply in love. He’s the answer to my multiples of prayers for someone to finally stand up for me. I just wish there were more people out there like him who would be willing to stand up for the little guy. Well, I better go get some sleep now. Brad and I are heading to go caroling around neighborhoods and sipping hot cocoa afterwards. Toodles!

Sincerely,

Paul

The End

 

 

Author's Note

This is a revised copy of my original short story.

Reviews

[Amund Schofield]

I'd like a little more, expanding, or polishing. This story has a lot of potential, if you were to expand it, it could become the next Go Ask Alice. If you were to polish it a bit more, it could be a very heart breaking, then very heart warming story. As of right now, its just very raw.

Also I did enjoy reading it, and I will probably read more of your items.

[WriterWannabe]

Thank you, Twizzy. I am also not gay, but I support gay rights immensely. I do have gay friends and I agree they should be treated like equals, just like there should be equality with everyone! Thank you kindly for your review. :)

[Twizzy Leon]

I very much did like this story. I am not gay but I have plenty of gay friends. I stick up for them on a day to day basis. But I guess thats okay. There human as well. I'm glad to see someone can speak and think like them. This expands the mind.
wonderful story.

[Amund Schofield]

the confrontation between Brad and Beau is pretty good, though the dialogue is a little cheesy. I would press you to put your head in a teenage boy's head, and speak how they would speak. Also, I would urge you to use the word F*g. While yes "sissy queer" is a horrid name, it still doesn't have the same aspect. Maybe not having Beu admit his reason for being insecure, and just implying it, or still having him be angry could make it seem more real.

[WriterWannabe]

Thank you! Your advice is much appreciated! You're actually not the first to recommend revisions. But I do appreciate your useful input. :)

[WriterWannabe]

Please Review if you so choose! :)