You know...

Just a state of mind, or is it?

You know things are wrong when you begin noticing every emotion you feel. When a friend cracks a joke, you laugh. Then you begin wondering, ‘hey, I’m laughing. Something I haven’t done in a while. I should probably treasure it before it goes away’. And in the though, you lose the essence of laughter, and the feeling melts away, taking the joy with it.

                   You know things are wrong when the trivial objects that used to make you happy, lose their meaning. Noticing the color of the sky, the sparkle of the stars, a warm cup of hot chocolate, a funny picture, a caring conversation, a loving gesture- all of it losses its definition in your life. You don’t derive the same happiness from trivial objects like you use to.

                   You know things are wrong when you feel anger, irritation, regret, angst, all the time. The smallest complaint, the tiniest insult and you blow up like an active volcano. Yelling at the person, without any fault from him or her, ruining your relationship with them in the process. You hold you head in shame, your mouth in grimace and tears stinging your eyes, blurring your vision.

                    You know things are wrong when you lose interest in things you love the most. Playing the piano, making people laugh, loving someone selflessly, and most of all… writing beautifully. Oh, writing things that carry no meaning to you whatsoever as nothing comes from the heart. Everything is too forced, too empty, too wrong, too vile, too… soulless.

You know things are wrong, when you finally cave in and you have no idea how to get out of it before it collapses on you, sucking the air out of your lungs, the feelings from your heart, the smile from your lips and leaving you nothing but remorse and fear….

You know things are wrong when you feel everything I mentioned and more. When you know you are losing yourself to an event or a state of mind and you don’t know how to claim it all back. When you try and hold on to something so strongly that that thing bleeds underneath you, begging you to let it free and you refuse. You cannot lose yourself. You won’t lose yourself.

          You don’t know how to stop losing yourself.

Author's Note

I have never written anything so dark before. I dont exactly know know how it feels to write something so... not happy. But this is another impulse write. Something that just flows out of your fingers without giving it a second thought.
Would love to head what you have to say =]

Reviews

[Tony Russo]

This does sound more like poetry. It is very interesting and had me reading it and anticipating the ending, which was worth the wait. I think it would be a perfect introduction to a story about a troubled character that has their life crashing down on them, or is overtaken by drug addiction. This is the first read I have of yours, and have to say I look forward to another dark one. They are always the most fun and the easiest to let emotions take over.

The other thing I like about this is the style and tone. It has a good rhythym to it and affords you the ability to write without worrying about style or structure since the only structure you have to respect is how you start each paragraph gets darker then the next...

[...]

This sounds more like a poem, but it's good. And the thing about angst, and nothing coming out right when you write, I can understand that. Good job either way. What happened to your other stories though? I saw a read request for one and it was gone before I could read it, and that other one I reviewed is gone now too. Is it writerscafe or are you editing them?