To Feel

Deep thoughts in the form of a prose-poetry

 I feel like a small snowflake, landing on the blushing fingertips of a child.

Amazed by the intricate design and the gentle touch of chill, he runs inside to show mother. But when he lifts his finger, the snowflake melts with the wink of an eye.

 

I feel like a drop of rain, as it glistens under the dim rays of the sun. Shines, as it smoothly slides down a leaf overhead, falls like a new cut diamond into the puddle below, disappearing entirely- Leaving ripples in its wake.

 

I feel like an orange Popsicle stick, given to an impatient small hand as he waves a damp dollar in the face of the ice cream man.

Carrying his prize, he nestles on the porch. Slowly devouring the relief of the summer heat. Juice dripping down his chin and elbow and he couldn’t care less.

 

I fee like a small luminous firefly, settling in the deep curls of her dark hair. As she huddles her knees, amazed by the drops of light hovering around the field.

Millions of them, as if compensating for the dark blue sky.

 

I fee like a ray of sunlight on bare skin. Awoken to what he thought must have been the heat of the sun, but what actually was his lady love burying herself in his arms, as she slept soundly against his chest. The warmth he felt were the dotted rays of the sun as they peeked through the thick canopy of trees. He smiled down and brushed a few of her golden hair, and soon was overwhelmed in deep slumber once more.

 

I feel like the grains of sand slipping carefully below her pale feet, as she walked across the shore of the blue ocean. Stepping out from the sighs of the waves, the picture forming in her heart. She picks up her chipped paintbrush and looked up at the sky- stained pink and blue, and began to paint what was left of her emotions on the white canvas before her.

 

I feel like the silence, echoing through the trees in the darkness. The song of crickets and the wind that made the leaves of the oak tree dance above me, made my breathing seem like incomparable noises, made my soul come alive.

 

Author's Note

This prose-poetry does sound incomplete to me. At some parts, i know something is missing but i cant really tell what that is. Can you?

Reviews

[Ruth]

Well, its a great entry for one! lol
Surreal prose is always a hit for me! I really like it - something missing? To be honest, I feel nothing, as it is, it works and is beautiful! xx

[Sexy P3nguin]

Thank you for entering
I nice read first of all and amazing detail. I don't feel that anything s missing.

I did feel moved by this piece and all the different emotions
Great job and again thank you

[Britt Foster]

This is quite amazing and extremely beautiful. The way you worded your sentences is completely gorgeous...I think I'm in love with your style. :)

Descriptions are perfect, too; they paint a clear picture in my mind of each event. I especially like the last one, about silence, the second one, about the rain, and the fourth, about the fireflies.

It's hard to explain just how good this is. Your words let me feel what they're describing. As I read this, I too feel like silence, rain, snow, etc.

Very good.

[Last Lying Look]

This is amazing!
The last part really ended the piece well and it invoked so many feelings in me.
I'd have to say that my favorite part was;
"I feel like the grains of sand slipping carefully below her pale feet, as she walked across the shore of the blue ocean. Stepping out from the sighs of the waves, the picture forming in her heart. She picks up her chipped paintbrush and looked up at the sky- stained pink and blue, and began to paint what was left of her emotions on the white canvas before her."
That's paragraph was just so beautiful. You could write a whole poem just on that part alone.
Adding this to my favorites.
Excellent work!
-Elissa :)

[Angela H.]

I think this is a very mature piece of writing and one you can be proud of. Yes, I like the prose-poetry quality of it, and the imagery is superb. Very mature writing, indeed.

You might consider adjusting the tense in the next to last paragraph ("as she walked..." to "as she walks") since you have kept true to present tense in the rest of it.

Also, in "The warmth he felt were the dotted rays of the sun as they peeked through the thick canopy of trees." - there's something awkward grammatically there. (Warmth is singular, calling for a singular verb, but even changing that to "was" it still feels awkward).

I would tighten those two places and I think you'll have a real winner here. Very creative work.

[tonymad11392]

Very well done, there is an air of mystery and sadness to this, but also a strong undercurrent of beauty. You are tremendously talnented, the only thing I would suggest is that you describe more of nature, since you do it so well.

[ShaneBerry]

very well described! and you need to be contenc with your writing lol! this is grade A stuff right here lol! i love it!

[The Flawed]

What wonderful images, this is a great poem.
Let me through in my penny if I may for a possible last line:
I feel like life, I feel like being, I feel good.

[H]

Your use of imagery blows me away. I wish I could grasp poetry enough to write like this.