Regretted Actions

just a short story. Enjoy.

Zach got down in one knee and pulled out the ring.

“Will you marry me?” he asked.

“Oh, yes. My god, yes! You have no idea how happy you made me.” Amanda exclaimed.

“Not as happy as you made me.”

Zach held Amanda tightly as he could. Amanda embraced him too. Amanda dreamt was her future was going to be like. She looked at her house and walked inside where she was greeted upon her two children. She held them in her arms looking at them as she couldn’t help but to smile. She woke up and looked at Zach. She got up walking to the kitchen getting water. She thought about her emotions how they were changing every minute from happiness to anxiety. She went back to sleep to get ready for the days ahead of her.

Days passed turning into weeks into months. Amanda never lost her thrill of getting married. The thought of even being engaged made her excited. Almost a year has passed. She was happily married as she walked back into her new home where she thought of all the joy that was coming her way. She walked in. Instantly she heard moaning. She rushed into her room, her mouth dropped. She felt pain in her heart, almost unbearable. She ran down the stairs, as her eyes filled with tears. She heard Zach calling in after her. She stopped, she wanted to confront this know.

“Why the hell is the f*****g w***e upstairs?”

“You don’t understand. Let me explain.”

“Go ahead. Tell me why you were with that woman.”

Zach mumbled gibberish. He couldn’t find anything to say.

“What? Did you think that I would say No, I don’t want to hear it and then leave? No, I want an explanation for this. How could you do this? Why would you cheat on me? Why! Why! Why! Why! Why!” Amanda began pounding on his chest until Zach stopped her.

“Honey, it was…”

“Don’t! Call me honey.”

“I guess I don’t have a reason for doing this. I just did it. I don’t know why.”

“You don’t know! How can you say that to me? God, we haven’t even been married for a month. I have done everything I can as a wife, and all you can say is I don’t know?”

“Yeah.”

Amanda clenched her fist. She marched into the kitchen. She grasped a knife and blank. Amanda couldn’t remember.

Amanda woke up from her dream. She thought the bed either getting softer or she was just getting used to it. She heard footsteps walking down the hallway.

“You have a visitor,” said the female guard.

Amanda walked down thinking about the dreamed she just had. How much she regretted her actions that day. How much she wished was out of the hell hole. Only if she could remember how she killed Zach.

Reviews

[Kristoffer Kindh]

Very good, I think you are building up to the end very nicely.

[Crowley]

The wrath of a woman scorned for sure my friend, nice job, you could even flesh this out a bit more and get a little longer story out of it. Like it.

[Jacqueline Lopez]

I like this story, because she did the right thing, she killed the cheating son-of- a-b***h! The way every woman should do when she finds out she's been cheated on. Oh! Wait, well we can't really kill every cheating son-of-a-b***h, because that will be 95% of the male population ! Anyway, I enjoyed the story from the beginning to the end.

[zack]

wow very nice very good

[An owl on the moon]

This is a powerful write that moves us through moments in life.. joy... anger and betrayal... remorse and sorrow... I only wished for more detail.. It goes so quickly.

[HorrorMaster]

Cheating is bad, but it was really good.

[Ross Saunders]

This sequence just bothers me: "She rushed into her room, her mouth dropped. She felt pain in her heart, almost unbearable. She ran down the stairs, as her eyes filled with tears. She heard Zach calling in after her. She stopped, she wanted to confront this know."
Particularly the "She felt pain in her heart..." It just felt entirely too glossed over and not as developed as it could be.
Generally, I think you could make this story much more complex and elaborate. Go into more detail, play up the emotion considerably more. You basically rush through this. One second you've got the proposal and BAM! He's with the other woman. It's a solid premise and start, but you could stand to do a lot of expanding on it.

[Tracie Skarbo]

I like the idea of this and the surprise ending... but it needs a lot of work.. some parts are really confusing, like the part about another woman being involved. 65

[Star Wolf]

I wasn't expecting the story to go this way. What started out as a love story turned to betrayal and horror.