Chapter 1

How it starts.

Tom and Liz are at a lake house in Colorado. They were spending the weekend together just to get away from their troubles. Tom keeps looking at his girlfriend, Liz. He liked her long black her, blue eyes and long legs. He sits down and Liz gets on top of his lap. Liz slides her hand down to his stomach. She liked his abs and his frat boy face with his complete heterochromia eyes looking at his brown eye and his green eye. Liz kisses Tom and then takes her to the bed. After having sex, Liz wonders how Tom paid for this expensive trip.

 

"Hey, Tom. How did you pay for this?", Liz asked, "I know you don't have the money to pay for this."

 

"I just borrowed some money from Tess," Tom answered.

 

"Wait, you haven't broken up with her?" Liz asked in surprise.

 

"No. I plan to date her for money," he replied, "Of course I'll use the money for you."

 

"Oh, you are so bad. I am lucky to have you," Liz said in approval.

 

"Hey, how about we have a quickie?" suggested Tom.

 

"No, I am too tired. You can be very exhausting," she answered, "I just want to go to sleep now so I'm going to sleep right now. Good night."

Tom couldn't argue. Once Liz wanted to do something she did it, no matter what. Tom decides to go to sleep to since there is nothing for him to do. Tom and Liz go to sleep and after a while, both of them wake up when they feel the bed shaking.

 

"What is going on?" asked Liz.

 

Tom is about to answer, but they hear this cracking sound coming from outside. They both go to outside to investigate.

 

"This is a bad idea," said Liz, "Lets just go back inside"

 

Tom continues to look what made the cracking sound. He finds a small fault in the earth's crust.

 

"What is it?" asked Liz.

 

Black slime comes out and quickly goes into Tom's nose and eyes. It was so fast that didn't see it, but he felt it. Tom starts feeling this pain. He starts moaning.

 

"Tom. Tom, are you okay?" Liz asked.

 

Suddenly the pain went away. Tom felt weird, he didn't know how to describe it, but it felt weird. They went back inside. Tom remained quiet for the rest of the stay which was unusual as his friends think he is the most loud person they met.

 

There were these two best friends, David and Rick. These two were walking around the forest looking for and adventure. Rick, the muscular, good-looking one who always work out was fine. David the skinny one by nature, never needed to work out was almost out of breathe.

 

"Oh, come on!" Rick exclaimed, "You really can't be tired. God you are the skinniest lazy person I ever met."

"No, I really need a break. How about we rest for a while," David said, "Oh look a black spot in the ground. Let's go check it out. It will give the chance to rest."

Rick followed David they looked at the fault that Tom and Liz were looking at.

 

"Aw, this is cool," said Rick, "Come on and... I should have known you would be laying on the ground right know, you lazy pig. I am going to take a piss. Look at the split in the ground, before we go on your way"

 

David summoned up the strength to get up and looks inside the fault. Green slimed came up and went to David's eyes. David didn't see anything either but, felt it. He starts feeling pain. His head is pounding and his lungs are about to burst. Suddenly he feels no pain. Like Tom, he feels weird. Rick comes back.

 

"Hey Rick. Let's go back. I don't feel so good," said David.

 

"Come can't you just tough it out," Rick complained.

 

"I can't. I have to get home," he said

 

"Alright, let's go home," Rick said.

 

They walk about two miles and got to their jeep. They get on their jeep and drive home.

 

TWO DAYS LATER

 

Ricky has been waiting for David to call, text, or email him for two days. He really starts getting worried. Rick goes back to his apartment from the store. He calls David cell phone, but once again, the answering machine picks up. Rick angrily hangs up. He hears a knock on the door and answers to see that it is David. He is relieved that he is alright and hugs him.

 

"David, where have you been? I been worried about you. Are you okay?" asked Rick, "You look a little down."

 

David just comes in and sits down in the couch. Rick offers him something to eat or drink, but David doesn't say anything. Rick sits next to him and asks him what is going on. David looks at him. David, quickly and suddenly, jumps on him and tries to kiss him. Rick pushes him back. He jumps off the couch.

 

"Whoa. David. Is this what's been bothering you?" asked Rick, "It's okay to tell me just don't unexpectedly kiss me."

 

"NO!" yell David. David grabs Rick and pushes him against the wall. He was stronger than usual and Rick could feel it. Rick then kicks David in the groin and David lets go.

 

"What the! When did you get so strong. David pushes Rick with his palm and Rick goes back flying against the wall. Rick drops to the floor and David gets on top of Rick. Rick tries to push him off, but David has him pinned down. David kisses Rick. Rick is grossed out and then starts feeling something going down his throat while David kisses him. The taste of what is going down his throat is indescribable. David stops kissing him. Rick gets up and throws up. He has the same feeling Tom and David had.

 

"What the hell did you did you do to me, b*****d?" Rick said demanding an answer.

 

"I am only recruiting you. Lucky, this is faster process than what happen to me," answered David.

 

"What are you talking about?"

 

"It took me hours, for you few seconds."

 

Then Rick understood. He didn't argue anymore. He just went along with David.

 

Author's Note

Please tell me what you think. I can handle the truth. It okay if you think bad about it. Just tell me what you honsetly think about.

P.S. If you have questions about this, I promise you they'll be answered in other chapters.

Reviews

[Daniel Gardner]

Great read I like it so far.

[James Watts]

This is not a bad start. It does need some polishing. There are some grammar issues but you work those out on final draft. My best advice is to read as much as possible, this well help you develop style and structure. Will not go into detail on grammar but will say the story is a nice concept. Keep up the hard work.

[Taylor H.]

After having sex, Liz wonders how Tom paid for this expensive trip.

"Hey, Tom. How did you pay for this?", Liz asked, "I know you don't have the money to pay for this."

I felt this part was not needed, it felt like random sex and then when you stated that Liz wondered how he paid for the house, you didn’t need to have Liz ask it. The next sentence where Tom answers her question would be a good place to continue from the original paragraph.

"Wait, you haven't broken up with her?" Liz asked in surprise.
"No. I plan to date her for money," he replied, "Of course I'll use the money for you." ---I want to know where she got this idea so quickly just from him mentioning his girlfriend. Also, the dialogue didn’t seem very realistic for this part.

"Tom felt weird, he didn't know how to describe it, but it felt weird."---that part felt repetitive

This story needs some major work. I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings with my review. IF you have any questions please feel free to ask. :)

[zack]

hey it was great but needs some work

[Tracie Skarbo]

i think you need to go through the chapter again with a fine toothed comb and find the spelling errors and Typos..You have a good beginging here but some trouble spots in some of the dialogue. I have read some of your other stories which had great dialogue so I know you can make these lines stronger. You have a good story and have left it in a great place to peak our interest...:)

[Ross Saunders]

I think you mostly need to work on going into enough detail for your reader to be able to visualize what is happening. Also, feel free to try varying your sentence structure more. It seems to heavily set up as "He didn't argue..." or "David grabs Rick..." Might read a bit smoother that way.
Also, your tenses are a mess. You need to decide if this is in the present or the past tense.
Story wise, this was solid. Your structure and grammar needs a lot of work, but it's a good start.

[HorrorMaster]

I like it, please write more :) also you got to learn from your opening though. Read other stories on how they open the story and learn more. Thats how I do it.

[AJChallenger]

Most of what I said about your other piece stand for this one. Don't begin with telling us the scene. Start with action and weave the details of the scene in later.

[Rogelio Chavez]

I will.

[Luna Northstar]

OK, not bad. Once again, by how you wrote it, I think it might be a good screen play. But, still, the story is really good. Tell me when you add more.