The Wizard of Oz

The Wizard of Oz with horror twist.

Dorothy comes out of the house after the tornado. The Good Witch of the North comes and informs her she has killed the Wicked Witch of the East and has released a spell. She puts the ruby slippers on her to protect her from the spell. The Good Witch of the North tells what she has to do to reverse the spell.

 

"My dear, you just release a spell and only you can save us. To save us you must go to the Wizard of Oz in Emerald City. Ask to return the spell and save us all," said Glinda.

 

As just as she finishes talking The wicked witch of the West appears. She wants to take the ruby slippera off Dorothy so the spell can affect her too. Glinda says her magic in Munchkinland is no good. The Wicked witch of the west swears revenge on everyone.

 

"You all have made me suffer. All of you will pay. I promise I stop Dorothy" she says.

 

The wicked Witch of the West flys off to her castle. Glinda tells Dorothy just to follow the  yellow brick road. Dorothy worried she won't be able to save them asks what will happen if she doesn't revserse the spell.

 

"What will happen if I don't reverse the spell?" asks Dorothy.

"The Wicked B***h, I mean Witch of the East spell is release once she dies. She hated good person and wants to kill us all. The spell is cause every bad person to become a zombie and kill us all. Zombies here are very rare and they are very strong and fast. You must hurry as we only have two hours. Here is a alarm and when it goes off, the wizard by then must have already reverse the spell. Our lives are in your hands. Now good on and save us," Glinda replied.

 

Dorothy and Toto continue to follow the yellow brick road. They meet up with the Scarecrow, the Tin Man, and the lion. All of them join in her journey to Emerald City. Soon the flying monkey capture Dorothy and Toto and fly her to the castle. They lock her up. Toto is able to escape and bring back Scarecrow, The tin man, and The lion. They free her and are running out, but then the Wicked Witch of the West and her soldier teleport in front of them blocking the exit.

 

"Aha. You thought you could escape. Well, you were wrong. No one escapes me. I now have the potion to kill you and get your ruby shoes," she says.

 

She is about to throw the potion when the alarm goes off.

 

"Oh no. I am too late!" yells Dorothy.

 

"Now you die like everyone else," the Wicked Witch of the West says.

 

Scarecrow suggest that they kill the witch and maybe the spell won't work. The Witch throw the potion at Dorothy but Dorothy ducks and the potion hit the floor having no effect. Dorothy grabs a broom and hit the witch in the face making her fall to the ground. Dorothy breaks the broom in half and stabs the witch in the heart splattering blood on Dorothy face.

 

So far no one has turned into zombie.

 

"Maybe the spell was reserved," suggested the Scarecrow.

 

The witch's soldiers were about to thank Dorothy and her friend when they started feeling alot of pain. They soon were throwing up green slime and there faces were now zombie like. 

 

The zombie soldiers roar at them. Dorothy and her friend run and go inside a room. They close the door and the lions stays behind to hold the door close.

 

"Lion! Come with us!" yell The tin man.

"No, I'll hold them off," said Lion, "GO!!"

 

They continue to run and leave the lion behind. The zombies get to the door. One of the zombies push against the door and break it sending it to the wall smashing the lion splattering blood all over the wall. Some of the zombies stop to eat the guts of the lion. Toto, Dorothy, Scarecrow, and Tin man continue to run. They find a exit and run out of the castle. They zombies run after them. Two of the six zombie jump really high and jumped over Dorothy and her friends. they stop. Dorothy and Toto run to the left and Tin man and Scarecrow run to the right. Half of the zombie go after Dorothy and other half go after Tin man and Scarecrow.

 

The zombies running after Tinman and Scarecrow start running faster and faster. Soon they are right behind them. One of the zombie jumps on Tin Man. Scarecrow looks back and then continues running with the two other zombies running after him. The zombie on Tin man punch right through the body of Tin man and oil and gas starts comming out. The zombie spits red slime on him and Tin man starts melting. There is one spark and ignites with the gas and cause a hugh explosion.

 

The scarecrow trips before the explosion happens. One of the zombies spit green slime at him. Soon Scarecrow is feeling pain. He starts throwing up. Soon he is a zombie also.

The force of the explosion cause them to fly back about 15 miles.

 

Dorothy is running. She looks back and can't find Toto. She sees the Zombies and continues running. The explosion happen and the force knock Dorothy and the three zombies to the ground. Dorothy get up and then starts hearing a creeking sound. She looks around and see that the explosion has made huge cut at the bottom of the trees and know the trees were about to be following. Dorothy then hearing growling behind her. A zombie is behind her. The zombie grabs her by the neck and lifts her, choking her. A tree loses balance and falls on the zombie. The zombie's arm that was choking Dorothy is torn off, but still has a strong grip on Dorothy neck. Dorothy tries to pull the arm off, but isn't able to. Dorothy is losing all of her air. Dorothy grabs a stick and stabs it in the arm and the arm lets go. Dorothy gasps of air. She looks at the arm and sees that it is regenerating the body. Dorothy is about to go running when the two zombies are right there. One of the zombies pushes her and sends her flying far away. She land on a soft spot and gets up on unharmed. The hand has regenerated a new whole body. The three zombies run after her. Dorothy starts running away. Many trees are know falling. The zombies keep jumping over the falling trees.  Dorothy arrives at the Emerland

 

Back at Munchkinland everyone came out of their house when they hear the explosion. Suddenly they all hear laughing up in the sky. They look up and see zombie witch flying in their brooms. One of the witches uses her wand and make a house explode. The people panic and start running. The witches fly to the ground and start eating people. Glida come to see what is happening. She sees the zombie witches. A witch sees her and runs after her. Glinda then disappears. All the witches get on their broom and start flying toward the people still alive. The start spitting green slime to turn them into zombie.

 

Dorothy runs to the wizard's house. The door is locked. One zombie is behind her. Dorothy looks back and sees the zombie jumping at her. Dorothy dodges the jump and the zombie goes throught the door making a hole. Dorothy then goes inside. She sees the wizard. She running at her. She stops when she sees the zombie jumping on the wizard and eating him. Glinda appears.

 

"Oh, you are here," says Dorothy.

"You failed! IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT! AHHH!" yells Glinda as the zombie throw green slime on her. Soon she is turning into a zomber but before she tells Dorothy how to get back home.

 

"Dorothy, click you heels three time, aahhh, and say there is no place like, aaaahhhh, home. Save aaahhhhh! yourself", Glinda is now a zombie. Dorothy does what she said and on the last time she clicks her heels, Glinda and the other zombie grabs her.

 

Dorothy wakes up in her bed with Toto on the floor.

"Yes, I am home. What a terrible nightmare," sais Dorothy, "Thank god it's over"

Dorothy soonn hear screaming outside. She look out through the window. She sees zombie Glinda and the other Zombie.

"Oh no. I must have brought them into the real world", says Dorothy.

One of the zombie jumps in through the window.

 

THE END. Please tell me what you think.

Would you guys like a second part?

 

 

Author's Note

The picture was the only thing I could fine close to zombie in uniforms. Please ignore the signs in their arms.

Reviews

[Eagle Cruagh]

First par.
Poor opening. Who will want to read what you think based
on an old 'Disney movie. You probably have a good idea, but
I would like to see something hard hitting, impressive, something
earthy to get your teeth into.
Try to spell correctly in 'author`s Note. The word is find, not fine.

Here is what I think.
You have an excellent imagination, don`t waste it on an old movie,
create something new.
You have written a story based on an old movie. You must edit your
story before you post it for others to edit.
Perhaps the typo`s and spelling errors are part of the story. They may
make it more comfortable for kids. It is your story and you are a good
writer.
I don`t care for this type of plot, but that is beside the point. The point
is; you have written something that you want people to read, so you must
shock them, wake them up, convert them in the first few paragraphs.

You get 100 % for effort.
I suggest you read a lot of the other writers. When you find something
that impresses you, ask yourself why you liked it, what captured your
interest.
For a story that will capture your imagination, I suggest you go to
a story by Tigra, Island of Reckoning.

You worked hard on this story. Read to find what you should be
doing. Forget about the little typos for the time being, create a
plot with a lot of punch.

Thanks

----- Eagle Cruagh

[LynLee]

TOTO!!!!!! wow, i really thought this was funny. creepy, but funny. it is so something i'd add a second part to.

[Star Wolf]

I thought this was a great take on the Wizard of Oz. You did a wonderful job on this, I found it very interesting and liked the twist at the end as well, where she brings a couple zombies back with her that she wasn't planning to. I thought the whole zombie story line in this a clever and impressive idea.

[Tracie Skarbo]

My dear, you just release a spell and only you can save us--released
slippera off Dorothy so the spell can affect her too--slippers
The wicked Witch of the West flys off to her castle.---flies

Zombies are not my thing.. but you have a great imagination. There are some other problems with spelling and tenses throughout but I know you will find these if you go through the story line by line.

[Tina Kline]

I found your story to be very entertaining, great idea for a Dark Wizard Of Oz. Especially like how Dorthy brought two Zombies back with her. Clever ending and nice opening if you decide to do more.

[Sean M. Addams]

cool twist on wizard of oz ..i thought the zombies were a cool add to the story... overall nice job..a very dark and twisted piece.

[AJChallenger]

This is interesting, though I'll admit I'm getting a bit tired of zombies. :-p

"says" not "sais"

Dialogue tags function as such.


"We went to the park," Jane said.

or "We went to the park," Jane said, "then to the mall."

You have --"Lion! Come with us!" yell The tin man.-- don't dell us he yelled, your writing should portray this.


There is also a lot of passive voice. "Started to do this, was doing, began to do." It's all very passive.

This does not read well, to be honest. Choppy sentences are good at times, but you need to vary sentence types. You also need to give us some description instead of sentences of narrative. I'll try to rework a paragraph to show you.


You wrote.

"Dorothy runs to the wizard's house. The door is locked. One zombie is behind her. Dorothy looks back and sees the zombie jumping at her. Dorothy dodges the jump and the zombie goes throught the door making a hole. Dorothy then goes inside. She sees the wizard. She running at her. She stops when she sees the zombie jumping on the wizard and eating him. Glinda appears."

I'll say

"Dorothy made it to the door of the wizard's house. She struggled to breath and the zombies were close behind, one just a few feet away. It leaps and she barely evades the attack. The force of th jump was so great it knocked in the door and Dorothy hurried inside. A short, white haired man is running to her, but he doens't see the zombie. Before she can do anything it's upon him, knawing at his flesh, blood poors over the old mans face and the spark dims in his eyes. In a flash of pink Glinda appears, looking first to the fallen wizard, then to Dorothy."

My rewrite is'nt very good, but I'll admit I didn't have much to work on.

I would recomment reading

[Ross Saunders]

To be perfectly honest, I think this is a bit of a mess. Mostly you just need to slow down and think about what your working with. Your general concept here is excellent, but it gets kind of lost in the basically rushed and glossed over feel we get. Grammar need some work, but basically I think you just need to take it easy, give some details and don't get too far ahead of yourself. Also, didn't think the picture was really necessary.

[HorrorMaster]

Holy s**t awesome horror twist to this dude. I love it. Did you add this to my group? If so you should and the picture that is from that movie Dead snow.

[Luna Northstar]

1. The picture wouldn't load.

2. Not bad, what inspired you to write this?

3. Some of the sentences have grammar issues, but I was never a stickler for that anyway. Good job.