THE STORM

Wave after wave

he's pulling me under
I wasn't expecting this storm
And though I adore
This is dragging me under
This scares me like never before

He swept inside, his heart open wide
Turning locks in a heart long sealed shut
The rush so strong, the waves so high, the water is making me drunk
I long to dance in the pouring rain, to trust my gut once more
The waves crash down, my walls all change, still
He scares me like never before

I'll build the walls just high enough
when the tide washes over the shore
to keep myself at bay, I think, so I
don't end up dead like before

And still I hope the waves don't stop,
as the storm rises from the sea's floor
Let the waters rise, let the waves collapse
I just couldn't want anything more..

Author's Note

Just some emotional regurgitation.... Gah... this song gives me chills. Corny right?

Reviews

[Lovecraft]

I sensed a slightly dark theme about love in your poem. I tend to hate poems concerning the concept of true love but this one was better than most love poems I've encountered. It vaguely sound Poe-like, which I like. Read some of your page and noticed you enjoy Poe's works. I have a collection of practically all of his poems and stories.

Also try to read some H.P. Lovecraft if you haven't. He's my all-time favorite writer.

Thumbs Up!

[M. L. F.]

Thank you very much... I do appreciate E.A. Poe. I have been told that my writing always has a dark thread... But I'm an INFJ. I see the undercurrents of things. I see the dark and the light weave around one another in every thing I see....every single day. I have experienced so so much of the dark, and so so much of the light, that I simply cannot ignore it's existence in my work.. But I am a firm believer that the light will always prevail. I guess the dark just interests me too. And without that darkness.... the light would not be as epic as it is, when it finally appears. Thank you for taking the time to read and review me. I will check out some of your work as well. I have a few friends who tell me I would like HP Lovecraft. I will check out some of his work.. Thank you for the tip. I try to read a lot in the suspense / horror / thriller genres... as it is what my larger pieces at work pertain to. I think reading a lot is very important if you expect to be a great writer. Hearing what great writing sounds like... flows like... is crucial for all of us to learn...
Thank you..
..Misty

[Lovecraft]

If you read Lovecraft, make sure to read his stories: The Colour Out of Space, The Call of Cthulhu, The Shadow over Innsmouth. Cosmic Horror at its finest.

[genocide]

very good poem my dear about poems

[genocide]

I meant about the storms my dear

[Shy Joe]

This is a great poem! Just like PD Gaiya said, simple language was use, but we're put in such a cleaver way. The movie "Ponyo" was playing in my head as I read this. The part where the father creates a storm to get his daughter back. This was masterfully done. Thanks for sharing.

[M. L. F.]

When I can make a song play in the readers mind... I am happy. I want that epic emotion to come out of my work... glad you felt it...
..Misty

[Dr. YumnaKay]

The contrast between your composition and Christina Perri's "A thousand Years" is mesmerizing...The metaphor used here about building walls is quite something.. This is a truly intensity packed read! Good Job :)

[Kibbles and Quips]

Okay, I am not feeling well; so, sorry if my advice and review is tactless or encumbered or plain bad haha.

I really like the message, sentiments, and imagery you’ve employed. I’ve written a poem quite like this before, actually. I love the line “This scares me like never before.” Contextually, that line perfectly sums up the poem and evokes that reservation, panic, anxiety one has when they had been spurned before but longs for intimacy anyway. However, I think you can better utilize that line instead of its initial use and its call back in the second stanza. You could do some variation of it throughout the poem (not a perfect repetition but slight variance), or end each or just more stanzas with it (first, second, last), or break up the line once or twice for dramatic effect; just some ideas. Other than that, I think there is some superfluous lines or language in here; not to say the lines or phrases are poorly written, but I think there are some points where the poem can be tightened up. My poetry professor dubs these as “throat clearing,” whose purpose is more expository than poetic.

Since I’m not feeling well, and probably not articulating the point well enough, I’ve done a quick edit to showcase what I’m talking about.

The rush so strong, the risk so high,
I can't sink enough
Yet, I long to dance in the rain,
to trust my gut again,
This scares me like never before

The waves crash down, my walls all change,
I've built them just high enough
so that when the tides wash over the shore
I’ll stay at bay, not to be found
drowned, driftwood upon the moors.

I’m scared as hell like never before

Still I hope the waves don't stop,
Let the waters rise,
make the walls collapse
I couldn't want anything more
but still
This one scares me like never before

Just a quick crude edit. I think that being a little more succinct or concise would make it stronger. The imagery and that line I think are the strongest points for the piece. I think you should exploit them. But, anywho, feel free to tell me where to shove the advice and if you can’t think of a place I can help you with that, too! Thanks for sharing this! Keep writing and sending me things!

Edit: Oh, and I hope you had a great European Thanksgiving and enjoyed your "baby churkey!"

Sidenote: when I opened this up and started scrolling down the page, I saw the "added on November 25th, 2016" and got super confused and started questioning my reality for a split second before remembering, "Ah, yeah. Netherlands."

[Kibbles and Quips]

Okay, I feel much better today and just reread it. Without the massive headache I had, and without the li'l delirium that comes with a fever, I think my previous food for thought shouldn't be taken as seriously. I do think there are places where it can be tightened up still, but not to the degree of which I was talking about last night. However, I still believe that you should use that "This one scares me like never before" line a little more. Sorry about being tactless and for the, well, overreacting, for lack of a better word right now. Sometimes I like to play with other people's writing as an exercise, I just didn't realize that's what I was doing last night. Anywho, thanks for sharing again! I'm glad I came back to read this in a more healthy and clearer mindset.

[...]

This actually made me sob a little it felt overwhelming on top of the way I've been feeling lately. The metaphor is delivered with simplicity that's what makes this devastatingly beautiful...there is always risk I think it takes someone to be brave enough to let the walls down... and then Christina Perri on top of it...sigh. Starz

[M. L. F.]

LOLOL..Starz.. yeah.. that song tho.. I listened to it while I wrote it- loud... It just fits perfectly. Nice when things just fit perfectly. Thank you so much for the kind review. I only want to paint images that bleed in for people... to reach.. to move.. So glad you liked it🎉😃

[Jacob Clifford]

My first thought when I saw "A Thousand Years" was "oh no..." because I knew I wasn't prepared for whatever emotional free fall was coming next. The song fits perfectly with the tone of the poem, I think.

The wording is overwhelming--a drowning feeling, like being pulled under by the current. The metaphor is powerful, relatable. The opportunity is so enticing and thrilling, yet so terrifying and dangerous. Perhaps it would be better for the wall to stay up. All the same, the want is so strong, despite the past pains.

[M. L. F.]

Yes, yes, yes... The wall. Mine is really high. But, the rain is starting.. a little bit is washing away. It's scary as Hell.. but yeah... No risk, no possibility of ever having a reward...

[Deco]

This is amazing. Simple(as in the words and language that were used) but powerful in the message it sends. This is something most people can relate to, wanting, almost needing, something we know is bad for us--and maybe that's why it's so conflicting. But u expressed it here so poetically(pun intended). Thanks for sharing!

[M. L. F.]

Thanks PD. Yes, poetry is a great way to purge the fear and feelings. It is a dual edged sword, this feeling, isn't it? High stakes are so intoxicating... If only they had a heart-back guarantee.

[Deco]

I agree with u completely.