WATCHING

A POEM CONNECTED WITH A LARGER WORK IN PROGRESS

On the edge of a razor just outside of doom,

an evil thing lingers, in darkness it blooms.

Searching the tangible, nothing was seen,

only the tepid pools mirror-like sheen.

While the tune of a piano struck an off-key

the horror now growing was watching her sleep.

As tension was gaining with treacherous pace

she caught a quick glimpse of the eyes with no face.

Sleeping, wrapped tight under cover of sheets

she felt creeping fingertips touching her feet.

And screaming, the fingertips all went away,

The eyes, ever watching, were watching their prey…

Author's Note

Just trying to set the proper atmosphere for a novel I am working on. I would like to stick my toes in the water with a horror / suspense / thriller poem, as that is the genre of the larger piece. Hope the poem is headed in the right direction....

Reviews

[ReedWrite]

WOW. You nailed it!
I am not into horror...but this sent a shiver down my spine.
I loved the imagery...it came alive. The line: the horror now growing was watching her sleep...was awesome.
Loved this line too: And screaming, the fingertips all went away,/The eyes, ever watching, were watching their prey…
Very nicely done. Whatever novel this goes with, will be awesome.

[M. L. F.]

Why thank you.. ;) I love suspense / thriller. Oddly enough I only write suspense / thriller genre fiction, but somehow on here I have not posted much of it yet. I had a run in with an evil male I made the mistake of marrying (shivers) and had to pause to obliterate him with poetic swords for a while. Now I mostly feel there is enough blood on my blade, so that is that, and can focus on what really matters, FREEDOM AND FICTION! ;)

[ReedWrite]

I think you and I could be very good friends, M.L.
I obliterated...am still obliterating...my ex. My pen is still bloody! :)

[M. L. F.]

Ah yes.... How the pen is truly mightier than the sword.. I'm a very sweet person, but when evil, true evil comes my way (and it did, the jail worthy sort) then I brandish. hahah... yes. Friends indeed! :) Some of your best stuff will come from the bloody pen. Keep slashing!

[ReedWrite]

LOL...sharpening my pens now.
Never fear. Got your six, M. L.

[M. L. F.]

Lol... PERFECT! And I, yours. ;) Now Misty is off to bed. Its 2:30 AM here in Holland. The American writer needs to stop writing and go to sleepy-land. :) Until next time new friend.
..Misty

[ReedWrite]

Night, Misty. Sleep well.
Pam

[James]

Very good. Don't know if I will sleep tonight. Nothing seems forced, and it flowed perfectly. If your novel is as good as your poetry then I can't wait to read it.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you James. I am hoping it is getting better and better over time, my writing. That is the idea, to always keep writing, reading, and learning. I have still a lot to learn. Even a published writer should keep honing their craft every day. When everyone else goes to bed, I stay up, read and write for four hours a night. I hope I continue to learn and grow as a writer my whole life. I am happy to hear you liked the piece. Thanks for the time in reading and reviewing me. Sweet dreams.. ;)
Misty

[James]

My pleasure, I enjoyed it.

[zunie frost]

Your words have fear and beauty both at tge same time ...
Very nice work

[M. L. F.]

Thank you Zunie. Very kind to read and review me.
..Misty

[Echoes of Eros]

It is in your words of depth and darkness that a desire to find a copy of your novel is aroused. There is both a fear and beauty that can come through the eyes, through a touch in the night. Please let us know when you finish your work. xo

[M. L. F.]

First chapter should be up soon, then the second and third... don't know if I will post beyond that. Need to leave something for people to want to read... ;) Just finishing the last edits. I'm quite tough on myself. Thanks for reading my work...
Misty

[Echoes of Eros]

I appreciate you letting us know, Misty! Want to encourage your words to reach the world. xo

[Robert Parlange]

Spooky. I think I'll sleep with the light on tonight.

[M. L. F.]

Yes, Robert... That's my intention. Now the watts needed also say something profound, let's hope you're in need of a 100-watt bulb. ;)

[PhoenixDown]

Yesssssss. I love shorter pieces meant to set the tone or mood for something larger. Excellent work. I can "smell" that meal of a novel already.

[M. L. F.]

Oh I really hope so... I hope it is all that I hope it will be. I am so glad you appreciated this work. Thank you so much for the lovely words. ;)
...Misty

[PhoenixDown]

If your spirit is true, I think without a doubt your talent is more than enough to make possible all that you hope.
Sincerely,
L.

[William Liston]

This is a very good poem. I loved the horror in this--I kept reading each line with more and more interest in what was going to happen next. This poem also had a lovely flow and rhyme scheme. I'm almost speechless. Great job.

-William Liston

[M. L. F.]

As always William, your input is very much appreciated. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing my work, and for the lovely remarks.
..Misty

[William Liston]

You're welcome. I really enjoyed reading this. Somehow, I forgot to mention in my review that I admire your skills in rhythm and meter. Great work.

[M. L. F.]

Thank you, and I yours as well.