Forever

I had to write a poem about something that terrified me, and my greatest fear is the concept of eternity. That's where this poem came from.

Every day

During every round of 

"The floor is hot lava"

Or

"Keep the balloon in the air"

Winning becomes

Even more important

Because losing even once 

Would damn me

And late at night

When I’m alone

And the TV isn’t on

My mind will slip

Into thoughts of eternity

And how it goes

On

And

On

And

On

And I can’t sleep

Thinking

That life never ends.

Author's Note

Update! Let me know if the changes help/hurt the poem and if it is genuinely better because of them.

Reviews

[Marie]

"..life goes on forever," is a slight cliche. You might think about "...life is unending."
Or "...life never ends." Of course you can't avoid the main cliche in this, which is that life is eternal, and indeed somethng to be afraid of. That's why most people don't think about it.

[symmetryAsymmetry]

Hahaha! great work..
I'm sure life and whatever comes after it can't be that cruel :-)

[Marie]

+The poem was good enough i n the beginning; the last line is some improvement.

[Poeticpiers]

Why worry of course life never ends we merely cash in old outworn bodies for new ones.One lifetime is not enough to learn what we need to know.

[Manda]

I like the concept, and honestly, it's one that scares me too. But i would like to know: what is it about eternity that scares you exactly? I really think you should put that in there as well :) Welcome to WritersCafe by the way :)

[A.Pinto]

I think the last line is a bit of a cliche, but I think it works in context. Cliches are things people tend to overlook but your poem makes the reader really think about the meaning of it and realize that you don't take for granted what others do.
I also really like your line breaks, they mimic choppy thought patterns that occur often occur at night.

[Nobody.]

it's cool. I'd throw something insane right in the middle, just to get the reader looking a little closer. And, Marie has a point, maybe rephrase the "life goes on forever" with something that has sharper teeth.
Cheers!

[Coyote Poetry]

A interesting poem. The mind can wander and ponder thoughts when we allow it to be free. I like the quiet of a late night and time to think of life. I like desire and feel of the poem. A excellent poem.
Coyote