~ The Man behind his Mask (Part 1.)

~ A story this night as an incognito devised to save man from the vexation of thinking...

~ The Man behind his Mask (Part 1.)

 

 

 

In the streets of Venice on carnivals night

He walked, compulsive, along the water

His heart was beating as the King of his blood pressure

Crowned with the sweat that poured from his pores

Dripping out of his face, under his mask

To find her was a lifetime task

 

Restless and eagerly of desire to catch her this time

Almost he sniffed her fragrance, truly obsessed.

Speaking aloud, but his words with discretion,

A lost Penetrating mind full of things to do,

What his voice told him to, but

He still had no clue...

 

Violin playing sounded out of the street corners

The acceleration of the song, while he shook his head

It made confuse his path, it distracted him

The voices in his head were talking about his failure

He felt lost, insecure, and confused

Why he had this haunting need, that she must be abused?

 

Closer with the illusion than his sick mind could change

Further away from its conclusion, wandering towards his needs

He runs on pure survival instinct, to catch her glimpse

Just a mystery she was, an elusive fact, hidden far away

Like she was one of a thousand, in the crowd for him a goal

But in his eyes a true special soul...

 

Various ways of suffering he had faced already

Glossed over by the splendor of the night

The little boys dream was thwarted, fallen into pieces...

In the great city of illusion, and all his mind confusion

He lost the key of his thoughts, the true transmitting fusion

He walked to an oasis of self disillusion.

 

He shall overcome the compulsions and head made illustrations

Like an rope around his neck and gives him a feeling he chokes

Tightened with every step he takes,

The way of self destruction he makes, and now much longer...

Does not awake him yet...

The perfection to catch her in his mind is stronger

 

The made pictures in his mind rushed him to feel hate and anger

A neurotic sea full of heavy thoughts stormed and came along

Where the waves splashed to the border of his brain cells

To drown his mind, to numb his thoughts, to kill his perfection

But he needed his gain...

To please her, he thought, he was totally insane

 

She was wearing a mask

Like a million women did this night...

If his neurotic mind was calm, he could just smell her

He was close to her, but preferred to chose

His own forced direction...

He was so overloaded with his own perfumed perfection

 

 
To be continued…

 

 

~ Elisa Laura

 

Author's Note

It's just a poetic story, no film script, nothing more than my own creativity, as I did lived in Italy, and walked across some streets in Venice. Sniffed the air, and felt its embrace...

Reviews

[bookworm]

Like a rope around his neck, gives him a feeling and chokes...perfection...looove that line...this is a bit different for you too, Elisa...telling an entire story like this...and I love that it was based on nothing more profound than walking on the streets of Venice, smelling the air, taking it in...it shows your ability to write from places other than our own ego, suffering, personal drama, etc...well done..xoxo

[Adelia Alighieri]

Love how this piece is descriptive and the scenes you paint create a great story.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the story in the poem. The description took me to a good place. I wish I lived in the day of dance and mystery. Sometime we can choose the road person with the right one at arm's reach. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[topsyturvy]

I would love to be able to do this someday. Get inspired from one of my travels. Some say that for a writer to be well-versed in his/her field, you have to go out there and experience life outside of your own head. I guess, this sums it up for me :) I have yet to learn this trick. A beautiful piece. Thanks for sharing it :)

[An owl on the moon]

There is a rich, dark depth to your words... the masks that hide and disclose... the haunting feeling of being exposed... the scent of a life hanging in the balance all around you. Powerful and profound.

[Birdman313]

wow so many twist and turns through a journey of obsession

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

This is quite a journey look into the power of obsession and how it makes rational thinking impossible... I would call this brilliantly chilling.

[EMF]

Yeah, there's a couple of typo's in it. I was aware as I was reading, but the quality and power behind the story carried me along, so without going back I couldn't tell you where. The entire 'stalker' (for want of a better word) story transfixed me as you delved so much into his mind and emotional state that a man who is originally a potential hero figure disintergrates and degenerates befoer our eye's into something quite loathesome. A superb read

[Ursula Kay Vos]

I really like the spectrum of your writing! Another great write! The tempo keeps pace with the fervent mind of the neurotic mind of this mad man and it serves as a great addition to this well laid out piece!
A few quick notes,
3rd stanza 3rd line you write, "It made confuse his path"
If this is done for effect to show the jumbled mind of the man who is pursuing the object of his obsession it has done so marvelously!
If not, you may consider re wording this my friend, maybe "confusing his path" or " it confused his path" would be an alternate?
4th stanza 5th line you write, "in the crowd for him to goal"
You may consider replacing "to" with "a" or "his" so it would read instead "in the crowd for him his goal" you could also refer to her as a "prize" instead of "goal"
And finally 6th stanza 5th line you write, "does not awakes him yet..." Here ask that you would really need is to change awakes to awake, singular :)

From your first works that I've read to the more recent writing that I'm reading, your getting so much father advanced in your english and I've heard, english is one of the hardest to learn if your not a native speaker!
I know I still have corrections to my work, and I am from america :(
Hehe

Great poem Elisa as always! Loved it through and through!

[Dayran]

Rings completely true of a mind walking the crossed and elevated streets of Venice with an eye for the high, low and the middle road. Its as if we don't miss a thing that way and that which we encounter is true. And perhaps it is. It would be nice to know for sure. A poem with thoughts of many doors.

[stars are far]

nice one :)