~ The Woman of Dust

~ Because dancers are the messengers of the Universe...

~ The Woman of Dust

 

 

It was the last time she danced

Full of passion and emotion

Her eyes filled with sparkles,  she glanced

The evening was loaded

As she was liberated...

As a red orchid flower she moved

Along the stage so elegant secure

She bloomed so purely

I was there…

In Amsterdam’s Carré,

It was her last dance,

She moved as if she could die

As if her life could stop…

The bliss she felt over the years,

As a true dancer came to an end…

Now she would be remembered

As the Woman of Dust…

 

A true Legend

 

~  Elisa Laura

Author's Note

Thank you xx

Reviews

[light and ashes]

Gorgeous, I can picture her moving across the stage displaying every part of her soul for her audience to see. I have always been deeply moved and entranced by dancers ever since I was a small child. It really is true, "dancers are the messengers of the Universe." Amazing job :)

[Hanan_Maliah]

Elisa...you have captured my attention with this poem...remarkable how you can visiualize her movement and yes feel as if she is indeed you...

[bookworm]

I felt completely entranced by this piece, Elisa.

Particularly....

"In Amsterdam's Carre'"

"She moved as if she could die
As if her life could stop"

I guess perhaps bc I can relate to it so much. Its how my writing feels lately. (Strangely so...) I guess we all can at various stages in our lives. The need to give it every breath of our existence, bc sometimes we just know that if we don't do it now, we won't ever do it. Beautiful!

And your English was perfect in this as well...:)

[Noa]

Hello fellow Dutch person!

This is truly an honest and emotion-filled ode. My favorite line is: "She bloomed so purely", because the image it creates is somewhat contradictory (seeing how 'blooming' is often associated with maturing, which is in turn not associated with 'pure'), but conveys the feeling in a smooth manner.

As for your writing, I think you could have achieved more intensity if you let go of some of the ellipsis you used near the end. Also, in the third line, you may have used 'filled with' instead of 'full of', to prevent repeating the words 'full of' right after line 2.

Lovely music choice, it enhances the reading experience :)

Thank you for sharing your work!
-Noa

[MAC]

hey i didn't notice this beyond but you share your first name with my baby girl. very cool!

[Brianna Brie]

Great title! I suppose are remembered when we do that which we are good at naturally. Lovely write.

[taylorrose]

nice i love it and beautiful picture

[screamin'ian]

This is a beautiful ode to a woman who you obviously love and respect :)

[Liza]

i love dancing - most times alone or with a group (i don't know how to be lead) feeling so free to move with the rhythm and align the soul, body and mind - wonderful piece. i took dancing lessons with my husband; it was a lovely time realizing the dynamics of dancing to the music, with a partner or free ....from then on the i learned that dancing offers structure as well as liberation ~ just like writing or any form of expression.

[Priscilla Sayers]

Sounds like a very enchanting woman. Nice write.

[Seshat Nidaba]

1. As a red orchid flower she moved
2. In Amsterdam’s Carré,
3. It was her last dance

It takes 3 decent lines to write a good poem, even if the supporting cast is just medium.

Oh and

4. She bloomed so purely

That had tender swiftness! This piece distinctively had a point and was not a rant, which makes me happy.