~ After the Electric Fire

~ The notes that are left, and repeated....

~ After the Electric Fire

 

The sultry night still

    Danced on the remaining waves,

Of its tangible thoughts;

 

Therefore, they looked at each other eye to eye,

     Magical electric notes

And fiery sparks, to explode

 

They flew over the countertop

      Where the uncountable time

 Disappeared in the non-sighted;

 

Love at first sight

     As large scale could not show

Them the essence

 

 Exposed sparkling eyes,

     Lips soft and sweet

This one strongest beat

 

Nothing was left, but the vodka,

     And a smoky room,

Her eyes, on her guitar

 

Tears stinking of sorrow,

    And texts about the past

For she repeated her song

 

 

~ Elisa Laura

Author's Note

Feel free...



Constructive Critisism, is always welcome!
Enjoy! x

Reviews

[RedInk524]

This reminds me of the time the power went out when i was playing my electric bass. i sat in the dark a moment, mumbled to myself "Guess I'm playing acoustic now" and went back to playing like nothing happened for another hour till the lights came back on. i kept playing the creepiest little melody over and over that i thought up. lol. I am never in a good mood when playing it or my keyboard, happiness leaves me too empty minded to function. Thus, i kinda connect with this.

Ha, you really get it dear... I did that lately too... :) so happy to see you back! let's share lot's of music! lol exactly exactly! :) ah, it's good you read this one! Sent me more of silent hill... in the mean time, I will make some creativity with it.

[RedInk524]

I look forward to it my friend. :)

Me too.... ;) turning now, yawn, see ya soon :) x

[Foxemerald]

This particular poem defines the essence of divinity that has a remarkable cadence. The pull of the words is strong, but their primary merit lights a fire of love and tenderness through the musical notes. There is a beauty and a sultry heat in this, as well as the red tinge of electricity, but as Maryanne says below, ther is a classical cadence. The looks between the two lovers, the soft love being carried upon the backs of this sweet melody, are blighted by realism, which really makes this poem valuable. It is original, but classical in the sense that dreams are mixed with reality, and, as I'm quite a musical lover, I really enjoyed the twist ~

Great job!

Hello dear, oh thank you very much for your wonderful, and good review. As you and Maryanne always dig deeper. I'm very pleased and happy to have you always by, after weekends, I'm going to review more, can't wait to read you again, for you write so unique! Thanks my friend. :)

[Foxemerald]

And I should say back, in turn, that the pleasure is all mine. But more importantly, I will be looking forward to reading more by your pen, and hearing some of you lovely comments on my work as well. It is always good to hear from you =)

My weekends are just so so busy hehe, I'm always on the road, and traveling... pop in now and then to check, but in the week, I have more time to read/review, and yours are on my high bucket-list, for they are so good... You are a special and very talented writer, dear friend. And I look forward to, to read. :)

[Androglossia]

Don't we all experience this? Such intensity wrapped moment when everything else became indistinct except for the heat consuming our spirits. Until it faded out and we were thrown back to reality, flabbergasted, as if it was always the first time, always the first time to get hurt. Such beauty in your words dear, with a class. Loved it.

Thank you so much my dearest :) always happy to see you by! :) be back soon x

[Androglossia]

It's my pleasure!

[Kenneth The Poet]

On and on...a poem about the lack of closure and our desperate need for it. I read that here.

You're the best Ken, I miss you, come back for your fantastic brain for it's the most intelligent one of the WHOLE WC!!!

[Kenneth The Poet]

Thanks, E.L.

It's true, you're the one and only best Math poet on here!!!!! you need more respect! for I hate those who don't understand your brain..... :D lol, Including myself at times... ok ok...

[jacob erin-cilberto]

the electricity as the eyes meet, the lips touch, sparks fly and then suddenly a fuse is blown and there is nothing left but songs of the past, of that night, of that moment...
which passed as quickly the notes of a two minute song...

such a flurry of beautiful phrasing..

and we were all holding up our lighters, asking for an encore.

jacob

Like "encore un fois" it was a hit back in the 90's lol, you are my hero friend, thanks for understanding my brain, and a brain that was born a several decates to late.... :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

yes, i think you would have fit right in to the sixties....that was a time...

*decades, urgh.... :D just hit me with that hammer, if i screw up will you? :D thanks friend, Dutchie is going to sleep, :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

goodnight, Dutchie...

I miss my forlorn times... I guess I never can transform to them, however they follow me ;) much love, and goodnight my friend :) peace....

[ChemicalMadness]

This one pounded with passion, lust, anticipation and pain.....gorgeous! Loved it!
CM

Thankies luv... :) always good to have you by! :D

[quinfinn]

sounds like a terrible rote example of that same old same old situation and the very familiar territory and routine of finding, embracing, losing and lamenting love....music, alcohol and for me....lots and lots of weed and self hatred....i love how you showed me i was never alone at all in this malady.

I told you dear friend, we are all romantics, and we are all crazy.... it's life, when some don't see the facts, they aren't living. True romantics, dig deep, do not sleep, mourn on mornings, forget to eat, and live like zombies. Well hello that was me :D oh and you. :D and many others... who are romantic... :)

[quinfinn]

that makes you and i sister and brother in a twisted sort of way, n'est pas?

C'est vrais.... :D haha! we know that already for a long time... don't we? I hope you find your peace, and rest.... for I'm still walking on the road... :D I'll get there...

[quinfinn]

ah, i have my native girl, remember? elena...she has changed my life....it will come.....yes, i have always felt a kinship to you.

She's a treasure, yes, I remember... ;-) and I know you're happy LOL hehehehe so am I ... I pretend :P no just kidding haha

[Belle]

' Therefore, they looked at each other eye to eye,
Magical electric notes
And fiery sparks, to explode '

For the reader who already forgot this kind of feelings, it is good way to introducing again oneslf into the magical feeling.

Beautiful write as always, Dear Sis.

Thank you so so much for appreciating this piece. It means a lot when you come by Sis... lovely YOU!

[Belle]

The pleasure to read from you is always mine, Dear Sis.
and bear with me if I cannot come always, but please never think I am not with you.

I know I know love, real friendship may have silence, and space... for it's the richest one than many more superficial ones. :) love you x p.s ask sister Maryanne... love = space :D

[Sheila Kline]

There are those times when we never seem to know when to walk away, and when we finally have the courage and eyes opened wide enough to see the truth of the relationship, then we may leave, but what is left behind is as you say......just smoldering in the embers of cold love.
Another great write that sends smoke circles of "I should have known better" into the thick night air of burned out love.

It's now and somehow time for another phoenix-burn, and renewal, out of the ashes.... LOL thank you love, you always nail my poetry! :D and feel the fictive love of my quill :)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

First...love CatPower. Okay, with that out of the way, you've done it again, my friend! You have created a piece that I can relate to so completely and fully. The tunnel vision of love, the quick fury and passion, and then the aftermath, which is nothing but vodka, texts and sad songs on a guitar. *sigh* I feel like I have lived this.

One little suggestion for flow: 6th stanza---"But nothing was left, but the vodka"--i would suggest ommitting the first "But" so it is just "Nothing was left, but the vodka,"

Beautiful as always , my friend...beautiful!

Thank you so much my sweet friend, and I'm NOT happy you can relate lol ;-) thanks for helping me out fantastic Girl, I was in doubt of that line too... :) you're the best! I'll be back tomorrow for yours, can't wait...