~ To Be

~ To Be, E.L. Elisa Laura, Fictive, Surreal, One with Nature, Dreams, Heart, Short Poetry,

~ To Be

Once released the pains of heart

And gave me over, in the arms of sand

I did finally dream of beauty

On my so beloved and treasured land

 

I can sleepily dream the tides to come,

Washing all the sorrows away,

Drowning into the arms of you

To be, one... and forever stay

 

~ Elisa Laura

Author's Note

Thank you xx

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Elisa

Having found you highlighted on the writer's lists on this site for more than one reason, I thought I would come have a look and find out why.

Now I have.

I looked first at your profile and found it warm, welcoming and art in itself. I found there an open and inquistive mind, a quailty that we all as writers should strive to achieve or if we have it already maintain. There is also a childlike quality to it. But then as they say, and in my experience, the art of writing is to recapture one's own childhood and look at the world with an innocent eye.

Then I found by opening the piece currently at the top of your portfolio, this, that you combine your words, not only with the visual (the photo) but also with the auditory (the music). I have always wished to join all the arts in one place. Perhaps that is territory we should all seek to inhabit. But if not all, I do.

Finally this piece (To be) as a sample of your writing. There is a lot to be said for brevity and simplicity. Less is more. Too much, we bore; too complex, we confuse.

This poem is soft and eloquent. But I would be a poor and unhelpful reviewer if I left it there.

Whilst poetry is of course a mood, a feeling and linguistic sense need not intrude, you lose me briefly in the first two lines: 'To be ... once released the pains of heart and gave me over' jars with the eloquence of what follows. It is a grammatical non sequitur.

Perhaps beauty never resides in logical perfection. Perhaps it needs to ignore logic, defy it and use its own grammar.

One of the best pieces of writing I ever reviewed was rejected by many but I revered. It was written in pidgin English. It was precsiely its imperfection which made it perfect. I happened to be writer of the month (it was a very brief one, cough!) on one writing site once and conferred the prize on her the next for that reason alone. She needed to be rewarded for her bravery.

I don't mean to wax lyrical except I do at times. But at others I can be humorous, at others sad and at yet others very blunt and screaming aggressively and in your face.

I'll end with this whether relevant or not. All beauty comes with a flaw. The flaw, like a beauty spot, enhances the rest.

I fear that lurking behind the novelist I strive to be - it is a common joke that applies to all of us - there is someone who has a lot to say. I have already written here a complex skein of useless words in relation to the simplicity of your eight lines.

But there is a philosopher hidng inside me which always needs a voice when I write or read the words of others. Writing is about life, yours, mine, theirs and telling us all about it.

Relevant or not, on the topic of perfection and perhaps we all as writers should take heart from these words, someone once told me this and they are wise words:

'Perhaps the only perfection we should strive for in life is in the acceptance of our own and others imperfections'.

I shall leave you to it Elisa.

I have learnt a thing or two from my brief trip into your world. I shall now retreat into my rather more complex and obscure. Just look at what I have written and you will see why.

With my warmest regards and a smile if only at myself

James

Thank you for these words, I am deeply impressed by your many opinions, and the explanation so well expressed there. I agree, with the fact also "To Be" always a little child into your deepest denial at times... I wonder of persons who are actually not? I think we all love our hidden one, to build on in life... (the big bad world) can be so cruel, and it is sometimes nice to be quirky, or just spontaneously, to be just that child you once was... Nothing in my world is required on being hasted, it comes when it comes. Make of yourself a compulsion object would make me so unnatural.

My weird sentence structure at times, has maybe to do with my Dutch brain, cadence to .. We often think in one language and speak it out as we think. Like also being a bit Phonetic people can act... Anyway, I find it very instructive to read your review, and I'm honestly grateful with reviewers like it should be more like this, I think I appreciate people who read to read what they read, and to give their own interpretation on, (There is nothing better see what it has brought you up). And within the spare time I shall return for you, and your writings. :)

Sincerely,

- Elisa

[vanila bean]

Please read my poem the voice the your poem was really good!:)

[S]

Such beauty is your writing...
Simple words and strong emotions!

Thank you Sayrandhri :)

[Inda]

Longing such longing for love's embrace. Great piece here!

Thank you so much Inda... :) or death? ;)

[Empirik]

Such a comforting write. Beneath the warmth of the sand as a hug all around your being. Beating upwards, graceful and gorgeous in the place to be grounded but able to look across the sea with ease. So much written with so little. You always have had a way with emphasis, impact and syntax between the lines of poetry. You're number one! X :)

Thank you sweet soul, will be back for your writes :) X Beautiful words....

[Empirik]

As we always will! :)

True to that lol.... ;) glad you're on again... now and then...
Breathing in between the lovely scene...

Hey, I already read you a 20 times, I will review after my long weekend...
Ro's B-Day :) so off and on... take care love x

[Empirik]

Oh, Happy Bday! Mine was just last Tuesday! So happy to hear from you and feel you reading my work. So glad it lands upon your eyes so many times. X :)

[Empirik]

P.S. I love this song!!!

I'm truly shocked of myself I I did forgot your bday, shame on me!!! My life is so busy right now, the reason you have in WA xxx and many thank yous dear...sorry sorry sorry, bad Eli...

[Robbie~xoxo~]

To become one with the sand and sea....the need to be where your soul belongs, is part of who you are... I find it to be a great release to breathe in the ocean and exhale life's sorrows and stresses...

This is breathtaking!...a dreamy vision of "drowning in the arms" of love...

Ah, wonderfully said, my dearest. :) sometimes, we yearn for our roots, don't we? ♥ Love you xx

[Robbie~xoxo~]

Yes, I am right now....planning to go to the beach in a few months... Can't wait to breathe again! XOXOX :) Thank you for writing...

That is so great... :) I'm curious where you go to... just relax, for a bit.... you so deserve it is XO :)

[CS]

Pure poetry, my friend. No more need be said. Lovely work.

I'm grateful to you dear... sometimes it's better just to be... :) x

[MOON]

Lovely slightly sad write like longing to be released and to be as one.

Nice words Moon, thank you dear...

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarri..]

Short yet sensational! I don't know why i imagined the beach when I read this
Liked it

Thank you very much dear writer... I've had read already much of your sensational work, I will review soon... :) thanks for pausing here.

[Adam Lebzo -RonninWarrior-]

take your time!
Thank you for writing :)

:)

[sithlordjp]

I know this is probably miles away for what you intended, but this is what I saw as I read your lovely words. I cannot help to feel an ominous tone emerging from that sand. I sense a soul finally giving up, waiting to be swallowed by the desert. A longing to disappear, to sleep, forever, under the sand, to be eternally preserved, turned into glass… A secret desire to be merged into something greater than ourselves, to escape this crude matter, and dream of a land that we are truly a part of… Sorry, it’s just how my mind is wired this morning! But a great read for sure, thanks for sharing! ;)

Thank you for all your lovely interpretations JP, they are welcome, and valued... :) indeed I feel a longing to disappear forever, and wake up on one of my shores, were I can be.... ~ me (and maybe just as little and as invisible as the sea kisses the shore)

[kublakhan27]

These lines are like a daydream...you close your eyes and find a happy place...I think I was as moved by J.J's review as the poem that inspired it :) Great work as always my friend :)

Ah thank you Canadian. :) so good to have you by! I need my escapes now and then ;-) hehe great you are moved too so much by sweet woman and poet Jazz x

[kublakhan27]

We all do my friend :) I'd go crazy if I didn't write, or should I say crazier ;)

So true... what are we without our hearts (even hidden) ink, and a quill to translate? ;)

[kublakhan27]

Indeed ;)

:D, have a good sleep....

[J. J. Nightingale]

You are the one inside my dreams
You are my joy forever and after
Abide with me my life, my love
Two hearts entwined inside a dream
Infinity ............

Two can live beyond the sun .. two can bear the ocean's waves
Come to me .. and forever stay .............. Awwwww wonderful !

Beautiful thoughts my little dove ... Jazz xo

I feel so honored to have you by Jazzy, your words, are as clean and pure as they could be! you're such a pure soul! goosebumps.... xxxx Eli

[J. J. Nightingale]

xoxoxo J. :)