~ To Be

~ To Be, E.L. Elisa Laura, Fictive, Surreal, One with Nature, Dreams, Heart, Short Poetry,

~ To Be

Once released the pains of heart

And gave me over, in the arms of sand

I did finally dream of beauty

On my so beloved and treasured land

 

I can sleepily dream the tides to come,

Washing all the sorrows away,

Drowning into the arms of you

To be, one... and forever stay

 

~ Elisa Laura

Author's Note

Thank you xx

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Elisa

Having found you highlighted on the writer's lists on this site for more than one reason, I thought I would come have a look and find out why.

Now I have.

I looked first at your profile and found it warm, welcoming and art in itself. I found there an open and inquistive mind, a quailty that we all as writers should strive to achieve or if we have it already maintain. There is also a childlike quality to it. But then as they say, and in my experience, the art of writing is to recapture one's own childhood and look at the world with an innocent eye.

Then I found by opening the piece currently at the top of your portfolio, this, that you combine your words, not only with the visual (the photo) but also with the auditory (the music). I have always wished to join all the arts in one place. Perhaps that is territory we should all seek to inhabit. But if not all, I do.

Finally this piece (To be) as a sample of your writing. There is a lot to be said for brevity and simplicity. Less is more. Too much, we bore; too complex, we confuse.

This poem is soft and eloquent. But I would be a poor and unhelpful reviewer if I left it there.

Whilst poetry is of course a mood, a feeling and linguistic sense need not intrude, you lose me briefly in the first two lines: 'To be ... once released the pains of heart and gave me over' jars with the eloquence of what follows. It is a grammatical non sequitur.

Perhaps beauty never resides in logical perfection. Perhaps it needs to ignore logic, defy it and use its own grammar.

One of the best pieces of writing I ever reviewed was rejected by many but I revered. It was written in pidgin English. It was precsiely its imperfection which made it perfect. I happened to be writer of the month (it was a very brief one, cough!) on one writing site once and conferred the prize on her the next for that reason alone. She needed to be rewarded for her bravery.

I don't mean to wax lyrical except I do at times. But at others I can be humorous, at others sad and at yet others very blunt and screaming aggressively and in your face.

I'll end with this whether relevant or not. All beauty comes with a flaw. The flaw, like a beauty spot, enhances the rest.

I fear that lurking behind the novelist I strive to be - it is a common joke that applies to all of us - there is someone who has a lot to say. I have already written here a complex skein of useless words in relation to the simplicity of your eight lines.

But there is a philosopher hidng inside me which always needs a voice when I write or read the words of others. Writing is about life, yours, mine, theirs and telling us all about it.

Relevant or not, on the topic of perfection and perhaps we all as writers should take heart from these words, someone once told me this and they are wise words:

'Perhaps the only perfection we should strive for in life is in the acceptance of our own and others imperfections'.

I shall leave you to it Elisa.

I have learnt a thing or two from my brief trip into your world. I shall now retreat into my rather more complex and obscure. Just look at what I have written and you will see why.

With my warmest regards and a smile if only at myself

James

Thank you for these words, I am deeply impressed by your many opinions, and the explanation so well expressed there. I agree, with the fact also "To Be" always a little child into your deepest denial at times... I wonder of persons who are actually not? I think we all love our hidden one, to build on in life... (the big bad world) can be so cruel, and it is sometimes nice to be quirky, or just spontaneously, to be just that child you once was... Nothing in my world is required on being hasted, it comes when it comes. Make of yourself a compulsion object would make me so unnatural.

My weird sentence structure at times, has maybe to do with my Dutch brain, cadence to .. We often think in one language and speak it out as we think. Like also being a bit Phonetic people can act... Anyway, I find it very instructive to read your review, and I'm honestly grateful with reviewers like it should be more like this, I think I appreciate people who read to read what they read, and to give their own interpretation on, (There is nothing better see what it has brought you up). And within the spare time I shall return for you, and your writings. :)

Sincerely,

- Elisa

[vanila bean]

Please read my poem the voice the your poem was really good!:)

[Phantom Heart]

Some of my favorite pieces on here are short and sweet. This is one of them. Its truly amazing how writers can say so much in such a short poem. Thank you for sharing.

Poetry needs to be short... too long is too confusing at times... it needs to have an exact feeling of the matter, wrapped in the essence, and I'm working on that to make them shorter, a poet never stops learning... thank you so much for being here :) - Elisa

[Phantom Heart]

I concur. If they are too long my brain shuts down.

Thanks again, dear, I will come back for your art :)

[Androglossia]

My dearest, there is deep longing on this write that has been there all the while, waiting to drink up and be satisfied in the memories of the past or the memory of a certain place wich one can always go back to. Besides, no matter how far we've gone, we always go back where we came from or to what makes us happy. This is once again a great write, Eli.

Thank you very much M. :D Exactly, true to that, I feel so honored to have you by always.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i too see it in more of a spirtual sense...into the arms of a certain karma.

and embracing and being embraced by our land...

there needs to be more of that.

liked this overall...found the first two lines a bit hard to read...had to keep rereading trying to put them together...

but i like the feeling...

Thank you Jacob, :)
- Elisa

[mariehelene]

love the whole package, the words and the awesome art, and wonderful music. I will be looking to purchase that album as well. It was a wonderful, inspiring, way to start my day. Thank you so much.

I'm truly honored to have you by mariehelene. :) And that my work brought you this, gives me reasons to continue writing... Thank you very much. - Elisa

[mariehelene]

your so welcome

:)

[Pax]

much said in short manner... the painted beauty of your love scribbled down into a dreamy write... a well verse heartfelt touch of the love you had recieved... heartfelt words dearest eli....

Thank you Paxie, dear. :)

[M.E.Lyle]

Wow!! I won't try to analyze this because I can't. It stands alone in its calming beauty, like being wrapped up in grains of sand.

Thank you dearly M.E. I am happy you came in, :)

[Kenneth The Poet]

Excellent work. Still beautiful even with its short length.

Thank you very much :)

[Clockwork]

I think I read this piece on a spiritual level, like being accepted into the arms of the great energy of the universe. However, I can see this piece being about the embrace of a physical lover as well. At any rate, it has a very calming feeling, and a real sense of solace and acceptance.

Thank you for this nice review :) my friend

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

This is a beautiful poem. I felt touched.
Its a work of art.

Oh dear, I'm so grateful you liked this one... :) I will be back for you soon after my long weekend... can't wait to read more, and have more time for true goodies on here. - Elisa