~ To Be

~ To Be, E.L. Elisa Laura, Fictive, Surreal, One with Nature, Dreams, Heart, Short Poetry,

~ To Be

Once released the pains of heart

And gave me over, in the arms of sand

I did finally dream of beauty

On my so beloved and treasured land

 

I can sleepily dream the tides to come,

Washing all the sorrows away,

Drowning into the arms of you

To be, one... and forever stay

 

~ Elisa Laura

Author's Note

Thank you xx

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Elisa

Having found you highlighted on the writer's lists on this site for more than one reason, I thought I would come have a look and find out why.

Now I have.

I looked first at your profile and found it warm, welcoming and art in itself. I found there an open and inquistive mind, a quailty that we all as writers should strive to achieve or if we have it already maintain. There is also a childlike quality to it. But then as they say, and in my experience, the art of writing is to recapture one's own childhood and look at the world with an innocent eye.

Then I found by opening the piece currently at the top of your portfolio, this, that you combine your words, not only with the visual (the photo) but also with the auditory (the music). I have always wished to join all the arts in one place. Perhaps that is territory we should all seek to inhabit. But if not all, I do.

Finally this piece (To be) as a sample of your writing. There is a lot to be said for brevity and simplicity. Less is more. Too much, we bore; too complex, we confuse.

This poem is soft and eloquent. But I would be a poor and unhelpful reviewer if I left it there.

Whilst poetry is of course a mood, a feeling and linguistic sense need not intrude, you lose me briefly in the first two lines: 'To be ... once released the pains of heart and gave me over' jars with the eloquence of what follows. It is a grammatical non sequitur.

Perhaps beauty never resides in logical perfection. Perhaps it needs to ignore logic, defy it and use its own grammar.

One of the best pieces of writing I ever reviewed was rejected by many but I revered. It was written in pidgin English. It was precsiely its imperfection which made it perfect. I happened to be writer of the month (it was a very brief one, cough!) on one writing site once and conferred the prize on her the next for that reason alone. She needed to be rewarded for her bravery.

I don't mean to wax lyrical except I do at times. But at others I can be humorous, at others sad and at yet others very blunt and screaming aggressively and in your face.

I'll end with this whether relevant or not. All beauty comes with a flaw. The flaw, like a beauty spot, enhances the rest.

I fear that lurking behind the novelist I strive to be - it is a common joke that applies to all of us - there is someone who has a lot to say. I have already written here a complex skein of useless words in relation to the simplicity of your eight lines.

But there is a philosopher hidng inside me which always needs a voice when I write or read the words of others. Writing is about life, yours, mine, theirs and telling us all about it.

Relevant or not, on the topic of perfection and perhaps we all as writers should take heart from these words, someone once told me this and they are wise words:

'Perhaps the only perfection we should strive for in life is in the acceptance of our own and others imperfections'.

I shall leave you to it Elisa.

I have learnt a thing or two from my brief trip into your world. I shall now retreat into my rather more complex and obscure. Just look at what I have written and you will see why.

With my warmest regards and a smile if only at myself

James

Thank you for these words, I am deeply impressed by your many opinions, and the explanation so well expressed there. I agree, with the fact also "To Be" always a little child into your deepest denial at times... I wonder of persons who are actually not? I think we all love our hidden one, to build on in life... (the big bad world) can be so cruel, and it is sometimes nice to be quirky, or just spontaneously, to be just that child you once was... Nothing in my world is required on being hasted, it comes when it comes. Make of yourself a compulsion object would make me so unnatural.

My weird sentence structure at times, has maybe to do with my Dutch brain, cadence to .. We often think in one language and speak it out as we think. Like also being a bit Phonetic people can act... Anyway, I find it very instructive to read your review, and I'm honestly grateful with reviewers like it should be more like this, I think I appreciate people who read to read what they read, and to give their own interpretation on, (There is nothing better see what it has brought you up). And within the spare time I shall return for you, and your writings. :)

Sincerely,

- Elisa

[vanila bean]

Please read my poem the voice the your poem was really good!:)

[jdr / Jennifer]

Elegantly written- beautiful piece of work. A short poem filled with overwhelming
emotions. Wonderfully put together. Thank you for sharing your work.

'I can sleepily dream the tides to come,
Washing all the sorrows away,
Drowning into the arms of you
To be, one... and forever stay'

Ah Jenn, thank you so much, always appreciate your visits... :)

[jdr / Jennifer]

I'm at a loss for words today- but you are a true poet, my friend.

That is too much for me, hehe, but thank you dear Jenn xx

[Zahra]

A very beautiful piece. Loved reading this.

Thank you very much for being here, and your words... :)

[Zahra]

My pleasure :-)

I like your stuff.... :) just read a few, will come back for reviews soon ;)

[Zahra]

You are most welcome. :-)

[Mary E Green]

You had me at the title :) Like the tides, your words wash right over ther reader, beautiful use of imagery. Be well...

Nicely said dear Mary... :) thank you !

[Kenilo Kent]

That was like one Young Greek praying to Cupid, crying and bleeding his heart out to him.

Thank you Kenilo :)

[Kenilo Kent]

I cant promise you the moon but do stop by my poetries i can atleast show you the moon. ;-)

[Geon Quuin]

or not to be. that is the question. kidding aside, I find this poem--sensual. it might not be your intention, but that is what I see. Good write.

It can be very sensual yes.... nothing wrong with that :) thank you to stop by dear fellow writer :) appreciated... ;)

[Geon Quuin]

you are welcome. you should also stop by my page and read a few of my stuff.

I will, ofcourse.... no worries.. did you read my "about me" ? I guess not yet hehe.... have a great time.... and many thank yous for once popping by....

[Tierra Starr]

This is beautiful :) I get that you have finally gotten over an old love and now are able to move on? This is still a wonderful poem, it makes me think a lot once I am done reading it.

Ah Tierra thank you so much for this review, yes, that could be probably! but it isn't hehe.... maybe you will find some answers beneath.... love and greetings, Eli, and I will come back for your catalogue!

[Ken Simm.]

Gorgeous I think is the only suitable word.

Thank you my friend, Very appreciated. :)

[emmajoy]

There are times when i think you can't write a better poem than you did on the last occasion, then, you magic another .. and another .. and another .. .. ..

This poem warms the heart,. Thank you. :)

Merci sweety, you make me smile :)

[emmajoy]

That's my job, Elisa! Hope you have a good week, love.

Aw, well, you did good!! :) thank you, I hope you have one fine week too dearest xxx

[jisha ct..viswanathan]

very nicely penned ... liked it

Thank you :)

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goe..]

this is a very unique love poem...it fits really well with your love for nature itself and your significant other.

very well done.

Thank you dear Cascara :) - Elisa x

[Cascara (aka Sprint Goes Cascading!)]

Most welcome, my friend ;)