Chapter 3: Memory

The hallways were all white in the large house. Kalim walked a few paces ahead of me at all times, pointing out different rooms along the way. The doors all looked the same to me -- white wood with silver knobs. I wondered how he could tell the difference between them, but I didn't ask. We made it to the front door, where he opened the door to a cliff side. "Fresh air should help you a bit." The waves lapped the shore below us, and I felt dizzy again. He closed the door behind me as I leaned on the door frame for support.

"Easy," he put a steadying hand on my shoulder and guided me toward the back of the house, leading me down an ageless path. It wound down the cliff and into patches of grass in the sand. I kept my eyes away from the water. Carefully, I sat on one of the grass patches, trying to keep my head from pounding. "You ok?" Kalim asked.

"Why are we out here?" I asked instead of answering him, not wanting to lie and tell him I was alright. He shifted uneasily behind me, then sat down beside me. "I'm seeing if I can strike anything in your memory. The sooner you can remember everything, the sooner we can help you home." Just as I opened my mouth to reply, I heard Abin's shout from behind us.

"Master Kalim!" We both turned to look at her. "It's not a good idea for her to be up and about so much yet, sir!" Her bare feet hurriedly made their way through the sand to us, until Kalim waved a dismissive hand.

"She's alright, Abin. She'll rest here for a while before I take her back inside." Abin looked from him to me, slightly torn. It was clear she couldn't go against his order, but she wished to.

"I'm ok, Abin. I'll have Kalim take me inside when I'm ready," I promised. She nodded hastily, then made her way back up to the house. Without her blocking my vision, the waves came into view, and I whirled around to keep from looking at them too long. The sound of them was both agonizingly dreadful and oddly soothing at the same time. I didn't like it; I put my head between my knees to try and block it out. Kalim sat beside me in silence.

I closed my eyes and was left to my own thoughts. For the most part, my mind wandered far enough that I didn't have to pay attention to it. From time to time, I was reminded that my name was Elsa, which was a bit annoying after the first couple times. Yes, I know my name is Elsa, I said back to my thoughts at one point, but that doesn't help anyone at this point. As if in reply, a barrage of scattered memory hit me. A woman with dark hair in a kitchen. A man at the table, scanning over a piece of paper and handing it to me. Elsa. A freckle-faced little boy running down a street. A dark blue room with glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to the ceiling. My room? The boy's room? Whose room was that? Elsa. A bicycle with a broken chain. Candles stuck in a cake. Hallways full of people. The sound of fireworks. Elsa. Elsa. Elsa.

"Stop!" I yelled aloud, my head snapping upright and my eyes opening. My breath was short, and the roar of the ocean filled my ears. I began to cough, my stomach churning and my head pounding. I could hear Kalim talking, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I doubled over, feeling like I was going to be sick. In a moment, the ground was swept out from under me and the world started bobbing up and down. The image of trees pressed its way back into my mind, and I forced myself to relax. The forest didn't disappear until I heard a door close behind us. We were back in the house. Carefully, Kalim set me down. My knees buckled, and in a moment I was sitting on the floor, trying to catch my breath.

"What happened?" He asked gently.

"I... memories… a bike… stars… three people…" Articulating just what had happened to me was more of a challenge than it should have been. It was like the words had been ripped out of my mind as soon as I tried to say them, but I babbled on anyway. "And cake… exploding… Elsa." I realized that I must have sounded like a nut, so I stopped talking. His face lit up.

"You remembered? That's great! Do you think you would be able to do it again?" I guess the look on my face answered his question as well as my words might have. Don't count on it. He nodded slowly. "Right then. You should probably go back to your room for now. Abin says you're not ready to be up and about so much. I apologize. Do you need help back to your room?" I bobbed my head up and down, not trusting my voice. He offered me a hand up, and I took it carefully. My legs couldn't hold my weight, and I was left struggling to gain my footing. A couple times, he made like he was going to pick me up again, but the thought of not being on the ground again was enough to keep fighting.

Eventually, I found my feet, but had to lean heavily on Kalim. As we traveled toward what I guess could be called 'my room,' I couldn't help but think how useless I really was. I wasn't willing to remember anything, and because of that I'd be causing Kalim and Carrad trouble. I'd be staying in Libain until I could either find a way home or remember enough for Kalim and Carrad to help me. As we passed by the white doors, I noticed dark symbols at the tops of them. Had they always been there? Each one still looked the same as the one before it, so I had to assume I'd just missed them before.

At the end of the hallway, Kalim opened the door that lead to my room. I slowly put weight on my feet. When I didn't have to cling to the boy's shoulder anymore, I carefully made my way over to the bed and sat, staring into space. Kalim stood in the doorway, unsure what to do. I looked up at him.

"Is it ok if I ask you some questions?" I asked, not sure if he was allowed to answer them or not. He nodded and made his way over to the chair he'd been sitting in when I woke up. I turned to face him, not really sure how to begin. "You're not human," I tried, "but a Fae?" He laughed once, like he was sharing a joke with himself. "Something like that," was all he said. I shifted, my hand finding a tendril of my red hair to play with nervously. "What exactly will happen if I remember everything?"

Now it was Kalim's turn to shift uncomfortably. "We'd be able to get you home easier." I had a feeling he wasn't telling me everything, but I didn't press any farther. "So it'd be best for everyone if I did." This wasn't a question, but more of a statement confirming what I already knew. Kalim nodded. I twisted my hair between my fingers, and my other hand balled into a fist on the bed. He noticed my silence after a moment and looked me over. I hardly noticed, lost in my own thoughts of how to make the best of a bad situation.

"Is there anything I can do?" He asked, and I shook my head. "No more questions," I said quietly, dropping my hair.

He stood, nodding. "I'll have Abin bring you up something to eat." His voice was the same tone it had been when I woke up -- soft, like he was afraid of scaring me.

"Not hungry," I murmured.

"I'll have her bring you up something anyway." He walked to the door, opened the door, then turned to look at me, like he'd almost forgotten something. "That rope," he pointed to the rope he'd pulled when I'd woken, "rings a bell in the servant's hall. If you need anything, just pull it." I nodded, and he pulled the door closed behind me. I laid down on the bed, my energy drained. I looked over at the chair where Kalim had been reading. Beneath the chair, a few books were stacked one atop the other. I picked up the black one, but it was written in a language I couldn't understand. "Fae," I sighed, then picked up the one below it. It was in English, so I sat back and leafed through it. It seemed to be about someone close to Kalim, and it was written like a long letter, bound between two covers. I started over from the beginning.

After a few minutes, Abin knocked on the door and came in with a table tray of food. It seemed to be some kind of soup. She bowed and left, but I left the meal be, absorbed in my book.