Red chapter 1

RED

Her hands were stained a dark shade of red, it was all over her. The red was spreading, it was on her shirt, on her face, and on her shorts. She started crying, and a straight line of the red was cleared from her dirt stained face. She ran into the woods the red and blue flashing lights were in the back ground, the past, never to be looked at by her again. A shot rang out from a gun and she hit the ground. Her white shirt now had more red and not all of it was hers. She took one last breath, moaned a painful sound, and squeezed one more tear to fall as a cop stood over her.

 

Chapter 1

            Indi looked at her father, she did not see a man growing weak from the bullet in him. She saw a brave strong man who would work through this time of pain. Indi smiled at him and he gave her a weak smile back. Her father was now crying more than Indi had ever see him cry and he said,

 “Take good care of yourself now dear. Your mother and I will be watching you from our spot in heaven.”

Indi looked at him with big, hurt eyes. Her father took his last breath, his last words, his last tear, his last time ever seeing his daughter for many years to come. That was 10 years ago, now things have changed drastically.

DETENTION

            “So what, nobody cares if I use spray paint in the girl’s room any ways. The people who were watching all laughed. And come on, why is smoking in the girl’s room so disgraceful, or whatever the word is that I’m looking for?”

            “Miss. Billord, using spray paint anywhere on school property is against school rules and calls for detention or a suspension. And it is not the 80’s, smoking in the girl’s room is not appropriate, not that is was then either!”

            “Cool it teach, I’m just messin’ with ya, I would not have done it if I knew that I was going to be caught. So why don’t you go sit at your desk and do whatever it is you do while I sit here is silence for the rest of the hour.”

            “Why I never! What would your parents think of your behavior, because I might just call them up and see what they have to say!”  

            “You go on and call them, but I hope you have a long distance calling plan because they are not in the country right now.”

            “Well then, where they and when are they coming back! Behavior like this should be punished.”

            “They are not coming back, my dad died 10 years ago, and my mom died 20 minutes after I was born. So unless you can call God up on the phone and ask him for my parents line, you will not be getting a hold of them for some time. Any other personal questions you would like me to answer Mrs. Crumbswell, or can I take my seat?”

            Mrs. Crumbswell was speechless for the first time in her life. She saw a girl who had nothing. Because she was a teacher, Mrs. Crumbswell had access to family who she could call when a student got in trouble. And for the first time she realized why Indi had no contacts on her access sheet. Indi had no other family members that she knew of to call for help. Indi had been living alone for the past 10 years and probably had to work late night shifts to get the money that she needed to live.

“This new found information will be brought up in the next faculty meeting,” thought Sherry Crumswell. “You may take your seat Indi, and please don’t talk!”

“What ever.”  

“Indi, I need you to stop texting. Indi can you hear me, stop texting! That is it give me your phone!”

“No way, I’m out of here! This is so not worth it and I don’t want to be late for my job. The boss said I would be fired next time and unless you want to come tell my boss why I was late for the third time this week, I’m leaving!”

Sherry watched as Indi walked out of detention, she did not say a word. Sherry let Indi leave, no fight, no extra detention, nothing but silence as Indi left 45 minutes early. Sherry got her bag and left the classroom. She headed to her teachers conference with something that would change the way that every teacher looked at Indi as a student and an individual.

Author's Note

Tell me if you think I should continue this book.

Reviews

[Sarah J. Mendonca]

I would like to read more, just thought I should add that.

[Sarah J. Mendonca]

I find the start to be a bit confusing. A lot of sentences start with she, mix it up some more.
It sounds like her father was shot by a cop, is that your intention?
Your character's voice changing through out the story. She says "messin with ya" then "would not" in the same sentence. It distracts from the flow. If she is chewing out a teacher she wouldn't change her style suddenly.
It says Indi's dad died 10 years ago. Yet she is still in school and lives on her own. Pretending she was seven when it happened, how could child services allow a seven year old to live on her own.
I have found that thinking over the character a bit more might help focus her voice when writing.