Geometry

the funny thing about poetry is that it can be
short, and say everything the world ever
needed to know without
saying much at all
or it can be 
long
and never
do anything except
make people sin because
they know of its troubles and how it longs
to be short

and in the same way
     you pervert my thoughts
          twisting them into anguished
               rivers of melted brain, enough
          to rattle a body straight to hell
     making me wish that i had
been shorter, or at 
     least short enough to forget.
          still, i zig zag across the sun
               limiting my love to nothing but
          the way it clings to the earth
     the same way you cling to the
last breath i never took

                    but i will
          never forget how the
      spring warmed me right up 
     or how  your chains held me 
    together for so long that even
    the moon, who so waits for his
      friend no longer waited for
          you and your lavender
             blood, your gilded
               eyes, your silver
                       heart

Reviews

[Emrick]

beautiful.
I like the style of writing,the message and the title of course.

[Stormy Weather]

I always enjoy seeing people experiment with different styles and such. I think my favorite thing about this is the way you faded from something vague to something specific, in a seamless, thought-process kind of way.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

I like the way this looks on the page, and I know that you were going for a certain visual with it, which is pleasing to the eyes--a little choppy in places to make this happen, though. Aside from that minor detail, however, I really truly liked this piece. The middle stanza was genius in my eyes...love the imagery and the feeling.

[Trigorin]

This is nice, and you've used some very evocative imagery here. I'd consider removing the 'one, two, etc.' headings at the start of each stanza, as it's obvious to the reader which stanza it is. You have a good concept and you've presented it fairly well - well done.