Life!

I'm so me, I'm exploding with myself!

 

I see abstract running past my view

 

in passion pinks and electric blues,

 

twirling down into the centre of

 

fruit smoothies with swirls of chocolate

 

delight, is my enclosed shelter

 

enclosing my spaces, my senses

 

my tastes, are full of flavours overflowing

 

the adolescence of ecstasy.

 

I am Drunk in blurred moments where God

 

knows where I'll fly to next

 

when this wind rushes me into surprises

 

of rhythm and motion.

 

Erratically will I fall

 

off unimaginable heights, through

 

chromatic atmospheres

 

rushed down, plummeting

 

into hostile theme parks

 

invading roller coasters

 

of sparked

 

Life.

Author's Note

I've changed the ending! And I think it's much better now!!!! Thnx for the advice guys! Especially KL! :) Also just changed the title! Don't take any offence by it!

Reviews

[KL]

I loved this entire poem until the end. Not that I don't mind the sudden leap from optimism to pessimism but the way it was presented wasn't the best. It just seemed premature, ya know? The rest of the poem is a fantastic visual weaved with colourful words. Fix up the words 'delight,' 'abstract,' 'twirling,' and maybe consider rewording the ending and you will have a shining piece. Love the avatar picture for this poem, too, it sums it up perfectly.

[AaronC]

"I'm so me, I'm exploding with myself!" you're also so amazing at writing you're exploding with awesomeness! :D the ending was a little sad and quick but it made sense and I understood where you going ^.^ good job nonetheless :)

[Blossom]

its really good. I love the flow. but the ending is somewhat abrupt.

[Cassiopia Summers]

Nice twist! Love the ending, it seems a little abrupt though. Wonderful, and enjoyable write.

[kuru]

interesting write....nice imagery "I am drunk in blurred moments"

[Atheana Kylee-S. C.]

nice :]

[Aven]

this is like a fix... an incredible trip through a creative mind. :)