Life!

I'm so me, I'm exploding with myself!

 

I see abstract running past my view

 

in passion pinks and electric blues,

 

twirling down into the centre of

 

fruit smoothies with swirls of chocolate

 

delight, is my enclosed shelter

 

enclosing my spaces, my senses

 

my tastes, are full of flavours overflowing

 

the adolescence of ecstasy.

 

I am Drunk in blurred moments where God

 

knows where I'll fly to next

 

when this wind rushes me into surprises

 

of rhythm and motion.

 

Erratically will I fall

 

off unimaginable heights, through

 

chromatic atmospheres

 

rushed down, plummeting

 

into hostile theme parks

 

invading roller coasters

 

of sparked

 

Life.

Author's Note

I've changed the ending! And I think it's much better now!!!! Thnx for the advice guys! Especially KL! :) Also just changed the title! Don't take any offence by it!

Reviews

[KL]

I loved this entire poem until the end. Not that I don't mind the sudden leap from optimism to pessimism but the way it was presented wasn't the best. It just seemed premature, ya know? The rest of the poem is a fantastic visual weaved with colourful words. Fix up the words 'delight,' 'abstract,' 'twirling,' and maybe consider rewording the ending and you will have a shining piece. Love the avatar picture for this poem, too, it sums it up perfectly.

[manifesto]

Wowsers! I really got a swirling, twirling, spinning-out-of-control feeling from this poem, and the imagery was amazing. Loved it!

[Emunah June.]

Wow...this is pretty....oh how do I put it...CREATIVE!!! I love reading stuff like this!!

[Amit Parmessur]

You write well friend,
do consider submitting a couple of your poems to my new magazine.
Visit us at: http://goldenappleezine.blogspot.com/
We have no restrictions on themes or style. Only this December is about Christmas.

Regards Amit

[Ari and Sylph]

I like the way the poem flows quite easily.

[Geralyn Miller]

Wow! I love this, a wild ride through a swirling mass of orderly chaos, glorious fun to read.

[Robin]

colorful and tasty ~ just as life should be

[David W Moore III]

very nice, exploding and candescing in light and color a spyrogram of words and feelings, ending in life

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is amazing. The flow and story was very good. The feel of energy made the poem stronger and more powerful. I like the positive feel of this poem. The ending was outstanding. The flow of words and word usage made this a pleasure to read.
Coyote

[Dream Weaver]

A great read and a surprising end...