You're Not Alone

Jackson struggles with his sexuality, his parents, the parents of his best friend and school life in general. Still a work in progress.

You’re Not Alone

Whistler was nothing special, just your average small town, with one high school, a McD’s, a bunch of stores and a skate park. A lot of folks knew each other, but that was because of Sunday mass, where everyone saw each other. Spring in Whistler never meant glaring sunshine or tropical temperatures. Not that it mattered actually. It had been exactly the same for the past couple of years. It was fine with Jackson, he wasn’t the person that was extremely interested in things changing. Jackson got out of bed as the first rays of sunshine passed through his curtains and hit his freckled face. He stretched and ruffled his hair and looked at his alarm clock that was displaying bright red letters. He swore as he got out of bed, it was only 8 o’ clock.

Jackson was the type of kid that didn’t really care what people thought of him. He just went about his business and did what he wanted. He managed to get decent grades in school, so his mom was happy. She still pushed him to do better, and to get to the top of the class. She has Jackson’s life planned out for him, and conversations about it generally tended to end up in fights. Jackson loved listening to music, riding on his BMX, playing bass, sketching and writing music. There was not a moment that went by without him having headphones hanging around his neck or actually listening to music. He never left home without it.

His rebellious nature came from the fact that he was always home alone. His mom worked, and dad…Jackson didn’t really remember his dad or knew what he did. His dad had left when he was 5 years old after another fight with his mom. From that time on, Jackson’s mom worked day in, day out and even in the weekends. When Jackson was younger, he would sit at the neighbors after school because his mom didn’t think he was old enough to be home alone. To avoid actually sitting at the neighbors, Jackson would ride his BMX until it was dark, then go home and go to bed. His mom tried to get some time off from work once in a while to do something fun, but that never seemed to work out. Now that he was sixteen, his mom let him off the leash. 

 Jess, Jackson’s mom, had already left for work. The house was empty, so Jackson turned on his stereo. Sum 41 started playing out of the speakers as he made his way to the bathroom. Avoiding the mirror, Jackson jumped into the shower and brushed his teeth. When he was back in his bedroom, Sum 41 had stopped playing and the grinding guitars of Pantera started shredding. Looking around his room looking for some clean clothes, he saw the results of a sleepless night. Sketches and pieces of writing were spread out over his floor. Grabbing the first shirt he could find and smelling it, he decided it was still good and threw it on. He then looked around for a hoodie and a pair of shorts in his closet, put those on, and stepped into his All Stars. Jackson picked up his schoolbag, not really caring about what he had in it. The essentials were in there; extra bass strings, picks, his cd case and his writing book. He walked to the kitchen, grabbed the cereal box and some milk and made himself breakfast. School started at 9 with assembly each day, which was mandatory.

“Stupid assembly, who needs it, it’s a total waste of time.” he muttered to himself.

Every day a student got chosen to read a verse out of the Bible in front of the whole school. Jackson generally sneaked in ten minutes late and sat down in the last row. Teachers took a headcount, but this took a while as there were over 400 students at Whistler High.

He finished his cereal, put on his headphones and grabbed his BMX. He cycled to school every day, it cleared his mind. He saw the school bus pass, and saw some kids mouthing insults at him, most likely trying to impress the girls that they were surrounded by. Jackson sang along to the songs that blasted out of his headphones at a volume that would deafen most people. As Unholy Confessions started playing he arrived at school, it was deserted outside.

“Everyone must already be at assembly.” Jackson thought to himself.

He walked inside, dumped his bag in his locker and made his way to the assembly hall. The reading had already started, and he slipped in as quietly as possible. He sat down next to some kid he didn’t know. Either the kid was new or Jackson must have never noticed him. Not that he cared, he only had half a year left in this dump and then he could move to New York to go to the College of Performing Arts. He had gotten word last week that he received a full scholarship. He had applied without his mom knowing about it. He was still thinking about how to break the news to his mom, as he wasn’t sure what she’d think of it. For Jackson all that mattered was that he would get to play bass, write music and end up with a degree. Where he would work didn’t actually matter to him.

“We’ll see that when we get there,” was one of Jacksons most used sentences, and most people hated it.

The kid that was reading from the Bible was stammering and sweating. Jackson was glad enough that he wasn’t up there and browsed to the next song in his playlist. He put his headphones on again and dozed off. Ten minutes later, Zach, Jackson’s best friend, woke him up.

“Jack, we’re in trouble. Principal wants to see us in her office.”

“What the hell did we do now?” Jackson muttered, and he couldn’t think of any reason why he was supposed to go to the principal.

“Probably the same old story about our schoolwork.”

Jackson and Zach walked through the hallways with their bags. A couple of guys walked into Zach, knocking him over. They quickly walked on, laughing about what they had just done.

“A******s,” mumbled Zach.

Jackson helped his friend up and they hurried off to the principal. She wasn’t the one to tolerate lateness, and they really didn’t need more trouble with her. They rushed up the stairs and into the principal’s office.

“Good morning, Mrs. Dawson,” they both said in unison as they sat down.

“Good morning, Mr. Ames, Mr. Oakley. Do you know why you’re here?”

“Is this about our schoolwork again? Because if it is, I’ve heard all of it before.” Jackson had been called into the principal’s office more times than he could remember, and every time it was about the same thing. It was always about how he was so smart, and that his grades or schoolwork didn’t reflect this. Frankly, Jackson didn’t care. He didn’t need maths or history to work in a recording studio or tour the world. It’s not like he’ll be explaining algebra or the Cuban Missile crisis to Jeremy Davis or Mike Shinoda anyway.

Zach was in here for the same reason. These guys spent most of their time in and out of school together, so it couldn’t have been anything else.

Zach moved here from California four years ago, when he was thirteen. His parents were divorced as well, but he moved here with his mom, his stepdad and stepbrother, Michael. He didn’t like his stepdad, he was way too controlling, and Michael was an overachiever. He was the type of student that would argue with a teacher over an A-. Michael was also the star attacker of the school lacrosse team, something Zach had tried in his first year but ended up with a broken wrist. If you would put Zach and Jackson next to each other, the only way you could tell them apart was their hairstyle. Zach had mid-long black hat hair, as his Hurley cap would never leave his side. Jackson had long, messy, dirty-blond hair that always looked as if he had just gotten out of bed. They dressed the same, always wearing low-top All Stars or DVS shoes, baggy shorts or jeans and hoodies.

“Mr. Ames, I have had to call your mother about your school results. If you continue like this, you’ll never get into university. Your current grades will get you into a community college, but that’s about it. We had such high hopes for you.”

Jackson could feel frustration growing inside him. As the principal walked to a filing cabinet to get some papers, Jackson turned to Zach and whispered “Did you hear that, she called my mom, goddamnit. I really can’t use that right now.” Zach seemed to shrug it off as he saw his name on the file that the principal was holding.

Ten minutes later both of them left the office to get to the next class. Jackson was clearly concerned about what he had just heard.

“What’s up?” Zach asked.

“Damnit, I’m going to get it when I get back home. My mom will not let me hear the end of this. Community college doesn’t actually matter to me, but my mom has other plans for me.”

“Maybe she just said it to scare you, and your mom hasn’t heard any of this.”

English class was next, so they walked to their lockers. Jackson looked around for his English books, but couldn’t find them. Zach had his, so they’d just share. The only thing he does during English is write lyrics anyway, the teacher seemed to ignore him.

Mr. Steinbeck was already waiting. He looked his usual, with his strawy haircut and big glasses. He looked as if he was stuck in the seventies, especially with his tweed jacket. Zach and Jackson sat down in the last row in the back of the classroom, and toppled their chairs to lean against the wall. Zach grabbed his drumsticks out of his bag and started drumming away on his legs, while Jackson started humming and writing a new song.

What happened to you,

You played the victim for so long now in this game

What I thought was true,

Is made of fiction and I’m following the same

Class went on around these two kids, but it passed them by as if it was nothing. Before they knew it, class was over, homework was on the board and Mr. Steinbeck was beckoning them to leave.

Whistler High was a busy school, you couldn’t find a deserted hallway anywhere. There was always someone there. Almost every group had its own corridor, its own ‘territory’. The hallways around the gym belonged to the jocks and the cheerleaders. The hallways near the science and math labs belonged to the nerds, the braniacs. The ‘gangstas’ hung around near the school cafeteria. The elites hung around on the second floor, where all you would see is Tommy Hilfiger, Ralph Laurens and D&G. The only group that didn’t have a ‘territory’ was the group that didn’t belong anywhere anyway, the goths, skaters, musicians and emos. These kids hung out on the school grounds most of the time, mainly to avoid the other kids. Zach and Jackson were part of this last group.

The next class was maths, the most boring part of the day. At the same time, this was the perfect time to drift away. There weren’t enough math teachers for all the classes, so maths was given in the auditorium to four classes at the same time. This meant there were about a hundred students around, enough to not be paid attention to. They still had to sign in though, so they had to be in class.

Jackson and Zach walked into the auditorium, looking around for a spot to sit down. Jackson saw a hand go up on the other side of the room. It was Robert, another member of the band. He was the only other band member in Jackson’s band that came from Whistler High, the only other band member came from the town down the road and had already graduated. Jackson and Robert grew up together in Whistler having sat through the last year of primary school together, and now attending the same high school. These two always ended up getting into trouble together. Robert was however very different from Jackson. Jackson was a fairly loud guy, while Rob was the shy kid that, the first time Jackson approached him, was sitting in the classroom corner with his knees pulled up to his chest, looking like a boy that was lost and just wanted to go home. Jackson remembered when Robert first looked up at him, messy long hair covering his face, trying to hide behind it. His bag was full of drawing utensils, and even though Rob was only 11, he was an amazing artist, he was just born with talent. Jackson was 12, being held back a year turned out to be a good thing after all, he just didn’t know it yet.

“Hey, I’m Jackson. What’s your name?”

The boy looked at him hesitantly, as if he was amazed that there was someone there. “My name is R-R…obert, Rob.”

“You’re new, aren’t you? I haven’t seen you around here before.” Jackson returned.

Rob remained quiet for a while. Who was this kid that was so interested in him? I’m just another kid in another primary school. He noticed Jackson was waiting for an answer, so he decided to give it anyway. “I’m from Lincoln.” muttered Rob. He wasn’t really in the mood to talk, especially not to someone he didn’t know.

At the same time, class was starting and Jackson was beckoned back to his seat. Rob was kind of glad that he could avoid talking to anyone for at least another hour. He looked over at Jackson, who was already scribbling away on a piece of paper.

Rob’s mind drifted away to his attic room and his piano. The piano was the one thing he really loved at home. He could sit behind it for hours, get lost in his thoughts and just let the sounds float throughout the room. Behind the piano was where he felt safest, where he felt at ease. Nobody could touch him behind his piano, behind that black beauty, he was king.

There wasn’t much that kept him at home, both of his parents worked, so were only home at night. But as he didn’t know anyone in Whistler, he went home straight after school. Homework managed to get done, but he sat behind his piano for hours on end, playing so many different songs, from symphonies to covers of popular songs. The keys were his friends, the piano was his shepherd. Rob was the type of boy that was very closed to his outside surroundings, until he touched a piece of paper or the ivories of his instrument. At these moments, he would open up and let it all go.

Rob was a big city kid, having been forced to move here because of his dad’s work. In the big city he was one of many, and could get around without drawing attention to himself. In Whistler, it was different. Here he could not avoid being noticed, because he didn’t fit in with the crowd. Was it this that made Jackson come over? Just because he looked different?

Fast forward five years.

“Hey guys, I heard you had to go to the principal this morning. What did she want now?” he asked while rummaging in his bag for his sketchpad. Jackson looked at the sketchpad and saw a half finished drawing of a fallen angel living amongst the school kids. It was sketched with pencil only, and some color, but the detail in it was amazing.

“She was going on about our school stuff, and how I should really change if I want to get into college.”

“Maybe you should tell the principal that you applied to the NYCOPA, man. She might just get off your case then,” Rob suggested. 

Jackson seemed very annoyed at this answer. “Dude, if I tell the principal, my mom will know within five minutes. I don’t want her to know yet. I still don’t know what I’m going to tell her. She wants me to go to Georgetown, because she thinks that’s the best for me.”

“Georgetown! What the hell, man?” Zach and Rob both exclaimed in unison.”

“But she’s probably already heard that’s out of the question.”

The math teacher had gotten his beamer to work and some formulas were projected on the big white wall. Jackson put his headphones on, threw his hood up and grabbed his sketchpad. He was working on some artwork for a demo he hoped to release one day. Drawing went easiest when listening to Paramore’s Summer Tic EP, even though that was more poppy than what he usually listened to. Jackson’s favorite song was Emergency. Maybe it was the little hints of screamo, maybe it was the lyrics, and maybe it was Hayley’s soothing voice. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it.

Zach was trying to pay attention, but quickly lost interest. He started staring out the window that overlooked the sports field. The football team was practicing outside, they had a big game coming up in the weekend. Zach never cared for sports much, and cared even less after his little lacrosse incident. Meanwhile, Robert was in a world of his own.

He had his headphones on his head, his music paper on the table and a pencil in his hand. From the looks of it, he was writing a new piano piece. Jackson envied Robert, he was so talented. Jackson looked at Robert’s writing hand, which seemed to glide over the paper while he was composing the new piece. Rob didn’t seem to notice that Jackson was staring at him, and his left hand was tapping on the desk as if it was a piano, while his right hand was drawing full notes, half notes and breaks. Rob’s surroundings became his inspiration, every once in a while he would look around, take in what he saw and go back to his music. Jackson tried to avoid himself becoming too fixated on Rob and his work and turned back to his own sketch.

There they were, the three of them sitting in the last row of the classroom. Two were working on new music, while the third one had fallen asleep.

Math was a double hour, sometimes running into a triple one, so there was a short break in between the two hours. Most of the students would storm out of the auditorium before the word ‘break’ could be uttered by the teacher, and ran to the vending machines for that much needed sugar. Jackson grabbed a can of Red Bull and drank half of it, giving the rest to Rob. Zach woke up from the commotion, looking around sleepy-eyed.

“What is it, is class over?”

“Nah man, its only break. One more hour of this till lunch.” Lunch meant that the three of them could go down to the local music store, and look through the big vinyl and cd-collection that the store carried. Most of the music they listened to was given to them by the owner. It was in this way that Jackson discovered bands such as Pantera and Metallica. Zach introduced him to Refused and Bad Religion, while Rob had always listened to more piano-oriented music, such as Secondhand Serenade and Lifehouse. Both Rob and Jackson started listening to Linkin Park in the first year of high school, and it was this band that became the soundtrack to their high school life. Jackson was the only one in the group that listened to Paramore a lot, Zach and Rob didn’t mind it, but only listened to it once in a while. Rob did like the acoustic versions of the songs though, and he had learned to play along to them.

“What you doing after school, Rob?” Jackson asked him.

Rob looked up, still the same long hair as on the day they first met. “I don’t know, Mom wanted me to be home on time, there was something she wanted to talk to me about. Guess I better do as she says.”

“Too bad man, was hoping we could get together to work on some new stuff. Zach, you want to go ride after school?”

“Sure, let’s go try that new bowl in the skate park.” Zach seemed excited about riding with his friend.

Something wasn’t right with Rob. Jackson noticed that he wasn’t looking like he always did. A bit paler, more scared. Jackson decided not to ask about it. Rob would tell Jackson if anything was the matter, he was sure of it.

Break ended, and there was a shuffle of tables and chairs. All the kids sat back down, and the teacher started explaining Pythogoras to them. Jackson, Zach and Rob couldn’t care less, and went back to their own stuff. Zach had started scribbling a drum-track on the inside of his notebook cover, Rob went back to his piano track, although he had seemed to lose a bit of his focus. Jackson went back to the lyrics he had started writing in English class. “Music soothes the savage beast,” the words of Dexter Holland stuck in his head.

“Yeah, I really hope that’s true. I hope that Rob’s ok.” Jackson’s thoughts were rampaging in his head.

Math went on, and ended an hour later. The three got their bags, and dumped the books they had in their locker. It was time to go to Old School Vinyl, their favorite hangout. Zach and Jackson left their bikes at school, because Rob always legged it. The three of them left the school grounds that were already packed with the usual crowd. Old School Vinyl was a 5 minute walk away, and they talked about the Billy Talent concert that was coming up. Zach and Jackson were psyched about it, but Rob wasn’t sure whether he was going yet.

“My mom and dad really don’t want me to go to those kinds of shows,” said Rob, meanwhile looking out over the park they passed.

Jackson looked at his best friend, and couldn’t help but worry. There was something going on, something was wrong with Rob.

They arrived at Old School Vinyl and went in. Will, the owner, was standing behind the counter and sorting out a new batch of records that had come in that day. Old School Vinyl was the oldest-looking store in town. Everything was made of wood, and there were posters hanging everywhere. Behind the counter, Will had a display of pictures he had taken with different bands that had come to his store over the years. Jackson could see Paramore, As I Lay Dying, Bowling for Soup and Pennywise staring at him, with Will being in every picture. Will was in his late 30s, and had opened his music store seven years ago. He was covered in tattoos and was rocking a dyed Mohawk. Will had started off selling merch at local concerts, and when he had saved up enough money, he bought this store and started living the dream.

“Hey Will, did you get anything new?” Jackson shouted over at him. Will looked up from his vinyls.

“We got some new Disturbed, Nine Inch Nails, Bad Religion and Millencolin. For the rest, there’s nothing special.” Will pointed in the direction of the back, where he kept his new releases. Jackson and Zach walked to the back of the store, while Rob stayed in the front, looking through some old stuff.

Jackson remembered the first time he had come in here with Rob and discovered so many new bands. Rob had lived here just over a year, and he and Jackson had become friends after meeting in primary school. Both were already into music, but never had been in this music store. Jackson’s parents finally started giving him an allowance, so he was dying to spend it on something good. He had dragged Rob along, who was always supposed to come home straight after school, and didn’t really want to go. The moment both of them set foot in the store, they were amazed. So much music to listen to, so many covers to check out. They rummaged through the racks for two hours before they had realized how late it was. Both of them had more cd’s in their hands than they could carry, so it was time to make a choice. Jackson had a Pantera cd in his hand, while Rob was holding Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other. He was about to pay when he heard it, a beautiful sound emanating from the store speakers. A piano played beautifully, accompanied by electronic effects and some awesome drums. He was drawn in by it, everything else went away. He was tapping along to the piano. He asked Will what it was that he was playing, and heard the name Linkin Park. He had never heard of them, but had to have their album. He asked Will where he could find it, and Will said that it wasn’t actually in the racks, but he had it in the back. Will went away and came back a minute later with a cd case. The cover was grey, and was hand drawn. It showed a soldier holding a flag, but with dragonfly wings coming out of his back. He put away the Limp Bizkit cd and picked up Hybrid Theory by a band called Linkin Park.

Back then, Rob was finally getting the hang of things in Whistler. He was getting settled in and had met and befriended Jackson. Now, he was just feeling a bit lost again, just like he felt that first day in Whistler. Things weren’t going to well at home, and he was glad to be out of the house most of the time. When he was at home, he would lock himself in his room and just listen to music and play piano. He was happiest when he could sit behind his piano when his parents weren’t home. Normally playing Bach and Mozart to please his parents, he could play Paramore, Lifehouse, Linkin Park and Jack’s Mannequin when they were gone. His mom wanted him to come home straight after school today, which means she is going to come home early from work today. “This must be pretty serious,” he thought to himself.

Normally, he didn’t see his parents all that much, and the times in which he did see them, just ended up in arguments most of the time, and conversations never lasted more than five minutes. His schoolwork, his grades, his music taste and his look were their favorite subjects. He had had another of these arguments just 2 days ago, when his parents had decided to wake him up in the middle of the night just so they could shout at him. Rob just listened to his shouting parents, too tired to come up with any sort of response. This had only made things worse, because apparently they wanted to hear my thought on it. He was pretty sure he heard the name Jackson dropped, and not in a good way. The shouting went on for about 15 minutes. His parents left his room, but continued shouting at each other in the hallway.

“Why can’t my parents just have a normal talk with me?” Rob lay in his bed, staring through the window, he couldn’t sleep anymore. Thoughts were running rampant through his head. “Why can’t they just treat me like a 16 year old, and have a down to earth talk with me, instead of shouting at me like I’m a little kid that has done something wrong?” As far as Rob could remember, he had done nothing to anger his parents like this, and especially not his dad. His dad was the one that shouted at him most. His mom always stood in the background when his dad was shouting at him, adding something at times. They just didn’t seem to agree with what he did, that’s all. He stared out at the black sky, which was riddled with stars. He thought of the times that he hung round the music room at school together with Jackson and Zach, just messing around. It was these memories that brought him peace. He looked around his room and could make out the shapes of some of the posters that were hanging on his walls, his stereo and his guitar standing in the corner. He had worked a whole summer to get it, his parents didn’t agree, but it was his own money, so they couldn’t do anything. His mind drifted back to the place where he bought it, it was a dusty old store in Vancouver. When he walked in, he was mesmerized by the burgundy Gibson SG mounted on a display. He knew it was meant for him, and tried it out in the store. The strumming of the chords hypnotized him, and his head cleared up the moment he heard it. Nothing mattered, he was where he wanted to be. He looked around further, the acceptance papers of NYCOPA lay on his desk. It was a great feeling to know that he could finally do what he wanted, and do what he loved.

“Just another couple of months, then I’ll be out of here.” It seemed a reassuring thought in his head. He was going to go to NYCOPA together with Jackson, but didn’t know what Zach was going to do.

He snapped out of his memory by the absence of noise. The shouting had stopped, but he could hear his dad’s heavy walk in the hallway downstairs. He didn’t hear any sound that could be his mom, though. She must have gone to bed or something. Rob quietly got out of his bed, closed his bedroom door, turned on his desk lamp and grabbed his sketch pad. The shapes of a crowd were visible in various tones of grey, as was the beginning of an angelic being in the midst of the crowd. The angelic being was drawn in color and stood out from the crowd. It was hooded, and a headphone cable was visible from under his hood. For the rest the drawing was still in a sketched phase. Rob didn’t really want to mess this up, so he took his time.

The hours went by, and Rob just sat there frantically sketching. He noticed the sunrise looking in through the window, but didn’t pay attention to it. He was tired, but unable to sleep. The only thing that kept him focused was the drawing in front of him. School would start in a couple of hours, and then he’d be out of here for a while, at least.

He found himself back in the music store after Jackson had come stood next to him and started talking to him.

“There’s not much new, you find anything?” he asked.

Rob didn’t really grasp the situation, and was still a bit confused. “No man, nothing today. Let’s go back to school.”

Zach was still rummaging around in the old poster bin to see if there was anything he could take home. He was determined to take something home, and grabbed an old A7X poster.

The three of them got back to school just in time for history to start. This was the only class that Jackson really enjoyed, although it was a lot of the same throughout the years. This meant that his sketchpad stayed in his bag, along with his journal, in which he wrote his lyrics. The best thing was that history was followed by a double hour of music. The music room is where Jackson, Rob and Zach felt at home most. Music was a mandatory class though, so they were forced to work together with people that didn’t really care for the subject, but only needed the grade to graduate.

Rob was usually excited for music class. He didn’t really seem to care now.

“I really want to know what is going on in his head. I hope he knows that we’re always here for him.” Jackson thought. History class continued, but the only thing that Jackson was concerned with now, was what his friend was going through. Something was eating him on the inside. He had never seen Rob this worried before. In the 5 years that they knew each other, both of them had had their share of problems with their parents, but they would get out of them. Bad moods were nothing new in the group, but this was different, this was worse. 

Rob was indeed not his usual self. He didn’t feel like drawing or writing. The last fight he had with his parents was really getting to him. And now his mom wanted to see him after school, coming home early. “Would it be better if I just didn’t go home?” No, that would just anger her more. He could feel Jackson looking at him, and he would tell him what was going on, but he couldn’t. He didn’t want to worry him more. He looked at Jackson, who returned his stare with his sad blue eyes, but they didn’t speak. Rob couldn’t, Jackson didn’t want to.

Rob’s mental absence continued for the rest of the day, even in music class, where he normally felt at ease. Little mistakes kept creeping into his piano playing, mistakes nobody else would notice, but mistakes that were gnawing at him. Jackson played some of his usual bass stuff, without going too wild, while Zach just kept beat by beating on his snare. Today, there was no fun to be found in this class.

The school day ended, everyone put away their instruments. The teacher asked Jackson to put new strings on the bass, so he stayed behind for a little while. Zach stayed behind as well, messing with the drum kit, as they were supposed to ride together.

“See you guys tomorrow.” Rob murmured as he put on his headphones and threw up his hood. Jackson wanted to say something, hesitated for a second, and when he looked up, Rob was already gone.

Rob walked through the halls of the school, people standing at their lockers talking about whatever they were going to do after school. People were laughing and smiling all around him. He turned up the volume on his iPod, listening to Jack’s Mannequin. He didn’t want to hear what others had to say. He wanted to lock himself away from the world, but most of all he just wanted to hide. If he didn’t pay attention to anyone, no one would notice him. He walked out the front doors and onto the school grounds. He turned the corner, and down the alley to avoid being seen. Rob always walked home. He could take the bus as it stopped right on his street, but walking helped him clear his mind. Today, he wasn’t enjoying it though. There was a storm brewing in his head. He decided to take the bus after all. He went to the nearest bus stop and waited for the bus to come. While his iPod skipped a song, he suddenly heard all the outside sounds. The two kids next to him were arguing about something, the old woman was coughing and the fat kid was making bubbles in his McDonalds cup. He was overwhelmed by the sound, it was bothering him. When the next song came on, he was shut away from the world once again. Corey Taylor’s voice was filling his head, trying to fight with his thoughts. It was a lost cause. He wished he could stop thinking about everything. About home, about his mom, about Jackson.

The bus showed up and he got on. He threw down a dollar for the fare and sat down in the back. Rob looked around at the people he was in the bus with. There was a couple sitting a couple rows in front of him, a bunch of juniors and some other people. He noticed that everyone had a smile on their face. The juniors because the school day ended, the couple because they were a couple, even the old guy that was sitting next to him and smelt of alcohol was happy. Drunk, but happy. The bus ride was over faster than he wanted, and as he got off, he could already see his house. It was the one with the green, freshly mown lawn with a small white fence around it, and at the corner of the driveway there was one of those old red mailboxes. He couldn’t see the end of the driveway from here, so he didn’t know if his mom was home yet. He grabbed his iPod out of his pocket and scrolled through his songs. His finger stopped turning the wheel when he got to Papa Roach. Broken Home seemed appropriate for the moment. He put it on as loud as he could and shoved his iPod back in his hoodie. He started walking up the road, cars passing by him. Every time a car passed, he flinched, scared that it might be his mom. He walked further up the road and saw his mom’s car on the driveway. Rob stopped dead in his tracks.

“What if I just try and sneak in? Maybe she won’t hear me.” Rob thought to himself.

He continued walking to the house, trying to see where his mom might be in the house. Going in through the kitchen door seemed to be his best bet, as it was closest to the stairs. He would just go up to his room and lock the door.

“But what if she’s waiting for me in my room? What if she’s expecting me to do just that? Should I just not go home?” The last thought sounded like the best option. That thought was pushed out by the conclusion that formed in his head. “I’ll only be in more trouble if I don’t show up.”

Slowly, he walked up to the house and around the back, so that he could go through the kitchen door. He quickly looked through the living room window to see if he could see his mother. She wasn’t in the living room, which left two, maybe three options.

He turned off his music, and put his hand on the door handle. He pushed it down slowly, wanting to avoid a loud click. The door opened smoothly, and he listened before he stepped into the kitchen. The house was quiet. This meant that his mom could be in the living room or in his bedroom. He stepped into the kitchen, making sure to make as little noise as possible, and closed the door behind him.

“Why am I being so scared of this? It’s not like it’s the first time she’s yelled at me.” These and other thoughts were forming in his head. He was still in the kitchen, listening to his surroundings. He could hear the clock ticking and the fridge buzzing. What he was more worried about, was the fact that he could not hear anyone else in the house. “Where is she? Her car is here, so she should be as well.” And there it was, the sound he was looking for. A floorboard creaked in another part of the house. His mother was home after all.

“I’m just going to face this, there’s no use running away. It will only make it worse.” Rob gathered all his courage to stay where he was. He put his schoolbag down and shouted into the house that he was home, not actually wanting to hear a response, and hoping that the floorboard creaked for another reason. He had not imagined it, his mom walked into the kitchen, looking angry.

“I have faced this before, I can do it again. She’s not going to get to me.” Rob tried to muster all of his courage in order not to pick up his bag and storm out of the house. The sight of his mom made him feel weak, vulnerable. He grabbed hold of the kitchen counter to steady himself. His mom didn’t notice he was swaying. Rob tried to escape, tried to get away from it all, but he couldn’t. Something kept him grounded. Something about his mom made it impossible for him to break away from her.

“Rob, sit down. I have something to talk to you about. I wish your dad was here as well, but he can’t.” His mom looked as serious as ever, and he was surprised how calm she seemed at the moment. But, Rob had seen this before, it took very little to set her off, so he sat down at the kitchen table.  He looked around the kitchen, it was spotless. It smelt of cleaning solution, and the counter was reflecting the sunlight. The cleaning lady must have come by today. He looked around some more and spotted a note from her on the kitchen counter. All this happened in a few seconds. His mom had sat down with him and grabbed hold of his hand. This was something she’s never done before. Rob’s mind was going frantic. He could not seem to focus on what was going on. Once again, he tried to let his mind go, allow himself access into the calm spot in his head. He couldn’t find it. It wasn’t there any longer.

“Dad and I are worried about you. We’re seeing you slip away. If we don’t do something about it, I don’t know what will happen to you, to us.”

Rob could see where this was heading. She was going to go on about school work, him not having any friends, and playing that ‘bad’ music. It was true that he didn’t have a lot of friends, but he wasn’t ‘that kid with no friends’. He counted Jackson, Zach and the other guys from his band as his friends. Jackson and Zach had always been good friends, the other guys he just got along with.

His mom continued, still holding his hand. Her touch was ice cold. He lifted his head to look at his mom, and found her grey eyes. He couldn’t read them, normally he was able to find something in the eyes of his mother, but right now, her stare was blank. This was all his fault, he just knew it. If he had talked to his mom or dad more, if he had just shown that he did care even if it was just a little bit, his mom might have looked happier. Maybe the fights that she was having with dad about him wouldn’t happen. The grey, empty eyes stared back at him, and his mom continued talking.

“How are you getting along in school? I don’t mean your grades, because we see those every time. Are you okay at school? It’s a pretty big school, with lots of things going on. You were always easily distracted when you were younger. Is it the same here?” Rob’s mom looked at him, still holding his hand with a firm grip. The ice could touch had disappeared, Rob must’ve gotten used to it. He didn’t really want to answer her, he didn’t know how to.

“I guess it’s ok now,” he said dismissively.

“I’ve talked to dad about your school performance, and he wants to send you to boarding school. He wants to make sure that there are people watching you, making sure you do your work and turn out ok. He thinks that this school is too big for you, and that you don’t get enough guidance. There’s too many distractions for you in those big classes.” Tears appeared in the corners of his mom’s grey, worried eyes. In that little flash, he read his mom. He saw that she told him this with great pain and that she did not agree with his dad.

“I’m trying to get your dad to let you stay here in Whistler. If we send you off to boarding school now, you’ll have to do the year over again. I know how much you want to go to New York, and I would never forgive myself if you didn’t get to go. And you would lose Jackson, and I know how much he means to you.” Her grip on his hand loosened and Rob could see she was fighting to hold back the tears.

“Dad and I don’t agree about a lot of things when it comes to you. I saw you were doing good in school, but your dad didn’t think you were doing good enough. He wanted you to be the best in school, so you could have a shot at the best universities. I went along with him because I didn’t want to lose him. The fights we had were about you, and what to do with you. I didn’t want to yell at you, but I had to.”

Rob didn’t know what to say to this. It was weird. He wasn’t sure why his mom was telling him this. This had to have been bothering her, but why didn’t he see it before?

All of this caused a feeling of surprise. He always knew his mom cared about him, but she had never had a talk like this with him. Usually it ended up in him screaming at her, her screaming at him, and then dad screaming at and hitting him with whatever was in his reach. Was it because his dad wasn’t here right now? Rob was feeling really lost right now. If there was a moment to open up to his mom, it was now. His fear lifted, and for a change, he felt safe.

“Dad’s not here, I can do this,” he told himself. He was struggling to speak.

“M..M..mom? I do get distracted at school, but it’s not as bad as it used to be. You see my school grades, and I’m doing ok. It’s only a couple of months, and then dad will never see me again. I’ll move to New York, and I will never have to see him again, and you won’t have to worry about him shouting at you.” Rob moved in closer to his mom, and put her head on his shoulder. “It’s ok, mom. Dad isn’t here. It’s ok.” He put his arm around his mother, and felt very strange about all of this. Rob couldn’t remember if his mom had ever been like this before, and especially not to him.

His mom looked up at him and sobbed. “Please don’t tell your dad about this, ok?”

“I won’t, don’t worry.” Rob tried to reassure his mother, although he still didn’t understand the sudden change, but he decided not to ask about it.

He didn’t want to leave his mom like this, but didn’t want to sit here either. He wanted to get out of this awkward situation.

“Mom, is it ok if I go play some piano? Are you going to be ok?” Rob asked hesitantly.

His mom nodded, but didn’t want to let him go just yet. Rob stood her up and walked her to the living room. She lay down on the couch, she was exhausted from telling her son all of this.

Rob didn’t know why his mom told him all of this now. Was it because he was going to leave in a couple of weeks and she wanted to come clean? Was she feeling guilty for what was going on with him?

Rob went up to his attic room. The sun was pouring in through the skylight, and was reflected on his grand piano. The rest of the room was dark, or at least seemed dark to him. The piano just stood out, bathed in sunlight. He put his bag down in the corner and moved to his bookshelf. The top shelf was stacked with books about music, from band biographies to books on the music industry. The second shelf was where he kept his actual tab books. He grabbed a black and white book off the shelf and moved to his piano. He opened the lid, pulled down the book stand and put his book on it. He flipped through till he got to Polygraph, Right Now. He put his fingers on the white keys, and started playing. He let the notes from the piano take over his mind, and all of his bad thoughts were silenced. His fingers seemed to float above the keys, and he hit every note with the right amount of force, and his timing was immaculate.

Without noticing it, he had gone through the whole book. He looked at his alarm clock. He had been playing for two hours without stopping. Only now did he realize his fingers were hurting. He got up, closed the piano and put away the book. He wasn’t sure whether he should go downstairs. What if his dad was home? Would he be able to keep quiet? The thoughts that went away when he was playing piano came back.

“I promised my mom I wouldn’t tell, but how can I keep this to myself?” He needed to tell someone, but he needed to talk to someone face to face. The only person he could think of was Jackson. He needed to talk to Jackson about it, only he would understand. He looked around for his phone, but he couldn’t find it. But then, he wasn’t sure that this was a conversation he’d like to have over the phone.

He put his hoodie back on, and rushed down the stairs. His dad wasn’t home yet, and his mom looked better than when he left her two hours ago.

“I’ll be back later.” Rob called out to his mom as he grabbed his phone from the kitchen counter. She waved goodbye without looking at him. Jackson lived across town, so he was going to have to take the bus. He looked at his watch, the bus was going to be there soon. He didn’t feel like waiting, so he ran to the bus stop. After he had gotten on the bus he texted Jackson to ask if he was home. Not even a minute later, he already had a reply. “Yeah, I just got home. What’s going on?” He texted back right away. “Long story, coming over now.” He didn’t get any other reply, but just sat on the bus till he got to the stop near Jackson’s house. When he got on, he jumped off and walked towards the street on which Jackson lived. When he turned the corner, he could see Jackson flatlanding in front of his house.

Jackson noticed Rob when he spun a 180, and immediately stopped and threw his BMX to the side. He walked towards Rob, who started breaking down the moment Jackson got close. Jackson managed to catch his friend before he fell to the ground. Rob looked like a wreck, his hair was messed up and he looked really tired. Jackson did not know what was going on with his friend, but whatever it was, it wasn’t good. He put his arm around Rob’s waist and pulled him up.

“Are you ok? Do I need to call anyone?” Jackson asked Rob.

Rob didn’t really say much, and stuttered just like the first time they had met. “D-d-dad...m-m-mom.”

This wasn’t going the way Jackson wanted it to go. He made sure Rob could stand, and walk a bit. He walked to his front door and pushed it open with his shoulder. Nobody was home, which was good in this case. He walked to his bedroom, and laid down Rob on his bed. He made sure that Rob was comfortable. His friend looked uneasy and his face had become pale.

“I’m going to get you a glass of water, ok.” Jackson told Rob, not even bothering to ask. Rob just nodded and stared into nothingness.

Jackson walked to the kitchen, grabbed a glass and a bottle of water out of the cupboard. He poured the water into the glass and walked back to his room. Shock hit him, Robbie wasn’t there, or at least Jackson couldn’t see him. He looked around and saw him sitting in the corner next to Jackson’s desk with sheets thrown over him. Jackson walked over to the pile of sheets, and knelt down to it.

“Robbie, what’s wrong? I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”

Rob looked at him with his dark, oak eyes but didn’t say anything. Jackson saw a tear form in Rob’s eye and rubbed it away the moment it hit his cheek. Rob tried to look away from his friend, but Jackson wouldn’t let him.

“Robbie, you really need to tell me what’s going on. I want to know, you need to let me in, please just let your guard down and let me see what’s inside.”

Rob nodded his head from right to left and really didn’t want Jackson in right now. He had already told him more than he wanted to. Jackson knew it was about his parents. It always was.

Thoughts were forming in Rob’s head, one worse than the other. “I can’t let Jackie in, I don’t want him to think I’m weak.” Another thought creeped in to beat out the first, “he’ll hate me for it, he won’t be my friend anymore.”

Jackson knew what was going on in his friend’s head. Robbie’s insecurity was taking over, he was shutting himself away from the outside. This wasn’t the first time it happened. Jackson knew what to do. He left the glass of water at Rob’s side, and walked to his stereo. Rob needed to be soothed, and something told Jackson music would do it. He rummaged through his cd collection until he found a mixtape Rob had made him long ago. This was some of the music Rob had listened to when he was younger. There was mostly rock on it, but one song stood out. He put the cd into his stereo and selected the song. Soft notes of Con te Partiro started playing, and Jackson sat down next to Rob again. Jackson embraced his poor friend, the one that mattered most to him. He wanted to feel what Rob was going through.

Jackson could feel Rob’s heart racing, and weakened his embrace a bit so that Rob could let go off that pressure. Jackson knew Rob was letting the music in, his heart was slowing down, and his shoulders loosened up. He was letting his shield down, and revealing the tired person behind it. A sigh escaped his lips, and Rob whispered. Jackson moved closer, and tried to hear what he was saying.

“I-i-i-i’m sorry Jay. D-d-don’t leave, p-p-lease.” His words went along with sobs. 

“I won’t leave, Robbie. I’ll stay here as long as you want me to. It’s ok, shh...” Jackson tried to reassure Rob as best he could.

Rob turned to find Jackson’s eyes. His dark eyes met those bright eyes. Rob swallowed his next sob, he knew he was safe, and that Jackson wouldn’t let anything happen to him as long as he was there.

“You want to go lie down again, or shall we just stay here?” Jackson wanted to make sure that Rob was as comfortable as possible.

Rob was still speaking softly, he was still afraid. “Can we just stay here? Please?” His sobs were getting less, and Jackson tried to get Rob to match his breathing with his own.

“Sure we can stay here, Robbie. We don’t need to go anywhere. Just relax, let go.” Jackson whispered the words, he didn’t want to upset Rob. It was destroying Jackson to see his friend like this. He had been Rob’s guardian angel for so long now, yet this was the first time that Rob broke down like this.

“Guess it all just got too much for him to handle.” Jackson thought about the times that Rob had come to him for help. There weren’t a lot of them, but when Rob needed Jackson, it was serious, and he really couldn’t get by himself.

“Robbie, it’s ok. You’re safe here. You know I’ll never tell anyone. Who would I tell? My mom’s a b***h and the school principal isn’t much better.” Jackson tried to make Rob laugh, so that he would let go a bit, but it didn’t really work. He kept hold of Rob, still struggling to calm him down.

“Jay, I’m sorry...” Rob stammered.

“You don’t need to be sorry, I promised you a long time ago I would be there for you if you needed me. You’re going to have to tell me what happened, though.”

This time something clicked in Rob. Jackson didn’t know what caused this, but he was glad Rob was letting go. He felt Rob’s muscles relax, and Rob crawled closer towards him.

“I-I-I knew you were worried about me when I saw you in school, and I’m sorry I disappeared so quickly. I was really scared of what was going to happen, and I almost didn’t go home.” Rob started talking to Jackson, and for now, things seemed to be going alright.

“I took the bus, and when I got home my mom’s car was outside. I really didn’t want to go inside. But I had to.”

Rob stopped. Jackson could tell that what he was about to say, wasn’t easy.

“When I went in, I was still hoping my mom wouldn’t be there, or wouldn’t hear me come in. I didn’t want to talk to her.” Rob started crying again. Jackson pulled down his sleeve and tried to wipe the tears of his ward’s face.

“Robbie, please don’t cry...It hurts me to see you cry. Come here.” Rob had moved away a bit when he started to talk, but Jackson just felt that his poor angel needed a shoulder to cry on and pulled him in. Jackson’s hunch was right. The moment he had pulled him closer, Rob put his hands on Jackson’s back and put his head on Jackson’s shoulder. Small, short sobs started escaping from Rob’s mouth again, and Jackson could feel all of Rob’s emotions going through him. He felt hate, anger, sadness, but most of all, Jackson felt loneliness.

“Robbie, was it your mom getting at you again?”

Jackson felt Rob nodding on his shoulder. “What did she do this time?” Jackson was trying to force Rob to talk. Even if Rob didn’t want to talk, Jackson needed him to.

“She told me something I wasn’t ready for. I-i-i was expecting it to be school, you, or whatever. Not what she told me.” Jackson could feel that Rob was crying again, and Jackson rested his hand on the back of Rob’s head, hoping that it would make Rob feel a bit better. Rob’s breathing was getting heavy again.

“Robbie, please just calm down. Come on, feel my breathing. In, out, in, out.” Jackson was trying to calm Rob down as best he could. If Rob was calm, and he was feeling comfortable, he might choose to tell Jackson the rest.

“Rob, you’re safe here. Nothing you tell me will leave this room.” Once again Rob felt a little more at ease, Jackson could feel it through Rob’s muscles. Jackson was glad that Rob was calming down and letting go, if only a little now.

“My dad wanted to ship me off to boarding school, and doesn’t support me going to New York. Mom was the same way, shouting at me all the time when my dad was shouting at me. But today my mom told me that she only did it to please my dad.”

“What? How the hell...” Jackson was shocked at what he heard. He didn’t understand it.

“My m-m--o-o, she said that she didn’t want to anger that, that, that...” Rob was feeling so many things at this time, he was finding it hard to tell Jackson what happened. He felt really bad for his mother, but he was furious with his dad.

NEED TO FINISH

...

Another weekend gone, another Monday morning assembly. As usual, Jackson was sitting in the back with his hood up and his headphones on his head, dozing off. Zach was sitting next to him, quietly drumming away on the chair in front of him, which was vacant. Rob wasn’t at assembly, he was at the dentist. It was going to be another boring day, but at least today Jackson didn’t need to report to the principal. Jackson put his chair straight up and poked Zach.

“Hey Z, I got a sick idea for a new track. We should play when we get out of this dump. I’ll tell Rob when he shows up. What do you say?”

“Sure, bro. I got nothing else to do today. Can’t ride anyway, my chain snapped.” Zach lightened up a bit when he heard they’d be working on something new. At least he’d have something to look forward to during those classes.

Jackson was sure that Zach would already be thinking of a drum track, even if he didn’t know what his idea was. That was Zach for you. Give him a trashcan and he’ll give you a solo, even without sticks. He’ll use pens instead, or whatever is closest to him at that moment.

English was next. That class pretty much gave Jackson a free hour to work on his new song, and he could just sit in the back of the class again, together with Zach and Rob. Jackson hoped Rob would be on time for English, he was a good co-writer. Assembly was finally over, and Jackson got up, grabbed his backpack and walked over to his locker. Zach had to go talk to someone about an upcoming show with his other band, so he disappeared into the crowd.

Sure enough, Rob was already hanging out at the lockers. But he didn’t seem his usual self. His sleeves were down, even with the hot weather outside and he was wearing his Element cap that was covered by his hood. Jackson didn’t like what he was seeing.

“Hey, Rob. How was it at the dentist?”

“I guess it was alright. Nothing special.”

Rob was being really short, and he didn’t seem to be interested in whatever. Jackson guessed that it was something to do with his parents again. He was hiding something, but Jackson didn’t want to set him off.

“You ok?” Jackson asked carefully.

“Yeah, I’m alright. Same s**t, different day. You know how it is.” 

Jackson didn’t believe him. If it was the same s**t, Rob would’ve acted differently. Verbal abuse was nothing new, and didn’t really affect him all that much. Jackson knew Rob turned off when he was being shouted at. There was something else going on.

“Rob, could you please just look at me?”

“What do you want, Jackson. I told you there’s nothing. Nothing, you hear.”

“If there was nothing wrong, you wouldn’t be this short in answering me. What happened, Rob? I don’t want to force you to tell me, but I want to know so I can help you.”

“Just f**k off, will you.” Rob turned around and walked away.

Rob hadn’t acted like this in a while. Jackson hoped he would come around soon. He grabbed his English books from his locker and walked over to class.

He walked into the class, ignored the teacher, threw his bag down at a table in the last row and sat down. The legs of his chair went up, and he was leaning against the wall within half a minute of walking in. He could see Rob sitting in the front of the class, but Jackson was being ignored.

“Class, could you please turn your eyes to the front and be quiet. I have an announcement to make. You too, Jackson.” The teacher had clearly seen that Jackson was not planning to pay attention today, so he stressed the fact that he needed to listen now.

Jackson didn’t do what he was asked. He could hear perfectly fine leaning against the wall. And whatever the teacher was going to say, it was probably not important anyway.

“Class, I want you to welcome a new student. She’s transferred here from Vermont. Please make her feel at home.”

A new girl? This late in the year? No way.

“You can come in now, Vanessa. Class, please welcome Vanessa Young.”

The girl that walked in managed to catch Jackson’s eye. She was not your average Whistler High girl. She was far from it. Blond hair with black streaks in it covered half of her face, she was wearing a Cancer Bats top. She was wearing a studded belt, adorned with chains, that hung to the side of the black skinnies, which were torn at the knees. To finish it all off, she was wearing worn down, off-white All Star low-tops.

What the hell? Was Jackson really seeing this? He rubbed his face with his hands and looked again. Nothing changed, it was still the same girl standing in front of the classroom.

“Why don’t you tell us a bit about yourself, Vanessa?” Mr. Steinbeck asked the girl, who seemed pretty shy, and she was not feeling comfortable in these strange surroundings, with all these prying eyes.

“I’m Vanessa, I’m from Vermont. I love to snowboard, I play bass. I moved here because of my mom’s job. Can I sit down now, teach?” She was clearly ready to quit being the center of attention, and wanted to sit down as soon as she could.

She walked away from the teacher’s desk and passed the first, second and third row without even glancing for a spot. She was now halfway near the back of the classroom, Jackson’s domain. She passed the fourth and fifth row and stopped at the desk next to Jackson’s. Normally Rob would have been sitting there, but not today. She dropped her messenger bag, and sat down.

“Why here? There’s at least ten other spots to choose from. Why the hell did she sit down here?” Jackson was brought off his rocker. Nobody ever sat in the back row apart from Rob, Zach and himself.

Vanessa looked around the classroom, quickly got bored and threw one leg up on her chair so that her knee was up to her chin. Jackson looked over at her table, and spotted several band patches on her messenger bag. Autopilot Off, Pantera, Metallica. Was this girl for real? She had to be faking it. Vanessa turned her head and looked at him. Jackson wanted to avoid this, so he quickly turned away, hoping she had not noticed him staring at her bag.

“Hey, who are you?” Vanessa asked Jackson, while she took him in from head to toe.

Jackson tried to ignore her. He didn’t understand why this girl sat here, he didn’t want to talk to her, and the fact that Rob was in a really bad mood didn’t really help his either. He tried to fight it, hoping that Vanessa would give up sooner rather than later.

“Hey, come on. I asked you a question. What’s your name?” Her question was falling on deaf ears.

“Persistent b***h.” Jackson mouthed this silently, making sure that Vanessa didn’t see it, just in case she would’ve seen what he was mouthing.

“Last time. I’m not going to play nice much longer. What’s your name? Come on, tell me.”

Something snapped inside Jackson. “It’s Jackson, ok? Now f**k off!” He was shouting at her at the top of his lungs. Wrong move, Mr. Ames, wrong move.

“Mr. Ames, did I just hear what I think I heard?” Mr. Brown had looked up, with a shocked look on his face.

“Yes, you did. I told her to f**k off. Seriously, what do you care?”

“Mr. Ames, how would you like to go see the principal?

“Come on, it’s Monday. It wouldn’t be Monday if I didn’t. So just send me there, grandpa. Please, just do it. Then I’ll be rid of you and her for at least a couple minutes.”

The whole class was looking at Jackson. Nobody ever stood up to a teacher at Whistler High and certainly not to Mr. Steinbeck. Jackson took notice of this, and looked over to Rob, who was smirking.

“What the f**k are you all looking at? You’ve never paid attention to me before, so why now?” Jackson grabbed his backpack, slung it over his shoulder and walked out. Rob had already turned to the front, but when Jack passed by his desk, he was still smirking slightly. Jackson grabbed the note that Mr. Steinbeck had written for the principal and walked out.

Jackson walked through the deserted hallways and made his way towards the principal’s office. He could’ve closed his eyes and found it, he had been there so many times.

He walked in and closed the door. He handed over the note to Mrs. Dawson, but didn’t sit down. This wouldn’t take long.

“Mr. Ames, why am I not surprised to see you here?”

“Uhm, well duh, I’m in here every single Monday, and other days on occasion.

“Don’t you take that tone with me, Mr. Ames. Do you want me to call your mother?”

“Sure, go ahead. I really don’t care. I’ll just report to the janitor at the end of the day for sweeping duty, ok? Can I go now?”

“Mr. Ames, this is not the way we talk to elder people in this school. I am shocked at your behavior.” The principal actually looked terrified, she didn’t know what to do. “This is the last time, Mr. Ames. If I see you in here again, you’ll be in big trouble. Now get out of here.”

She didn’t need to tell Jackson twice. He turned around and walked out of her office. He was about to have maths, and hoped that he would see Rob before class started. He walked over to the auditorium, where maths took place, and slouched down in front of the door. Jackson rummaged around in his bag for his headphones, pulled them out, untangled the cord, plugged them into his Discman and threw them over his ears. He pressed shuffle and play.

Freddie from Madball screamed into his ears “God help me!!”

“God help me is right. I need to talk to Rob. I need to sort this thing out. Vanessa, Vannesa, what’s your deal, and why do you want to talk to me so much?” Jackson thought to himself as he rested his head on his crossed arms. The song continued to play in his head.

“It feels like...I’m caught between heaven and hell!”

“Well, maybe not between heaven and hell, but definitely in between an angry Rob and a psycho Vanessa.” Jackson slightly chuckled at the last part of his own thought.

Heavenhell finished and the next song started. The song couldn’t have been more fitting, Enough is Enough started playing through his headphones, and even though it’s a hardcore track, it’s not one of those let-me-go-out-and-kill-everyone-in-my-school kind of hardcore tracks, but it still got Jackson riled up. As the song continued to play, Jackson looked down at his watch. Rob should have been here by now.

“Where is he? I couldn’t have pissed him off that bad, could I? I mean, he grinned when I put Mr. Steinbeck in his place. I need to find him. Math can go suck it.” Jackson was worrying about his friend, he always did. No matter how much he tried to tell himself he needed to stop it, it had become second nature ever since he had broken a kid’s nose that was hustling Rob out of his lunch money during freshman year at Whistler High. It was that exact day that Mrs. Dawson started hating him.

Jackson rushed around the hallways, went into a different hallway when he saw the football team approach and looked for Jackson in every empty classroom. He had been through a dozen classrooms already, but there was still no sign of his best friend.

“Where the f**k is he?” Jackson was getting frustrated now.

As he ran along the corridor, he checked every single bathroom, and went through the stalls. He scanned the changing rooms at the gym hall. There was no sign of him. Fear slowly began manifesting itself in Jackson. Had he been too harsh this morning? Should he just have gone with it?

“What the hell am I going to do?”

Jackson walked outside through the front doors of the building and looked around. Still no sign of Rob.

Jackson tried to clear his head. Rob wasn’t in school, he sure as hell wouldn’t have gone home and he won’t be at the bowl. This left one place that popped into Jackson’s head. Old School Vinyl.

Old School Vinyl was pretty far by foot, but Rob had a head start, so Jackson grabbed his BMX, made sure that his backpack was attached tightly around his waist and started pedaling. Something told him that he might find Rob somewhere along the way to the store rather than actually in it, so he swerved on the road, looking down each alley and road that branched off from Main Street.

He was almost halfway to Old School Vinyl when he spotted a heap of clothes next to a dumpster in an alley. But this wasn’t a heap of clothes. He recognized Rob’s hoodie, thank god he chose to wear Kelly green today. Jackson rushed over to the sidewalk, dumped his bike against the brick wall and spurted over to Rob.

“ROB!!!” Jackson wasn’t even over at where Rob was sitting, but he was already trying to get his attention. He got to where Rob was slouching, lying half against the dumpster. What he saw right there hit him like a truck. Rob’s left arm was hanging on the side of his body, with a pool of blood around it. “Oh my god, Rob cut again. No, please no. Please let this be a dream.”

He looked at Rob, who had a blank look on his face, but was definitely still conscious. The only question to ask that came to Jackson’s mind was to ask why Rob had done this again and why here. 

“Why, Rob? Why?”

Rob looked up at him, eyes full of fear, disappointment and guilt staring at Jackson. Fear of this strange surrounding, disappointment of what he was about to tell Jackson and guilt because he had given in once again, being too weak to resist the liberty that came with his razor.

Rob spoke with a whimper in his voice, and he was trying to suppress a sob. “It’s because of you, Jack....it’s because of you.” He immediately turned away from Jackson, who was shocked. How was he the cause of Rob cutting again?

“What do you mean it’s because of me, Robbie?” Jackson tried to move in closer, but he felt a hand pushing him back.

“You weren’t there for me, Jack. You weren’t there when I needed you the most. You call yourself a f*****g friend?!”

“What do you mean I wasn’t there for you, Rob? When wasn’t I there for you?” Jackson tried to remember, but was really at a loss as to what Rob was talking about.

Rob raised his hand to take of his cap. How had Jackson not noticed this before? The cut on his face ran from his eyebrow down to the top of his cheekbone. His jaw was bruised and swollen. The side of his hand was purplish-blue, and Jackson guessed that it was sprained.

“That’s why he had his cap on so low and his hood up. How did I not f*****g see this? F**k. Seriously, one of these days...” All this went on in his head in a split second.

“Rob, when did this happen? Why didn’t you show it to me? Come on, man. Tell me. Please tell me.”

“You could have stopped this, you could have saved me, Jack. Why didn’t you?”

“Rob, who did this to you? What happened?”

“My dad, Jack...that’s who.” Rob was back to being short in his answers again. It pissed off Jackson, and he felt terrible right now.

“What did he do? Please just tell me, ok?”

“H-h-he locked me in the basement when I got sick on Saturday morning. I woke up with a fever, and was sitting at breakfast when I got pulled away from the kitchen counter. He threw me down the stairs and when I was lying there on the concrete, I heard the door lock and him walking away. I think he was laughing.”

“He did WHAT?!”

Rob ignored the last question. He didn’t feel like repeating that part again, instead continuing where Jackson had interrupted him.

“This morning he threw me out of the house to go to school.”

“Why didn’t your mom stop him, or let you out of the basement?”

“I really don’t know, Jack. I don’t think she knew, she worked the night shift this weekend, and she wasn’t home when it happened. Dad must’ve told her some lies about where I was.”

“But how do I fit in all of this, Robbie?”

“You came into the basement, Jack. You told me that I deserved to be locked in there because I was a worthless loser that was just a waste anyway. You said you were only my friend because you felt sorry for me because no one else would hang out with me.”

“What? I would never do that to you, Robbie. Never!” Jackson tried to move closer to Rob again. This time he was allowed to do so. He put a hand on Rob’s shoulder. “Do you hear me, Rob? I would never do that. I’d hate myself for it. And I couldn’t do all of this without you, buddy.”

Something that Jackson had said triggered something in Rob. Rob turned around his bruised body and looked at Jackson. “I should’ve know that you wouldn’t. I was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.” His hand groped around on the street, looking for the blade that he had used a couple of minutes ago. Jackson noticed this, grabbed Rob’s wrist and pulled his hand away from the blade.

“No, Rob. You’re stronger than this. Come on, let me take you to my place. We’re not going back to school. I’ll call Zach that something came up.”

“No, Jack. I can’t. I don’t want to bother you. Please just leave me here.” Rob tried to wring himself out of Jackson’s hold, but was too weak.

“Rob, you really think I’ll leave you here? I’d be insane to do that. You’re coming with me, we’ll take care of your arm and that cut on your brow and I’ll make you some dinner.”

“Jack, leave me here. Please. Just go.” Right now, Rob seemed to be pleading with Jackson to let go of him and just leave Rob in his own sorrow and pain.

“Rob, stop saying stupid s**t. Here, come on.” Jackson hoisted him up, and grabbed him around the waist. Rob flinched.

“You okay?” Jackson immediately dropped his hand from Rob’s waist.

“My ribs hurt, don’t think they’re broken though.”

“I would take you to a hospital, but you know what would happen then. You’ve been there before.”

Rob thought back to the time his parents dragged him to the hospital. The doctors put him on suicide watch and had strapped him down to the bed. Rob mumbled. “Suicide watch.”

“Come on, buddy. We’ll get you fixed up.” Jackson tried to cheer his friend up best he could.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a burden. You can go to Zach if you want to.” Rob looked at Jackson, his eyes filling with tears.

“Look, I’m not leaving you here, and right now, Zach is the least of my worries. Right now, you’re the one that matters most to me. Save your energy, Robbie. You’re not going to pass out on me, you hear.”

A little whisper came out of Rob. “Thanks.” He let his head drop on Jackson’s shoulder, who held him firmly.

Jackson walked over to his bike and picked it up. Rob on one shoulder, his bike in the other, he started to make his way home. It wouldn’t be the shortest of walks, but it was what he needed to do.

...

Jackson pushed open the back door of his house. He listened for a second to see if someone was home, but decided that this wasn’t the case. He should’ve known. Jackson stepped over the porch, and helped Rob inside.

“Rob?”

A small whisper came again. “Yeah?”

“I’ll take you to bed, ok? You really can’t stand on your own feet anymore. You need to lie down.”

All Rob did was nod slightly. Jackson saw what he thought was a slight smile. This caused Jackson to feel a bit better. If it was indeed a smile, it meant that Rob felt safe again, felt at home.

Jackson pushed his shoulder against his bedroom door to open it. His room was a mess, but that really didn’t matter now. Jackson sat Rob down on the side of his bed.

“I’m going to take off your hoodie, ok?” Jackson asked carefully.

Rob shook his head and shied away from Jackson by shutting himself in again, turning away from Jackson.

“Robbie, I have to. I know you don’t want to, but I need to clean your wounds or they might get infected. I beg of you, buddy. Please?” Jackson was still careful, and tried to convince Rob of his intentions.

Rob was fighting a losing battle. Even if he didn’t want to take off his hoodie, Jackson would just pull up his sleeves, or worse, cut them off, to get to the wounds. Rob didn’t want the wounds to be treated, he wanted the scars. But going up against Jackson was like going up against an immovable object. Rob started to see that Jackson really did care, and that he would go to any lengths to take care of him, to protect him. He grabbed the zipper of his hoodie and zipped it open. “Okay.” Rob was still whispering.

Jackson knew how tired Rob was. It was all getting too much for his best friend. He grabbed the two sides of the hoodie and pulled the top part over Rob’s shoulders and then pulled the sleeves down carefully. The sleeves were wet with blood, and only when Jackson had finished taking off the hoodie, did he see how much Rob had cut.

“I should really take him to the hospital. But he’ll hate me for it if I do. I need to take care of his wounds here as best as I can and hope that they won’t infect.” Jackson was really torn between two worlds. Seeing Rob like this made him sick, it made him feel even worse that it was because of ‘him’ that this had happened.

“Robbie, I’m just going to get the first aid kit, alright?”

“Hmhm.” Rob was fighting to stay awake.

Jackson walked out of his room and into the bathroom. He opened the cabinet under the sink to get the first aid kit and some towels. Back in his room, he zipped it open only to find that there were no antiseptics.

“Vodka should do the trick, I guess.” He walked over to his desk and pulled open the drawer. He reached in the back and pulled out a hipflask. It was full, as Jackson had refilled it the day before. He unscrewed the top and put it on his nightstand.

He grabbed Rob’s arm and wiped off the excess blood with a towel, so that he could see where the cuts were. Jackson saw more of them than he wished. Jackson scanned Rob’s arm, and saw cuts everywhere. They started at his wrist and went on to above his elbow. He quickly counted them, there were more than 10, maybe even more than 20. As Jackson cleaned Rob’s arm, Rob flinched with every cut that Jackson passed. If it wasn’t for Jackson holding onto his arm, Rob would’ve pulled away. The deep cuts were still bleeding, and Jackson kept wiping them down. He grabbed a second towel, because the one he had been using was drenched. Rob was in pain, but he didn’t want to show Jackson that he was hurting.

“I’m sorry, Rob, but I need to do this.”              

Even though Rob had wiped most of the blood away with the towels, Rob’s arm was stained a dark, crimson red. Rob wanted to lie down, but that would make it harder for Jackson to clean and bandage the wounds. “Please Rob, just hold on a little longer. After that you can sleep.” There was only one thought that went through Jackson’s head. “Thank f**k I found him when I did.” Jackson threw down the towel he had used, and grabbed the hipflask.

“This might sting a bit.” Jackson warned Rob before he poured the vodka over Rob’s arm.

The moment the vodka hit Rob’s arm, he yelped out in pain. He pulled his arm away from Jackson with all his might and crawled up against the wall.

“Rob, it’s ok. The worst is over now. I just need to wipe them down once more and then bandage them. Will you let me do that?”

Rob looked over at Jackson from the other side of the bed. Jackson could see that Rob didn’t want him to clean and bandage the wounds. Rob moved closer to him again nonetheless.

“I just want what’s best for you, Robbie. I’ll do what I can.”

“Go ahead.” Rob spoke and nodded at the same time.

Jackson rummaged around in the first aid kit and grabbed gauzes, band-aids and white tape from the bag and put it out.

“Just sit still for a while now ok. This might still hurt a bit, but just stay still. Can you do that for me?”

“Mhhm.”

Jackson started bandaging the deepest wounds first. Even though they were still bleeding, it wasn’t as bad as when he started cleaning. He had to squeeze the skin back together to apply the stitch band-aids.

“I’m sorry, Robbie. This is the only way.” He reacted to seeing Rob biting down on his t-shirt to prevent himself from screaming.

He opened the wrapping of the band-aid between his teeth and stuck it over the cut, closing it as best he could. Just to make sure, he stuck gauze over it. He treated every single cut in a similar way, trying to cause the least amount of pain to Rob. When he finished, Rob’s arm was practically made up of gauze, with only bits and pieces of skin showing.

“I’m done now, Robbie. You can lie down now. Want me to put on some music for you?”

“Maybe some Paramore?”

“Sure, buddy. Let me see what I have for you.”

Jackson walked over to his shelves. Even though he didn’t really listen to Paramore all that much, he had some bootlegs lying around that he got from Rob. Looking through his CD’s, he found it. The cover had a picture of Rob and him chilling by the lake. Rob was squinting on the picture and holding a thumbs up to the photographer. Jackson was hanging on his shoulder, trying to look tough, but failing miserably.

“That summer was great.” Jackson got caught in his thoughts.

He opened the CD case and put the disc in his stereo. He pressed play and turned around. Rob had already dozed off, scrambling Jackson’s sheets towards him, with one leg under them, and one over them. He finally looked at ease. It took him falling asleep to let go of his worries.

Jackson decided to let Rob sleep, and went to the kitchen. He opened one of the cabinets and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. Grabbing a glass from the sink, he poured himself a drink. Downing it in one go, he let Jack burn in his throat. Normally he would’ve drank a glass of water behind it, but not today. He wanted to feel the sharp burn.

Jackson walked over to the couch in the living room and dropped himself in it. He poured another glass of whisky, and again finished it in one gulp. He hoped that the burn in his throat would replace the thoughts he was having. He filled his glass once again with the amber-colored liquid.

“Rob cut because of me. I’m the worst friend ever. I can’t be a friend to him if I make him do stuff like this.” He held the glass in his hand, put it to his lips and closed his eyes. He tilted his head back and let the whisky slide down his throat.

He put his arms on his knees, and let his hands drop in between his legs.

“Why didn’t I see what he looked like this morning? I could have saved him from cutting.”

As he said this to himself, the glass he was holding slipped out of his hand and smashed on the floor. The day had tired Jackson out, and he was struggling to keep his eyes open. But he let sleep overtake him as he leaned back into the couch.

...

Jackson woke up on the couch. He had let Rob stay the night after what had happened, and let him sleep in his own bed. His mom was working a double, so she hadn’t come home yet. Jackson grabbed his shorts and t-shirt from the floor and threw them on. He walked into the kitchen and turned on the tap. He splashed some cold water on his face, and opened the fridge. He grabbed a can of Monster and pulled the can lip. It fizzed open.

“I’ve got to check up on Rob.” Jackson said to himself, and made his way to the bedroom. He quietly opened the door to his room and looked inside. There was a bundle of sheets on his bed, and a mess of hair and a hand on his pillow. Most of Rob’s head was covered by the sheets. He looked at his ward for a moment, and was amazed at how peaceful this whole scene was. “Not going to wake him up just yet, I’ll let him sleep it off.” Jackson quietly closed the door again, making sure not to accidentally wake up Rob.

He walked through the empty house, and was trying to recollect what he had heard yesterday. It sounded to him like Rob’s mom was only the bad one because she wanted to keep his dad happy. What kind of logic was that? Jackson really didn’t understand, but he saw what it had done to his best friend, and that was something that he would remember for a long time. Jackson thought about New York, and how they would be their together, without all the problems that their parents created for them. He knew that the two of them would finally get to do what they loved, and that their parents would no longer interfere. Or at least he hoped that they wouldn’t. 

He sat down on the couch in the living room and turned on the TV. Morning television sucked, but it took his mind off of everything that was going on. He muted the TV, and only watched the screen. He sipped the can of Monster, and listened carefully to any sounds coming from his room. He wanted to be there for Rob if anything happened, if his friend needed him, or called out to him.

He was glad he had kept the sound off.

“DAADD!! NO...!!” A scream came from his bedroom, and Jackson lept up from his couch and sprinted to his bedroom. He threw open the door, only to find Rob tossing and turning on the floor in a mess of sheets.

“ROB!” Jackson threw himself on the ground and grabbed Rob by the shoulders. “Rob, it’s ok. I’m here. Wake up! Come on, wake up!” Jackson tried to wake up Rob as normally as he could, he didn’t want to hurt his friend. “Come on, buddy, snap out of it!” Rob didn’t seem to be able to wake up. Jackson did what came to mind first, grabbed the bottle of water from his desk and emptied the content of it on Rob’s head.

Rob opened his eyes as the cold water hit his face. “Wha...whe?” His eyes found Jacksons’. His eyes were full of fear. Rob grabbed the sheets he had been entangled in and tried to hide under them. Jackson wouldn’t let him.

“Robbie, it’s ok. You’re dads not here, it’s only me. It’s only me!” Jackson found himself shouting at Rob, something he had wanted to avoid. Rob would only feel worse. Rob cowered away into the corner of the room, and didn’t let Jackson come closer.

“Robbie, you had a nightmare. Nothing happened, it was a bad dream, that’s all. There’s nobody else here, you’re safe.” Jackson spoke softly, quietly so that he didn’t frighten Rob any more. “Is it ok if I come closer?”

Rob dropped the sheets a bit, and nodded softly. He looked so scared. Jackson felt really bad about this, and found himself wishing that it was him that felt that way, so that Rob wouldn’t have to go through all of this.

Jackson crept closer to Rob. He sat down next to Rob, and threw his arm around him. Rob responded by instinct, and wanted to pull away from him. Jackson noticed the slight movement that Rob had made the moment he had touched him. “Robbie, it’s ok. Just breathe easy, ok?” Jackson was rubbing his hand over Rob’s shoulder slowly, hoping that it would calm him down a bit. “You’re a mess. What did you dream about, want to tell me?” He looked at Rob.

Rob nodded again, and moved his head from Jackson’s shoulder to his chest, resting his head there and gripping Jackson’s shirt with his right hand. “It was bad, really bad...” A sigh escaped Rob’s lips, and Jackson felt the air of it through his shirt. “My dad found out what my mom told me, and started hitting her. I tried to stop him, but he kept going. He was too strong for me.” Jackson’s shirt was starting to feel wet, and Rob had silently started crying.

Jackson felt anger against Rob’s dad growing inside of him. He didn’t let Rob notice it, and tried to steer clear of those thoughts. “It was only a dream, I’m sure your mom is fine.”

“It didn’t stop there, Jackie. After he had beat my mom, he turned on me. He grabbed me, and flung me against the wall. I fell down, and he kicked me. I kept begging him to stop, but he wouldn’t. I got up and tried to grab him, my begging turned into shouting, but he just kept trying to hit me or throw me to the ground.”

FINISH THIS

...

JACKSON’S BREAKDOWN

“Hey man, my mom called just now. She needs me at home for something. Thanks for all of this. Don’t know where I would be without you.”

“Always, buddy. Always.” Jackson nodded.

Rob grabbed his hoodie, which Jackson had thrown in the laundry the night before after having washed out most of the blood. Jackson walked him to the door, but didn’t want Rob to leave yet. He liked having Rob around.

 Rob and Jackson clasped their right hands into each other and hugged shortly.

“If your parents give you any trouble, you know where to find me.” Jackson told Rob as the latter made his way out the door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow in school, right? Maybe we can get together with Zach and jam.”

“Will probably be in school. You know, I don’t really plan on getting expelled and all that.” Jackson chuckled.

“Again, thanks for letting me stay. I’ll call you later. Now it’s time for me to go face the beasts.” Rob nodded him a quiet goodbye and walked over the porch and down the driveway. He waved again at the end of the driveway and slowly made his way out of Jackson’s field of view.

Jackson grabbed the side of the door and slowly closed it, still looking at the spot where his best friend had just disappeared from his view.

As the door fell into the lock, Jackson placed his hand against the frame of the door. All of a sudden, tears started flowing down his cheeks uncontrollably and his knees buckled. The hand he had on the door, slid downwards and Jackson went crashing to the floor.

He tried to catch himself by throwing out his hand towards the floor and slow down his fall. It didn’t work and his knee hit the ground full speed. A sharp pain shot straight through him. He pushed himself up against the wall, pulled his legs up in such a way that his chin could rest on his knees and closed his eyes.

Images of a bleeding and cut Rob flashed through his head, of Rob crying, being alone, with nobody around to help him.

Jackson wiped the tears from his face, but fresh ones just replaced the old ones. He was starting to taste the salt of his tears. He pushed his hands through his hair and grabbed the back of his head, shaking, trying to escape what the images forming in his head.

Torn between two worlds, Jackson crawled into a corner. On one hand, he wanted to hide from everyone. On the other, he wanted to be noticed, appreciated, and accepted for who he was.

“If only Rob was here....” Something in his mind slipped. “No, no. He can’t know, he’s not allowed to know, to see me like this. I can do this on my own. He needs my help, not the other way around.”

An image of Rob standing over him formed in his head, nodding disapprovingly. “Jack, I thought you were stronger than this. You can’t even help yourself, how the hell do you want to help me.”

Jackson shook his head, trying to get rid of these bad pictures, he didn’t want to see them, he didn’t want them in his head. He needed to snap out of it. Right here, right now.

The more he tried to fight it, the more he thought about it. What was he supposed to do now? He couldn’t just not think about it, call it all bullshit and step away from it. He couldn’t act as if nothing happened. His best friend could have died today, and he was the cause of it. There had to be something he had done somewhere in the past that triggered this feeling in Rob.

Jackson needed to clear his head. Urges were taking over. Getting drunk, burning himself, cutting, abusing painkillers, whatever. Everything would have been better than this. But all those things would lead to questions from Rob. Questions that he didn’t want to answer.

From far away he heard his text signal. Was Rob home already? Had he been sitting here for that long of a time? It couldn’t be, it was somebody else.

“Whatever.”

Jackson put one hand against the wall and on hand on the floor and tried to stand up. At the first try, his knees buckled and he found himself on the floor again. He tried again, this time grabbing onto the little table that was near him to pull himself up.

He stumbled towards the kitchen and pulled open all the drawers and the cabinets. He knew for sure there were come cigarettes or meds lying around. Right now, he needed a shot of nicotine to clear his head, or a dose of Vicodin to numb the pain.

“Vicodin should do the trick. Or Zolpidem, that would be better.” His mom had used both in the past, he hoped they would still be in the house. 

Jackson didn’t find any meds, but found a half-crumpled back of smokes in the back of a drawer. He pulled out the packet and found 2 cigarettes. What he didn’t find was a lighter, so he ignited the furnace and lent closer to the flame to light that sweet, white wrapped, nicotine filled cigarette. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. The nicotine seemed to penetrate every single space in his body.

He smoked the cigarette all the way down to the filter, and for a while, it did seem to clear his head. But like all good things, this came to an end as well. Once again, Rob formed in his mind.

 

...

Rob walked into the cafeteria. He looked around, and sure as the sunrise, he saw exactly the same thing he’d been seeing for the past couple of years. Jocks were throwing papers at the nerds, the cheerleaders were hanging their tits in the face of quarterback Michael Dansly and the loners, well, they were alone in a corner. The cafeteria was filled and finding Jackson wasn’t going to be easy. Maybe he wasn’t even in the cafeteria.

He got in line at the counter to get his food. There was a blackboard hanging on the wall to present the daily menu to the students of Whistler High, but nobody bothered to keep it up to date. Today there was a selection of greasy pizza, chili or burgers that looked like they’d been made from the skin of the Incredible Hulk. Rob grabbed a bottle of Gatorade, said “No Thanks,” to the cafeteria lady and went to look for Jackson in that damned crowd.

While twisting the cap of his Gatorade, he scanned the cafeteria again. There was no sign of Jackson.

Rob flipped open his phone and started typing. “Where are you?” While waiting for a response, he downed his drink and threw away the bottle. A bleep-bleep came from his phone and he flipped it open once again.

“Back left corner. Near fire exit. Vanessa here. Please help.” Jackson had texted him pretty quickly, but now Rob knew where to go.

Rob made his way through the maze of lunch tables, cheerleaders and horny youngsters and saw the fire exit. And sure enough, there was Vanessa, trying desperately to make Jackson deaf with her talking. But Rob didn’t go up to the table. A grin appeared on his face and he sat at a different table, facing Jackson and in earshot of the conversation going on.

Rob looked at Jackson, who now had a confused look on his face.

“What the hell, man?” Jackson mouthed the question.

“Go with it.” Rob tried to mouth it but whispered. He nodded while he said this.

“Dude, what the f**k.” As he mouthed this he turned to Vanessa who was still blabbing on.

“Do you know Funeral for a Friend? I love them so much, I even met them.” Vanessa was trying to figure out if Jackson agreed with her musical taste.

“I don’t mind them. But really, don’t you have anyone else to talk to?”

Rob snorted. Jackson had never been one for talking to girls.

“No. And what about Good Charlotte? You like them?”

“Not really.” Pulling his hood up, he faced Rob again.

“Help me.” Jackson mouthed the words, he was in dire straits.

Rob shook his head, still with a grin on his face.

“Vanessa, I love talking to you, but I have to go take care of some stuff.”

“I’ll come with you.”

Now it was time to step in and save Jackson from this girl. Rob got up from his seat and walked over to the table Jackson and Vanessa were sitting at. Jackson had already grabbed his backpack and was ready to go.

“Hey, you’re Vanessa right? I saw you in class yesterday.”

“Yeah, I’m Vanessa. And you are?”

“Robert Bradley. You can call me Robert, only friends call me Rob.”

“And what exactly are you doing here, Robert?”

“Saving my best friend from accidental loss of hearing. You really aren’t too bright, are you? Jackson doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“But he said he loves talking to me. You did, didn’t you?” She turned to Jackson.

Jackson wanted to say something, but Rob interrupted. “Sarcasm, maybe you’ll understand it someday.”

Jackson was not able to suppress his laughter and he coughed up his soda.

“Let’s go home man. We’ve got that setlist to talk about with the band for next week at The Lighthouse.”

“The Lighthouse? Setlist? Next week? What’s next week?” Vanessa butted in again.

“We’ve got a show lined up with some other friends of ours, but they don’t let fakes in, so don’t bother.” Rob was on fire, Jackson was amazed.

 ...

Jackson and Rob went to The Lighthouse straight after school. Both were there under false pretenses. Jackson was ‘supposed to have detention’ and Rob was ‘working on a school project’. Their parents never really supported their musical aspirations, but let them practice seen as it got them out of the house.

“Where’s Zach? He was supposed to be here?” Jackson was leaning against the concrete building that was The Lighthouse.

“Dude, is he ever on time? He needs to bring his kit, remember? I mean, we got it easy. A guitar, a bass and a bunch of pedals and cables. He needs to disassemble that entire beast, load it into his car and drive over here.”

“Yeah, that’s true, but he could still make sure to be on time. I want to soundcheck. We should really just open with that new track. Even though it’s a little different than what we normally play.”

“Are you talking about Take Back What’s Ours? We only practiced that 3 times or something. We can’t play that, we’ll bomb.”

“Alright, maybe not open with it, but can we at least play it?”

“Let’s talk to the fellas about that.”  

“Sure.” Jackson seemed put down by the response his best friend gave him. When they practiced, the band was pretty excited to play the song, and it was catchy, so it would get the crowd going, that is, if there was one there tonight.

Even though they’d been playing together for over a year already, this was their first legitimate show. It was weird to see “Awkward Silence” on a poster of a venue together with three other, in Jackson’s eyes, pretty big local bands.  

Jackson moved from the wall to the curb and sat down, stretching his legs out over the tarmac. His raggedy All Stars were in definite need of replacement, but they were just so comfortable he could not part with them, and now he was going to play his first show in them, he couldn’t throw them away afterwards. He fiddled around with the cord of his headphones, and looked over at Rob.

Rob, even though he was the quiet guy, was a nervous one. He was chewing on the cord of his hoodie and staring out in front of him. As if that wasn’t enough, he was incessantly tapping his foot up and down on the pavement joined by his hands tapping away on his upper legs. The pavement was his bass drum and his hands were his floor tom and snare, or his toms, depending on whether he used the top or the sides of his legs. And even though he wasn’t the drummer of their band, he did a good job at knocking out a rhythm. Jackson was sure he wouldn’t be able to copy him.

Jackson rummaged around in the pocket of his grey jeans for his pack of smokes. He pulled out a pack of Lucky Strikes and grabbed two of them. “Hey Rob, you want one? You know, to calm the nerves.” Jackson looked over at Rob, who raised his head and interrupted his drumming for a little while.

“Mind if we share one?” He looked on edge, like he could actually use a whole cigarette.

“Sure.” As Jackson said this he conjured a lighter out of his pocket and set the flame to the tip of the cigarette. It sparked to life and Jackson inhaled deeply. The soothing effect of the deadly stick spread through his body. He took another swig and passed it on to Rob, who accepted the cigarette. Jackson noticed a slight tremble in Rob’s hands. “No need to be nervous, it’s just like we rehearsed.” The words that he had just uttered were a blatant lie, and he knew it.

A car appeared around the corner. Its multicolored paneling meant only one thing; Zach was finally here. Jackson couldn’t actually complain, at least Zach had a car in which he could transport his kit. Without it, they would have been dependent on parents, and the only parents they could approach were Zach’s. But they were out of town on lot, so counting on them was out of the question.

The car pulled to a halt in front of them and the engine growled before silencing itself. Zach was forced to climb out of the window because his door panel was bent and the door wouldn’t open anymore.

“What’s up guys? Sorry I’m late. Had a little trouble getting the car going. Running starts are a little more complicated than you’d expect.”

...

Jackson knew it. He walked into Rob’s house, using the spare key that Rob had given him a while back. He heard shouting coming from the kitchen, along with glass breaking. He moved towards the kitchen quietly, not wanting to make his presence known. He looked around the corner, and was shocked at what he saw. Rob’s mom was lying in the opposite corner, her arms wrapped around her ribs. Her face showed the pain she was going through. Rob was on the other side of the kitchen counter, sweating, and his face was showing signs of bruising. Rob’s father was holding a glass, which, as Jackson expected, he threw at Rob. Rob ducked and avoided the glass, but that gave his dad time to go around the counter. Rob tried to get away, but his father had grabbed him by the shoulder. Next thing Jackson saw, was Rob flying up against the fridge and falling down. Jackson couldn’t just stand here anymore, it was time to end this. He stepped into the kitchen, but still watching not to make too much noise.

Rob was lying on the floor, with his back to his father. He heard glass cracking under his father’s shoe, and tried to make himself as small as possible. He felt a sharp pain in his lower back, his father kicked him. And then kicked him again. Rob braced for the third impact, but it didn’t come. Rob heard another thud, something farther away from him. He turned around to look what it was. There he was, Rob’s seraph, his guardian angel. He saw his dad turn around to face Jackson.

“What are you...?” Rob’s father couldn’t finish the sentence as he was punched in his side. Jackson’s next punch connected straight with that b******s chin.

“How does it feel to have someone fight back, you a*****e? Always beating your wife and Rob, who can’t fight back, or don’t want to fight back out of fear. Well, guess what, it stops here!”

“You don’t have any right to be in here, you don’t know what this is about!” Rob’s father shouted at him, spitting blood from his busted lip on the floor.

“I know exactly what this is about. You don’t want your stepson to have an own life, you want to control him, control her.” Jackson’s words were filled with rage.

Rob’s dad swung out at him, hitting him in the side, right below his ribs. A little grunt escaped from Jackson’s mouth. He stepped back a bit, to get away from Rob, not wanting him to get involved in this. Rob’s father must have seen this as a sign of weakness or something, as a small grin appeared on his face. He stood up straight, trying to ignore the stinging pain in his side. He stepped closer to Jackson, and tried to swing at him again. Jackson ducked out of the way, causing Rob’s father to plant his fist in the wall behind Jackson.

“This is something between me and them. You shouldn’t be here, this is breaking and entering and assault. Just wait till the cops show up.” Rob’s father was still trying to get to Jackson, unaware of the fact that he was being completely ignored.

“And what you’re doing isn’t assault? I know what you’ve been doing to Rob, and I know how long this has been going on. I’m surprised your a*s isn’t in jail already. You didn’t let them report you, did you? Threatening them so that they would be afraid to call.” Jackson was furious and rage was all that fueled him right now.

He grabbed hold of Rob’s father and let his knee own knee connect with his target’s stomach. Rob’s father stumbled backwards, clearly amazed at how strong this kid was.

Rob’s father looked around rapidly for something to defend himself with. He spotted the poker of the fireplace standing in the corner. He ran towards it, while Jackson slowly followed him to where he was going. Jackson saw Rob’s father grabbing the poker.

“Oh, really? Going that way now? Can’t face me straight up?” Jackson was completely disregarding his own safety, and lunged towards Rob’s father. He threw his arms around Rob’s father, and pushed him up against the wall. Jackson’s head was under Rob’s fathers arm, but his target was still free to move. Jackson felt a sharp pain in his back, and he knew instantly that Rob’s father had hit him with the poker. He buckled a bit under the pain, but didn’t let go. Another sharp pain appeared in his side. He was getting hammered with the poker. Every time he got hit, he buckled a bit, and felt more and more pain rising inside of him.

“If you let go, this won’t stop, this will just go on,” Jackson thought to himself. “If I don’t stop this b*****d right now, Rob will be worse off than before this.” The words that Jackson was whispering to himself were strengthening him. He let go of his grip of Rob’s father, trying to avoid getting hit with the poker again. The moment he let go and stepped back from his target, he saw the poker flying at his head. He put his arms up to cover his face, and felt intense pain in his left arm, and felt something sticky on the inside of his sweater. Jackson saw Rob’s father coming towards him. Jackson stepped backwards and rolled over the kitchen counter. He found himself lying next to Rob, who was still lying on the floor, clearly in pain.

“Robbie, I don’t know how, but you have to help me.” Jackson told Rob in a quick whisper, and he wasn’t sure Rob had heard him. He stood up, and stayed in front of Rob. Rob’s father didn’t pick up the poker again, but he was creepily smiling.

“Giving up, are you? Not as strong as you thought you were, huh?” Rob’s father was spitting the words at him.

“Just because you can’t take me in a fair fight, doesn’t mean that you’re better than me, a*****e.” These words seemed to connect with Rob’s father. Jackson saw something ignite in those eyes.

Rob’s father circled the counter, and was facing Jackson ready to say something again. Suddenly something moved in the corner of Jackson’s eye, and Rob had erected himself, throwing himself at his father.

“You’re not going to hurt my best friend, m*therf*cker.” Rob was wrestling with his father, but Jackson could see this was a lost cause. Rob’s father picked him up by the shoulders and flung him over the kitchen counter. Rob’s head hit the corner of the kitchen counter, and he landed on the floor. Jackson saw that Rob wasn’t moving, and that his eyes were closed. Jackson thought the worst as he saw blood coming from his best friends head.

“YOU M**********R!!! YOU KILLED YOUR OWN SON. FACE ME, YOU COWARD!” Jackson was shouting uncontrollably and he found himself shaking, his rage taking the best of him. “How the f**k could you do that? He’s your son!”

“He’s not my son. I took in that b*****d and his mother because I felt sorry for them.” But he still found himself looking over at Rob.

That moment, that lapse of focus, was all Jackson needed. He lunged at Rob’s father. His first punch connected with his victim’s ribs, the second one full in the face. Jackson could feel blood flowing over his fist, and kicked Rob’s father in the side of the knee. This had the wanted effect, as his target lost balance and dropped to one knee. Jackson put all of his strength in the ensuing punch, which connected with Rob’s fathers’ jaw. Something snapped, and Rob’s father fell down, screaming in agony. Jackson lost control and kicked his victim time after time. When Rob’s father didn’t move anymore, he stopped.

He moved over to Rob, who was lying still on the floor. He looked up and searched the kitchen for Rob’s mother. She was still in the same corner where Jackson had first seen her, but she had managed to move herself up against the wall. She was still looking scared, and looked at the ruin that surrounded her. She saw her son lying still, but was petrified with fear. She tried to speak, but all that came out was a whimper.

Jackson felt around for the source of the blood, and found a cut on the back of Rob’s head. He drew back his hand, but couldn’t tell if it was Rob’s blood, his blood, or the blood of Rob’s father which spilled out when he had broken his nose. He surveyed the kitchen, looking for a towel or anything to put against Rob’s wound so that it wouldn’t bleed anymore. He saw a kitchen towel hanging next to the sink. He got up, grabbed the towel, turned on the tap, let the towel get wet and got back to Rob. He put the towel on the wound, and took off his hoodie and t-shirt. He grabbed a kitchen knife from the floor, and cut his shirt to pieces, making bandages out of them. He tied the wet towel to Rob’s head, picked him up slowly and moved him over to the couch in the adjoining living room. He used one of the other t-shirt shreds to tie off his own wound. He moved over to Rob’s mother who still had a bleak look on her face, not grasping what had just happened.

“It’s ok now, Ms. Bradley. It’s over.” Jackson was wrong, it wasn’t over. He heard a groan coming from behind him. Jackson turned around, and saw Rob’s father trying to pick himself up off of the floor. His face was a mess, something that Jackson felt good about. But this still had to end. Jackson stood up, his imposing figure reaching at least 6’2. A now shirtless Jackson moved over to Rob’s father. His arm was still bleeding, and it stung pretty bad, but that didn’t matter right now.

Rob’s father had also managed to stand up straight. He waited till Jackson was close enough and swung out at him with full force. Jackson was now going on pure adrenaline, and his reflexes kicked in. He caught the incoming fist, and twisted it clockwise. A little yelp escaped from Rob’s father and his face contorted as pain surged through his arm.

“Face it, you’ve lost. You killed your own son, and my best friend. You don’t deserve to live, you filthy b*****d.” He grabbed Rob’s father by his head and slammed it against one of the kitchen cabinets. He kicked him on the side of his knee again, making him buckle once more. Jackson made sure he had a firm grip on his victim’s head, and then slammed it full force against the flat side of the kitchen counter. Bone connected with marble, a crunching sound echoed through the kitchen, and the body of Rob’s father went limp. Jackson let go of his grip on Rob’s father and the body collapsed onto the ground. Jackson couldn’t care less what had just happened, and if he had killed a man, but he knew one thing. He had tried to save his best friend and his best friend’s mother.

He went over to the couch on which his best friend was lying. He let his hand hover over Rob’s mouth and checked for air. He felt cold touch his hand. He had taken care of Rob, but never checked if Rob was dead or not. Now he knew his best friend was unconscious, he felt his muscles relax. The wound was still bleeding heavily, and there wasn’t anything that Jackson could do about it. He walked back to the kitchen, and assisted Rob’s mother in getting up. He put her arm around his shoulders and half-carried her to the living room and put her on the other couch.

“Ms Bradley, are you ok? Are you hurt? Are you bleeding?” Jackson asked her in an exasperated voice. His adrenaline rush was wearing off. Rob’s mother nodded her head from right to left.

“Thank you.” A whisper escaped her lips.

Jackson needed to make sure that his best friend was going to be ok. He put his hand in his pocket, and drew out his cell phone. He dialed 911.

He heard a click and a voice coming from the other side. “911 emergency, what’s your emergency?”

“I want to report domestic violence, my friend is bleeding heavily and so is his father. The mother says she’s not hurt, but I’m not sure. Please send over an ambulance and the police.” The 911 operator proceeded to ask him the other questions, and after 5 minutes he heard sirens down the road.

Jackson picked up his hoodie off of the floor and put it on. He walked to the front door just in time to see two squad cars and an ambulance arrive. 4 policemen and 3 paramedics got out and walked up the driveway.

“Are you the one that reported the incident?” A blond policeman asked Jackson, who, in turn, nodded.

“What are you doing here?” Another question was thrown at him.

“My friend called me and I came over here. But please, my friend is in real bad shape and he needs help.” Jackson beckoned the policemen and the paramedics to the living room.

“There are only 2 people here, 3 were reported. Where is the 3^rd person?” Jackson showed the policeman the kitchen. The policeman rushed over to the kitchen and checked the pulse of the body lying on the floor. The body on the floor was Rob’s father. He grabbed his walkie talkie.

“We need an EMT. Hurry.”

The policeman walked back to Jackson, who was standing in the living room quietly. He was looking at the paramedics. One was taking care of Rob, and had hooked him up to a bag of something, while the other paramedic was shining a light into Rob’s mothers’ eyes.

“Who did this?”

Jackson pretended to not hear the question. But the policeman was persistent. “Who did this? What happened to this man?”

Jackson looked up at the man, gathered his strength and spoke. “I did it. I couldn’t stand by and just watch it happen. I came in with the spare key my friend had given me. I saw that man abusing his wife and his son, and stepped in.”

“You did this? You do know what will happen to you if you actually did do this?” The policeman was looking at him with a serious look on his face. 

Jackson didn’t feel like speaking, and just nodded. He looked over at the couch, and saw that Rob was regaining consciousness. The policeman called his friend over, and talked to him quietly.

“Young man, we need to place you under arrest.” The blond policeman told him.

Jackson couldn’t do anything about it so he just put his arms out and waited for the policeman to throw handcuffs around his wrist. He felt the cold steel around his wrists and heard a click as they closed around them.

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used in the court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford one, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights?”

Jackson nodded.

Rob was looking around confused, too weak to speak. Rob’s mother had been taken to the ambulance for a further check up.

“Can I just say goodbye to my friend?” Jackson asked the policeman.

The policeman nodded and led Jackson closer to Rob. One of the paramedics was bringing in a backboard, while the other paramedic was making sure that Rob didn’t have any other fractures and had clasped a brace around Rob’s neck.

“Rob, it’s going to be okay. I’ll see you real soon, ok buddy?”

Rob was too shocked to speak. Meanwhile, the other paramedic had come in with the backboard and Rob was being tied down to it. The two paramedics lifted the board and started walking out of the house. The policemen and Jackson followed suit behind them.

Rob was being put in the ambulance, and saw his friend being forced into the squad car. There was only a little he could see before he was looking up at the roof of an ambulance. What had happened, Rob didn’t know. He felt a syringe being pushed into his arm, and within moments he let the wooziness take over.

...

The squad cars drove up to the police station. Jackson was the only one to go to the police station. Rob and Rob’s parents had all been taken to the hospital to be treated for their wounds. Jackson’s arm was still stinging, and he felt his hoodie stick to the wound. He didn’t tell or show the paramedics and the police officer hadn’t noticed when he put the handcuffs around his wrists. He felt an uncomfortable pain around his side and on his back from where Rob’s father had pelted him with the fireplace poker.

“That b*****d will never hurt anyone again.” Jackson felt a sense of peace spread throughout his body as he said this.

The squad car he was in stopped, and the back door opened. He was taken out of the car by the arresting officer and escorted into the police station. He was sat down on a chair at the officer’s desk and the cuffs were taken off of him. Jackson rubbed his wrists, he was glad that those steel braces were off. The officer sat down behind his desk and faced Jackson.

“Name?”

“Jackson Ames.”

“Age?”

“18.”

“Where do you live?”

“187 Anderson Lane.”

“You understand why you’ve been arrested?”

“Yeah, for saving my best friend and his mother from being beat to death by that a*****e.” Jackson was growing agitated with the officer’s questions. In his eyes, he had done something good, something that involved him going above and beyond.

“I understand you tried to save your friend, but you are being charged with battery and assault. Do you plead guilty to these charges?”

“I was trying to save my friend, it was self-defense.”

“Yes or no?”

Jackson didn’t really know what to say. He didn’t know what would happen if he would say yes, neither did he know what was going to happen if he said no. He decided to remain silent. After all, that was one of his rights. The officer had stood up in the meantime, grabbed his handcuffs again, and put one clasp around Jackson’s wrist and the other around the metal bar on his desk.

“I need to go make a phone call to the hospital. And you need to stay here.”

“Could you please ask how Rob is doing? I really want to know.”

The officer nodded and then walked away. 10 minutes passed before the officer came in. He took off the cuffs once more and sat down.

“Mr. Bradley is filing charges against you. He’s pushing for assault, battery, attempted murder and breaking and entering. Robert Bradley is going to be fine, he is getting stitched up at the moment. Ms. Bradley is suffering from shock and bruised ribs. The boy and his mother will be fine, but you did a number on the father.”

Jackson only just managed to suppress a smirk. “That b*****d got what he deserved.” He kept that thought to himself. The charges that were being filed against him were a lot scarier though. He was being charged with assault and battery, and if Rob’s father got his way, attempted murder and b&e would be added to that list.

“You will have to stay here pending the hearing. You will be appointed with an attorney. You’re 18, so we aren’t required to call your parents or legal guardians except if you wish us to notify them.”

“Don’t call my mother. She doesn’t need to know, and she probably wouldn’t care.”

“You have heard the charges against you. Is there anything you want to say about them?”

“No.” Jackson was going to face whatever came his way, just as long as Rob’s father got what he deserved.

“Were you hurt?”

“No.” As he said this, he saw the officers eyes drift towards his left arm. Blood had seeped through the hoodie and also on to his hand. “Ok, yes, I was hurt, but it’s not bad.”

“Could you please take of your sweater?” The officer demanded.

Jackson didn’t want to, but the officer demanded it, even if he had asked it as a question. He stood up and took off his hoodie. His left arm was stinging as he tried to pull his sleeve off. Jackson was a mess.

What stood before the officer was a boy that looked as if he had been through hell. Old bruises and scars ran right alongside new cuts, scabs and fresh bruises. There were red marks on his side and back as a result from the fight with Rob’s father and the cut on his arm had dried up. There didn’t appear to be a single square inch of the teenager’s upper body that wasn’t bruised. Jackson kept looking down at the floor, ashamed of what he had to show the officer.

“I’m taking you to the infirmary right now.”

The officer picked up Jackson’s hoodie and threw it over his shoulders. He escorted the teenager through the police station and to the infirmary.

“Nurse, please take care of his wound.”

The nurse beckoned Jackson to lie down on the bed. He did as he was told. The nurse had grabbed gauze, bandages and antiseptics. She cleaned the wound on his arm. She first used water to get rid of the dry blood and then used the antiseptics. Jackson’s arm was burning, but he took the pain. He didn’t want to seem weak, not after all that had happened. He was in no position to show weakness. The nurse proceeded to wipe of all the blood and fluid that was coming out of the wound, and used special band-aids to close the wound. She covered the length of the wound with gauze and bandaged up Jackson’s arm. She called in the officer, who had been standing outside of the door.

He led Jackson to his cell. Before closing the cell door, the officer gave him a clean longsleeve shirt.

“Here, put it on. Your attorney will be here later.”

Jackson grabbed the shirt and put it on. His arm had stopped stinging. He heard the heavy metal door closing behind him. There was nothing to do. He was in jail pending the hearing, and he didn’t know when it would take place. He sat down on the bunk that was standing against the back wall and pulled up his knee to his chin. He rested his back against the wall and dozed off.

The 2 days that followed were mainly filled with sitting in the cell, talking to his attorney, eating crappy food and trying to sleep.

The third day he was awoken with the best news he had gotten yet. Rob was out of the hospital and would come by later. The second part of the good news was that his hearing was going to be tomorrow. After talks with his attorney, Jackson felt a bit better. Even though Mr. Bradley was filing for attempted murder and b&e, those charges would never hold up in the court room. The attorney said that he was pretty sure that assault would be shrugged off as a misdemeanor since it was the first time, and that battery wouldn’t even be called for. Jackson felt reassured. And now Rob was coming over, all of this would be over soon.

A few hours later, Jackson was picked up from his cell and led to a common room. There, in the corner, was his best friend. Bandaged up, but looking better than he had done 3 days before. He saw that Rob was trying to stand up, but he was clearly in pain and couldn’t really get up.

The officer spoke to him in a deep voice, “you’ve got ten minutes.”

“Don’t worry Rob, just stay.” Jackson walked towards Rob. He could see Rob light up as he came closer.

“Let’s not hug, ok? It would cause more pain than good.” Jackson said to Rob, who let go a slight chuckle. Jackson sat down at the table and Rob pushed a cup of coffee towards him.

“You look like s**t, J.” Rob’s eyes drifted from Jackson’s bruised face to the bandage on his arm. “You alright?”

“Fine, it’s nothing big. Are you ok? I’ve seen you look better.” Jackson wasn’t worried about his own injuries, but rather about the injuries of his friend.

“Doctor said I’d be fine. I have a broken rib and a concussion, plus 6 stitches on the back of my head.” Rob touched the back of his head.

“How’s your mom? She was pretty messed up last time I saw her.”

“I don’t know, haven’t talked to Mom much these past couple days. I don’t think she really realizes what has happened. I’m not even sure what happened.”

“Let’s not talk about what happened, not now.” Jackson wanted to avoid talking about what happened so that Rob didn’t have to live through it again. But at the same time, Jackson wanted to know what had started that which he had to finish.

“What happened though, why did your dad go postal on you and your mom?”

“I don’t really know, I was up in my room playing piano, and all of a sudden I heard shouting and things breaking. I walked downstairs to see what was going on and when I saw my dad beating my mom, I called you. I was trying not to be seen by him, or her for that matter, but he did. He turned on me, blaming me for what my mom had told him about that I wanted to go to New York and not to boarding school and things like that. After that I blacked out, it’s a blur.”

“What happened in the house?”

“Do you really want to know?” Jackson questioned himself whether he should tell Rob the story.

“I do. I need to know what happened. Mom can’t tell me, I think she’s still in shock. Please tell me.” Rob practically begged Jackson.

“You called me, but didn’t say anything when I picked up. I heard some noise on the background, of things breaking and your mother shouting. I didn’t know what was going on, and then the connection went dead. I grabbed the spare key you gave me and rushed over to your house. I had to see if you were safe.” As Jackson told this to Rob, he could see that Rob was trying to recollect his thoughts.

“I don’t remember calling you. I don’t remember you coming in or anything. There are only shards of things I remember.” Rob was scared, fearful of what he was about to hear.

Jackson noticed that Rob was scared. “Are you sure you want me to continue? What I’m going to tell you isn’t nice.”

“I’m sure, I can handle it. Just tell me.”

“I walked into your house and heard a racket coming from your kitchen. I peeked around the corner and saw your mother lying in the corner, I think she was unconscious. Then I saw your father flinging a glass at you, and then picking you up and throwing you against the fridge or something. He was kicking you. He kicked you twice, and I couldn’t stop myself, so I ran over to him and hit him on the back.”

“I remember that, I was bracing for another kick, but then I heard a thud. I looked up and I saw you beating the living daylights out of him.”

“The fight went on for a while, and I was doing everything to keep him away from you, away from your mother. Your father beat the s**t out of me with the fireplace poker.” Jackson himself was having trouble retelling the events.

“Is that where you got that?” Rob pointed at Jackson’s arm.

“Yeah, I tried to knock him down against the wall, but he was too strong, and knocked me around with that poker. The moment I let him go and tried to catch my balance, he flung it at me. I just managed to throw my arms in front of my head.”

“I remember wrestling with that a*****e. Was that when you were already there?”

“It was, I asked you for help but I wasn’t sure whether you had heard me. Your father was about to swing at me again, but then you suddenly jumped up and tried to take him down. He was too strong for you and threw you over the kitchen counter. It’s where you got that.” Jackson indicated the wound on Rob’s head. “I saw you lying unconscious and there was blood coming out of the back of your head. That moment was when I lost it, I thought he’d taken you away from me. He looked over at you, not paying attention to me, and then I just swung at him with all my strength. I just wanted to see him bleed. I hit and kicked him time after time until he didn’t move anymore.”

Jackson could see fear in his friend’s eyes. Jackson guessed that Rob didn’t want to hear what he had just heard.

“I ran over to you, thinking you were dead. I bandaged up your wound with a towel and pieces of t-shirt and moved you to the couch. I went back to check on your mother, trying to see if she was ok. While I was trying to talk to her, your father got up. Right there, I just wanted to kill him so bad. He swung at me, missed, and I managed to drop him to his knees again. I really thought you were dead, and I wanted my revenge. I grabbed his head and slammed it into the kitchen counter. I heard something break, and his body just went limp and fell to the floor. After I had checked up on your mother and took her to the living room as well, I checked if you were still breathing. When I felt cold air escape from your mouth, well, let’s just say, that was the best feeling I’ve ever had. After that I called 911, and well, here I am.”

Rob was shocked, having heard what his friend had been through because of him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do this to you.” A tear formed at the side of Rob’s right eye.

“You don’t need to feel sorry for anything. You did what you thought would save you. Wounds will heal and scars will fade. That man had to be stopped.” Jackson told Rob, who was wiping tears out of his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

“I didn’t want you to get hurt, Jackie. I’m really sorry for what I put you through.”

“Will you stop saying sorry? You don’t deserve to feel any worse right now, it looks like you feel bad enough already.” Jackson once again found himself reassuring his friend.

“Why did you do it? Why did you put yourself at risk trying to save us?”

“I look out for my friends, no matter what happens to me.”

“You didn’t have to, you could have stayed home, and then none of this would’ve happened. You wouldn’t have been in jail, hurt and going to court.” Rob was clearly feeling guilty.

“You want to know why I really did it?”

Rob looked at Jackson amazed, clearly not expecting this question. He nodded.

“It’s because you are the closest to me anyone has ever been. You’re closer to me than my own family. That’s why I did it.”

Jackson heard a door open behind him.

“Time’s up, Mr. Ames.” An officer was standing in the doorway.

“See you tomorrow, Rob.” Jackson said bye to Rob, who was at a loss for words.

...

The day of the court case started normally. Jackson was dressed half in his own clothing, half in prison threads. He got some coffee from the officer before he took him out to the squad car. The drive to the court house was a short one. When he was being escorted out of the squad car and into the court house, he saw Rob and his mother. Both of them were looking alright, considering everything. Looking left, he saw Rob’s father on a wheelchair being pushed out of a van. They looked at each other and Jackson’s anger and despise for that man just started growing again. Jackson turned away, the sight of that a*****e just made him feel sick.

He was being escorted into the court house by a police officer, and he tried to talk to Rob, but wasn’t allowed to, so all he did was nod in acknowledgement that Rob had greeted him. The officer and he walked into the court room, and Jackson was sat down at a table near the judge’s desk. To his right was a 7-member jury. The second person to come in, well roll in, was Jackson’s father. Behind him came Rob and his mother, the only two witnesses to the incident. Jackson’s attorney followed him, together with the other attorney. When they were all sat down, the guard in the corner got everyone’s attention by loudly clearing his throat.

“The honorable Judge Morgan presiding. Please rise.” Everyone in the courtroom rose, and the judge walked in. The judge was a heavy set, balding man with a wisp of grey hair and small glasses on his pudgy nose. The judge made his way to his high desk and sat down.

“You may now be seated.” With these words, the guard had made his way back into the corner.

“Mr. Ames, please state your full name for the record.” The judge spoke in a heavy, yet gentle manner.

“Jackson Ephram Ames.”

“Mr. Bradley, will you please do the same.”

“Allan Philip Bradley, sir.”

“Both of you understand the charges that you are being faced with?” He looked in turn at Jackson and at Allan, who both answered positively.

“Mr. Ames, do you have anything to say that could add to what I already read in the police report, and also have discussed with your attorney?” The judge looked at Jackson over his glasses, which had slid down to the tip of his nose.

Jackson stood up. “Honorable Judge, jury.” He looked at the judge and jury when he said this. “What I did was motivated by self-defense. I could not stand by and watch my best friend possibly be killed by his own father. I did what I felt was right. I didn’t want to resort to violence, and would have preferred trying to talk to Mr. Bradley, but he swung at me.” Jackson knew well enough that he swung at Rob’s dad first as he said this. “What I did was nothing more than self-defense.”

“Mr. Bradley, do you wish to say anything?”

“Yes, I do. I would like to stress the fact that Mr. Ames here threw the first punch. He was the one that started the fight. I did not want to hurt Mr. Ames. I reacted purely to his actions, with no further intentions.”

Jackson felt his blood boiling, and stirred to stand up, but then didn’t. He was in a court room, and he had to be on his best behavior or it might be used against him. 

“Mr. Bradley, if it was not your intention to hurt Mr. Ames, then how do you explain the severe wound on Mr. Ames’ arm?”

Jackson looked over at Rob’s dad, and could see that Allan was clearly struggling to come up with a good answer to the question that was just posed to him. After what seemed like an eternity, Allan finally spoke.

“I, I, I can’t.”

“Robert Bradley, would you please approach the witness stand?”

Rob stood up, walked up to the witness stand and sat down as he was asked.

“Please state your full name.”

“Robert Nathaniel Bradley.”

“I’ve read your witness statement about the events. I understand that you’ve spoken to Mr. Ames about what happened. I trust that will not influence your answers to the questions asked?”

“No, sir.”

“Mr. Dickson, you may approach the witness and pose your questions.” Jackson’s attorney rose out of his seat and walked to the stand.

“Mr. Bradley, is it true that you gave a spare copy of your house key to Mr. Ames?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And is it true that it’s because something like the event, such as the one that occurred, might happen, that you did this?” 

“Yes, sir.”

“If I may be at liberty to ask, why did you think something like this may happen?”

“It is because my father has abused my mother and me on multiple occasions before, both mentally and physically. Every time he did, it got worse. It went from mild shouting, to full blown screaming, cursing and physical abuse.”

At this point, Jackson saw Allan jump up out of his seat. “The boy is lying and exaggerating. I am his father, I need to discipline him so that he’s tough enough to face what will be ahead of him.”

Jackson lost it, he was trying so hard to fight against standing up and speaking his mind, or rushing over to the other side and just punch Allan again. Jackson stood up, faced Allan and said “Just because you have a ring on your finger, and you live in the same house, does not make you a father. You should not have laid your hands on his mother or him.”

“Both of you sit down and be quiet, or I will have you removed from this courtroom for contempt of court and will then carry on court proceedings without your statement.” The judge put his hammer down on his desk, and his words were enforced.

“Mr. Dickson, you may proceed.”

“What do you think might have happened if Mr. Ames would not have intervened?”

It was quiet, Rob didn’t answer. He looked at his lap, and tried to avoid the eyes of the judge, jury, the attorney and of his parents. The only person he could look at now was Jackson, but even that was hard.

“Mr. Bradley, please answer the question.”

“I,I,I think that I might have...died.” As Rob said this, tears flowed from his eyes. Tears were joined by shakes that were little at first, but quickly started to get worse as Rob started gasping for air. Rob grabbed hold of the desk he was sitting at in order not to fall down, and tried to steady himself.

Rob was starting to feel nauseous, dizzy and weak. He did his best to keep himself steady. The courtroom started to blur.

Jackson knew what was going on, Rob was having a panic attack. 

The judge noticed this and beckoned the guard to come assist, but Jackson intervened.

“Judge, sir. Your guard will only make him feel worse. May I approach the witness desk, I know how I can help him. 

“You may.” The judge nodded.

Jackson got up from his seat and circled around the witness desk. He put his hand on Rob’s shoulder slowly and lightly. He didn’t want to scare Rob, he just wanted him to know that it was him. Jackson was feeling the shakes through his hands, and it wasn’t a good sign. He pushed the desk back a bit so that he could stand in front of Rob. He knelt down so that Jackson’s eyes met Rob’s. Rob’s were flooded, and fear is the one thing that Jackson saw. Rob was scared of his father.

“Robbie, it’s ok. He’s not going to hurt you. Not now, not ever.” Jackson whispered so that the judge could barely hear him, but Rob’s father would be oblivious to what he was saying. “He can’t get to you here. I promise you that man will never touch you again. I’ll always be here for you, Rob, always.”

Rob was still shaking and sobbing. Jackson wasn’t getting through.

“Rob, look at me.” He put both of his hands on Rob’s shoulder and gently squeezed them. “See my eyes, Rob? There’s no fear. I’m sure everything will be ok. Please just calm down, ok? Want to come with me so that you can sit down at your normal seat again, so that you don’t have to see him anymore?” Jackson felt as if he was talking to a little brother, a little brother who had just done something bad, and didn’t want to face the consequences.

All Rob did was nod.

Jackson looked over at the judge. “Sir, I would like to take him back to his own seat.”

“You may.”

Jackson got up, and lifted Rob out of the chair, making sure to avoid touching his ribs. Rob was hurting enough, not only physically. Slowly he made his way to the desk that Rob and his attorney had been seated at, and sat Rob down gently.

Jackson sat down behind his own desk, and looked at his attorney, who nodded approvingly of what Jackson had just done.

“Thank you, Mr. Ames.” The judge broke the silence once again.

“Mr. Ames, I pose this question directly to you. As you saw what happened when you got to the Bradley house, are you convinced that Mr. Robert Bradley might have died as a result of the abuse by Mr. Allan Bradley?

“Yes, I’m sure of it. Seeing what that man did to Rob when he tried to save my life, is sufficient for me to say that he would have.” Jackson couldn’t have been calmer when he said this, he was a 100% convinced of his answer, and was hoping that the jury saw it the same way.

Rob’s mother was a witness, but she was still in shock. She was not fit to recall what had happened, and was not called to the witness stand. Rob was thus the only witness. The judge didn’t have any more questions to anyone.

“The court will now take recess for an hour. Would the jury please meet me in my room? Mr. Ames, Mr. Bradley, you are to remain on courthouse premises, but may purchase refreshments if you wish to do so.”

The jury got up and, along with the judge, left through a door in the back of the room.

Jackson stood up, and under escort of a guard walked out into the hallway to make his way to the coffee machine. He grabbed a cup from the table and put it under the coffee machine. Black sludge poured into his cup. He grabbed the cup and sipped it. The coffee was bad, but it was coffee, Jackson needed the shot of caffeine. He heard the courtroom door open, and saw that Mr. Bradley came out of the courtroom. The guard saw it as well, but didn’t move. Mr. Bradley also came to the coffee machine to get a shot of that sludge. Jackson didn’t feel completely safe, something was about to go wrong.

The guard turned around to grab a newspaper, and that was a mistake. Mr. Bradley had moved quickly for someone that was hurt. His hands gripped Jackson’s neck and he started to choke him. The cup of coffee Jackson was holding shattered on the ground as it fell. Jackson tried to fight off his attacker, but he couldn’t. He hadn’t expected this, he wasn’t ready.

“You will not take me away from my son, you b*****d. I’ll kill you.” Mr. Bradley roared at Jackson.

 The guard was distracted by all the commotion and didn’t know what to do. Was he going to go for help, or was he going to break up the fight? After what seemed like forever, Mr. Bradley started to tremble, and the grip on Jackson’s neck loosened. He wrestled himself free and saw what had happened. The guard had tazed Mr. Bradley, who was now experiencing 50,000 volts of electricity shutting down his motor capacities.

“What the f**k just happened?” Jackson thought to himself. The guard had put handcuffs on Mr. Bradley and secured him to an iron bench. He rushed off to the judges’ room, presumably to tell the judge and jury what just happened. He went back to the courtroom just to get away from Mr. Bradley. He opened the oak doors and walked down the aisle. He saw Rob, who was lying against his mom’s shoulder. He went to his attorney and sat down, leaning over to tell him what had just happened.

15 or so minutes later the judge and jury came back in. When they had settled down, Jackson noticed that Mr. Bradley was not in the court room.

“Mr. Bradley has been taken to the holding cell. The jury has come to their decision, taking into account the most recent developments in this case. Mr. Bradley will be notified of this after the verdict has been given here.”

“Mr. Ames, will you please rise?” Jackson stood up. “The charges against you were assault, battery and attempted murder. The maximum punishment for all these combined is 15 years.”

Jackson felt his throat dry up. 15 years in prison for saving his friend. Only one thing went through his mind, “it was worth it.”

“Has the jury reached a verdict?” The judge looked over to the jury seated on his left.

“Yes, your honor, we have.”

“These are three separate charges, and as such will be handled accordingly. How do you plead on the charge of assault?”

“Not guilty.”

“Battery?”

“Not guilty.”

“Attempted murder?”

The room went silent for a moment. The spokesman for the jury cleared his throat. “Not guilty.”

“Mr. Ames, you have hereby been acquitted of all charges. But don’t let me see you in my courtroom again.”

“How do you plead on the charges against Mr. Bradley?”

“Guilty on all accounts. Assault, domestic violence, domestic abuse, battery and attempted murder. We have also come to the conclusion that Mr. Bradley has an extremely violent character, as shown by recent events. The jury hereby suggests heavy rehabilitation, and a minimum of 20 years of incarceration without opportunity for parole.”

Mr. Bradley himself would be informed of the charges momentarily, as he was not present in the court room. No matter how much Rob hated his father for doing what he did to Jackson, to his mom and to him, hearing that his father would be going away to jail for 20 years minimum, was a shocker.

Jackson looked over at Rob. Jackson was relieved that he had been acquitted of all the charges that he was facing, having been worried that he might have been charged even though it was self-defense.

Rob had a strange look on his face. Emotions were running rampant in his mind, and it showed. 

REST OF SCENE NEEDS TO BE WRITTEN

...

RETURN TO SCHOOL

Rob tells principal after call from mother, Jackson doesn’t (is no minor). Rumors start in school. Music teacher urges them to confide. Child services?

Monday came around. The weekend had flown by. They hadn’t had school on Friday, but today they had to go. It was day 1 of back to school for Jackson and Rob after the court case. Rob was still banged up, and it showed. Jackson hid all of his wounds and bruises, most of them being on his upper body, with only one cut above his right brow. Rob had stayed at Jackson’s house for the weekend as his mother had gone to her sister’s and his dad, well his dad was in prison somewhere halfway across the country. Jackson and Rob walked into school together, and it didn’t even take a minute for the first insult to be thrown at Rob.

“Where’d you get that shiner? Didn’t want to make out with your boyfriend?” One of the jocks had spotted Rob and his bruised face.

Rob had heard it, Jackson could see him flinch. Rob had been used to getting insults pelted at him, but this was just too fresh and too painful. Rob grabbed his hood and pulled it over his head, rummaging for his headphones in his pocket. Two white cables went from his pocket to his ears, and Jackson heard music start to play. Rob wanted to walk away, but Jackson grabbed his wrist.

“Stay here.” Jackson told Rob. He wasn’t sure Rob had heard him.

“Is that the best thing you can come up with? It’s getting old, Trey.”

“Oh man. I didn’t see that scratch above your eye. Looks like you two had a b***h fight. A bruised eye, a cut above the brow. It got a little rough, didn’t it?”

“Look Trey, I told you it’s getting old.”

“This stuff never gets old. It’s way too easy to insult you losers.” Trey just kept pushing, hoping that something would happen. He knew Jackson had a short fuse, and was hoping that he’d throw a punch.

Jackson, on the other hand, was trying to keep his self-control. He didn’t want to start a fight, not now. Still, he moved closer to Trey, who was about as tall as himself, but about twice as broad. “Lay off, Trey.” Jackson spoke loudly emphasizing every word.

“Or else what? What are you going to do, skimpy? Why don’t you go try and kiss your boyfriend again, maybe it will work this time.”

All bets were off, Jackson pushed Trey against the lockers. Trey came back at him, and as Jackson braced for impact, he felt a hand on his shoulder pulling him away. Rob had pulled him away from Trey.

“Why don’t you go bother someone else, Trey?” Rob tried to talk things out, holding Jackson behind him.

“You want to get hurt as well, then?” Trey was determined to hurt someone, and Jackson and Rob were high on that list. “Doesn’t matter to me, I’ll get more exercise this way.”

Jackson knew that Rob wouldn’t start a fight, or fight back if he was hit first, but Rob was keeping his elbow against his chest and nodding from left to right. Jackson had to listen to his friend.

The first punch flew at Rob’s stomach, and it connected. Jackson heard a grunt, and felt Rob step backwards. Jackson wanted to lunge at Trey, but he was pushed back by Rob. Rob stepped in between Jackson and Trey, clenched his fist and swung out. He felt the impact in his hand, and saw that Trey swayed a bit. He took his opportunity and connected another punch with Trey’s face. Trey regained his balance and lunged at Rob, causing them both to fall to the ground. This time, however, no punches were thrown. A teacher and a security guard had shown up and pulled the two fighting teenagers apart.

“What is the meaning of this?” The teacher asked. It turned out it was the music teacher, their favorite teacher.

“It’s nothing.” Jackson told the music teacher.

“Look Jackson. With you, it’s never just nothing. There’s always a reason for what you do.” The music teacher knew him too well. It was Jackson that started the fight, and got Rob into it, something he didn’t mean to do.

The security guard took Trey away, Jackson and Rob knew exactly where he was headed. They would be going to the same place later. The principal’s office, once again.

“You two will be coming with me to report to Mrs. Dawson once Mr. Adams is done there. For now, you’ll come to the music room with me and sort out everything.” Jackson and Rob had had detention with their music teacher before and they had to sort out everything then as well. This basically meant that they would be rewiring guitars and basses and tuning them.

“It’s my fault. Rob had nothing to do with this. I set off Trey.”

“Well, if Mr. Bradley had nothing to do with it, then how come it was him that I pulled away from Mr. Adams.”

“That’s because he wanted to stop Trey from beating the s**t out of me. Like I said, it’s my fault, not his. If anyone deserves to go to the principal, it’s me.” Jackson was once again trying to take the blame for the whole thing.

“Jack, just let me talk. Please.” Rob touched Jackson on the arm, and looked at him with his dark eyes, signaling to allow him to talk to the music teacher.

“Look, sir, it was me. Trey started throwing insults at me. Jackson stepped in, but tried to talk it out. Trey just continued, and Jackson pushed him into the locker. After that, it was all me, I threw the punch at Trey and tackled him. I tried to keep Jackson out of it all.”

Jackson stirred when he heard this. His protective character kicked in once again. “Rob, what are you saying? I started that fight, you took the punch that was meant for me. If anyone has to face consequences for what happened it’s me, not you.”

“Look, the way it’s going now, I’m going to send you both to the principal. Maybe you can tell the principal what you just told me, but I really can’t change anything.” Jackson and Rob knew that their music teacher was right. Even though he was an awesome teacher, it’s still what he was, a teacher. He was there to teach them, and not to get to know them on a personal level. “For now, could you restring these guitars and tune them?” It was more of a command than a question, but their music teacher was never too much for commands.

Rob and Jackson nodded and each grabbed hold of a guitar. Both of them sat down at the same table, just at opposite ends. They took off the old strings, and looked around in the supply closet for new ones. As they were sitting at the table, Rob looked up at Jackson and looked where the teacher was. The teacher was out of whispering earshot.

“Jack, I need to tell you something.” Rob rarely sounded this serious, and Jackson had a slight idea of what this might be about.

“What’s going on, Rob?” Jackson decided to play the fool, just in case he might be wrong.

“Come on man. Don’t play dumb with me. Not now. It’s just kind of bothering me that you always try to pull everything on you. I know you stand up for me because you feel like it’s necessary, and I am really grateful you do, but sometimes it gets a bit much. We could have just ignored Trey, couldn’t we? He’s talking s**t anyway.”       

“I just don’t want to see you hurt. I hate it when I see people pick on you or whatever, and I hate seeing what it does to you. I’m just trying to make you feel safe.” Jackson was a bit taken aback by what he had just heard.

“Look, I know you’re just protecting me, and to be honest, I do need it. But do you maybe think you could lay off a bit, and just let some things slide? I just don’t want you to get in trouble because of me, know what I mean?”

“Fine, whatever you want.” Jackson couldn’t come up with any other response.

With this answer, Rob and Jackson had fallen silent. The only sound there was, was the twang on the guitar strings that they were setting. It was definitely awkward. Both had had talks like this before, about things that the other didn’t necessarily feel comfortable with, but those talks were never done at school. This was the first time Rob had spoken up to him about something this serious in school, where they could be overheard.

The music teacher’s timing couldn’t have been more fortunate. Jackson felt uneasy, the silence between him and his friend was very unnatural. Even if they didn’t talk, they still shared a connection. But right now, that connection was severed, or at least, it wasn’t functioning like it normally did.

“Mr. Ames, could I talk to you outside, please?” Once again, this was more of a command than an actual question, so Jackson knew better than to say no.

“Sure, Mr. Farrell. I’ll be right out.”

“No Mr. Ames, I mean right now.”

Jackson got up, and looked at Rob. For the first time in ages, Rob hadn’t looked at him when he left. He walked to the door of the classroom, which was held open by his teacher. The door feel shut behind them, and now they were stood outside the classroom.

“Mr. Ames, why is it that you always stand up for Mr. Bradley?”

“What do you mean?”

“You always get in fights because of Mr. Bradley. Or more specific, because you feel that Mr. Bradley can’t fight his own battles.”

“Look, I just try to protect him. All the s**t he gets thrown at him, he doesn’t deserve it. And I’ve seen what happens to him when he just takes it in and goes with it.” Jackson was agitated by Mr. Farrell’s questions.

“But the degree to which you protect him is a bit much. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but I think I can make a pretty good guess.” The music teacher was pushing Jackson to tell what he had on his mind.

“What do you mean?”

Well, what exactly is the relationship you and Mr. Bradley have?”

“I...I...I see him as my little brother. A little brother that relies on his bigger brother to watch over him. That’s all.” Jackson had hesitated somewhat at the beginning of this answer, and he felt his cheeks start to redden. He was blushing. The question had gotten him off the rocker, and he nervously started to sway a bit. It was very little, and he was hoping Mr. Farrell wouldn’t take notice of it. He shifted his weight from his left to his right foot, and then back again. He put his hands in his pockets, and he found a pen in his right pocket. He started twisting it around in his fingers nervously. He clicked it over and over again. This was something that his teacher was sure to hear. What was Mr. Farrell’s next question going to be?

“Are you sure that’s what it is? Are you sure you don’t have feelings for Mr. Bradley?” If the question before had already thrown Jackson out of balance, these questions were going to kill him.

A drop of sweat formed on the side of Jackson’s forehead, and he kept fervently clicking his pen.

“Are you trying to say that I’m in love with him?!” Jackson was nearly shouting at his teacher.

“Well, I have a little brother, and I looked out for him when he was younger, but nowhere near as close to how you are looking out for Mr. Bradley.”

“Look, I’m not in love with him. I took him under my wing when we met in primary school. I look out for the people I care about. He’s like family to me. He’s my best friend, one of my only friends.” Jackson had started sweating more, and he was speaking in a very erratic tone.

“Mr. Ames, stop playing the trickster. I can see that you love him. I can see it in the way you act around him, even if I only see you for little amounts of time.”

“Teach, you’re making something out of nothing. I don’t love him. Never have, never will.”

At that moment, the door to the classroom creaked, and Rob was standing in the doorway. Jackson froze. Had Rob heard what he had been talking about to Mr. Farrell?

“Uhm, should I do the basses as well, sir?” Rob looked from Mr. Farrell to Jackson.

Jackson could see that the question Rob had just asked was a way out. Had Jackson raised his voice enough for Rob to be concerned and come out to check on him? Jackson told himself that Rob hadn’t heard him, and that he was just here for something else.

“No, it’s ok. You should go see the principal. She should be done with Mr. Adams now. Mr. Ames here will restring the bass.” Mr. Farrell had also noticed that Rob might have heard more than he wanted to hear and so thought it would be best to send him off to the principal.

Rob walked off towards the end of the hallway, and glanced back once at Jackson. Were those tears? If they were, Rob had heard Jackson.

“So I guess I’ll go restring the bass now, then?” As Jackson said this, he already had his hand on the doorhandle, ready to go back into class.

“Hold on, Mr. Ames. We’re not done here just yet. Whether Mr. Bradley overheard us, I don’t know. But I think that you didn’t want him to. So let me ask you this. What happens after graduation, you’ve been friends for so long, and after graduation he’ll be gone. What will you do then?”

“We’re going to New York together, so we won’t split apart.” Jackson felt this was reassuring answer.

“Well, the way things are looking now, there’s something you need to sort out. Better do that before it’s too late.”

“What do you mean? I don’t get it.” Did Jackson really just not get it, or was he playing the fool again.

“This is the first time I’ve seen Mr. Bradley talk to you this little. Something is clearly wrong. Work it out before things get worse, Mr. Ames. If you don’t, you might regret it more than you think. Trust me on this one.”

“You have no idea who I am and how Rob fits into the picture. Can I please just go fix that bass now?”

Mr. Farrell saw that he wasn’t getting through. Jackson had always been a stubborn one, so he gave in. “Sure, go in and finish up.”

Jackson felt relieved that he was allowed to go restring the bass. But the conversation he just had with his teacher was troubling him. There was some truth in his words. Rob was dismissive of him after what happened. Normally Jackson could read Rob and see what’s troubling him, but after what occurred, Rob had shut him out. He had completely closed up.

Meanwhile, Rob was on his way to the principal. Rob tried to recall what had happened in the last couple of minutes. Had he really heard Jackson say something about him not loving Rob? What the hell was that all about? Rob was pretty sure he didn’t love Jackson, so what was that conversation about? He would have to ask Jackson about it.

Jackson...Always there for him, but sometimes a bit too much. When Trey was throwing insults at him this morning, all Rob wanted to do was throw his hood up and keep walking. But then Jackson’s fuse had run short again. But this time, Rob had been determined not to see his friend get hurt, he felt he needed to repay his debt. He couldn’t stand seeing his best friend get hurt because of him, and today would not have been the first time. 

Rob continued through the hall way, and was almost at the principal’s office, but something grabbed him, something pulled him back. There was no one around though, and it was as if a ghost had latched onto his shoulder and didn’t want to let him go. It was drawing him into the art room.

As he walked up to the door, he pushed it open and looked around. The art room was completely empty, and the shutters were pulled closed, giving the room a very twilit appearance. The room smelt of paint, pencils and paper. Apart from the music room, this was Rob’s favorite room in the whole school. He wandered through the room, letting his right hand glide along the tables, as if he was searching for artistic essence. He walked through the room, and to the corner. Behind the teacher’s desk was a big mirror. Now, Rob found himself staring back at him. He touched the bruises on his face.

“Why do I always act like such a wuss? Why do I let Jack always take the punches? I’m old enough to stand up for myself.” Rob was starting to realize how many times Jackson had saved him and ended up getting hurt himself.

The mirror showed who Rob really was. The bruises on his face showed that he was a victim, a person that could not stand up for himself. Rob now began to think of what he would’ve looked liked if Jackson wouldn’t have been there for him. These bruises were nothing compared to what would have happened if Jackson didn’t fight his struggles for him. Would he even be here without Jackson? Why was it that Rob could never stand up for himself? He let others pick on him as easy as that. What was staring back at him from the mirror was everything Rob hated about himself. He didn’t want to be weak, but he didn’t know how to step out.

He felt his fist clench, and before he could do anything about it, his fist smashed the mirror. The mirror fell onto the floor and smashed into pieces, and made quite a noise. For a moment Rob froze, did anyone hear it? He listened closely, but didn’t hear anything. For a while, he thought he had heard footsteps outside, but those faded away quickly, so he wasn’t even sure they had actually been there.

He looked at the shattered mirror that was now lying at his feet. His hand was hurting, but not bleeding. That was one less explanation to worry about. That sudden release of anger made him feel free, but also furious that he could only stand up to his own mirror image.

He picked the pieces of reflective glass from between his knuckles, and with each shard that he pulled out, a sting passed through his body. The sting felt pleasant, something he hadn’t felt in awhile. Rob had felt safe enough around Jackson not to hurt himself, but after what he had just heard, and seen, he had longed for that sting.

...

ROB’S CONFESSION (rob stays at J’s)

Rob found himself standing at a Jack’s Mannequin showcase. He was by himself, Jackson couldn’t come with him. Something about his mom not allowing him to go, or something like that. Rob remembered he had a pretty shady reason and was forced to sell the second ticket he had had for the showcase. Rob looked around to see who had come out, maybe he would recognize some of them. Somehow, he had the feeling all of this wasn’t real. The faces of the ones surrounding him were distorted in a way, they were blurred, he couldn’t identify them, no matter how hard he tried. Looking around further, Rob noticed the absence of color. Everything was in black and white. But he was here for Jack’s Mannequin, he couldn’t really care about things around him. If only Jackson had been here now.

Jack’s Mannequin came on, well technically it was only Andrew. Tonight was a piano-only showcase. He thanked everyone for coming out, and the little hall quieted down. There was no screaming girls, no guys throwing beer and bottles. Everything was calm, Rob closed his eyes. The first notes from the piano hit his ears, and he let the piano take him over. Bruised was the first song played, and Rob couldn’t help but associate this with what had happened to him and his seraph. But tonight, it was all about music. The past was a grey haze tonight, it didn’t matter. Rob rummaged around in his pocket and found his cell phone. He flicked it open:

Hey J. Andrew’s playing Bruised. Wish you were here right now. I’ll see you at school tomorrow.

He texted Jackson to keep him updated on the concert, hoping that in that way Jackson could still get some feeling from the concert. Jackson usually texted back fast, but nothing came back. Bruised finished, and there was still no text. This was unlike his friend to do. Was something wrong? Should Rob go outside and call him? But then he would lose his front row spot, and he was hoping Andrew might recognize him. He decided that Jackson was just doing something and wasn’t near his phone, so he put his own away, and looked to the stage again.

Andrew was playing his piano as if the two shared a symbiotic relationship. Rob had never seen a more passionate piano played than Andrew McMahon. Rob only wished that he could one day play the way that Andrew played it. Rob looked at Andrew’s hands, which floated above the keys. He touched the keys so lightly, it was as if his fingers never connected with the actual ivory. Jackson would have loved it.

Jackson, Jackson, Jackson. Why did Rob keep thinking of him so much. Jackson had pretty much ditched him before the showcase. Rob was here for Jack’s Mannequin, even if he was by himself. Rob shook his head.

“I’m here to enjoy this. Jackson, please just get out of my head.” He whispered to himself.

Jackson however, did not leave his head. He was there to stay, but Rob had succeeded in making his large presence a tiny whisper. He could enjoy the concert.

Andrew kept playing his keys. After a couple new songs, The Mixed Tape came on. Rob shed a tear, this was the song that he had Jackson listen to first. The song Andrew was playing, was just one of those songs that made Rob feel queasy.

It is at that moment that he felt something was different. He had felt someone come closer to him, but just thought it was getting busy, he didn’t really mind. But then things changed. A hand had crept up his side, and was now holding onto him. For some reason, the only thing Rob felt, was warmth emanating from the hand that had now settled somewhere right beneath his ribcage.

Rob turned around to see who had been touching him. Unlike everything else, the person that was touching him was in full-color. The scene looked like an edited picture. The hand was still on his body, but now from the front. The hand didn’t feel awkward, Rob didn’t mind the touch. The person he was staring at was wearing a dark Enter Shikari hoodie, grey pants, and he had headphone wires coming from under his hood, which obscured most of the face. The only thing he could see was a mouth.

The mouth moved. “Come closer.”

Even though Rob didn’t mind the touch, he was still hesitant to step closer. But something was drawing him in. It was like ropes had spun behind him and were pulling him in closer, constricting his movement. He couldn’t get away.

“It’s going to be ok, you don’t need to be scared, Rob.”

How did this person know his name? Rob certainly didn’t know him.

Rob now found himself inches from the person’s face. They were pretty much standing chest to chest. The hand that had been on his lower chest was finding its way to the back of his neck. He felt it settle there and it got a grip on his hair. He was pulled in closer yet again, and he could feel the breath of the person on his own cheek. Rob’s lips moved closer to those others. Rob felt lost, lost in emotion. What was he doing? That moment, lips met and Rob was kissing this unknown person.

The first thing Rob registered, if that was the right word, was that the lips were soft, sweet, feminine. Not only did lips meet, tongues were now tangled. Rob was making out with someone, in front of everyone to see. The music disappeared. Rob grabbed hold of the sides of the hood and drew the person in closer. Rob was finally taking control of something, he let go of all the restrictions he had set for himself. The kiss ended as sudden as it had begun.

“Bruised was good, wasn’t it?” This was the last thing that the person had said before it faded and melted into the black and white crowd that had been standing behind him. Rob looked around, but there was no wisp of color anywhere around him anymore. What just happened, was it real? Did it actually happen?

Rob woke up on the same couch that he had been staying on for a while now. The couch in question was the couch in Jackson’s living room. His mom still wasn’t completely back to normal, and was going to counseling. Rob had talked to her, and they both agreed that he should stay with his friend. She told him that he needed someone that could take care of him, something she wouldn’t be able to do now. Rob still checked in with her at times, but most of the time he was at the Ames’s.

Rob questioned the dream he just had. Was it really what he dreamt? Who was the unknown, and why did Rob kiss the way he did, taking control. Taking control wasn’t something Rob did, it was unlike him.

“Rob, come on. It was a dream. Wacky things happen in dreams which aren’t true anyway. Get a hold of yourself.”

Hanging out at Jackson’s day in, day out was cool. His mom wasn’t home much, so that wasn’t an issue either. The days were filled with just hanging in the garden, riding bikes and playing music. School just seemed easier when he didn’t need to worry about his mom or dad. Of course he worried about his mom, but it was for other reasons now. Before, it was just worrying about when he would get yelled at again, when he would be hit again. Now he just worried about whether his mom would come back to the way she was before it all happened.

Sleeping on the couch didn’t really bother him much. At least here he felt safe, and even though he knew it wasn’t true, and knew he knew it was impossible, every time he fell asleep, he couldn’t help but feel that Jackson was watching over him to protect Rob from his demons.

Rob got up from the couch and his feet touched the cold wooden floor. A surge of cold went through his body, but that quickly passed as he got used to it. Every day it was the same story, he shouldn’t feel it anymore. He picked up his jeans, but his shirt was dirty. He would have to borrow one of Jackson’s again. Most of the bruises he had were starting to fade. They were no longer purple or deep blue, but turning yellow. The stitches in the back of his head were still there, but those would be removed in the coming week. Rob walked around shirtless. He had a good build for someone who didn’t play sports. It must have been hardened by what he’s faced. You could see muscle definition, but it wasn’t too out there. There were some scars on his body, but nothing compared to Jackson.

He walked around aimlessly for a while, trying to make up his mind whether he should wake up Jackson or not. Jackson liked his sleep, and he might freak out if Rob woke him up. And a freaked out Jackson wasn’t good.

Jackson’s house was more of a home to Rob than his own had been. His actual home didn’t even count as a home. All he did was sleep there, and play piano. That was it, he hated the place. Jackson’s was where he felt at home, where he felt safe.

Rob walked over to the kitchen, opened the fridge, grabbed the gallon of milk and set it down on the counter. He grabbed a bowl and cereal from the overhead cabinet and sat down to eat his breakfast. He opened the box of cereal and filled his bowl halfway. He poured in the milk, and saw his chocolatey cereal mix with it.

He put his spoon in the bowl, ready to take a bite, but something stirred in the quiet house. Jackson must be awake, Rob thought to himself. And sure enough, Jackson was awake. Rob hadn’t seen him yet, but Parkway Drive was bringing the house to a tremble. Rob leant back so that he could see to the end of the hallway, where Jackson’s room was. The door opened, and Jackson came out, shirtless, wearing his Linkin Park shorts and ruffling his hair, grabbing a beanie from the table near his room and throwing it over his hair. He slouched into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

“Morning, man. D’you sleep ok?” Rob asked Jackson.

“It was alright, had some weird dreams, but I don’t remember them. You?”

So Jackson had weird dreams as well. “ Twas ok, I guess. Your couch is pretty ok, or maybe I’ve just gotten used to it.” Rob chose to not tell Jack about his dream.

“You want some coffee?” Jackson was getting into his morning routine.

“Sure. Guess I could use some.” Rob said this while he was gulping down his cereal and looking over Total Guitar.

“What do you want to do today? There’s no school. Teacher day or whatever. You want to go ride? I can call up Zach and we can go scope some new spots.”

“You know I don’t really like to ride, Jack. Maybe we could just stay here, chill out, listen to music, watch movies. How’s that sound?”

As the conversation was going on, Jackson was preparing the coffee maker. Jack always ground his coffee beans fresh, that way he made sure the coffee was just the way he liked it. Rob looked over at him, and could see his bi- and triceps flexing, along with his shoulder tendons. Looking over his back, Rob could see bruising, fresh bruising. This meant that Jackson had gotten in yet another fight. His right side, near to his ribs was purple in color. Jackson had been hit with something. Rob didn’t know what to do, and didn’t know what caused the bruises. It could be a fight, but it could also have been his mom hitting him. Jackson was always pretty secretive about it. Rob really wished he could protect Jackson, protect him in the same way that Jackson looked out over him time and time again.

“Jack, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure, what is it, Robbie?”

“I was wondering where you got those bruises. What happened?”

“I-I-I bailed out over the quarter pipe gap over at Old Man’s Creek and hit the pipes.”

Rob heard the hesitation in Jackson’s voice. But he wasn’t going to ask. He didn’t want an angry Jackson for the rest of the day.

“Damn, man. That must’ve hurt pretty bad. Exactly the reason I don’t ride.”

“Coffee should be done soon. Want to go grab some cd’s from my room, so we can turn them on here?”

Rob loved listening to music together with Jackson over breakfast. Something new would always come from that shelf. Self-made mixtapes, free samplers, anything.

He jumped up from his seat, but the moment his feet touched the floor, Rob swayed. He suddenly got dizzy. He tried to grab hold of the table, and tried to call out to his friend, but he couldn’t. All that came out was a silent whisper, and a little grunt. “Jac...” Everything went dark around him, colors faded and everything blurred. Rob didn’t know what was happening, and for a second he panicked, because that’s all the time he had, after that he blacked out.

Jackson’s hearing wasn’t as ruined as people thought. He had heard Rob get up while he waited for the coffee, but when he didn’t hear Rob walking away, but rather erratic footsteps, he had turned around. He saw Rob flailing, trying to grab hold of something. He had gone completely pale. Jackson managed to catch him just before he hit the floor. Jackson had grabbed hold of Rob, and tried to sit him down against a kitchen cabinet. This didn’t work, so he laid him out flat on the floor, and ran over to his bedroom for a blanket. He came back and covered Rob with the blanket and sat down next to him, up against the kitchen cabinet. Jackson put Rob’s head on his leg, and checked Rob’s pulse. He had learnt from his previous experience. Jackson could feel a pulse, but it wasn’t a steady one. Lub-dub-lub---dub"lub. There was no clear time between each of his heartbeats. Jackson kept two fingers on Rob’s neck to keep track of his pulse.

“Come on Robbie, snap out of it. Don’t do this to me, not again.” Jackson lightly shook Rob. “You can’t leave me, I wouldn’t know what to do. Come on, buddy. Robbie, please...” A tear rolled down over Jackson’s cheek and landed on Rob’s forehead.

“Rob...please...don’t...go.” Jackson hunched over Rob, wanting to get as close as possible. More tears came down his cheeks and landed on Rob. He felt around for Rob’s hand, and grabbed hold of it. “Just take me, he’s never done anything to you.” Jackson was speaking to whoever was listening.

Then Rob suddenly stirred and grunted. Jackson felt such relief. His friend was still here.

“What...what happened?” Rob had trouble talking, he was slurring his words.

“It’s ok Robbie. You fainted when you got up from your seat. I caught you.”

“I...I...I fainted? But how, why?”

“I don’t know why. Maybe it was because of your concussion, I don’t know. But you’re safe now, Robbie. It’s ok. I’m here, buddy.”

“It’s not...it’s not ok, Jack.”

“What do you mean?”

Rob had come around, and wanted to get up, but Jackson wouldn’t let him. “Don’t hurry yourself, I wouldn’t want you to faint again.”

“It’s this, Jack. You always look out for me. Always.”

“Well, you are practically my little brother, aren’t you? We’ve grown up together, man.”

“But you get hurt because of me. Every time you jump in, you get hurt. And I don’t want that.” Rob was getting watery eyes, and they were looking at each other. “It’s not fair, I need to stand up for myself. You won’t always be around.”

“Stop talking silly, Rob. I can’t not stand up for you. And as for me not being around, I will be, Robbie. Don’t worry about that. I’ll always be there for you.”

“No, you won’t. You might be in New York, but after that, I’ll lose you.” Rob was crying, Jackson had never really stopped, but was trying to hold it in.

Rob wriggled around on the floor a bit. It was pretty cold lying on the floor. Both of them were shirtless, but at least Rob still had on some jeans.

Jackson noticed that Rob was a bit uncomfortable. He wasn’t really all that comfy either. “You wanna get off the floor?” Like he really had to ask. Rob nodded. Jackson put his arm around Rob and helped him get up. Once Rob was fully standing, Jackson pulled his arm around his shoulders. To his surprise, Rob was light. Rob was skinny, but looking at his build, Rob wasn’t at a normal weight, whatever that may be. Now was not the time to start talking about this.

“Alright, come on. Let’s go to my bedroom, then you can lie down on my bed.”

All Rob did was nod. Getting him to the bedroom wasn’t any trouble, and Jackson picked him up quite easily to put him on his bed.

“Robbie, I’m just going to sit over at my desk, ok? Just lie down here and get comfortable. You want a shirt?”

“Could you, maybe...” Rob wanted to ask Jackson something, but stopped at the last second. Could he really just ask? “Yeah, i’ll take that shirt.” Rob was thankful for Jackson asking a question first.

Jackson rummaged around his closet to look for a shirt. Without looking at Rob he flung a shirt towards Rob. It landed on the bed, and Rob picked it up. He looked at the shirt, and wasn’t surprised that it was a band shirt. This was a Silverstein one. Rob pulled it over his head and it was a bit on the big side. But that wasn’t a concern right now. Rob kind of hoped that Jackson either wouldn’t have heard the question that Rob was about to ask, or that he had heard it, but wouldn’t go on about it. Too bad Rob was wrong once again.

“What were you saying?”

“I wanted to a-a-ask if you would just come sit next to me.”

“Are you sure you’re ok with that?” Jackson didn’t want Rob to be uncomfortable, because Rob had the habit of just shutting down when people came to close to him.

“Well, would you? Please, just this once.” Rob looked at Jackson, and Jackson could see that Rob truly meant what he was saying. Jackson moved away from the closet and sat down on the bed. He leant backwards to rest his back against the wall, and exhaled to relax. At that moment, Rob crawled up against him, and rested his head against Jackson’s chest. Jackson jumped a bit, but was used to this by now. Last time Rob had been this close to Jackson was after that nightmare he had about his dad abusing him.

“Robbie, you ok?” Jackson ran his hand through Rob’s messy hair. He noticed that Rob relaxed at the touch of his hand.

“It’s getting too much. School, my parents...us.”

Had Rob just used ‘us’ to describe them? Jackson was a bit taken aback.

Rob pulled himself up by Jackson’s shirt, and put his head on his shoulder and put his face in his neck. Jackson could feel Rob’s warm breath spread on his skin.

“What do you mean by ‘us’, Robbie?”

“Well, you always look out for me, and we always hang out together. You hang out more often with me than with Zach or the rest of the band.”

Jackson heard Rob, but also felt him talking. Jackson felt Rob’s hand grip his shirt harder on the front, while his other hand was lying on his shorts. Jackson breathed in and out slowly to slow his own heartbeat. He really wanted to be aware of Rob. This might be one of the only moments that something like this was going to happen. Jackson felt Rob’s erratic heartbeat, but at least it was steady, unlike a couple of minutes ago.

“If you don’t want it, I’ll just back off, man.”

“No, no, no. I’m not trying to say that, J. It’s just, why do you do it?”

Jackson didn’t really know what to say, and he thought back to Rob overhearing his conversation with Mr. Farrell, and what Rob might have heard. He felt Rob’s hand loosen the grip on his shirt and his hand moved over to his chest, now resting over where Jackson’s heart would be. The hand that had been on his shorts moved a bit closer to his waist. What was Rob playing at? Jackson didn’t really mind what was going on here though, he felt strangely comfortable with it.

Jackson pushed the hair out of Rob’s face and kissed him on the forehead. It was a very short kiss, and he just hoped that it might comfort his fragile friend.

The kiss caused Rob to shudder a bit, but instead of moving away from Jackson because of what just happened, he moved in closer, scooting closer towards him. A little smile escaped from his face. It was very small, but Jackson had noticed it. It was the first time Rob had smiled in a while.

Jackson took this as a further hint that Rob just needed comforting, and was accepting Jackson being this close to him, closer than anyone had ever been with Rob. He moved in closer and kissed Rob on the nose, and then on his cheek. Every time he kissed Rob, he could feel a slight shudder, but also a slight hand movement.

Rob lifted up his head, looked at Jackson, and then faintly brushed his own lips over those of his guardian angel. This caused a flashback to the dream. It felt as if he recognized the lips that he had just brushed up against. There was something in those lips that caused Rob to think back further. He had to kiss Jackson fully to make sure. But what would Jackson think? As far as Rob knew, Jackson was as straight as an arrow.

“Screw it, I’m going for it. There’s only one way to find out if my dream was this, and if Jackson is bisexual.” The hand that had been resting on the chest found the small hollow on Jackson’s neck and his second hand stealthily moved under his shirt. Just like in his dream, Rob was taking control.

He pulled Jackson closer, and kissed him once again. He waited a second for a response, and found that Jackson hadn’t backed off, but that he wasn’t taking initiative either. Rob kissed him again, and tried to let Jackson part his lips. He had to know, and this was the only way. Jackson finally gave in and let go of his natural restrictions. Rob was in full control. Tongues tied, and Rob was sure. He had kissed Jackson in his dream. No matter how good it felt in his dream, the real thing was a hundred times better.

Jackson was a bit hesitant at first, and he had only kissed Rob because he knew it made him feel more at ease. But then Rob had brushed his own lips against his and he hadn’t backed away. He was drawn in by Rob, wanting to kiss him more than ever before. In all fairness, Jackson had lied to Mr. Farrell about Rob, and had always thought Rob was hot, but he was too shy to just come out and ask, or to actually realize that he was bisexual. Every single time he had stood up for Rob was because he thought that Rob needed it, and he just felt he was protecting his friend as best as he could. Now, everything suddenly made more sense. The little brother thing was a quick way out of most conversations, but Jackson would’ve been an idiot if he had believed it himself. He didn’t want to think about it too much and he was seriously confused, Jackson didn’t really register what happened from here on in. He knew where he was, and he knew that he had given Rob three short kisses, but now he was just getting a natural high. Blood rushed to his head, and he let his emotions get the best of him. He had always suppressed those, he didn’t want to be the stereotypical emo or alternative kid in front of others. But right here, he could just let go. A weight was lifted from his shoulders, and the person he had been looking over for all that time finally showed that he could take control, that it didn’t always need to be Jackson’s responsibility.

Somehow it just felt right to let Rob take over for once. The hand that Rob had had under Jackson’s shirt had found its way from the collar of it to the right side of his chest, while his other hand that had been on his neck was now gripping onto Jackson’s messy hair. Jackson’s hand had just held onto Rob as he was drawn in closer, but now his left hand was on Rob’s side and his right hand was holding one to one of Rob’s shirt sleeves. Sound was drowned out, or at least it seemed that way. That was pretty remarkable, seen as Jackson had chosen As I Lay Dying as the second part of his morning soundtrack. He had never pictured that Rob and he would be making out. Well, he had dreamt about it more than once, but he always thought those were bogus anyway.

“You’re thinking way too much, Jack. Just shut up and go with it.” He told himself to stop thinking and much rather try and enjoy the situation.

The kiss ended as sudden as it had begun. Jackson had gotten into the kiss more and had moved his hand to Rob’s face, where he felt something that didn’t belong there. Not now, not ever. He felt tears. Jackson awoke from his high and pulled out. Rob was left a bit off balance by this sudden change and made a slight snap with his jaw.

Rob had not noticed that he had been crying up until the kiss ended. Now he did, he turned away from Jackson, wiped his tears away with his shirt sleeve and put his hands on the sides of his forehead. He hunkered down a bit, effectively hiding his face in his arms, and drowning himself in the oversized shirt he was wearing.

“I’m sorry, Jackson, but this wasn’t meant to happen.” Rob was ashamed that he had just kissed Jackson, just like that.

“Robbie, let me be blunt for a second here. It was clearly meant to happen. I did kiss you first, and when you brushed your lips against mine, I thought I would’ve backed out, but something just felt right. It felt weird that you took initiative. I let it come over me.”

“But what will we tell everyone else. We kissed, we’re guys, we’re not supposed to kiss each other.”

“Look, Robbie...We don’t need to tell anyone else. Don’t worry about that. We kissed, it’s no big deal, right?” As Jackson said this, he moved closer to Rob and wiped away the tears that were still coming. “Why are you crying? Is it because of what just happened?”

“I don’t know, I don’t think it is, but I’m just not sure. There’s a lot of stuff that’s been going on lately. You know most of it.” Jackson could see that Rob was scared.

“What do you mean, I know most of it? Is there something we need to talk about? Something you want to tell me? You don’t need to be scared. You know you can tell me.”

“I know I can tell you, but it’s hard. This is something different than just getting yelled at by my parents. It’s something else, something worse.”

“You really can tell me.” Jackson tried to reassure Rob as best he could, but it wasn’t working.

Rob didn’t answer anymore, but got up off the bed and walked out of Jackson’s bedroom. Jackson was left in limbo. Was he going to follow Rob and try to drag out whatever was hidden inside, or should he leave Rob to himself for a while?

Jackson didn’t know if he would be doing the sensible thing, but he decided to follow Rob. He knew Rob well enough to know something was seriously wrong, and wanted to make sure that he would be ok, and that he wouldn’t go do anything stupid. Rob had had his history of self-destructive ways in situations like this, like cutting, drinking until he would pass out, or taking valium or Vicodin in excessive amounts.

Jackson jumped up from the bed, and walked out into the living room. Rob wasn’t there, and he wasn’t in the kitchen either. “Where the f**k is he?” Jackson moved to the back of the house and saw that the back door was open. Rob had gone outside, this was bad. Jackson rushed outside and looked up and down the street, no sign of Rob. Jackson decided to go towards the school, hoping that Rob had done the same. He looked in every single alley or spot where Rob could be. Sure enough, he found Rob sitting in alley, leaning against a dumpster, knees drawn up to his head, leaning onto them.

Jackson knelt down next to Rob and put his hand on Rob’s shoulder. “Robbie?”

Rob turned his head to look at Jackson. His eyes were red and swollen with tears. All that Jackson could think that he would do anything to take away Rob’s pain, make it his own and just know that Rob could be happy. Jackson moved closer to Rob to embrace him, as he had done many times before when Rob had felt this bad, but Rob shied away from Jack’s embrace. He moved away from him.

“Robbie, come on. You need to let me in. I can’t help you if you don’t let me in.”

“I-I-I can’t, Jack. You would never understand.”

“Rob, you’re going to have to tell me this, whether you like it or not. You need to trust me on this one.” Jackson was growing increasingly frustrated and this was showing in how he was talking to Rob. “I don’t want to do this to you, but you’re not giving me any other choice. The only way you’re going to tell me whatever you’re hiding, is if I convince you of it. And if it needs me to get angry, so be it.”

Rob got a reality check. Jackson was getting angry with him, and Rob didn’t want him to be angry. But he couldn’t just tell him like that.

“Come on, Rob. No use in sitting right here. Want to come back to my place?”

All Rob did was nod, very slightly. He was still scared and ashamed. Scared of what he was going to tell Jackson and ashamed because of how he acted right now.

Jackson got up first and held out his hand. Rob grabbed Jackson’s wrist and pulled himself up. He dusted himself off, and started walking out of the alley. Jackson walked two steps behind him, just to give Rob some room to breathe.

They made their way back to Jackson’s house, and Rob collapsed on Jackson’s bed. But he made his decision, he was going to tell Jackson that one thing that he had dreaded to tell him for a very long time.

“Jack, could you please sit down next to me? I want to tell you what I’ve been hiding from you.”

Jackson did as he was asked and he sat down next to Rob on the couch. Jackson didn’t say anything, he was only going to listen.

“It’s about...it’s about my dad. You know a lot of the things that he’s done, but now all of them.” Rob took a deep breath, tried to calm his nerves. “4 years ago, he...he..” Rob couldn’t utter the words that he wanted to say. He didn’t want to remember it, he would much rather just want to forget. But this was something that would haunt him for the rest of his life, it was unforgettable. “He...he...he touched me. First he hit me, beat the living daylights out of me, and when I was to weak and messed up to resist, he...he...r-ra-ra.” Rob hesitated for a second. Did Jackson really want to hear this? “After I had been beaten with his belt and smacked around the room, he r-r-raped me.” This confession was clearly affecting Rob. He looked over at Jackson, whose face had changed from concerned to absolutely horrified. Rob had been stumbling over his own words, worse than ever before.

Jackson had told himself that he was only going to listen, but this changed things.

“He did what?! I should’ve f*****g killed him when I got the chance. What the f**k.” Jackson exploded, and in such a way that Rob got scared again.

Rob cowered away from Jackson. He lost control over his breathing and started to hyperventilate. Jackson tried to put and arm around Rob’s shoulder, but Rob didn’t want that, he pushed Jackson away from him. In all fairness, Rob had not expected such a violent answer from Jackson.

Rob hyperventilating pulled Jackson back down to earth. He had no reason for being angry with his friend, his charge. He was supposed to be a guardian angel, not another parent. “Look Rob, I’m not angry with you, really. But I need to know what happened so that I can help you. Want to talk to me about it?” Jackson had given Rob some room to breathe, but he kept his eyes fixed on him.

Rob tried to talk, but the only thing that happened was that he gasped for air. His breathing was still too irregular.

“I’ll go get you a glass of water, ok?”

Rob nodded, but still didn’t look over at Jackson. Jackson felt guilty for exploding in front of Rob like that. He should’ve known better. He got off the bed and walked over to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass and turned on the tap. He made sure the water wasn’t too cold, and then filled the glass.

“Come on Jack. You know better than to react like this. Nothing good has ever come out of you exploding.” Jackson beat his own forehead with his hand. He was angry at himself for what he caused to Rob. Now Rob was angry with him, something that Jackson dreaded. Jackson was the type of person that was scared of losing his friends, because he wasn’t good at making new ones. Rob meant pretty much everything to him. They had been together for so long, he couldn’t imagine what he would do without him.

Jackson walked back to his bedroom, and was glad that Rob was still sitting on his bed, back against the wall and head on his knees. This meant that he wanted to stay here, and that he wasn’t going to run off. Somewhere deep inside this gave Jackson back the feeling that he was indeed Rob’s guardian angel.

“Hey Rob, here you go buddy.” He handed him the glass of water, which Rob took and sipped. “I’m sorry for lashing out at you like that. Want me to stay here?” Jackson thought he’d ask, maybe Rob wanted to be alone for a while now. His presumption was right as Rob shook his head.

Jackson moved over to his CD collection and looked for Jack’s Mannequin. He pressed a couple of buttons on his stereo, As I Lay Dying stopped playing and he put the CD back into its case. He popped in Jack’s Mannequin and pressed play. Holiday from Real started playing and he slowly walked out of his bedroom. He stopped at the door, and put his hand on the doorpost. He turned back once more to look at Rob. Rob was softly hitting his head against the wall that he was perched up against. Jackson closed his eyes, let his head droop and slowly let his hand slide off the doorpost. He walked away from his bedroom and threw himself down on the couch. He listened carefully to hear if there was any unusual sound coming from his bedroom, but all he could hear was the voice of Andrew McMahon.

Jackson sat in the living room, mentally beating himself up over the events that occurred that morning. He was going to lose Rob. First Rob had stopped talking to him, now he didn’t want to be in the same room as Jackson. What was going to happen next? He couldn’t lose Rob, he wouldn’t know what to do without him. Rob was everything to him. Rob was the reason that Jackson hadn’t dropped out of school yet. His mom would’ve never found out if he had anyway. Nobody at school was going to miss him apart from Rob, and maybe Zach.

Jackson grabbed a cigarette from his short pocket and put it to his lips. He rummaged around for his lighter. He found it and lit the cigarette, inhaling to get the spark going. The nicotine rushed to his head, and it did what it always did. It calmed Jackson, if only for a bit. He leant back on his couch and threw his head on top of the back support. He needed to clear his mind. If he was going to talk to Rob about this again, he needed a fresh start. He couldn’t walk in and still be angry with him. He just hoped that Rob’s anger would go down. 5 minutes passed and he finished his cigarette. 10 minutes passed and Jackson started getting uneasy and after 15 minutes he got up from the couch. He had to resist the temptation of going to his bedroom, and went to the kitchen instead.

He threw his head under the tap and threw it open full blast. The cool water hit his hair and he shivered. But it felt good. He grabbed the towel that was next to the sink and dried his hair. Now what was he going to do? Was he just going to walk into his bedroom and try to talk to Rob? He needed to decide right now. F**k it, he was going to go see how Rob was doing.

He approached the bedroom carefully, and heard a slight sob coming from it. It was almost drowned out by the music, but Jackson could hear it. He approached the door, and knocked on it slowly. He saw the figure that was Rob shudder, but he turned up to look at the person that was standing in the door opening. He took in Jackson’s figure. Rob’s eyes were still swollen from crying, and his shirt sleeves were wet. The now empty glass lay next to him on the bed.

“Can I come in? We need to talk, Robbie.” Jackson asked this carefully, trying to suppress all of his previous emotions.

Rob still didn’t talk to him, but he nodded and beckoned Jackson to come in.

Jackson sat down next to Rob, but didn’t put his arm around him yet. He sat on the edge of the bed, with his arms in between his knees and his hands clasped together. He slowly started talking to Rob.

“Look, Robbie. I wasn’t in my place exploding like that. I didn’t mean what I said. I’m really sorry.” He turned his head to look over at Rob, who was looking back at him.

Rob put his hand on Jackson’s shoulder. He pulled backwards, beckoning Jackson to come sit next to him fully, and not how they were sitting now.

“Are you sure, Robbie?”

Rob nodded, and Jackson pushed himself backwards towards the wall. Once he was sitting shoulder to shoulder with Rob, he felt Rob putting his head on his shoulder. To Jackson this was a sign that Rob accepted his apology. Now he hoped that Rob might want to talk about what happened.

But Rob didn’t talk yet. It was completely quiet in the room, apart from the music that was playing in the background. Jackson felt that Rob was trying to get comfortable on his shoulder. A feeling of acceptance again overwhelmed Jackson. He was not going to lose Rob, not just yet. Rob started picking on the scabs on his upper arms. Jackson now noticed that he had fresh cuts. Those had to been have done at school, because Rob had stayed over at his place for the past week or so.

“Robbie, are you ok? What happened?”

“I can’t tell you, you’ll hate me for it.” Rob was scared.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Robbie. You know you can tell me everything. What is it?”

“You promise you won’t lash out like you did before? Please don’t be angry, ok?” Jackson could see and hear that Rob was feeling vulnerable.

“I promise, Robbie. It won’t happen again. I’m really sorry for what happened this morning.”

The promise seemed to reassure Rob that Jackson would not flip on him again.

“I-I-I was raped by my dad. I was thirteen. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to feel weak. I was ashamed that I let it happen to me, that I couldn’t stand up for myself.”

Jackson gasped. “Why didn’t you tell me, tell anyone?”

“You don’t understand, Jack. I was scared of my father. He made me swear on my mother’s life that I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“But Rob, you could’ve told me. I could’ve helped you.” Rob had told him that he had been raped earlier that morning, but he didn’t expect to hear all of this.

“No, Jack. You couldn’t have helped me. He would’ve hurt mom.”

“How did it happen?” How did he get to you?”

“He-he-he beat me first, till I couldn’t move anymore. I was in too much pain and just wanted it to end. But it didn’t. He picked me up and threw me on my parent’s bed. He used his belt to tie my hands together. He...he...he...” Rob started crying again.

Jackson threw his arm around Rob and pulled him in closer towards him. He wiped away Rob’s tears with his own sleeve, and grabbed his pillow so that Rob could lie against that.

“Rob, it’s ok. He’s not here anymore. He won’t hurt you anymore. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll die before I see it happen to you again.”

“Don’t die. Please.” Rob was speaking in short sentences and single words again. He was having a hard time, which wasn’t all that weird though, considering the topic of their conversation.

“Want to tell me what else happened?”

“He-he-he threw me on the bed, tied my hands together with his belt and ripped off my shorts. He first ripped off my shirt as well and started touching me, stroking his hands over my chest and back. When he ripped off my shorts, he took off my boxers. And then he pushed my head into the pillow so that no-one would hear me. I screamed, I screamed as loud as I could, but nobody came to help me. I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t run away. I couldn’t see him because he pushed my head into the pillow. I heard him laughing. I was scared, Jack. His laughing changed into a heavy breathing before he...he...he started. I tried to get away, but he was too strong. The hand he had on my neck to hold me down was really hot. It almost burnt me.” Rob stopped for a while. Jackson felt horrible for asking him to tell this again. “And he smelt of sweat and alcohol. I think he was drunk. I felt his clammy hands in my neck. It was disgusting.”

Jackson had lost all color in his face. He was completely pale. “Did it...did he do it more often?”

“It happened once more, and pretty much exactly the same way.” After Rob said this, he turned his head into Jackson’s chest, so that his face was half buried inside the pillow, and half in Jack’s chest.

“He won’t hurt you anymore, Robbie. I’ll make sure of it.” Jackson put his hand on the back of Rob’s head and stroked his hair.

“Can we please just not talk about it anymore?”

“Sure, Robbie. Whatever you want. I’m here for you, buddy. What’s going on? Anything else?”

“It’s not only that, Jack. I had a really weird dream last night.”

“What was it about?”

“It was...it was very weird. Everything was black and white. I was standing at a Jack’s Mannequin showcase. I had won 2 tickets, but you couldn’t come with me so I sold the second one. I was there and I remember being angry with you for not being there. You had a really shady reason. I looked around, maybe you wanted to surprise me and come by anyway. But you weren’t there, and everyone’s faces were blurry. I couldn’t make out anyone, not even Andrew. But then I felt something grab me by the side. I turned around and there was a hooded person there. The person reminded me of the angel I was drawing, remember?”

“Hmhm.” Jackson nodded.

“And then I looked at the person I was facing. It was wearing a hoodie, grey pants, All Stars and there were headphone wires coming from under the hood. The hood obscured most of the face, but I could still see a mouth. It told me to come closer. And I did, I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t. I was drawn in by the presence. And then it grabbed me, pulled me in closer and kissed me. Only on the lips first, but as we kissed more our lips parted and we frenched. The taste of the lips was so vivid, they were so sweet and feminine. It is the thing I remember most, the lips. They felt so familiar. When I got kissed, it was like a weight fell off my shoulders. As if I knew for sure that I was being watched over. After that, for the first time in my life, I took control by grabbing the hood, and it felt good. I didn’t want to let go and just wanted to kiss more. But then the kiss ended, and the person pushed me away, walking away by saying ‘Bruised was good, wasn’t it?’ I didn’t know what to do.

“Why are you telling me this, Robbie?”

“I thought you’d like to know. Don’t you?”

“Yeah, I do. But it’s only a dream, right?”

“Well, it was only a dream, but there was something about it. The taste, the smell and the feelings that were in the dream when I kissed the person were the same ones that overcame me when we kissed this morning. That has to mean something, doesn’t it?”  

“Well, do you think it means something? Do you want it to mean something?” Jackson asked carefully, he didn’t want to give a wrong impression.

“I don’t know, Jack. I really don’t know what to think. Not after I overheard the conversation between you and Mr. Farrell.”

“Wait, what? What did you hear?” Jackson had known Rob had caught part of that conversation, but he didn’t know how much.

“I heard the most important parts anyway. You thinking I’m your little brother and all. What do you just feel sorry for me? Is that why you hang around with me?”

“Rob, come on man. You know that’s not true.” Jackson was shocked at this accusation, but was it perhaps partially true? Did Jackson feel sorry for little Rob?

“Isn’t it, Jackson? Isn’t it? Then why do you hang out with me all the time?”

Jackson was caught off guard by all of this. Rob hadn’t been like this in a long time. The things with his parents and school must’ve really got to him.

“Wha, what?”

“Why do you stand up for me so much, why do you hang around with me? Is it because you really do see me as your little brother that you need to protect from the big bad wolves out there?”

“Rob, come on man. You know you’re more to me than a little brother or whatever. You’re my best friend, the one I can trust with everything.”

“Then why the f**k did you tell Mr. Farrell you saw me as your kid brother?”

“You really think I was telling that guy the truth? Really?”

“It sure sounded like it, Jackson.”

“Come on Robbie. I had to lie to him. We go to a f*****g Christian school. I can’t have said what I wanted to say or we’d both be in heaps of trouble. At school, at home, and we’d be screwed in general.”

“Well, you could have just avoided that answer, couldn’t you?”

“Come to think of it, I think Farrell might have found it normal. He said something about him being with a guy. But he would have needed to tell that bloodsucker. But come on man, I tried to protect you, protect us.”

“Did you mean what you told him? I need to know.”

“What I told him was bullshit. Parts of it anyway.”

“What do you mean? What parts?”

“The part that I see you as my little brother is true in a way. I see you as much more than that. You’re the one I’m supposed to watch over. I’m your guardian angel, you’re my charge. I have to watch over you.”

“And...?”

Jackson straightened himself up and looked at Rob. Rob had moved away from Jackson a bit when the conversation started. “The dream you described, it’s weird. When you told me, I just felt normal. I didn’t feel weirded out or anything.”

“Will you stop dancing around the subject and just get to the point?”

Jackson grabbed Rob’s shirt and pulled him in closer. “I think I love you.”

“You think you love me?”

“I don’t just think I love you, I know I love you.”

Then everything fell silent. First it was seconds, but those turned into minutes. Jackson and Rob didn’t say anything to each other. Three words had been said. Three words that Jackson had been keeping inside for a very long time. 

Rob didn’t really know what to say, he was kind of overwhelmed at the sudden coming out of Jackson. He had known about Jackson not being straight, but in love with him? Never in a million years had he expected somebody to be in love with him, especially not Jackson, his best friend, his guardian.

Rob was a bit skeptic. He didn’t figure Jackson for a trickster or a liar, but he needed to be sure he had just really heard those three words.

“You what?”

“I....I...I love you.” Jackson was struggling saying it a second time around. Why this was, Rob did not know. “Are you mad?”

“Why would I be mad, Jackson?” Rob had a confused look in his eyes.

“I don’t know, maybe because...because...you don’t feel the same...the same way.”

“How could I be mad because of that? I don’t understand.”

“It’s just that, you know...” Jackson put his cap on and pulled it down so it obscured his eyes. He had just confessed his love to Rob, but now was having second thoughts about the confession.

“Why can’t Rob just say that he loves me as well?” Jackson was hoping that Rob would take in his confession, and react well to it. He just wanted things to work out. “Please, please, please.” Jackson’s thoughts were going haywire. He was jumping between images of him and Rob together, him and Rob on opposite ends of the world staring out a window, Rob hating him for what he had said here today and leaving him forever.

“Really, Jack, I’m not mad. I’m surprised that you told me. It’s a bit unlike you to be true. And what’s with this sudden insecurity. Where’s the big, strong Jackson I know?”

“Please just stop talking around it. I need to know, Robbie. I need to.”

“Let’s just say that I might have been walking around with a secret longer than you have.”

“What...what do you mean?”

“You remember the first day I saw you?”

“Y...yeah.” Jackson didn’t really understand where all of this was going.

“Well, you talked to me. You were the only one that talked to me that entire year. You were the only one that dared to step up to quiet old me and ask what my name was. I still don’t know why you did it.” Jackson was about to interrupt him. Rob put his index finger to his lip and shook his head. “And I don’t want to know.” Jackson was looking more lost by the minute. “From then on, I knew you were different. You didn’t pick on me, but protected me. And when we were freshmen in high school, things started to feel different. Emotion wise. I saw you as more than a friend, but not as a big brother. It was something else, something I hadn’t felt before. I wasn’t sure for a very long time, but the feeling kept growing stronger and stronger. I hid it, I didn’t want anyone to know. Do you know what I’m trying to say, Jack?”

“I...I...I think so.”

“Jack, I love you. I always have.”

“But why? How?” Jackson had lighted up at Rob’s answer, but was still confused. But that was his insecurity playing up.

“How can I not be in love with someone like you? Always there for me, protecting me and taking care of me when I need it most.”

“Really?”

“Yes, Jackson. Really. I am in love with you.”

Jackson’s insecurities were swept away as Rob had finally managed to assure him that he was really in love with him, and that he wasn’t playing around. How Jackson had managed to keep this in for so long was a mystery to Rob. Rob had managed to stay silent for so long because he was scared of the response that he would get. He was scared of losing his best friend.

Rob didn’t want to linger anymore. He wanted to be kissed by Jackson again. There was still something forbidden about it, even though they had confessed their love to each other. Who would have thought that Jackson swung this way, who would have thought that two kids being educated at a Christian school would commit the ultimate sin? In Rob’s eyes, if this was a sin, then sinning was good. 

Rob took of Jackson’s hood and ran his fingers through the soft, dirty blonde hair. He pushed Jackson’s hair out of his face and Rob’s hand found the back of his neck. He pulled Jackson in closer and kissed him softly on the lips. Jackson had grabbed onto Rob’s shirt once again, this time at stomach height, and had started to ease him in.

Even though Jackson generally tended to be the leader, the strong type, now it was different. His insecurities about Rob loving him had ebbed away, but he still felt vulnerable, he had never opened up like that before.

Rob had managed to lay him on his back and was now towering over him. He put one hand next to Jackson’s head and the other under Jackson’s left arm. Rob started kissing him all over, on the lips, on the cheek, on the forehead. He didn’t want to move down to the neck just yet. Rob felt a slight shudder at every kiss. Jackson wriggled into a more comfy position, and was now lying half against the wall, supported by his pillow. His hands had found the hat rim and took it off slowly. Rob’s dark brown hair fell into his face, but he didn’t care. Rob kissed Jackson on the lips once again. But this time he waited. He waited for the invite. He wanted to get a little taste of Jackson. He could feel Jackson’s lips part way and let him in. The feeling was overwhelming. Jackson was a great kisser, and he didn’t hold back. Rob felt a hand slide underneath his shirt and resting on his hips. His thumb gently stroked Rob’s skin, and Rob shivered, Jackson’s hand was ice cold.

Rob had enough of the teasing. He ended the kiss for now.

“Can I take off your hoodie?” He asked carefully.

Jackson looked at him with those beautiful eyes that were now, after all that time, filled with glee. Jackson finally felt right. He nodded.

Rob grabbed hold of the zipper and pulled it down. He put his hands on the inside of the hoodie, pushing it off Jackson’s arms. He threw it aside. Jackson now lay before him in a black wifebeater, and the camo shorts that he wore almost every single day.

Rob inched closer to Jackson’s face, slowly moving down to his neck and kissing him all over.

Jackson felt Rob’s hot breath on the skin of his neck, and he closed his eyes to heighten the sensation that this was causing. He trembled slightly every single time Rob breathed out.

Rob’s hand slid under the wifebeater and rested on Jackson’s abdomen. He felt Jackson breathe. His breathing was slow, repetitive, there was a rhythm to it.

“What are you doing?” Jackson asked carefully.

Rob immediately pulled back his hand.

“Am I doing something wrong? Should I stop?”

“It’s going a bit too quickly for my taste. How about we go get something to eat and watch some tv?”

“Oh, okay.” Rob was a little put off by what he heard, but he didn’t want to push his luck. He was lucky enough to have gotten this far.

Rob got off the bed, and put on his cap again. Jackson picked his hoodie up from the floor and threw it on.

“I’m sorry, Robbie.” He put his arm around Rob. “I didn’t mean it bad.”

“It’s ok. Let’s go eat.” Rob tried to put his mind elsewhere.

“What do you want to eat, buddie? Want to order in?”

“Let’s do that. How about pizza?” Rob was finding his comforts again, having to accept that Jackson didn’t want to rush things.

“Sounds good. I’ll go make the call. You want to go see what’s on?”

Rob nodded and walked out of Jackson’s bedroom.

Jackson lagged behind a bit. The kissing was nice, but there was something lingering in his mind, something that was making him uneasy.

“That a*****e raped him, and he never even told me about it. There must have been signs, signs I didn’t see.”  

Jackson could feel anger growing inside of him, as well as disappointment. Anger for what was done to Rob, and disappointment because Rob never told him what happened.

“Why didn’t he tell me, why was I too blind to see? I should’ve killed the b*****d, going to jail would’ve been worth it. I wish I killed him.”

Jackson paced around his room and heard the tv go on in his living room. Good, Rob wouldn’t notice that he was lagging behind.

He decided he didn’t want to lag behind too long, so he grabbed his cell phone and dialed the number of the pizza place.

“Hey Rob, what do you want on your pizza?”

“Cheese and peppers, make it nice and spicy.”

Jackson ordered a cheese pizza with extra peppers for Rob, and a pepperoni for himself. He threw his phone on the bed and went over to the living room.

“Hey, Rob. Can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

“What you told me earlier today, is that why you didn’t want me to take care of you? Were you scared that I was going to do something I wasn’t supposed to do?”

“I don’t know...I guess so. But I trust you, so I don’t know why I pushed you away like that. I’m sorry, Jackson. I didn’t want to act that way.” Robert Bradley had never looked so lost, so disappointed, so shaken up as he looked right now. It scared Jackson a bit.

“Rob, there’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s never going to happen again.” Jackson sat down on the couch and threw his arm around Rob. “You hear me, never again. I’d die before I’d let something like that happen to you again.”

“Don’t say that, Jack. I’d be lost without you.” Rob grabbed the hand that was on his shoulder.

Rob sat there with his eyes closed, resting his head on Jackson’s shoulder. Jackson could feel his breathing starting to slow down. He guessed that Rob was starting to doze off.

“Hey Robbie, no sleeping just yet. Pizza first.” Jackson moved his shoulder a bit, and Rob was brought back into the land of the living.

“Hmm...okay. I guess I’ll manage to stay awake for that.” But as he said this, he was dozing off again. He shook his head to find that spot on Jackson’s shoulder that would make him most comfy. He was still holding on to Jackson’s hand. Jackson didn’t mind.

The doorbell rang. Rob stirred, waking up from his sleep.

“It’s ok, the pizza’s here. You can sleep.” Jackson got up and made sure that Rob didn’t fall from the couch. He put his head on a pillow and went to the door to pick up the pizza.

“Hi, Luigi’s Pizza. One cheese, extra peppers and one pepperoni, right? That’s $14.00.”

Jackson rummaged around in his wallet, pulled out a twenty and handed it to the delivery boy.

“Keep the change.” He took the pizzas from the boy and shut the door. Looking into the living room, he saw that Rob was still asleep. Jackson walked over to the kitchen and pulled a packet of tin foil out of one of the kitchen cabinets. He wrapped it around the box that contained Rob’s pizza and left it on the counter.

He pulled up a chair and opened his own box. He figured he’d let Rob sleep for a while. A lot happened today, and he was tired. Jackson was tired as well, but fighting his sleep. He couldn’t let go off that one thought.

“How could his dad have raped him, and his mother let it happen? And why...why did he never tell me?”

He grabbed a slice of his pizza and took a bite. The warmth of the pizza spread through his body and it was as if he hadn’t had hot food in ages.

“How could I be so stupid, so ignorant? I should’ve noticed something was up.”
---

Rob had called his mother and arranged that he could stay at Jackson’s for the time being. Jackson’s mom didn’t mind, and Jackson saw that Rob and his mom were also getting along fine. Another benefit of Rob staying at his place was that his mom didn’t seem to get angry at him that much.

What Jackson did have to do though, was come out to his mother. He wasn’t really planning to do it so soon, but at least he got it over with. It was one of the most intense talks he had had with his mother. Jackson thought back to how that conversation went last night. He had stayed up late to talk to his mom when she came back from the night shift.

“Hi mom.”

“Hey, what are you still doing up? Is something wrong?”

“No, not really. I was wondering if I could talk to you?”

“I’m tired, Jack. Can it wait?”

“No, it can’t. It’s kind of important.” Jackson really wanted to talk to his mom.

“Is it school? What’s wrong?” His mom was actually started to look concerned, not knowing what would come next.

“No mom. It’s about me, could we sit down? Please?”

Jackson walked into the kitchen and sat down, hoping that his mom would do the same.

“Okay. What is it?”

“I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time and I don’t really know how to say this, but you need to know.”

“I really don’t know where you’re going with this. Will you just tell me already?”

“Mom, what would you say if Rob and I were more than friends?”

His mom looked at him with a lost expression on her face.

Jackson noticed this, and what he was going to tell his mom next was bound to shock her, especially since she wasn’t getting the hints yet.

“Mom, I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to say it the best way I can. Rob and I, we’re in a relationship.” As Jackson said this he felt an enormous weight being lifted from his shoulders.

“Wait...Are you saying you’re gay?” The lost expression on her face had made way for a suspicious one.

“Not gay. I’m bisexual. As far as I know, I’ve been so for the past 4 years.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why have you been hiding this for so long?”

“I was scared. Scared of what you were going to say. So what are you going to say about this?” Jackson wanted to get it over with.

“Jack, sweetie. It really doesn’t matter to me. Whatever you are, gay, straight or bisexual, you’re still my son, and that’s what matters to me most.”

The ‘sweetie’ sounded kind of cheap in Jackson’s ears but whatever. At least she wasn’t battering him with her belt or any of the objects standing around in the kitchen.

“Wait, you’re not going to get angry? Aren’t you disappointed in me?”

“Your bad behavior I could change by getting angry, but this, this is something different. I couldn’t change this even if I wanted to.” 

“So what happens now? You’re not even going to prevent me from inviting Rob over?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re 18, I can’t stop you. Do his parents know?”

“No, and please don’t tell them. I know you barely know them, but keep it quiet, ok? Please, just this once.”

“Don’t worry. It’s none of their business. Sleep tight.”

His mother had gotten up from the kitchen table and went to the bathroom. After a while, he heard the shower go on and Jackson went to his bedroom and lay down on his bed.

“Wow. That was easier than I thought.” He lay there, staring up at the posters on his wall. “You guys got me through this.” He was talking to all of his heroes and heroines.

Jackson snapped back to reality by hearing something fall on the floor. He shook his head and found himself staring at the bathroom mirror.

There was five o’clock shade on his jaw, and his hair was a mess. But that was nothing new. He wondered what he would look like with full grown facial hair. He was planning to shave, but didn’t feel like it anymore. He picked up his razor from the floor and decided to put it back into the cabinet. Before putting it away, he looked at the shiny blade. He ran his finger across the cutting edge and a sliver of red appeared. He wiped it off with his hand and folded the blade back into its hilt.

Jackson walked out of the bathroom and across the hall into his own bedroom. Rob lay there, vast asleep, on an inflatable mattress. It was the best he could do, well at least up to now. He did have a double bed, but Rob and he sleeping in it might have led to problems in one way or another. But that was about to change. But sleepy Rob didn’t know anything about that just yet. 

Jackson touched the side of the mattress and pushed it down, hoping that Rob would wake up. Rob was one of those heavy sleepers. A freight train could pass right by his ear, and yet he wouldn’t wake up. Jackson’s hand found Rob’s shoulder.

“Hey Robbie. Wake up. Come on man. Wake up.”

Jackson scraped his voice. “Robert Nathaniel Bradley, wake up!”

Immediately Rob woke up. But it didn’t have the effect that Jackson intended. Rob pulled up the sheets over his head and whimpered.

“Please don’t hit me again.”

“Holy crap, Robbie. I didn’t mean to scare you like that. It’s ok, it’s me. Your dad isn’t here. He isn’t anywhere close.” Jackson tried to lift up the sheets, but Rob was pulling them down.

“Come out of there, bro. It’s ok. I’m sorry.”

A frightened Rob stuck his head out from under the sheets. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. I just tried to wake you up. But I shook you and you wouldn’t wake up. I’m sorry, buddy.”

Rob crawled out from under his sheets. He was wearing some of Jackson’s old Hatebreed track shorts, which were slightly too big for him. He stood up from the mattress and stretched out. Jackson looked at the bruises that still lined his body. Luckily they were fading and there were no new ones. Rob’s arm was still bandaged, but his cuts were healing nicely.

“What’s up? You didn’t shave, did you? Looks good.”  

Jackson chuckled.

“It’s all good. I got something to tell you, you might even say it’s good news.” Jackson tried to bug Rob a bit.

“What is it?” Rob questioned Jackson.

“Well, I stayed up last night, watched you fall asleep. Then I waited for mom to come home.”

“Yes...?”

“I told her, Robbie. I told her that we’re in a relationship, that we love each other and that I’m bisexual.”

Rob’s jaw dropped. Shock overtook him. 

“You what...?!”

“Robbie, I did it. I told her. And she didn’t get angry. She didn’t do anything. She said it was my own decision and that she couldn’t change it anyway. Rob, she accepts my sexuality. It’s great, isn’t it?” With every single breath that Jackson took, he seemed to smile more and more.

“Wow. That I didn’t expect. What got into your mom?” Rob was as surprised as Jackson had been the night before.

“That doesn’t matter, but you know what that means right? No more air mattress for you, buddy.”

“I...I get to stay in your bed now?”

“Yeah, you do. And I don’t need to move to the couch.”

Rob remained silent. He moved closer to Jackson and kissed him on the lips.

“I knew you could do it.”

He pulled his head back and saw Jackson standing there, mesmerized. Rob guessed he was only just really realizing what he had accomplished.

“Come on, man. Let’s go get some breakfast down the street. I’m in the mood for a very large coffee. I need something to kick me awake.” Rob said this as he was looking through his bag, trying to find a fresh shirt. He pulled out a shirt with skull print on it. It was one of his oldest band shirts and the black print had faded grey.

“You’re not going to change out of those shorts?” Jackson asked, seeing that Rob was pulling his Silverstein shirt over his head and was still wearing his shorts.

“We’re only going for breakfast, it’s not like we’re going to school yet, right? And even if we were, who gives a f**k. Most people hate us already anyway, right?” Rob chuckled as he said that last part. He was one of those people that didn’t care what others thought, unless it was Jackson, and in some way, also Zach.

“Hmm, guess you’re right. Can’t do any harm.” Jackson lifted his shoulders up and down, trying to stretch a bit.

He put his feet into his worn DC’s and looked around the room for his wallet. He spotted it on the desk and grabbed it.

“Let’s go.”

Jackson and Rob walked out the door and headed down the street. If you would see them walking down the street, you would just think they were two friends, hardcore kids. But they were more than that, but just not in public.

The Coffee Grinder was busy as usual as they looked for a place to sit.

“What do you want?” Jackson asked Rob as he sat down.

“I don’t know, something with a lot of caffeine. Get me a large cappuccino, double shot of espresso.”

“Anything to eat?”

“No, I’m fine thank you. And don’t get me anything to eat, I know you would.” He winked at Jackson.

Jackson hurried off to go stand in line. Rob was left alone, sitting at the table. He started reading the newspaper that was lying in front of him, but somehow he had managed to draw attention to himself. Somewhere from behind him came a series of shouts, but he tried to ignore them. He wasn’t in the mood to fight, not today, he was in too good of a mood.

“Hey! Hey! Hey Bradley! Turn around when I’m talking to you!” Rob recognized the voice, it was Trey, the starting quarterback and biggest bully of the school.

Rob turned around in his seat. He knew that if he ignored Trey, he would just keep going until he reacted and Rob would probably get punched again.

“Ooww, if it isn’t big bad Trey, what do you want? Need me to school you again?” The way he said it wasn’t too smooth, and it might set Trey off more. He was hoping Trey and his friends were smart enough not to start a fight here.

“You’re pushing it Bradley. You’re crossing the line.” Rob could see anger growing inside Trey, and Rob was fighting the urge to go over and punch him. But his friends were there this time, it would be half the football team against Rob and his friend. He didn’t like those odds.

“Look man. I don’t want to fight you, not here, not now. But if you need to do something, do it in school and let these people go about their business.” Rob was breathing slowly, trying to keep himself calm.

Trey’s friend said something to him out of earshot, Rob didn’t hear it. His friend must have said something that got Trey to think, because the last thing that Trey blasted was one angry look towards Rob. After that he got up and left.

That moment Jackson came back with the two cups of coffee. Trey was still inside the cafe.

“What was that all about?” Jackson gave Rob a questioning look.

“Nothing. Just Trey being an a*****e as usual. But leave it. We don’t need another argument.”

Trey had meanwhile made his way out of the front doors and was moving towards his truck.

“I’ll be right back, just have your coffee.”

“Don’t do it, Jackson.”

But it was too late, Jackson was already at the front door, swinging it open.

“Hey Trey! What you bothering Rob for again, huh? Angry because you might get cut from the team?”

“Jack, no!” Rob exclaimed. He didn’t want Jackson to fight his battles for him. Not again.

Too late. Trey had already dropped his cup of coffee and rushed over to Jackson, tackling him and forcing him down on the concrete.

“Not so smart when you’re on the pavement, huh kid?” Trey sneered.

Jackson didn’t say anything, instead he thought of something better. He gathered all his strength and head butted Trey. Jackson could feel blood sprout from Trey’s nose and he wrestled himself free.

Trey was rolling on the pavement, clutching his nose. Jackson could see blood seep through his fingers. He quietly hoped it was broken.

Rob ran outside, but didn’t go straight to Jackson, instead running towards Trey. Putting all his weight behind his foot, he kicked Trey in the ribs.

“How does it feel to get kicked while you’re down, superstar?”

He ran over to Jackson, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him onto his feet.

“Let’s get out of here, this isn’t going to end well.”

Jackson and Rob ran for their lives, and disappeared around the corner. Jackson had glanced back once, and saw Trey surrounded by his friends, but still lying on the pavement. A smile appeared on his lips.

They ran all the way back to Jackson’s house and busted through the door. Both were out of breath and collapsed on the floor. Jackson started laughing.

“Did I really just hear you call Trey ‘superstar’ when you kicked him?” Jackson had a hard time catching his breath so he stammered a bit.

“Yeah, I did.” Rob took a couple of deep breaths. “But why did you go after him?”

“Somebody needs to show that kid that he doesn’t run the school. I think you showed him more than enough today.”

“But he could’ve kicked your a*s? You don’t think before you act, do you? It’s the same story every time.” Rob tried to sound serious, but couldn’t really. Trey got his a*s kicked once again, and he was happy because of it, but angry with Jackson that he started it.

“Are you okay?”

“I didn’t actually get hit, remember? You got slammed to the pavement. Let me see if there are cuts or bruises.”

“Ok, but not here. Let’s go to my room.” Jackson picked himself up from the floor, and tried to ignore the pain he felt in his side. He was sure Rob was going to find some bruising.

Jackson walked into his room and took off his t-shirt. Rob followed him into his room and stared at the bruises on his back. These can’t all have been from today’s little fight. There were old ones, fading from purple into yellow, but what worried Rob more was that there were new ones as well.  

“Jack, where did you get those?”

“Get what?” Jackson knew well enough not to play the fool with Rob, but tried it anyway, maybe he would drop it.

“All those swollen bruises can’t be from today, Trey barely touched you. Who did that?”

“Forget about it, it’s nothing.”

“No Jackson. You’re going to tell me what happened, right here, right now. I’m not letting you walk away from this one.” Robs tone had change from concerned to serious.

“Ok, fine. It was my mom, okay. She did it.” Jackson really wished Rob would drop it, and answered in an agitated tone.

“Wow, no need to get angry, Jack. Just looking out, that’s all.”

Jackson turned around.

“Look, I can take care of myself. This is nothing, it’s just the same old stuff on a different day. I don’t need you looking out for me.”

“Jackson, look. You take care of me all the time. Can I please just try and take care of you?” Rob was persistent and wasn’t going to let this go over easy.

“Look, man. I know you want to look out for me, but I don’t need anyone looking out for me.” Jackson was struggling saying these things to the person that held his heart, but he had to, there wasn’t any other way. He needed to convince Rob that this looking out for another was a one-way thing, not a returnable favor.

“Jack, what the hell? What’s gotten into you?” Rob was getting scared of the way in which Jackson was acting.

“If you get into this, you’ll only end up getting hurt. I can’t let you do that, Rob. I just can’t.”

“But what if I want to get into all of this. I don’t care if I get hurt, you’ve gotten hurt so many times because of me and it doesn’t seem to bother you.”

“But Rob, look at me and then look at you. I’ve learnt to deal with it, I can take all the things they throw at me. I’m not sure you would be able to.”

“Whatever, man. I’ll be outside in case you’d be looking for me later.” Rob turned his back on Jackson and left the bedroom.

Jackson could hear the front door slam shut.

“Great, I f*****g did it again, I pissed off the only one that actually cares about me. Why do I keep doing this?”

Jackson grabbed the first thing that was closest to him and flung it at the wall. The porcelain coffee mug shattered as it connected with the wall.

“Big strong Jackson. Big bad a*s. Why do I have to be such a hard a*s all the time? I’m nothing without Rob. I can’t lose him.” Jackson dropped on both knees, and let his hands slide along the wall. The first tears appeared, flowing from his eyes. No matter how much he wanted to fight them, he couldn’t. What he needed right now, was Rob. And Rob had just walked out on him. Jackson prayed that Rob hadn’t gone far, and that he was just sitting on the porch or something, that Jackson would be able to get him back. Jackson leant his head against the wall, holding his hands above it, with his palms spread on the wall. He closed his eyes, hoping that would stop the tears. “Why can’t I just accept the help he wants to give me? Why do I want to do everything on my own? I need him, and I know it.”

Jackson got up and rested against the wall for a bit. He needed to go see if Rob was still at his house. He stumbled towards the front door and opened it. It creaked, and this alerted Rob to his presence. Rob didn’t look angry, but he wasn’t happy either. Jackson didn’t want to look at him, not like this. He turned away from Rob’s stare.

“I’m sorry, Robbie.” Jackson mumbled. He was ashamed that he had, once again, exploded at Rob. He knew better than to do that.

“It’s ok. You know I just want to help.”

Jackson nodded.

“Please just let me, ok? You’ve helped me so many times. I feel bad that I’m always the one that needs help when you need it as well.”

Jackson just nodded again, still not looking at Rob.

“Are you sure? Do you really accept my help?”

Jackson lifted his head and looked at Rob. Tears were still coming down his face. He nodded again.

“You can’t do this alone, let me help you through this, ok?”

“Hmhm.” Jackson was too ashamed to talk.

Only now did he realize he was standing outside shirtless. He hoped that no one had walked by to see Rob and him arguing.

Slowly, Rob made his way closer to Jackson and let him lean against his shoulder. Together, they walked back into the house, and Rob kicked the door shut with his heel.

---

Jackson had lied to Rob, and he sensed that Rob knew more than he was saying. Had he heard, had he seen what happened to him a couple days back?

Jackson had been up late that night, Rob was already asleep. Rob needed his sleep, he needed to catch up for all the lost times. Jackson was sitting on the couch, coming up with some new bass lines because he didn’t want to sleep yet. He heard the front door open and close, and a set of keys being put down on the table next to the door.

“Hey mom.” Jackson called out from the living room, but didn’t get a response.

“Ephram, could you come in here for a second.” His mom was on the way to her bedroom.

Jackson didn’t know what was going on, but knew well enough he better follow his mom’s orders. She only called him Ephram when something bad was about to happen.

“What is it, Mom?” Jackson was a bit hesitant when he walked into the room, but didn’t want to start anything.

“When were you planning to tell me?” His mom spoke slowly and in a serious time.

“Tell you what?”

“Don’t you play dumb with me! When were you going to tell me about New York?”

“Wait, what? How do you know? You weren’t supposed to know. I knew this would happen. You getting angry, shouting at me.”

“Your principal called me today, and asked me if I knew about your plans. I clearly didn’t.”

Jackson was shocked. This was low, even for his principal. She shouldn’t have said anything, he had asked her to.

“What the hell are you going to do in New York!”

“I’m going to New York so I can go do what I really want. I’m going to the New York College of Performing Arts. I’m going to be a musician.”

“No, you’re not. You’re going to Georgetown. You’re going to go get a degree in Business Management so that you can get a decent job. You’re not going to end up as an unemployed, tattooed up junkie musician. You’re going to Georgetown and that’s final!” His mom’s shouting was increasing. It was going to wake up Rob, something that Jackson didn’t want.

“Mom, could you keep it down? Rob’s sleeping.” Saying this was risky, his mom was already angry enough.

“Don’t change the subject. I don’t care about whether Rob wakes up or not.”

“You never cared for my friends. Mom, I’m not going to Georgetown, med school or any of the places that you have in your head. I don’t want to end up like you.”

“What did you say!” His mom shouted even louder this time.

All bets were off. Jackson knew where this was headed, but he needed to take a stand if he was ever going to get out of the loop that his life was in. He just prayed that Rob wouldn’t wake up, something that under the circumstances wasn’t likely. “If Rob does wake up, please let him stay in my room.” Jackson thought to himself.

“You heard me. Look at you, you went to med school, and what are you? A nurse, a f*****g nurse. What the hell did med school do for you, 6 years of studying down the drain because you decided to drop out before the actual finals.”

“Don’t you talk like that to me. I’m your mother!” As she said this, Jackson saw her open the drawer next to her bed. He knew what was in there. Booze, painkillers and a severed phone cable, which was stained with his own blood. She took out the phone cable and closed the drawer.

“You call yourself a mother? You’re never here. And when you’re here, all you do is b***h and moan about how my life is going down the drain. Look in the mirror for once, will you?”

His mom stepped closer to him. “Are you going to keep going on like this?”

“Yes, I am. I’m finally saying what I wanted to say to you all those years. The beating doesn’t change anything. You can’t change who I am. Face reality. Go do something with your life, but get out of mine.”

She was now merely feet away from him. And there it came. The snap of a hand connecting to his cheekbone. He felt his cheek redden and warm up as blood rushed to the surface, only to be stopped by his skin, which was still intact. Luckily, she hadn’t used the cable, or he would have had some explaining to do or gotten s**t for it at school.

“I won’t have my son talk to me like that. If you don’t stop and behave like you’re supposed to, you’ll see what happens.” His mother was falling into a rage, letting her senses being led by the blind fury.

“I told you hitting me won’t change anything. You can hit me all you want, all you need. You will not get me to be the perfect son you want me to be. Get the f**k out of my life.”

A crack echoed through the room and he felt the skin on his arm split and blood poor out. The cable had cut his skin. Jackson bit the inside of his lip and stopped himself from shouting.

“Take of your shirt, I don’t want people to see the cuts.”

Jackson obliged, only so that his shirt wouldn’t get slashed or stained.

He felt another sting. This one was on his lower back. Again he felt his skin split open. He was still biting on the inside of his lip.

All he hoped for was that Rob wouldn’t wake up. He didn’t want Rob to get hurt. But Rob would wake up regardless, the snapping of the cable over and over again, and Jackson’s mother shouting at him, was a sure-fire way to wake up his ward.

Jackson was right. In his bedroom, Rob stirred on the bed and put his arm next to him. He let his hand move over the bed. No Jackson. Rob knew that Jackson had a habit of staying up late, but this was strange. He looked over at the clock. It was already past midnight. Something didn’t feel right. The air was thick with tension. Rob rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and got out of bed. He threw on a shirt and stretched. He looked around the room, letting his eyes adjust to the grey, lightless condition.

Then Rob heard something, but he couldn’t place the sound. It was too sharp for something to have fallen over, and too damped to come from the kitchen. Was Jackson messing around with something in the living room? There it was again. What was that sound? It was a snappy sound, a very quick noise. There was only one thing that Rob knew that made a sound like that, but that couldn’t be the source of this sound, could it? His hands felt around the room until he found the wall. Using the wall as his guide, he found the door to the hallway. Slowly he opened it, he didn’t want the door to creak.

Stepping out onto the hallway he avoided the floorboard that always managed to spoil every single surprise by producing a sharp breaking sound without actually breaking. Even though it was dark and Rob didn’t see anything, he knew the safe spots in the house.

The noise he had heard came back again. He stopped for a second and tried to slow his heartbeat so that he could locate the source of the snapping. It came from upstairs. Rob knew the only rooms that were there were a storage room, a bathroom and a bedroom. He also knew that Jackson never kept anything in the storeroom, so it had to be coming from the bath- or bedroom.

“Please let Jackson be on the couch with the tv on or something.” Rob found himself whispering under his own breath.

The hallway passed the open clearing that led directly into the living room. Sure enough the tv was on and it illuminated the room enough for Rob to see that his best friend wasn’t there.

“This isn’t good. Where is he?”

---

Jackson woke up as sun started creeping through the shades above his bed. Graduation Day, he never thought he’d make it. I mean, his grades were fine and all, but just his general lack of work ethic and how he treated teachers. He was surprised he hadn’t been kicked out of school. He got out of bed, turned on his stereo and the sounds of Linkin Park’s Figure .09 filled the room. For the first time in ages, he didn’t pick up a t-shirt from the floor to put on. This time he looked in his closet for something clean to wear. He picked up a Ramones shirt that looked clean, and some new skinnies. It was the middle of summer, but he wasn’t allowed shorts under his dressing gown. He grabbed all of the clothes and went to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror. His hair was a mess, and he had a black eye. He touched it, and it still stung. Turns out deciding to tell his mom that he’s going to go to New York to study was the wrong thing to do. After the shower he put on his clothes and went back into his bedroom. He sat on his bed, letting the music fill his body. Linkin Park had been replaced by Hawthorne Heights, and he played along to Casey. He was sitting on his bed, still in disbelief that this was his last high school day ever. He was going to New York soon. His mom knew about it. She didn’t like it, but saw that it was what her son really wanted to do. He was glad he wasn’t going to New York alone, Rob and Zach were going with him. Jackson and Rob had finally managed to convince Zach to come along. He wasn’t going to be majoring in music though, he was going to the business part of the school. It felt good to know that it would still be the three of them. A smile arrived on Jackson’s face.

He turned off his stereo, walked to the kitchen and had his usual breakfast of cereal with milk. His mom had once again gone off to work, and didn’t mention anything about coming to his graduation. He didn’t care whether she showed up or not, maybe it was better if she didn’t. On the other hand, he could then shove his diploma straight in her face just to prove to her that she was wrong about him the whole time.

But there was something else bugging him, something that was more important to him than whether or not his mom was going to be there, something more important than graduation itself.

Jackson finished his breakfast and went to his bedroom again. He grabbed his schoolbag. For now it had his gown in it, but he was going to have to clear out his locker after the graduation ceremony. He grabbed his headphones from his desk and plugged them into his discman. He stuffed his cd case in his backpack, and went out the door. He grabbed his BMX, turned on Silverstein and started the drive to school.

Rob woke up when his mom came into his room with his laundry. His mom was going to be at graduation, his dad was at work and was still furious at the fact Rob wasn’t going to Northwestern, Berkeley or Syracuse. In the words of his dad, “Rob, you’re going to end up unemployed once you graduate from that overrated music school. You can forget about any sort of help from me.” Rob really couldn’t care. He was leaving, and he was hoping that that would stop the fights his mom and his dad were having. He didn’t need his father’s help, he would get a job in NY if he had to. Rob rolled out of bed and moved directly to his laptop. He scrolled through his iTunes until he found some Good Charlotte. Benji Madden’s voice started echoing through his room, and he started singing along to him. Say Anything kept playing as he sorted through his clothes. He grabbed some skinnies, a white dress shirt, a skinny black tie and some black All Stars.  

“All the things we laugh about, they’ll bring us through it every time.” Benji’s voice echoed through his head. It was true, if it wasn’t for Jackson, there would have been some rough times for him. There still were, but having Jackson around distracted him from the things he faced at home and at school.  He was glad that he would still have his friend with him in New York.

He got dressed and walked downstairs. He wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible and go meet Jackson and Zach before graduation. He grabbed his toast off the plate and told his mom he’d eat it on the way. He put his headphones in, put his iPod on shuffle and stepped out the door. Today he was just going to take the bus, he wanted to get to school fast. He still needed to clean out his locker, and get his guitar out of the music room.

He got on the bus and sat in the back. Rob had been looking forward to graduation. It meant that he was finally going to get away from his dad. It was only another week until he was going to drive down to New York with Jackson and Zach. NYCOPA didn’t have a campus, and they had tried to find an apartment for the three of them. Unfortunately, everything was way too expensive. They would all live on their own, but still close to each other.

He completely forgot about his music when he thought about New York, and how he would still be around Jackson all the time. It made him feel safe. Jackson had stood up for him a lot in high school, and he felt reassured. Graduation wasn’t over yet, and he was already anxious about his first day at college. We’re the people there going to like him, was he going to get along with the professors? There was no need for his nervous feeling, as Jackson had told him many times. He thought of the many times Jackson had told him exactly that.

“Rob, listen to me. You don’t need to worry about anything. If they don’t want to get along, they can just go the other way. And if they start anything, I’ll finish it.”

He smiled at the thought. Jackson had been the big brother he never had, and more than that. Always there for him when he needed him, but also able to not push too much when Rob just needed some time away from it all.

Before he knew it, the bus ride was over. He was right around the corner from the school and he could see a lot of his classmates already there. The jocks were standing in a group, talking about who would win Athlete of the Year. The populars were all huddled together and discussing everything, from fashion to boys, but not the actual graduation.

He went to clean out his locker first. He didn’t see Jackson or Zach yet. He opened his locker, and tried to sort through the mess. There were guitar picks and extra guitar strings all over the place, and his locker had been lined with posters of his favorite guitarists. Brad Delson and Josh Farro were there, but also Bruce Springsteen and Jimmy Hendrix. He pulled the posters out of his locker and folded them up carefully. He grabbed a handful of picks and chucked them into his bag, along with the strings and his spare sketchpads. The books he could leave in there, they were the schools and the janitor would pick them up at the end of the day, as he had done for the past couple years. The last thing he grabbed was a picture of him and Jackson. It was from their first Battle of the Bands. They were standing back to back, leaning against each other, and playing as if the there was no tomorrow. He put it inside his sketchpad so it wouldn’t get damaged. That picture meant the world to him.

He closed his locker, only to find that Jackson had shown up and was leaning against the wall next to the lockers. Jackson had already cleaned out his by the looks of it.

“It’s weird isn’t it? Last day of school and all. I don’t know how I lasted here this long.” That last thing was a lie, Jackson knew why he managed to get through high school in the way that he did.

“Yeah man, finals are over, and now graduation is almost over as well. I think I might actually miss this place.” Rob thought off all the time he had spent in the art room on his own, and in the music room together with his friends. There were days when they left school when it had already gone dark.

“You’re going to miss this place? You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ll be glad to be out of here and in New York. We finally get to do what we want.” Jackson couldn’t help but grin a little. He was going to make music and get a degree while he was at it. Could life get any better?

“We should be getting to the sports fields, graduation is going to start soon. We better get into these stupid gowns.” Rob didn’t really feel like talking about all of this right now.

They went into the bathroom to go put on their gown and cap. Jackson felt like a monkey, and wanted to get out of this thing as soon as possible. Rob managed to pull off looking normal, Jackson just looked bad, and his black eye didn’t make it better.

Jackson and Rob walked through the halls of the school and went to the sports fields. He saw Zach standing with his mother, and she was fixing up his gown, making sure he looked his best. They walked across the field to go talk to Zach. His mom noticed Jackson and Rob and waved at them.

“Hey Zach, how’s it going?”

“Not much, but this is kind of embarrassing.” He pointed to his mom that was using her spit to clean some dirt off his face.

“Do you know where we have to sit or whatever?” Jackson asked Zach. He was hoping Zach knew, and if he didn’t know, his mom sure did.

“Yeah, we’re in the third row from the front. It means that this will all be over with fairly quickly.”

Jackson could not be happier. He felt weird, and he wanted to get this graduation thing over with.

They walked amongst the rows of chairs that were set up, and looked around. There were fake tans all around. The jocks wore their team shirts under their gowns. They couldn’t have looked more ridiculous. Jackson, Rob and Zach sat down in the third row, and watched as the seats around them filled up.

After everyone had settled, the principal walked up to the stage and started her speech. Jackson didn’t really focus, but he noticed words such as ‘diverse’, ‘pride’ and ‘incredible’. After what seemed like ages, the principal got around to the diplomas, and eventually the third row. Jackson saw the people in his row stand up one after another and couldn’t wait till it was his turn. He saw Rob get up, and he glanced around the crowd to see if Rob’s parents were there. He didn’t see them. Rob walked up to the stage, shook hands with the principal, grabbed his diploma and walked off the stage. Zach was up next, and it went by quickly. He could see his mom smiling, being proud of her son.

It was finally his turn, so he got up of his seat. He walked towards the stage, and couldn’t avoid the stares he was getting. What were they staring at? A black eye is not that special. He walked up to the headmaster, who congratulated him. He got the diploma, and he liked how it felt. It was his ticket out of here. He shook hands with his principal and got off the stage.

The principal went on through the rest of the graduates, and then the moment he was waiting for finally came, the moment where the principal announced that they were the graduating class and could now throw their caps in the air. Over a hundred caps went into the air almost simultaneously, and everyone put their hands above their heads in order to not get hit by the falling caps. Hugs and handshakes ensued, and people started saying bye to each other.

“Hey guys, I’ll be back in a couple minutes. I’m going to go to my mom.” Zach zigzagged through the crowd and disappeared in that sea of people. This was the moment Jackson had been waiting for, the moment he needed.

“Rob, you want to go to the music room? I think your guitar is still there, right?”

“Yeah, it is. I didn’t want to drag it around graduation.” Rob answered him with a smile. They made their way through the crowd. It was easy enough, nobody wanted to talk to them anyway. They found themselves back in the building, and ditched the gowns straight away. They folded them away into their bags and went up to the music room.

“How did you get that black eye, did your mom hit you again?” Rob asked Jackson. Jackson flinched, he wasn’t expecting it, and he didn’t really want to admit it. But he couldn’t lie to Rob.

“I told her I was moving to New York to study. She grabbed the first thing that came into her hands, and hit me across the head with it. This is what she left me with.” He pointed to his swollen eye socket.

“Are you ok? It doesn’t look too good. You should get that looked at.” Rob moved closer to Jackson. “Can I have a look at it?”

Jackson wasn’t sure what to think about this, but allowed Rob to do whatever he was going to do. Rob rummaged around in his bag, and took out a bottle of water and some paper towels. He moistened the paper towels, and put it against Jackson’s eye. Jackson flinched again, it stung as he touched it. Jackson grabbed the paper towels, and said that he would just keep it against his eye, and that they should go to the music room.

Rob felt hesitant, but agreed. The music room was just down the hallway they were in and Jackson could sit down there.

Jackson opened the door to the music room and looked around it. Posters of bands and artists lined the walls. Three drum kits were set up against the back wall, and there was a grand piano. On the shelves there were keyboards and stacks of spare strings, sticks and other things. There were three guitars hanging behind the teacher’s desk, a sunburst Les Paul, a Fender Telecaster and an Ibanez Darkstone. The rest of the instruments were in the storage room. They walked in, and Rob looked around for his guitar. He spotted it resting against the drum kit that Zach always used.

After he had gotten his guitar, he sat down on the table. He started playing some Mark Knopfler and looked over at Jackson. Jackson was still standing in the door.

Jackson’s heartbeat was racing. It was now or never. “What was he going to do?” Jackson stared at Rob and he moved closer. Away from the door, and away from the way out.

Rob was still playing his guitar when Jackson decided that this was the moment to tell him everything. If he didn’t do it know, he would probably never get it out of his system.

“Rob, could you maybe put down your guitar for a minute. I have something to ask, well tell, you.”

Rob gave him a bit of a puzzled look, but put down his SG. “What is it, J?”

“It’s, it’s...I really don’t know how to say this. All those years we spent together, me taking care of you, sticking up for you when things went bad...I didn’t just do it because I felt you needed it, there’s more to it.” Jackson tried to avoid Rob’s look.

Rob got up from the table he was sitting on, and moved closer to Jackson. Jackson noticed this, and backed up a bit.

“What are you trying to tell me, J.” Rob made sure that he looked at Jackson while he said this. Jackson looked lost, confused, but most of all vulnerable.

“I...I...am in love with you, Rob. I have been since our first high school year.”

To his surprise, Rob wasn’t shocked, and he didn’t turn away. He did exactly the opposite. He grabbed the paper towels that Jackson was still holding, and put them on the table. He sat Jackson down on the floor, as he sat down with him. They were sitting chest to back, and Rob wrapped his arms around Jackson, who had started crying.

“Jackson, it’s ok. I knew it. No one has ever taken care of me in the way that you did, and I knew there was more behind it then friendship.” Rob whispered into Jackson’s ear.

Jackson turned around to see Rob, and he was trying to blink away the tears. “Really? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“To be honest, I was too shy to ask, and could never get you by yourself.” Rob lifted his hand and wiped away the tears that were coming down Jackson’s face with the sleeve of his shirt.

“I’ve known for a long time, and I felt the same way. I was just too way too scared to tell you. What if I got it wrong? I couldn’t face the possibility that I was going to lose my best friend.” Rob’s words were reassuring to Jackson, who had stopped shaking as he let Rob’s words soothe him.

And in that moment, it happened. The moment that Jackson had been waiting for all those years. Their lips touched. Rob’s lips were soft and warm. All of the bad thought in his head left, and he couldn’t do anything. He lifted his hand and stroked Rob through his hair. Rob’s hand had found Jackson’s chest. He could feel Jackson’s heartbeat. It was beating like a bass drum played at a ridiculous tempo.

Rob noticed that Jackson became less tense as they sat there in that moment. “Why didn’t he tell Jackson before, and why hadn’t Jackson told him years ago?” He beat the questions out of his mind. Rob had felt safe around Jackson all the time, but now it was different. Two had become one.

CHANGE BOLD PARTS. DIFFERENT ENDING SEEN AS THEIR RELATIONSHIP ALREADY SHOWS EARLIER!!!

 

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems and spelling errors. It's a work in progress.

Reviews

[Chiradeep Patra]

Wow!