The World inside You

I see a world taking shape so well, 

What it will become only time will tell,

It could grow with trees and light,

Or will clouds cover it with night,

I see people here and there,

Each with their own burden to bear,

As burdens get deeper,

The land gets steeper,

Soon the land is set to fire,

Which grows higher and higher,

It will only subside,

After many have died,

As I hear the sea roar,

People are swept off the floor,

As the sea flees,

Crying survivors fall to their knees,

But help is coming soon,

For I see a moon,

And the sun gives it light,

So it can shine bright,

To stop the fight,

And bring hope through the night.

Reviews

[Yuki Devereaux]

What an interesting poem...
I really liked it :)
Ryhming seems to come naturally to you..

[darkgurl]

This is a very expressive write here.
Written so well and flows well.

[...]

... wow ... that is the most exquisite expression of a simple and yet spectacular worldview ... and some brilliant images ... "as burdens get deeper" ... "the land gets steeper" ... "as the sea flees" ... "crying survivors fall to their knees" ... extremely skillful ...

"But help is coming soon,
For I see a moon,
And the sun gives it light,
So it can shine bright,
So stop the fight,
And bring hope through the night."

... what an ending ... there is hope ... there is direction ... an earnest call to end strife ... very remarkable writing ... you reinforce the idea of magic and genius in simplicity ... a 100 for that ...