Cipher

What do you think so far? Sneak peek of an unfinished story. Leave opinions or reviews, please.

The cigarette radiated throughout the entire room. The smell was strong enough to burn through Anna’s nostrils, which continually flared with each puff the man gave. Even though the two were sitting on opposite ends of each other, the man could feel the tension.

 

                “So, Anna-,” the man began while blowing away another cloud of smoke.  

                “Ms. Braley,” the woman interrupted.

                “Yes, Ms. Braley, tell me about the attack.”

 

Anna was tired of that question. Ever since she was found, that’s all people would ask her. She wanted to backhand the reporters and police officers. She wasn’t given time to think, she was always put in one place, asked questions, brought to another place, asked questions. When she didn’t answer them, she would be lectured or put in solitary confinement. Why couldn’t anyone understand that she was terrified out of her mind?

She lost her train of thought, again. She had started doing that a lot more often after she was found. The doctors said that she was in a type of psychosis, which was a result from the shock.

 

                “Ms. Braley?” The reporter asked impatiently.

                “What?” Anna answered.

                “The attack, Ms. Braley, what was it like?” They stared at each other for a long second.

                “What attack?” Anna answered lightly.

                “Anna-,” The reporter began.

                “Ms. Braley,” She interrupted.

                “Ms. Braley,” The reporter snapped back, “you know exactly what I’m talking about. What was the story?”

 

Anna sat in silence. She couldn’t decide how to address the situation. She had reporters being stuffed down her throat every day since her rescuing. She didn’t want to talk to those reporters, what made the police think that she wanted to talk to one privately?

 

                “Have you ever been in love, Mr. Mastoon?” Anna questioned politely while she kept her gaze on the ground. The reporter took an exaggerated drag of his cigarette and exhaled more smoke into the air.

 

                “Ms. Braley, I really need to get these questions answered. I have to have this piece done by tomorrow night if you want this to be in Sunday’s paper.”

 

Anna kept quiet a little longer, but finally decided to give in. She reached her gaze to meet his glare, and she answered in her soft tone, “I’ll be honest with you, Mr. Mastoon, killing a man is nothing like being in love.”

 

The reporter kept quiet. His tolerance level had reached its peak. He didn’t even want to be there; after he had heard about what happened he didn’t want to be anywhere close to that woman.

 

            “Ms. Braley, I doubt that killing another human being," He emphasized slightly,

"-even with the stretch of the imagination- is in the same category as being in any type of love.” He sighed away his irritation, and focused on his notepad. He didn’t have time for this.

 

            Anna stared at his face. He was decently young, and not very fit. She could tell that he wasted all of his time on the newspaper by just glancing at the dark rims that lined his eyes. He was a hard worker, and she felt sorry for him. It was no wonder why he was so bitter. He obviously didn’t know what really happened. He probably only knew that she killed a man. That would explain the slight fear in his eyes every time he looked at her.

 

            “Mr. Mastoon, I killed a man.” Anna said bluntly, “and that man was my husband. I lived and breathed only for him, and I waited on him hand and foot. He stuffed me in a secret hatch under the floorboards every night. He was going to kill me, Mr. Mastoon. He was going to kill me, and I wasn't ready to die for him.”

 

            “I...don’t-,” Mr. Mastoon was interrupted once again.

 

            “You don’t know what to say? That’s understandable, most people don’t. I don’t care what they say. You don’t know what happened. So far, everyone thinks that I am a murderer, not the victim. I was kidnapped, you know?”

 

Mr. Mastoon was completely caught off guard, “No, I did not know that.” He quickly grabbed his recorder out of his bag, and placed it on the stand next to his armchair.

“Please,” he continued quickly, “tell me everything.”

Author's Note

I'm not finished with the story, but I wanted some feedback on it. I wanted to give people a sneak peek, and some opinions on whether to finish it or not. So, wont you please leave your thoughts and opinions? Thank you.

Reviews

[Kenny L. Mitchell]

The hell? Why you wanna give me a glass of water and then it actually turned out to be wine? This story was fascinating! Loved the set up and then you took the freaking glass away? Man I was thirsty for these words and even more so for the conclusion! Grrrr....patience is not my virtue and I want MORE of the story NOW! Okay, rant over. Great work! LOVED IT!

[Marie Harrison]

Wow...I'm ready to read more of this story. I'm curious to find out why she killed him and more about their relationship.

[JENY]

Wow….
Wonderful plot….
I cant wait….
To read the remaining part….
Really…
It is an excellent work…..
Please finish it soon….

[A.Lee]

Wow. Um, yes you need to finish! What a place to leave off! Excellent write, excellent suspense. Good job. My only comment is that the second time she corrects him and tells him to use her last name, you spelled it differently than the first time. Typo? Great job. I hope you do finish this, it has a lot of potential.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like how you set-up this story. Allow the characters to test each other. The woman was amazing. Not feeling peace in repeating the story. In the end the reporter allow her to speak and tell her story of abuse. You create a powerful first chapter. A lot of mystery and strong characters in the story. I look forward to reading more. A very good first chapter.
Coyote

[Ashley]

you discription is very good but you need to describe the room that they start in, this will make it seem more real that it already does. the word back hand is a little crude and breaks the tension in the story. you writing creates good images and you discription really makes the characters seem real. well done i think you should continue the story.

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Whoa..I was not prepared at all for that. This story had me intrigued from the beginning. The style you have used here can go really wrong when not used correctly, but you really used it to strengthen your story. I was hooked from the beginning and you kept my full attention the whole way through. Great job here.

hahah! Yeah, this is a complete rough draft, I just noticed that I didn't put that in the author's note. Ashely, I feel so stupid right now. I can't believe I spelled emphasized so wrong... ugh. Yes, this hasn't gone under any kind of editing, yet.

[Daniel Gardner]

Very suspenseful so far. Great opening paragraphs. Very good catching conversations that shows different personalities for each character. Great job.

[ashley]

Oh this is good! I really like it! There's some grammar, but because it's a rough draft, I won't go into detail. One word stuck out to me, though: emphasized, not infosized. Great job, I can't wait to read the finished! Hurry up with it! :D