Venting of Pain {{1.3.2009}}

I lay awake in tears
For all my hopeless fears.
Not having the one thing I want,
The one thing I need,
That's made me into me.
And losing everything
That has meaning.
Too much stress,
I'm emotionally tired.
I need everlasting rest.
The knowledge I've acuired
Has made me at peace.
Yet I'm still torn.
In all directions.
I feel adorned with emotions

Of emptiness.
But overwhelming happiness.
This manic depression
Has left the strangest of impressions
On those around me.
Love, hate, animosity
Peace and War.
All of these things raging
Inside of me.
I'm not sure where to turn.
My heart needs attention to burn.
My body needs comfort to heal.
My brain needs love....to feel.
I can't take much more.
I'm about to close all the doors.
There will be no more chances
All the emptiness..It enhances
The pain when I allow myself to
Become real.
But I'm not sure pain
Is really what I want to feel,
If only I could tell you how I feel.
Will I push you away again
I can't take that...I can't be away from him
It's killing me to know I get farther
Away
Each day
And yet...I've decided the ending.
Just postponing the utter depression that will be
The end of me.
I must love to hurt
And be hurt
Because I can think of no other ending
That will come from this venting.

Reviews

[Subjective Sanity]

Breathtaking! I'd like to say with age, all these feelings will make sense and have some kind of order but, they don't always. Having the choice, choose to keep this confusion you have now. It only means you have the ability to feel more than most. Embrace it and it will take you places. Great work!!!