Hellish Desires {{14.2.2009}}

questioning why you love someone

Oh God, what have I done?
Who have I become?
That I would fabricate lies
To those who look me in the eyes,
And not even feel the slightest pang
Of guilt. Only the highest taste
Of power.

For
I understand most humans,
Without even trying.
But it's the ones
I need for life
That I can't seem to figure out,
And thats making me shout.

I weave in and out
Of lies and truth and doubt,
Between which is which,
Between which I want.
The wants and needs
Of my heart, body, and mind
Are all the same.
Yet, I feel the need to stray
Away from the one thing
I want need and should have,
Because I feel I ruined my own past.

I feel the need to laugh
At my foolish desires
And all the fires
Being relit for him.
Why him?

I dont' need him.
I don't deserve him.
I don't want him.
He doesn't deserve me,
My love-
Never ending,
Always lasting
Only for him
And no one else.
THIS IS PURE HELL.

The emptiness that will succeed
Over the happiness that I feed
Off of and the love.

Who will be there to save me,
In the end when I need safety?
And there will be none.
There will be no one for
They've all left
Or they'll all leave.

Why him?
Why me?