Raymond's trial

Officer Raymond is about to receive the unexpected

Raymond's CSIs stood in a corner of the court room and continued to scour the evidence for anything misleading. They trusted their boss, and to them the facts seemed wild, too wild, even for science. Something was amiss. Being people of science, though, there was simply nothing that they could do but tell the truth in front of the jury; anything but the truth could ultimately ruin their careers. However, although they were confused, they remained loyal at heart, and each one desperately hoped that the representative lawyer could find some legal loop hole that they couldn't.

Raymond stood up straight as the lawyers and legal representatives filed in one by one to the court room. He glanced across the seating to his CSIs and noted a brunette approaching them. From her dress, she was obviously a lawyer, but it was not her clothes that held Raymond's focus; no, her beauty itself stunned him.

She started to approach him. Heh! Raymond thought to himself. Roy, I may be going down, but at least I'm going down with style! As she walked, the lawyer's emerald eyes met his, and her gaze was filled with confidence and determination. For an instant, Raymond was startled by a hope that perhaps she really might be a professional, but soon his thoughts jumped back to reality. This is crazy. I'm supposed to be fighting for my life here, yet I'm stuck gawking at her.

 

She finally reached him. 

 

"So you're Raymond?"

 

" Yes, Ma'am."

 

"Good. I have just spoken to your experts and reviewed your case in brief. Now, understand this. We are going to win this case. Losing is unacceptable, and don't you dare give up on the outcome. Understood?"

 

Raymond was now slightly amused, but he nodded. Well, if all else fails, I guess she can probably just boss the court into a decision.9

 

The next 2 hours flew by in a blur to Raymond. 

 

 

 

"This evidence is unsubstantial!"

 

 

 

"Objection, your Honor!"

 

 

 

"The DNA speaks for itself. There is no possible way that we can exclude Lt. Howard from the scene."

 

 

 

"The DNA was tampered with; only one out of the 23 strands contained follicles; this clearly rules out a fight between the Lt. and the victim."

 

 

 

"Nothing came up in the search warrent for Raymond's house."

 

 

 

"Saliva can easily be obtained from a tissue. There were no great amounts present."

 

 

 

Finally, the judge called for silence. "I declare he defendant, Raymond Howards, not guilty!

 

Raymond breathed. He could hardly believe the outcome, the odds were so insane, but he - no, she - had done it! How quickly and efficiently she had managed to silence his accusers, and yet he didn't even know her name.

 

Aiming to find out this very piece of information, Raymond gaited over to the lawyer and shook her hand.

 

"Thankyou, Ma'am. That was incredible!"

 

"Oh, you're welcome," she replied. "By the way, my name is Lyndsey. Lyndsey George."

 

"I don't know how I can thank you," he went on, allowing himself now to focus on her slight but attractive figure. "Maybe - "

 

Lyndsey's pager suddenly went off.

 

"Listen," she began clearly, "I want to talk turkey with you at some stage. I have a work request which I would like to discuss, but for now it's going to have to wait. I must go, as I have another appointment scheduled for the moment."

 

She handed him a card.

 

"Call me tomorrow."

 

Raymond flicked his eyes across the card.

 

"Certainly. I am sure that something can be arranged."

 

Lyndsey smiled and left.

 

 

 

~~~~~

 

 

 

The confident brunette gave way to a very relieved woman as she stepped out of sight of the court building. A black car pulled up and she jumped in.

 

Kicking off her heels she turned to the man beside her.

 

"I did it, Marcus. True, it was a risk, but it payed off."

 

Marcus rolled his eyes.

 

"Pphhh...I'm glad it payed off too y'know. You do realize that you could have completely blown our entire mission then, don't you?"

 

"I know; I know!"45

 

"No more stunts. I mean it this time!"

 

 

 

And the black car pulled away

Author's Note

Again, I'm mainly after comments on style and interest.

Reviews

[Greg Close]

Overall impression is still VERY positive - the general flow of the story is heading in a really interesting direction. The little twist at the end really helped salvage the only criticism I had, which is just that the court scene seemed rushed. That, of course, was when I still thought the trial itself was the main thrust of the book. The ending sort of clarified that it is just the start! Still... I'd love to see that court confrontation fleshed out a little more. That's probably a difficult and technical scene to write, but it sure would be fun to read.
2 word choice suggestions:
1) instead of using "gaited" maybe consider "sauntered?" I'm far from the most qualified linguist, but I think "gait" technically describes how one walks, and not the act of walking itself. For example - "his gait was slow and practiced" or "he was slow-gaited." Just a thought.
2) instead of using the abbreviation (CSI) I would spell it out as "crime scene investigators," or if you're talking from the voice/perspective of the main character, even just "investigators."
I like that you left off with a kind of cliff-hanger. Can't wait to find out what Lyndsey's real mission/motivation is!!

[Perfect Imperfection]

I really like it, the story is really great and keeps with the general flow. I have to agree with Greg Close though, the court room scene did seem a little rushed. It would be really awesome to be able to read a full out court scene, maybe in a short story? Its up to you. But other than that it's really good :-)

[Hannah Monttkomepy]

Oooo, loved the ending. Fantastic. This is a really good story. I love it.