A Three Line Haiku

A window to the subconcious; what would you write?

She said she did not
Love me; but to me she was

                          

Author's Note

Constructive critique is HIGHLY appreciated. Any sort of suggestion will be welcomed and taken into consideration, both with regards to this piece and future pieces.

Reviews

[Angel Bird]

She said she did not
Love me; but to me she was
Mine heaven's soulmate

I hope you like my continuation of your Haiku ...

They always say that Haikus should have three individual phrases, but all connected to the same topic. (But sometimes I like also to write Haikus that make only one long phrase :) )
and furthermore should never be any word repetitions in those lines (apparently this is a strict rule for Haikus)

This could even make a nice contest - to have that Haiku completed ...

Thanks for it!

[mick weller]

She said she did not
Love me; but to me she was
lying as usual

I know, I know - but there you go ...

[Fran Marie]

She said she did not
Love me; but to me she was
springtime to my heart



I agree withAngel Bird and Rambling Prose, this would be great as a add on type contest( Senryu/Haiku Mix)
Say like the first 2 lines be a Senryu and add a 3 rd haiku line or vice versa~Fran Marie

[Rambling Prose]

Initially I was a bit confused as I didn't catch on to your intent. After reading your byline: "A window to the subconscious; what would you write?" - a lightening bolt (just a little wordplay) flashed through the sky, happily landing on my brain and I thought: Hmmmm...

"She said she did not
Love me; but to me she was
wind beneath my wings."

After all, a Haiku usually has something to do with a seasonal reference - or nature. You've tickled my brain with this one and I am going to put some more thought into it. I shall return with whatever I come up with! I agree with Angel Bird - this is an excellent idea for a contest and you might consider starting one.

I would embrace the challenge. Excellent!

[Your Tasty Field Adviso..]

this short poem is wonderful, because it leaves the imagination to expand on the work and create its own bit of beauty within the beauty written for them. great work.

[Rainbowco]

Absolutely true