The Lollipop Lady

another flash fiction :) be nice to see what you make of it :)

 

The Lollipop Lady

I was sat on a park bench, needed painting, needed sanding. But it was only for a newspaper scanning. I noticed a little girl scuttling behind her mother. I shouldn't have looked, but I wasn't the only one. Her hands were trembling, March cold perhaps, I guess fear. Pink cheeks, shy perhaps, I suspect abuse. She was hunched over a little, probably self conscious. I would be to if I had hurt like she. Her wrists were frail- all the better to be grabbed, her frame was light, all the easier to be maneouvered, as I think this her dad smiles wickedly with his eyes. She was about eight. Perfect. She's not old enough to understand, not old enough to tell. They were in the queue for ice cream, I thought she could use one. But it was not for her. The parents turn around, I lifted my protective newspaper. Though I did let slip a glance over the top, I saw a woman who was handing out lollies deliver one to a suddenly smiling little girl. The parents eye their daughter distastefully- she'll pay for that later. I shake my head. Well done lollipop lady- some shield. I turned over the page of my newspaper and spot an advert for the NSPCC. There is no full stop

Reviews

[Raef C. Boylan]

Ah, so this is the definition of 'flash fiction'? A quick glimpse into another world/another mind?
Hokay. Thanks for the education [I'd often wondered].
This is pretty good; observation leading to speculation leading to a silent triumph leading perhaps to intervention, or perhaps just further reflection...we don't know.
By "There is no full stop", is your narrator doubting the NSPCC's ability to completely and permanently banish child abuse? I agree, if so.
Nice use of Red Riding Hood-esque sentence structure in some parts, i.e. "all the better to" - fairytale reference reminds the reader that this is just a child, and how vulnerable kids are to adult whims and manipulation.
I think maybe punctuation could be harnessed a little tighter to help the atmosphere and pace of this piece - unless the constant commas are a deliberated style?
e.g.
"Her wrists were frail - all the better to be grabbed, her frame was light - all the easier to be maneouvered; as I think this, her dad smiles wickedly with his eyes." or something like that.

Overall, great work.
Thanks for posting it.

p.s.
"I would be to if I had hurt like she" [to = too]

[bluessadmood]

oh yes i could see the insinuation to a child abuse,yes there are still some animals who still call themselves a human ,i like these kind of thinking hinting at some gross error in our society ,and you did it very good