I Could Call You Brother

Oh, what brown a face!
What a wide, well shaped nose.
You, my friend, were made a thing of beauty!
But you smell, quite strongly, of sweat and fatigue.
Is that what you were doing, perhaps, when I first saw you?
Lost in a field of high grass
Casting angry looks at the fruit cart.
And then you came charging along the path,
excitement in your eyes as if
you knew you'd done something wrong.
You blazed by me.
I could run with you
in the heat of mid day sun
and call you brother.
But only if I threw my human life away.

Oh, what brown a face.
What a wide, well shaped nose.
Don't you know you were made a thing of beauty?
But you shine, not brightly, sweat and frustration on your brow.
Is that how you were feeling, perhaps, when I first saw you?
Lost in a sea of bodies
until strong fingers snatched free a thin gold lace.
And then you came charging through the street,
hunger in your eyes although
you knew you'd done something wrong.
And you blazed by me.
I've seen your kind of hunger,
Brother.
I could run with you.
But only if I threw my life away.

Author's Note

Second Draft, New Title, Read at the closing of 2010 Book Week at House of Culture

Reviews

[shel]

Every once in a while, I read a poem on here that fills me with envy...this definitely fits the bill. Again, the lean writing, this time infused with dual meanings...the parallels and subtle differences between the stanzas work so well. I *think* I get the gold lace line...at least the way I read it, I saw it as a parellel to the fruit cart, only a jewelry counter or kiosk. I admire your handling of the subject, the voice and the imagery used...it's just a really fine work.

[Brad]

angsty, wow, this made me restless. well done

[LJW]

Very impressive and unique work here.

The first read I just went with the imagery that popped into my mind and I saw a black itinerant-type worker. This works well the whole way through and this imagery made for a powerful and descriptive read. Your use of the word 'brother" helped to make this human imagery possible as did the line about his "brow." In fact, a black slave could easily be who this is written about, as I imagined you would have to "throw your human life away" to be a black slave, especially if being human or experiencing your own sense of being human boiled down to being free.

On second read I pictured a horse. One of your other reviewers commented on the possibility of it being a horse and that would also fit nicely...eyeing the fruit cart.....running, sweating....broad nose....his color.

Either way , the final take is that to be "human" a sense of freedom is imperative and that rings loud and clear in your well-written piece.

Bravo.

[Ruth]

This is really good at keeping the reader guessing Andre, thats good:)

You have wonderful, powerful imagery here too:) xx

[Alessander]

This is very good. You do a good job of being specific enough, so that you can very well be describing a horse, but it is also vague enough to make the reader think the adressee is human. The title esp makes me think it's adressed to a person, but the horse analogy works well (dawg mixing metaphors?)

I also did the repition - the last line is abstact, but it works and is strong enough to be a refrain and ending. The golden lace kinda through me off, but that might be my dense cranium lol

Solid work, as always. If u have any specific concerns u know u can always get my input on them. Usually with poets it's something very minute lol