Knowledge, wisdom and life in general.

I

I want to cover the world in my words, my words of knowledge, wisdom and compassion. I want to learn about everything I come across. I have an interest in cars because they're essential in society today. I have an interest in weapons, not to kill someone, but so I can understand how they work and why people use the things they do. The universe integers me the most though, it's everything and anything, nothing makes sense, yet it all does at the same time, it's vast and expanding ahead of our knowledge. I'd like to understand more, but currently if I talk to someone long enough I understand why they do the things that they do and the cause of that decision in the first place. And if I don't ill try to, to the best of my ability. It's wisdom I seek to achieve with my life more than anything. Knowledge is great, but wisdom is the cherry on top of life. Wisdom is the tolerance of the intolerable, wisdom is the truth and life. Everything that we know has come from some one that people consider wise. My career pays in life include this, the thoughts of teaching and psychology come into mind, that is if I can achieve these goals. The only downfall of this is my mental disability, I'm not quite sure what it is yet, because I need to get diagnosed. I know that I have one because a normal person doesn't go 5 years thinking of suicide every single day. I'm trying to understand what I have without seeking the help of professionals, but that's impossible. Sadly the only things that help are alcohol, writing and weed. They get me thinking, but thinking of everything, everything improbable yet possible at the same time. Thinking of things like how my body can handle what I'm doing to it , and how I can resist urges and temptations. How I fishy infections and how they get to me in the first place. Some thing are impossible to fight some days; like sadness, love, pain, sorrow, fear, happiness and hatred, pure joy and so much more. I know I need help, but to me if I get help it'll prove I'm weak, like I'm giving up. Yet I can manage all of this some how. On this huge plate I have called life it's slowly filling up and some day there will be no more room.
But guess what? I have no idea what life will turn out like and even thigh it seems like I have everything together I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time. All I have an idea about is that the question 'guess what' seems like the oldest rhetorical question. If you exclude 'what is the meaning of life' that's probably why I like science so much though. That sentence doesn't make much sense though, neither does the meaning of life. Not a lot makes sense, neither you nor I. Humans in general, why are we the most intelligent species we know of, to this date, and not the common household pet?